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Birds and Bees	By : defying3reason Category: DC Verse Comics > Batman Views: 2564 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman, or any aspect of the broader DC Universe, and I make no money from my fanfiction

Chapter List
- 21
- 22
- 23
Chapter Twenty Two
Tim half-expected his cell to go off all during his walk back to the apartment after meeting up with Tam for lunch, but it remained silent. When he got in he dropped his keys in the bowl next to the door, kicked off his shoes, and went into the living room to dump his messenger bag on the couch. X'hawn was sitting on the floor with a big bowl of popcorn, open mouthed and gaping at the TV.
"Hey X'hawn. You didn't hear any of my signal devices going off, did you?"
"Nope."
"Okay, I guess Dick doesn't need any backup then. So what'cha watching this time?" He frowned when he finally got a good look at the screen. "Oh X'hawn, this show is absolute garbage."
It was an old Saturday morning cartoon someone had made loosely based on the Justice League. The only public heroes they'd been able to get ahold of were the Elongated Man and Flash, and only Ralph had taken up the show's production team on their offer to consult. Even then, they'd barely used his input. The resulting train wreck of a cartoon ran wild with the most ridiculous ideas about what crime fighting was like, but then, it's not like they were trying to be true to life. Mostly, the show was an excuse to sell action figures.
Sparrow, the Robin stand-in, was a mash-up of what little the animators had been able to piece together of Dick, Jason, and Tim. And, Tim noted but would never admit to, they'd given Sparrow Tim's old haircut with the spikey bangs. He'd been fourteen when the stupid show came out, and Dick still teased him mercilessly about Sparrow.
X'hawn paused the show. "Is this an inappropriate way to learn more about the costumed community?"
Tim shrugged. "I mean, you're not actually learning about us this way, you're learning what people think we do…kind of. I don't think anyone really believes that Superman lives in an orbiting moon base-"
"But you guys have the Watchtower."
"Yeah, but none of us live there," Tim said, feeling like it was a lame argument. "X'hawn, if you want to get to know the superhero community I can just introduce you to them."
"Okay. Um, I mean not all at once, but it would be nice…It kind of seems like homeless aliens end up mixing with them eventually, whatever else their ambitions might have been." He turned off the TV and hugged his knees.
"Hey, hey X'hawn…you're not homeless." Tim sat down next to him on the rug and threw an arm over his thin shoulders. "You live here, with me and Tam. And you can do whatever you want to do. Clark and Kara and J'onn and everyone all became heroes yeah, but it was because they have abilities other people don't. You don't have to do it if you don't want to."
"Well what else can I do?" he asked. "I've just been staying here studying your planet-"
"It's your planet too. You've gotta stop talking about Earth like it's someplace you're visiting. You're a US citizen. I know it's a big adjustment, but distancing yourself like this won't help."
"I know…" X'hawn sighed, then shrugged out of Tim's one-armed embrace. "Do you think…I could start going to school?"
"Oh." For some reason, it had never occurred to Tim that he'd want to. "Yeah, I can look into getting you into school. How old are you, anyway?"
"By your reckoning? Fourteen. I should be starting high school in the fall."
"And you…really want to do that?" Tim would have jumped on the chance to skip high school if he'd had the opportunity. Bruce had planned on getting X'hawn a tutor and getting him a GED, and Tim felt a bit envious. Eventually he'd gotten a GED instead of properly graduating, and considering all the energy he'd put into crime fighting (not to mention hiding his double life from his classmates) he could have really used it sooner.
"I want nothing more than to be in school," X'hawn said, a dreamy smile on his face. "My people were a race of scholars. We recorded Tamaran's history. The ruling class thought we were weak, since we were intellectual instead of barbaric warriors like them. That's why my ancestors were banished to the Sho'kaa belt."
"O-oh." It was far from the first time X'hawn had casually referred to Starfire's family as barbarians, but Tim still didn't have a comfortable response for it. "Um…yeah, so I'll see about getting you signed up for school. So…you're thinking like college and stuff afterwards?" Tim grinned. "No crime fighting?"
X'hawn considered for a minute. "I suppose I do have some extraordinary abilities. Those psychos who experimented on me gave me some of the same abilities as Princess Koriand'r. Perhaps I should put them to use helping people."
"Well, spend some time thinking it over. There's no rush, after all. We don't have a Teen Titans group together just…" His phone rang, distracting him. "Yet. Excuse me X'hawn." He went into the kitchen to take the call, and unsuccessfully tried to hold back a groan of dismay when X'hawn turned the stupid Nobility Squad cartoon back on.
Itl wasn't from Dick calling him into battle, but Cassie. "Hey Cass. What's up?"
"Hey…do you have a minute?"
Tim looked at the pile of books and notes still waiting for him on the kitchen table, where they'd been since he'd woken at five in the morning, and where he'd remained until he'd allowed himself the break of bringing Tam a lunch.
He really was supposed to be getting back to work.
"Yeah, I'm free. What's up? Still waiting for married life to settle in more comfortably?"
Cassie sighed, and Tim felt an increasingly familiar sense of anxiety for his friends. Cassie and Conner had been euphoric in the months leading up to their wedding, but once it had actually happened, a weight of responsibility and adulthood had settled over them. They'd had some shaky points in the past, but then they'd always wound up back together because Superboy and Wondergirl were just made for each other (or so everyone seemed to believe).
"I just don't know what we're even doing anymore Tim. It feels like we're acting," Cassie whispered, voice shaky and weak. "I can't remember the last time Conner said something to me that didn't feel scripted. And I know I'm not acting like myself. I tried cooking Ma Kent's fried chicken last night, and it was just so hokey. We're not those people, y'know?"
"I know. Do you want to come over and talk for a while? It's just me and X'hawn right now, and he's got the TV. He won't care if we go for a walk and get a coffee or something."
"That sounds wonderful Tim. I'm on my way."
"Cool. See you in a bit." As soon as Tim hung up, he remembered that he'd offered Dick his help if he needed it.
But Cassie probably needed it more. Dick was one of the most popular heroes in the community. He had dozens of people to call in if he needed it (not to mention the fact that he was dating one of the most experienced heroes out there). Tim turned his phone off and pointedly left the signal devices in the bedroom while he waited for Cassie.

