Episodes Of Minneapolis: Lucy Van Pelt

BY : JaxRhapsody
Category: Comics > Peanuts
Dragon prints: 198
Disclaimer: I'm obviously not the ghost of, or related to Charles Shultz, nor enherited from him; The Peanuts. There's no monetary gain on what I obviously don't own, or contracted, and generally unrelated to.

“You’re a soy boy loser, you know that, Charlie, even your pathetic dog doesn’t even respect you, who can blame him, he’s actually cooler than you are, I just wish he’d stop kissing me, but what can I say; he’s got good taste.”

“You know… it’s much too early to be a crabby bitch,” Charlie lamented, trying to enjoy his breakfast.

“Gotta start the day right, and I thought I saw hope in your eye.”


“Why do you have to be such a bitch, Lucy?”

“Because, brother dear, it’s what I do best.”

“does that mean your sister is worthless?”

“Looks that way.”

“Fuckers,” she smacked both in the back of the head, going to her table.

Lucy plops down with her friends.

“Morning Lucy,” Frieda grumbled.

“Hey girls, nice morning huh?”

Frieda grumbled.

“Well we know you’re not a morning person, Frieda,” Patty said.

“No, and all the work I gotta do to my hair.”

“What, take a bath with your blow-dryer? That’s why I just pull mine up in a ponytail,” Violet joked.

“Can’t you at least let Charlie have his morning in peace, Lucy “ Patty asked.

“Uh… no! If he wants peace  he should stay out of my eyesight.”

“You’re a bitch, Lucy.”

“Tut-tut, I’m the bitch, Patty,” she raised an eyebrow.

“What, you like him, Patty,” Frieda chimed in.

“Charlie… no, I don’t like him, I just think you guys could cut him some slack sometimes, that’s all.”

“I think she’s got a crush on Charlie, Lucy,” Violet teased.

“Ewww Patty, not failure fuck!”

“I don’t have a crush on him! He’s just not that bad, that’s all,” she got up and left.

“Damn, we were only joking  Patty,” Frieda called out.

“She gets so touchy, I swear,” Lucy sighed.


Lucy struts herself to gym class, seeing Charlie and Schroeder on their way.

“I’m just not looking forward to gym today,” Charlie sighed.

“You think I am? I’m a musician, I can’t risk my hands with such a barbaric sport, and I use the term loosely.”

“Hey, baby,” Lucy wrapped an arm around Schroeder.

“Get off of me, Lucy,” he shrugged her off.

“You know you want me, stop acting like that,” she teased.

“No thank you.”

“So… you know what today is, fuck face, right?”


“Dodgeball! Be prepared to get smashed!”

“I know, Lucy.”

“Kiss for good luck, Schroeder,” she pursed her lips.

“No, you’re gross,” he walked in the gym with Charlie in tow.

“So rude. You’ll come around, soon,” she walked in.

Soon enough:

“C’mon man, you’re a baseball pitcher, can’t you throw a dodgeball,” Schroeder complained.

“I got a few hits.”

“Yeah, and most of them were caught,” Linus added.

“You really do suck,” Lucy cackled, “I don’t even understand how you even pitch! You really do fail at life!”

“Bing her one good time, Chuck, don’t let her say that!”

Charlie started fuming, winding up a pitch, and throwing it, to which Lucy dodged easily, laughing. He snatched the ball from Linus and threw it, snatched Peppermint Patty’s and threw it, managed to catch a ball and threw it. Lucy danced around his throws and got Peppermint Patty out of the game, pissing her off.

“Just retire from sports already,” she hauled off a ball, knocking the wind out of his chest.

Each time they were in game, she hit him square in the chest, he had given up hitting her altogether, but he was always her first target, and he was getting madder all over again. Charlie flung the ball as hard as he could, and it whizzed right by her, before a breath left her mouth, it bounced off the back wall, hitting her in the head, making her bite her tongue.

“Ha,” he screamed.

The coach declaring foul on hitting her in the head. She was really set off, launching ball after ball, with her team until it was just Charlie, and Marcie. She pitched her ball so hard, when it hit him in the chest, bounced off his chin, back flipping him, throwing his clothes off.

