Irony Is A Fucked Up Mistress | By : RuShin Category: Comics > Johnny the Homicidal Maniac Views: 1607 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Chapter Five- Diet Drinks Suck
Dib paid for his cigarettes and Zim’s Diet Root Beer. The alien didn’t seem pleased with having to get the diet drink, but Dib couldn’t risk him getting “drunk” when he really needed him. He remembered the first time he discovered that Irkens could get drunk off too much Root Beer. A smile spread across his face at the memory of him finding Zim, jumping on a kid’s trampoline in a toy store and screaming that he was a giant mutant flying splorch beast. It was even funnier when he had to help pry the little being out of the “coin toss rolly mabob”, Zim trying to scavenge for “shinnies”, while children continued to roll pennies down the shoot.
Something jarred him back to reality. They were the only ones in the store, except for a strange man in the back at the Freezie machine. But…if they were the only ones there…who was the man talking to?
He nudged Zim in the shoulder, “Hey, Zim. Did that man come in alone?”
Zim frowned deeply at his Diet Root Beer. It was a crime against nature. Diet drinks. It was like having green construction paper instead of lettuce. Not that he’d ever eaten either. He took a swig anyway. It may not be the real thing, but even an imitation was better than nothing.
He glanced over at where Dib was looking. He watched the dark haired man getting a cherry freezie and the arm of whom he assumed was his companion. He sent Dib a weird look. “No…” He looked back and cocked his head to the side before taking another drink. “Does he have human juices on his clothes?” He asked curiously.
Dib squinted to get a better look, but he didn’t have to try hard. The strange man walked up to the counter to pay for his Freezie. There were some dark brownish-red stains splattered over the front of his shirt and his pants legs. Strange. Maybe he should investigate?
“Cherry Freezie? Good choice,” Dib said casually to the blue-haired stranger. “Good for when you’re on the job, especially when it’s hot out.” He glanced outside and cocked an eyebrow at the cold dark sky, then turned back to the man. “What do you do?”
Nny narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the man next to him as he paid for his Freezie. Why the hell was he talking to him? Was he expected to answer? What should he answer? He quickly grew frustrated. He hated it when people talked to him. And this man seemed to have some ulterior motive to his question. He could sense it. He decided to answer. No harm, right? No need to be one of the assholes he always killed. “I paint.” He said simply, then considered. “Sometimes.”
He glanced over at the isle behind the man to see the other one, but couldn’t get a good look at her. She was bent over, in a decidedly unlady-like fashion, staring at something on the floor. She quickly pocketed it. He blinked. Maybe she had found a penny. He returned his gaze to Dib and shifted uncomfortably. Should he say something else? Ask the same question, maybe? He growled softly in irritation. He hated idle chit-chat. “What do you do?” His eye twitched. He felt like a fucking parrot.
So, he was a painter. That explained a lot. Artists were known to be a little “out there” at times, so the idle talking to himself probably wasn’t that weird. Since they seemed to be of equal oddities, Dib was curious as to what the man would think of his own work. “That’s cool. I’m a Paranormal Detective, myself. If it’s something not of this world, I’m on it like an Irken on Root Beer.” He smiled in what he hoped was a friendly manner. Of course the other man probably didn’t get the reference, but the saying was so common for Dib that it always tended to slip out.
Edgar leaned against the front counter near Nny, while downing some of his cherry Fiz Wiz. He rubbed his temple in an attempt to make the sharp pain from the loss of a feather go away. He shouldn’t have stolen the drink. Nny seemed to be getting frustrated. “Come on, Nny. You can do this,” Edgar encouraged snarkily, not even looking up from his drink. “It’s just casual conversation between a homicidal maniac, a paranormal investigator, and a random cross-dressing alien.”
