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Birds and Bees	By : defying3reason Category: DC Verse Comics > Batman Views: 2564 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman, or any aspect of the broader DC Universe, and I make no money from my fanfiction

Chapter List
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Chapter Three
Over the next couple of weeks Dick noticed a subtle change in Damian. As a sidekick he was still more arrogant, disrespectful and reckless than Dick would have liked…but he was starting to value Dick's opinion. They were learning how to work together and as the burden of working with Damian lessened, patrols were almost fun again.
It was almost like working with Tim, though still obviously quite different. Dick promised himself that he'd never let his relationship with Damian get as muddled up as it had with Tim, though he doubted it was a promise he could keep. He also decided to make more of an effort to figure out what Tim was up to out on his own city hopping (other than feeding his delusion that Bruce wasn't really dead).
But the change in Damian's demeanor as Robin wasn't the only difference. Dick went into Damian's bedroom to get him for patrol one evening and did a double take. Hanging above Damian's desk were three framed crayon illustrations. The one on the left was of a wobbly looking Batman with adorably chubby gargoyles surrounding it labeled Dameyon. The middle one showed three dark haired figures (one with pigtails, two with short spiky hair) and one red haired one out on a sunny day, also messily labeled Me, Dameyon, Iree, Jaye. The last he guessed to be a picture of Robin Hood. Damian had taped his silly band (which he hadn't been caught wearing since the first night) to the middle frame.
Dick didn't say anything. He knew better than that by this point. He was really relieved to see tangible evidence of Damian's ability to bond with other human beings though. Maybe there was hope for this kid yet.

"Ooo…you finally fixed the bedroom door," Roy pointed out, with a seductive arch of an eyebrow. Dick snorted.
"Was that a pick-up line?"
"Unconventional, but I think it's appropriate for us." Roy walked into the room and hopped onto the bed, looking towards Dick expectantly. He waggled his eyebrows.
Laughing, Dick shut the door and clicked the new lock into place. He joined Roy on the bed, shucking suddenly superfluous articles of clothing as he went. Roy cupped his face and pulled him in for a smoldering kiss. Dick wound his arms around Roy's waist, deepening the kiss as he fell back against the mattress, and then mentally cursed when he heard the lock click open.
The couple snapped their heads up and looked to the doorway, but otherwise didn't alter their embrace. Damian was standing by the door, which was only opened a crack, with a hand clapped securely over his eyes.
"I saw Harper's coat and shoes in the hall."
"Yeah, I'm here," Roy answered, a hint of 'get to the fucking point' in his tone.
"Did you…ahem, is miss Lian accompanying you tonight?"
"It's four in the morning," Roy pointed out. He tended to make his excursions to see his boyfriend once Dick was finished with patrol.
"Yes, and?"
"She's in bed. I got a babysitter."
"Oh. Well, er, carry on then." Damian closed the door, and locked it again with his lock pick.
Dick leaned up for another kiss, but Roy dodged, burying his face in Dick's shoulder to muffle his giggles. "That really happened, didn't it?"
"Yep. Damian's grown very attached to Lian, which is wonderful and surprising and a really big help for my goal to socialize him, now I can't help but notice you've got your hand on my crotch. You wanna do something there or are we having a heart to heart about the kids?"
"Huh? Oh, hell no. We can do a parenting chat later."
"I thought so. Pants off."
"Yes sir."