"You know Grayson, I think you're the only person who's ever made an honest to God appeal to my good nature."
"…did it work?"
Selina was leaning against the wall with her arms folded across her chest, an amused yet wary expression on her face. She was wearing the cat suit, which was a good sign (this time anyway-Dick wanted her to have been working). Grace was still out roughing up thugs at random on the slim hope that one of them knew something about Cheshire, even though Dick had repeatedly insisted that henches weren't really Cheshire's style. His hopes weren't high for Grace breaking the case, meaning he really needed something useful from Selina.
"Yes junior, it worked. I…appreciate the efforts you've taken on my behalf. You've scratched my back often enough." She slipped a flash drive out of her glove and placed it in his hand. "Good luck finding your boyfriend, and may your love life go more smoothly than mine."
"I'll keep working on him for you Selina. He's getting older now. He's gotta give in eventually."
She rolled her eyes. "I'm not planning on waiting much longer."
Dick really did appreciate her help so he tried his best to keep his expression polite, but it didn't work. Selina scowled at him, looking distinctly annoyed. "I don't need him. And you're being an ungrateful brat."
"I know you don't need him, but you also keep him from going down paths I'd rather him not. All us ex-sidekicks and partners are in agreement on this. You're our favorite, so we're all rooting for you." Especially Damian, who could be provoked into hysterics at the mere mention of his parents doing something romantic together.
Selina looked a bit skeptical. "That's interesting. Even Talia's kid?"
It was Dick's turn for a little incredulity. "Especially Talia's kid. Damian hates his mom."
"Huh. That's not how she spins it. Well anyway, I have places to go and things to do that I'm not disclosing to you. Go rescue your man."
"I will. Thanks again Selina." Dick watched her leap over the porch railing, trying to process the fact that Selina and Talia actually spoke to each other. "Bet it'd be interesting to be a fly on the wall for that."
Being busy himself though, he decided to muse on it another day and went inside to look over Selina's info.