Zim chose that moment to rejoin the group. “Hey! I’m not a random cross-dresser!” He glared, antennae lying flat in agitation and then blinked. The word homicidal seemed very familiar. It was in his vocabulary somewhere…
“Alien?” Nny's eyes widened and flicked back to the person he thought was a girl. Crimson eyes studied him. He took a step back, before snarling. “Fuck! It’s Tuesday isn’t it!?” He glared at Dib. “You don’t do your job so well.” His eyes flicked back to Zim. Fight? Or flee? Dammit. Angels and now aliens. A thought occurred to him. What if THIS was the danger that Senior Diablo had foreseen? His eyes narrowed dangerously. Better to face it now rather than later. He slipped his knives from his wrist sheaths and lunged at the green man. “You won’t take me this time, you bastard!”
Dib dodged the blades that seemed to appear out of nowhere. So, the man wasn’t just a normal artist. Too bad. He seemed nice in a twisted fucked up kind of way. He backed away from the hustle between Zim and the man, watching as Zim blocked the first strike with a mechanical spider leg that stretched out from his Pak.
Edgar sighed. Well, he was doing well for a while. He turned to watch the two fight furiously, taking another drink of his soda. Maybe the matter would resolve itself, and he wouldn’t have to interfere. He found it humorous that the paranormal investigator didn’t notice the “mysterious floating Fiz Wiz”.
Nny wasted no time as his right blade was blocked, the knife was wrenched from his grasp from the impact and clattered to the floor. He twisted, his left arm swinging in towards the alien's torso.
Zim quickly withdrew another artificial leg, blocking the second blow. Sparks flew as metal clashed with metal. He winced as the blade worked its way into a notch in his leg, severing a few wires. What the hell was up with this human? All he had done was look at him. Oh well, at least the sudden battle had jarred his memory of the word homicidal. A homicidal person was a being inclined to killing. Heh.
"FUCK!" Johnny ground out as a sharp electrical shock shot through him. He snarled, lunging forward once more. He made a slashing movement towards the other's throat, hoping to slice into that tender flesh, but the alien glided backwards, easily avoiding the blow. He cursed. "You fucking bastards, thinking you can just come down here and abduct whoever the hell you want." He flung himself at the other, his movements erratic and angry. "Those stupid aliens with the duct tape tried to fuse me with a mongoose!"
Dib listened avidly to the intense battle from behind the safety of the candy stand, when something about duct tape caught his attention. He immediately stood up and pointed an accusing finger at the maniac yelling, "Oh my god! That happened to me too!!" Whether he was heard or not, he didn't know. He had to duck back behind the stand to avoid some hazardous flying projectiles.
The battle was becoming messy now. Many aisles had been destroyed by the furious battle that was being waged. The store clerk had hidden beneath his counter after the first bag of Fritos flew past his head and exploded against the wall. He decided that it would be most unwise to stand back up and reach for the phone at this time. He rather liked living, thank you very much.
Zim paused, glancing over at Dib briefly. "Oh, yeah. Those Larican bastards abduct everyone." He looked back at Nny just in time to avoid having a knife rip through his eye. He bent backwards, glad that his activities with Dib kept him so flexible. His fingertips touched the floor, carrying his weight with obvious ease as he flipped backwards, his foot catching underneath the maniac's jaw, lifting him off the ground a few inches and sending him sprawling to the floor.
He landed in a crouched position, one arm extended outwards and his mechanical arms waving about as he retained his balance. His wounded robotic arm twitched and sparked, ruining the dramatic effect. He swiftly stood, looking peeved. "As I was saying..." He gave Nny a disdainful look as he watched the maniac stand up, wiping away the blood from his lip and stretching his jaw. "Those alien's abduct everyone, so don't take it personal. Besides...they're stupid and it's easy to escape them."
Johnny's vision was fading in and out in white flashes, his adrenaline pumping faster now and not from anger anymore. He needed to gain the upper hand, and quickly. This rush of adrenaline wouldn't last forever. He blinked, the other's words not quite registering. All he noticed was the other standing there, guard down in a haughty show of indifference. That bastard thought he was physically superior then him! (Admittedly, that was true, but Nny hated conceited attitudes.)
He growled furiously deep in his throat, swapping his blade to his right hand. He rushed the alien once more, teeth bared. He swung his left fist waiting for those damned extra arms to block him. As expected the alien made to swat away the hand. A feral grin formed on his face and he unclenched his fist and snatched the wounded arm. Not wasting a second, he quickly swung with his right, sliding the blade into the notch in the arm, tearing through the wires and ripping the arm in two.