The next morning, when Damian emerged from his bedroom to get the newspapers and his breakfast it was to find Roy in front of the stove (not Alfred) cooking omelets in the kitchen. Damian ignored his greeting, poured a glass of orange juice, and sat at the table with the thickest of the papers.
Shrugging it off, Roy plated one of the omelets. "So I take it you wouldn't mind if I brought Lian around every now and then?"
Damian impatiently opened the paper, rustling it loudly. "Not if it increases the likelihood of you interrupting my morning routine."
"Ah, wouldn't want to do that." Roy set the plate in front of Damian. "C'mon kid, take the stick out. I thought you liked Lian. If you do, I'll bring her with me sometimes. The only problem is that you and Dick keep weird hours and she's only five. I can't throw off her routine too much."
"I'm ten. What makes you think I want to spend time with someone half my age?"
"The fact that you asked for her last night. And you've been writing each other letters. And-"
"Alright, fine! Just stop talking!" The paper was crinkling around Damian's fierce grip on it. "I like Lian, she's charming! You win! Though how you managed to spawn such progeny is beyond my comprehension!" He flung the paper on the table and stalked off to his bedroom.
"What just happened?" Roy asked.
"He thinks Lian is charming. Focus on that," Dick advised. He walked across the kitchen and took Damian's vacated seat. "And surly control freaks don't like being interrupted when they're reading the morning papers."
"Ah. Well I'll get the hang of this eventually. I gotta get going after breakfast though. I gotta pick Lian up, Dinah's got a thing."
"Uh huh. You coming by again this weekend?"
"You want me to?"
"Course I want you to." Dick smiled sappily at him. "We seem to be in a lull regarding personal tragedy. I want to make the most of it while it lasts."
Roy snorted. "That's such a Bat perspective. So what, things can't stay good? Is that what you're saying?"
"Well come on, just look at our histories. We get pockets of good days but then something always happens." Dick calmly took a bite of Damian's omelet, unaware of Roy standing behind him gaping.
"That is so psychologically unhealthy I don't even know how to comment. Dick, of course everything's going to go to shit if you expect it to happen!"
"Well it does. Periodically something bad always happens. Even when all of my personal relationships are good, that doesn't mean anything. That just means we'll be invaded by an alien overlord or the multiverse will either destroy itself or spontaneously regenerate or something. Either way stress. I handle it better if I expect it."
Roy shook his head. "Well I suppose you usually are in the thick of it when the big shit goes down. But that doesn't mean you should expect something bad to happen with us. Things have been so good…" Roy came up behind Dick and brushed his fingertips down Dick's back. "I think we've managed to stumble upon a well-functioning relationship."
"You think so?"
"Well…the only reason we didn't work last time was because we were idiot kids. I've grown up a lot since then, and you're still unearthly gorgeous and fantastic, so why shouldn't we work?"
Dick sighed. "Something's going to happen. Bet you anything within the next two weeks tops, something is going to happen."
"Fine. What do you want to bet?" Roy asked.
Dick looked thoughtful for a moment. "If I win, we do the kinky roof sex."
"Fine, if I win we do costumes in bed."
"I still say that's a terrible idea."
"And I say that kinky roof sex is a good way to blow your secret identity and any rep you've built with the superhero community once word gets out."
Dick held up a finger. "First, I've never once gotten caught. Second, what rep? Everyone already knows we're sluts."
"Oh yeah. Well the kids don't."
"What do you mean? Remember when I visited you at the Watchtower while you had monitor duty and you butt dialed Titans Tower while I was blowing you?"
Roy smacked a hand to his face. "Yes, as that was less than a week ago I remember, but I wasn't talking about the Teen Titans. We've got a new generation of hero kids now. Irey? Jai? Damian? I know he's seen us making out and he knows we have sex, but so far he's only aware of what we do in beds and can choose to believe it's boring and traditional if he so wishes."
Dick laughed. "Oh…nice to think there could be a generation of heroes who won't see us as hormone driven sex fiends."
"Yeah. The jokes at the water cooler are getting kinda old."
"You know what the solution is, don't you?"
"Be less kinky?" Roy suggested, feigning distaste.
"No, never that. Just don't get caught."
"Right, right. Well, in two weeks we'll be wearing our costumes behind closed doors and it won't matter."
"No, we'll be fucking on a roof to distract ourselves from one of our lives having gone to hell. Besides Roy, if we ever did bring the costumes into the bedroom, I'm in the batsuit now. Do you know how many ways you can electrocute yourself trying to get me out of it? You really want to expose your genitals to that?"
Before Roy could answer there was a stage cough from the doorway. They both snapped their heads in that direction and turned as magenta as Alfred, who was uncomfortably trying not to look at either of them.
"Uh…g'morning Alfred," Dick greeted, exuding so much awkwardness it was almost palpable.
"I cooked breakfast!" Roy said brightly.
"Right, then you won't require my assistance." Alfred hurriedly left the kitchen, and after another moment of tense silence, Roy and Dick burst into laughter.

Damian was sitting in the bunker when Dick walked down, mostly suited up but lacking his cape and mask. "Ready to go? I've got a tip about the warehouses down by the docks tonight. Damian, everything alright?"
"Hm? Oh yes…fine." Damian had been staring at a scrap of paper. He folded it and was about to tuck it into his utility belt, but he halted his actions at Dick's politely curious glance.
"What's that?"
"Oh, er…nothing." Despite his dismissive attitude, Damian handed off the paper while he affixed his domino mask. "Lian invited me to her sixth birthday party, but I don't think I should go."
"Why not? I thought you were getting along with her."
"I am, but…"
"Did you not like Wally's kids? I mean, I'm sure they're invited too, but Roy said you won them toys at the amusement park, so I'd kinda hoped that meant you were getting along with-"
"There was nothing wrong with the West twins, although the girl was a bit chattier than I would have preferred. It's just…it's me. I don't think I'd belong at a six year old's birthday party."
When they'd first started working together, there was no chance Damian would have made such an admission to Dick. Even two weeks ago, he probably wouldn't have let Dick see any reflection of emotional vulnerability. He took a second to mentally acknowledge that, along with gratitude for the change in their relationship. Damian was finally starting to trust him.
"Damian, Roy and Lian know about you. They know that you haven't exactly led a normal life, and they still chose to invite you. The party's probably going to be full of superheroes anyway, so no one's going to be 'normal'. If you want to go, I think you should go. It'll be good for you to hang out with some kids and relax."
"I've never been to one of these. I'll be completely unaware of the social protocols. What if I ruin her party?"
"I really don't think-"
"If someone startles me, my first instinct is to break their wrist. I've never watched any of the television shows or movies Lian and the West twins were discussing, and they were discussing them at length, and apparently I 'dress and talk funny'. No, I'd better not go." He took the invitation back and stuffed it in one of his utility belt compartments.
Dick frowned, a bit surprised by the level of discomfort Damian was exuding. The kid was always in control, and even though social situations were difficult for him to navigate, so far he'd always risen to the challenge. Then again, bossing around executives at Wayne Enterprises and attending the occasional Gotham socialite gala were quite different from a kid's birthday party.
And how bizarre was that? When Dick was an adolescent ward of the boy billionaire, he'd always hated the formal situations and loved the smaller stuff. Then again, he and Damian were very different people.
"Well if you change your mind, I'm probably going to the party. You know, assuming nothing big goes down between now and then to keep me in Gotham."
"Will you bring her a present if I purchase it?" Damian asked.
Dick started walking towards the batmobile, hoping Damian hadn't seen his smile. "You can give it to her yourself you know. We could always visit before the party."
Damian scowled. "I'd rather not go to Star City. Can't we just invite her here?"
"We could do that, sure. I'll give Roy a call when we get in from patrol."