"Does everything fit?" Irey called.
"Um…the chest is a little tight."
"Really?" Irey squeaked, clearly surprised. "But that one used to be Stephanie's! She's not exactly a twig you know."
"Excuse me Irey, but have you seen my mom? She's built like Jessica Rabbit."
Irey zipped over to the computer console, where Damian was brooding over at least nine different data displays. "Hey hey howdy Robin. Uh…Lian says the costume doesn't fit."
"It's the best we have available. I know she's a bit shorter than the previous Batgirl, but the fit should be close enough to be practical."
"She says her boobies are getting crushed. Well, she didn't say it like that, but that's the gist." Irey giggled at the visibly uncomfortable Robin (Damian was actually blushing).
"Yes, er…Barbara Gordon is a bit…that is, her measurements in that particular regard are more in line with Lian's. We should have at least one of her former uniforms as well. Would you mind searching the lockers in the changing area?"
"Not a problem." Irey found a few more Batgirl suits and tossed them into the changing stall Lian was in. "How're those chicky? Can your massive hooters breathe?"
"Irey, will you stoppit?!"
"Sorry, sorry." Irey ran back over to the computer console, and a few minutes later Lian approached them, looking a bit unsure of herself but also carrying her petite frame with a measure of confidence.
Her costume was a hodgepodge of Batgirl and Robin costumes from ages past. She was wearing one of Tim's old dominos and an armored cape with one of Barbara Gordon's suits, Damian's old gloves and boots, and a freshly stocked utility belt. She'd tied her waist length hair back in a tight braid. The colors all clashed terribly, but she made a passable looking superhero.
"You know, if you wore the yellow go-go boots the heels would give you an extra three inches," Irey said.
"Yeah, and I'd break my neck running. Seriously, good call on the neon green boots Damian."
She was wearing the pair he'd worn at ten, but the ones he wore at eighteen were the same model in a larger size. "I've found them to be quite practical. Before we head out there are a few things we need to go over."
"We get it, we get it. No questioning your orders, o great and powerful team leader," Irey said, rolling her eyes.
"Not just that, and might I add, you've been failing at it something terrible, so it wouldn't be out of line for me to insist on going over it again. First and foremost though, once we exit the Cave we need to use our working names exclusively. You are to refer to me as Robin and only Robin. Irey will be Impulse and…Lian, what shall we call you?"
Lian frowned. "Um…I'd say Speedy, but Mia's still using it. I dunno…Kid Arrow?"
"That's kinda lame," Irey said. "There's more than one Flash. You can be Speedy too. It's not like Mia's around right now."
"Okay, call me Speedy then."
It was Damian's turn to frown. "I think I prefer Kid Arrow."
"Well I'm gonna follow in my dad's footsteps," Lian said, challenge heavy in her tone. "Now what else?"
Damian remained quiet for a moment, clearly weighing whether he wanted to react to her tone and body language or not. He didn't address her comment, but his irritation came through in his next instructions.
"I need your word that you understand that you are the weakest link in our trio. You have no experience, you are an amateur fighter, and you have the highest emotional investment in this mission, meaning you are the easiest to manipulate," Damian said, provoking a scowl from Lian. "If your situation makes you vulnerable, Impulse is to bring you back here where you'll be safe. I won't help unless you agree to those terms."
Lian stared at him in shock. "You…Dami, that's-"
"Robin. We're in costume. Stick to code names please, Speedy."
Lian pressed her lips together and inhaled deeply through her nose, waiting for her irritation to pass. It didn't go away, but luckily Damian had trained her on how to put that angry energy to good use. "Fine. If it looks like I'm starting to lose it, I'll let Impulse drag me away. But I want a say in when I'm losing it."
Damian and Irey traded a look, and then Damian slowly nodded. Lian whipped around and tried to read her friend's face, but Irey had already shifted firmly into Impulse-mode. And whereas Impulse was definitely a cheery superhero, she was also a seasoned veteran at sixteen. If she didn't want Lian to know something, Lian wasn't going to find out.
She just hoped her friend was backing her and not their de facto leader.

"Ah-ha-ha-hem. Oh here comes the bride…all dressed in lime! Dum dum da dum dum…something, something…wedding!" Harley trilled as she walked into the basement cell, throwing plastic flower petals on the floor in front of her. She was wearing a red satin gown and had her thick blond hair piled on top of her head in a hideously gaudy updo, with a black rose surrounded by three joker cards pinned into it.
Jade trudged into the room on her heels wearing her normal green costume and holding a syringe. "Will you cut it out Quinn? I told you, this is not a wedding."
"But you said after you give him that injection his will'll be gone and then he'll be yours forever! It's almost the same thing. Hey, where'd the groom go?"
"What?" Jade's voice was like ice, and Harley took a cautious step back.
"Um…well last time I saw him he was almost passed out in a heap right there."
"And where are Pamela's vines?" Jade asked, rounding on Harley with a white knuckled grip on the syringe.
"It, uh, it didn't look like we needed 'em no more so I…I loosened 'em up and…I mean he looked really weak Chesh."
"You imbecile! I've told you a thousand times, Red Arrow has more immunity to my toxins than anyone else alive! That's why I needed to use Ivy's work as well as my own! He was faking it, and only a fool like you would fall for something so basic!"
"But Chesh-"
"Just find him. He was still weakened, even if not as much as you believed, so he couldn't have gotten far." Jade punched a hole through the door to one of their storage units, which was incidentally only an inch or so from Harley's face. She eeped, then ran off to change into a costume. Jade capped the syringe, stowed it in her costume, and then ran off to find her hostage.
Meanwhile, Jade's assessment about Roy's condition was right on the mark. He hadn't been able to drag himself very far at all, but it was far enough to be out of Jade and Harley's line of sight when they'd gotten back. He was in the storage unit Jade had vented her frustrations on, and he'd found some interesting things there.
He was holding a metal tray with the dissected remains of one of Poison Ivy's homebred monstrous plants, which gave him a sneaking suspicion that Ivy herself was not a willing participant in Jade's project. From everything he'd heard about the psychotic freak, she wouldn't sacrifice a plant life like that.
He set the tray back onto the shelf he'd grabbed it from, then opened a binder of notes he'd found on the floor under it. Best case scenario, he'd be able to decipher Jade and Ivy's jargon and figure out how to whip up an antidote for himself before they found him.
Worst case, he'd try to have something fun to throw at them instead.