A pain filled cry ripped from Zim's throat as what was remaining of the arm fell limp to the side. A few sparks cracked weakly, and an odd blue liquid oozed from the appendage. He grit his teeth together, jaw tightening in pain and swallowing with trouble. He narrowed his eyes at the man, no longer taking him lightly. Nothing like having a limb torn from your body to help you not underestimate your opponent.
He quickly retracted the useless limb, drawing it back into his Pak to stem the blood and oil flow. It wouldn't do to grow weak from something as menial as blood loss. He was a superior life form, after all, and not some pathetic human. He forced himself to smile twistedly, "Nice one, Earth monkey. But you won't get in another blow like that." His voice was filled with dark promise. This was only achieved from practice, because truthfully, he wanted wail and throw a fit and run to Dib and ask him to make it better. Even if he was no longer a member of Irken society, he was still a soldier and thus lifted his chin and forced the pain to the back his mind.
At the sound of the high-pitched scream, Dib stood once again. "Zim..." he breathed. Very rarely did he hear a yelp of pain come from the little alien, even in battle. Instinct made him round the corner of the aisle without hesitation, and he spotted the small being stumbling backwards from just having one the mechanical arms ripped apart. He reluctantly stopped in his tracks. Although he was injured, Zim still seemed capable of continuing on, and Dib knew he couldn't intervene despite how bad he wanted to help.
Ever since they had joined together in their many journeys, Zim had always been there to protect Dib when he needed him. There wasn't a fight the alien couldn't win, no matter who or what he was facing. Once, the opponent was a worthy one, and Zim seemed to be having trouble. It got to the point where Dib could no longer stand on the side lines and watch like a mindless spectator, so he stepped in. Weeks had gone by before Zim forgave him of the incident. Eight very lonely, depressing weeks. He never wanted to go through that again.
This fight was no exception. The Irken had a fast regeneration ability, so any physical injury would barely leave a scar. But for Zim, a wound of his pride could last forever. Dib forced himself to stay to the side...for Zim's sake.
He stumbled back from the sudden release of the arm's tension as it broke free of the last few wires that held it together. A pleased, malicious grin spread across his face as Zim's scream ripped through the air. He quickly righted himself, flinging his arm and causing the arm that he held in his fist to whip out, the air whistling as it grew taunt before falling limply, all life gone.
"We'll see." He responded simply at the other's claim, before ducking slightly and dashing forward. He whipped the stolen arm around and connected it with the alien's leg. He drew back and began flogging Zim mercilessly in quick succession, no longer aiming.
Zim's leg buckled slightly, but he recovered before he hit the tiled floor. Blow after blow was being rained down on him and he raised his arms to guard his face as he brought his remaining robotic arms around to protect as much of his body as possible. He ground his teeth as each hit connected and he knew that there would be whelps and blood from where the skin burst open in places.
He crouched; legs spread wide apart, and brought his robotic arms in closer before they sprung outward in a rush of speed. As his arms flew forward protecting him from any attack, he lunged upwards, grasping the man's arm as it came down for another hit. He wrenched the man's wrist and the blow fell short. This gave him an opening. Zim kicked the other in the chest as hard as he could, sending Johnny flying backwards and into a display case. Everlasting Gobstoppers went everywhere.
A few seconds went missing as his heart skipped a beat from the blow to his sternum, an echoing crack resounded in his head and the world swam from the sudden lack of oxygen. Nausea washed over him and he took a deep breath. He swallowed a yelp as the room became a brilliant white and his nerve endings screamed with pain.
Authors’ Notes:
Ru-Shin here! WHOO! Fight scene. XD This was so much fun to write, let me tell ya. 8D Even though I was basically fighting myself (Since I play both Zim and Nny XD), it was great. 8D I hope you all enjoy. Sorry for the cliff hanger! Well…actually, I’m not. But don’t hate us! WE LOVE YOU! XD
This chapter has yet to be beta’d. I have no idea where my beta has gone off too. o_o
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