Throughout the patrol, Damian kept asking Dick questions about what little girls might like for presents. It made for some interesting banter while they were taking down thugs at the docks, but by the time they were swinging between skyscrapers and hopping from fire escapes to window ledges, Dick was getting a bit tired of summarizing Disney movies, trying to explain how coloring books could be fun, or trying to dissuade Damian from buying Lian an edged weapon.
"Well, she wants to be a superhero," Damian pointed out moodily.
"Uh huh. Roy just got her her first bow and arrow set. I think that's good enough to start with."
Damian snorted. "Archery. That skill is next to useless in the field."
"I dunno. Roy and Ollie do pretty well."
"They're mediocre at best. I don't know how the archers ever made it onto the Justice League, but I consider that a tactical mistake. How useful could they possibly be in combat situations? In addition, aren't the Amazons trained in archery and myriad other forms of combat?"
"Well, yes, but-"
"Then doesn't that make Red Arrow redundant as long as Wonder Woman is on the team?"
Dick pinched the bridge of his nose. "Roy brings more than just his archery skills to a team. Which, by the by, are pretty impressive. Wonder Woman's good with a bow, but she's not as good as Roy."
"Well what does he bring?"
"He's a really good fighter-"
"So's everyone on the team."
"He's smart-"
"He's somewhat more perceptive than average, but I wouldn't say he's particularly intelligent, and again, that makes him redundant. Most of the Justice League is 'smart'."
"Damian, just because you don't like someone doesn't mean they don't belong on the Justice League," Dick said, some exasperation seeping into his tone.
That remark got Damian huffy. "I just don't see why he's on the team when there are people more qualified to be there!"
"Such as?" Dick asked, curious.
"Well, you for one! How come you're not on the team and that pompous doofus is?"
"Damian, I've been invited to be a member of the Justice League multiple times. I've declined active membership in favor of reserve status."
Damian's expression iced over. He gazed off into the distance, as though scanning the streets for criminal activity, and took a second to answer. "Oh. I was unaware. You know, your reserve status isn't listed in your file."
"I should update it then."
"Why did you decline membership?"
Dick shrugged. "Lotta reasons, really. I guess the biggest one is that I always saw the Justice League as Bruce's thing and I didn't want to…" He broke off, not wanting to finish that thought in Damian's presence.
Of course, there was no way Damian was going to let him get away with it that easily. "You didn't want to what? Be a part of something my father started?"
"C'mon, I'm crouching behind a gargoyle wearing a modified version of one of your dad's bulky, uncomfortable, impractically over-armored suits. And I frickin' hate capes. I just…just wanted Bruce to have the League, and I'd have my own teams and my own circle."
"And your own identity. I see." Damian shifted again so that he was looking at Dick. "I find it incredibly interesting that you've spent so long casting off father's influence in order to blaze your own path, when I would take it all in a heartbeat if it could insulate me from Mother. I'd much rather be Batman than the monstrosity she wishes I'd become."
"I'll teach you everything I know about the mantle, and if you still want it when you're tall enough for the position you can have it."
"Deal."
They enjoyed a comfortable silence for a few minutes, scanning the city from their respective positions and losing themselves in separate thoughts and fantasies for the future. Damian finally broke the silence after twenty minutes' worth of companionable silence.
"I understand that children are partial to board games. Do you think she'll like chess?"
"Uh, Damian, she's six."
"Oh, right, of course. She's had six years to acquire a chess set on her own. Well what other games do normal children play?"
"Tell you what. Let's hit up a toy store tomorrow after the board meeting and browse."
"If you insist."
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Birds and Bees