“That’s what you get, next time stay in your station… suck ass! Sorry sir.”

Once class is over, Lucy continues to snicker, listening to Peppermint Patty rant about Charlie making them lose, in the locker room.

“He’s your friend, though I don’t know why,” she chuckled.

“Because he is, why do you care?”

“I don’t. I just can’t believe somebody like him actually has friends. I mean… he’s such a fuck up.”

“Looks like all he does is piss you off, anyway,” Tapioca added.

“No he doesn’t!”

“Mm’kay,” Lucy replied.

“You must want an ass whuppin’, Lucy.”

“If you can take us all, bring it,” she spoke nonchalantly, “he made me bite my fucking tongue, he got what he deserved.”

“Why are you so hostile, what happened to make you a raving bitch? Go get therapy,” Marcie added.

“Fuck off, four-eyes! I’m my own therapist!”

Lunch time.

“I’m getting tired of your sister, Linus.”

“How do you think I feel; I live with her, Charlie.”

“She snuck in my house one night and tried to get in the shower with me,” Schroeder complained.

“What the fuck?! She’s going too far, I’m sorry Linus, but I’m going to teach her a lesson, somehow.”

“Teach me what, how you fail at life, keep dreaming,” she grabbed his pudding cup, squeezing it over his head, flicking Linus ear.

“Charlie… I don’t care what you do, but I’m probably going to get her first,” Linus growled.

“Charlie thinks he’s going to teach me a lesson,” Lucy plops down with her friends.

“That’ll be the day,” Patty rolled her eyes.

“What do you mean by that,” Lucy glared.

“Umm… I mean that… he’s too dim to get one over on you?”

Lucy continues to glare.

“Anyway, you should’ve seen her wallop him in gym class, he got so mad, it was hilarious,” Violet blurted.

“Oh? Yeah, I got pretty beat in dodgeball, too.”

“That’s because you need to toughen up, Patty,” Lucy suggested.

“I’m tough enough!”

“You’re a nice girl, Patty, and you can really give it to Charlie sometimes, but we know you too well,” Lucy explained.

Patty lags behind a bit, watching the other three bump in to Charlie in the hallway, and Lucy flirts with Schroeder as usual. She has class with the two, so she knows she going to hear them complain, and rant. Which she did, sure sometimes Charlie does piss her off, but she doesn’t hate him, and she just goes along with her friends to be popular. She wanted to say something to him, but wasn’t sure. He didn’t seem as mad as she would’ve thought. It wasn’t long before he asked to go to the bathroom, and slumped away, returning seemingly more calm.

She caught him alone at his locker and decided to confront him, “hey Charlie.”

“What do you want?”

“I heard about what happened in gym class… I uh…”

“Found it just as hilarious?”

“Got my ass handed to me, too.”

“Oh. Yeah it sucks.”

“I’m sorry they’re so mean to you all the time.”

“Like you don’t join in.”

“I know. But I don’t hate you… I just… I don’t really have an answer.”

“I’m sure you don’t, but let ne guess; you don’t want to end up a target, and you think nobody else would be your friend?”

“I do defend you, Charlie.”

“Sure,” he slammed his locker shut and went to walk away.

“I really do! What is that on your arm,” she grabbed his hand.

“Stop, Patty,” he hissed.

“Is that blood,” she rose his sleeve.

“It shouldn’t have been that bad,” he winced.

“Is this our fault?! I’m so sorry,” she started to cry, “I didn’t know it was this bad.”

He yanked his arm away, “why do you care?”

“I actually care about you, I don’t want to see you tear your body up “

“But you care about keeping your toxic friends even more.”

“I’m kinda scared, Charlie. What I’ve been feeling, if they find out.”

“Find out,” he raised an eyebrow.

“I really do defend you, and now they think I have a crush on you.”

“So it’s a bad thing, I’m so repulsive a crush on me is a sin, I get it,” he walked away.

“No! I think-”

“Save it!”

“That I do,” she whispered.

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