Harley's Joke

BY : tooshoes
Category: DC Verse Comics > Batgirl
Dragon prints: 718
Disclaimer: I do not own Batgirl, Harley Quinn, James Gordon or any of the characters or situations of the Batman universe. I will not be making any money from this story.

Harley sits in her home office on a brown leather chair with a clipboard perched atop her crossed knees. She looks professional in an elegant grey suit and long skirt, but her dark tights show off her legs down to a black thong sandal that hangs precariously from her raised foot. Her look is simultaneously disarming and refined, and it is exactly the look Harley wants to project.

Her high-profile clients are all parents of troubled, hormone-rattled girls who have recently been infected by the menarche bug. Somehow these intelligent adults are taken aback when their daughters go through changes and are seemingly transformed into demon-possessed children. So their parents look for a miracle, and they don’t care if the miracle comes from a priest or a doctor.

When the parents meet Harley, she gives them hope. She is an acknowledged expert on sexual dysfunction, and she reminds the parents that she “cured” several troubled youths in Arkham in her two short years since medical school, and driving the demons from their lost daughters will  require only a little of her considerable psycho-science magic.  Harley presents herself as an ideal role model: professional, young, and beautiful. Their girls are afraid to grow up, but when the girls take one look at Harley, they see a version of adulthood that they would like for themselves.

The parents see what Harley wants them to see. They pay big bucks for a reputation, for a look, and for a miracle, although all that is usually needed is for someone to sit and listen to the suffering girls who only need to talk and cry and not be judged, and eventually, the demons would leave on their own.

Parents often ask her why she gave up her work at Arkham after she famously cured the famously troubled girl Alice Tetch. They are amazed that such a touted doctor could be so affordable. She tells them she feels a special calling to help these very young women because she had a difficult transition to adulthood herself.

That part was true, but the rest was bullshit.

The truth is that at her price-per-hour, she can pick any patient she wants, and she can spend as much time as she wants with these troubled girls. And if a girl doesn’t serve her purposes, she will refer that patient to someone else.

Right now, for example, the girl sitting across from her is a complete bore and has no issues with her parents. She has a problem with depression, and the sudden influx of hormones in her life is causing problems, turning her into a little bitch. However, none of those problems suit Harley’s purpose, so she will drop this patient as soon as she can think of the right colleague to refer the girl to.

What Harley is looking for is an innocent girl she can have fun with, manipulate, and who is willing to share dirt about her parents. That’s what Harley needs because that’s what Joker, her Puddin’, needs.

She met her bae last year while he was suffering in Arkham, and it was love at first sight. Her expertise was with adolescent psychology, not that of the criminally insane, but nobody else wanted to deal with the demented clown, so they let her have a try at it. She was never even suspected when he mysteriously escaped from Arkham a week later.

Since then, she visited her Puddin’ every night after work in whatever secret place he desired, often in her own home. It was like a honeymoon at first, making love every night, usually with a hard-core kink to make it more exciting for him.

Harley went along with what others would consider sexual abuse because she was excited whenever he was excited, even when she was humiliated or in pain. She could take it all and want more. She often left the bed with bruises that were hard to explain back at work, but even the aches of the bruises were exciting reminders of awaited her at night.

Some nights he didn’t want to have sex. Instead, he would rant and rave about Batman, or the police who were always chasing him, or the Gotham elite who were all hypocrites.

Harley would try to get his attention with lingerie and perfume and wild costumes, but she didn’t mind if he didn’t notice, so long as she could be with him.

But before long, he lost his desire for Harley completely, and he disappeared for days on end. She always thought their love would last forever, so she was devastated. This was the one thing she just could not tolerate. She searched her memory and the asylum logs for an answer that could help her restore his passion.

She learned that what really excited him was pubescent girls. He wasn’t exactly a pedophile or even a hebephile, but middle school girls were deliciously forbidden and innocent. They were virgins to spoil, and the world treats such exploitation as an utter tragedy, even if the girl is eager, which he finds delightfully absurd. Harley can’t give him that kind of thrill with her youthful but adult body and mind, so one day he just stopped showing up or even answering her frequent calls and messages.

She’s been trying to win him back ever since by providing him with what he needs to get excited. Harley is nothing if not accommodating. Nothing else matters to her. She can even get into a three-way with a little girl, if that’s what he wants. Harley’s patients are not only very young and beautiful, but they are also the children of Gotham’s elite and powerful. What better way to satisfy both his perverse desires and need for revenge?

Accordingly, she sends him frequent updates on her girls, but he rarely calls Harley back. He’s very choosy about his shenanigans. Everything must be done his way and reveal hidden truths about people. So he won't allow any lying or trickery, like hypnosis, but Harley will find some wiggle room if the plan is funny!

And if he’s going to be locked up again, he wants it to matter, so not just any girl will do. None of Harley’s girls as of yet has had it all: beauty, sensitivity, innocence, passion, compliance, and, of course, a sense of humor. None of them have been a suitable vehicle for revenge.

So it's a tall order, but Harley will keep on trying, unless she can think of a better way to get her Puddin’ back into her bed.

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