Lian was starting to think Damian had lied to her, and that he was just distracting her in the hopes that someone else would find her dad for her while they were sitting on a rooftop literally doing nothing.
Well, to be fair, she and Irey were doing nothing and Damian was staring at his smartphone (or a comm device; he was hunched over it so protectively that she couldn't identify it for sure).
"Hey Robin…you do realize my dad could be dead by now, right?"
"That seems somewhat unlikely. If your mother only wished to murder him, she could have accomplished the feat in a more direct and assured manner. Instead she chose to take him hostage. She had to have a reason for taking him alive. Cheshire is…among many other things, efficient and purpose driven."
"And psychotic. She tried to kill me and I'm her daughter. Excuse me if I'm not overjoyed at my dad's prospects in her clutches," Lian snapped. "Now can we do something?"
"I am doing something," Damian snapped back.
Irey rested her hand on Lian's shoulder. "I know you probably don't want to hear this hon, but this actually is what superhero work is like. Even us speedsters don't rush around without info. Robin's finding our mark, and when we have it we'll go. But we can't just run around the city without a target. We'd just waste time like that."
"But couldn't you, like, search all the buildings at superspeed?" Lian asked, feeling some desperation.
Irey smiled sadly and shook her head. "I could run through every room in the city in about an hour, but if you wanted me to actually look for anything it'd take me a few days. Gotham is big, Speedy. Trust us on this. Just wait for Robin to rock his detective magic, okay?"
Lian grumbled something under her breath and went back to pacing around the rooftop.
"Movement," Damian announced. Lian and Irey rushed over to his side and peered at his comm screen.
"Are you stalking Nightwing?" Lian asked.
"He's been working on this case for at least six hours longer than us. If he doesn't have a reliable lead by now then he's slipping. We can just follow him to our target."
"Oh. Well then let's get stalking," Lian said with a sigh.
Irey giggled at something, and Lian turned a questioning gaze her way. "Sorry, it's just…the Bats really are as creepy as everyone says, aren't they?"
Damian made an exasperated noise, but chose not to comment. He stowed his comm device and grappled off the rooftop. Lian jumped on Irey's back, and they followed after him on the streets below.

Roy wasn't nearly as far as he would have liked to have been through the binder when he heard the menacing sounds of high heeled boots scuffing against the cement floor, in that he still hadn't figured out how to put any of the plant remains he'd found to any kind of use. He went as still as possible, even keeping breathing to a minimum.
It didn't help. Jade whipped the wooden door open and he fell backwards out of the storage unit and landed sprawled at her feet. He didn't stay that way for long however, springing up into a crouching position and then jumping back a few feet.
Jade charged forward and aimed a powerful kick at him. She caught the side of his face, and the one hit was enough to take him down. He hit the ground hard, white spots dancing in his vision.
Looking like furious scorn incarnate, Jade stuck her fingers in her mouth and let out a shrill whistle. The plant vines sprang out from the cracks in the wall and wound around him, much more tightly than before. He was probably going to lose circulation in his remaining limbs.
"Did you learn something from that exercise in futility Roy?"
"Actually, yeah. I learned that Ivy didn't sign on for you using her gear. Do you know what you're doing Jade? Or better yet, does she?"
Jade narrowed her eyes. "I know more than enough to accomplish what I set out to do. I've transformed Ivy's crude aphrodisiacs into the perfect formula for an obedient partner. As for the brilliant Dr. Isley…she's gotten over a year of dedicated services from me. I think that squares us."
"I think that's horse shit, and she'd say so too if she saw the fucked up plants in that closet. She's not gonna let that go Jade."
"Harper, will you kindly quit your attempt to stall me and just shut up? No one's coming to your aid darling. Now for once, do something constructive in your life and submit to my love for us."
For the first time since this hellish ordeal had begun, Roy was finally starting to feel true fear. He didn't understand a lot of what he'd read in that notebook, but he'd gotten enough of it to know that when Jade stuck that shit in his veins the game was over. His future as Jade's personal puppet would be assured.
"Hey Chesh!" Harley yelled down the stairs. "We got problems!"
"Oh for heaven's…what is it Quinn?" Jade bellowed.
"Company! Of the spandex variety!"
Jade had just pulled the syringe from a hidden pocket in her costume. She looked down at it pensively. "I really shouldn't leave you without observation after administering this…"
Roy let out a relieved breath.
"But I suppose that's a risk I'll have to take."
And then she stabbed him in the neck.

Selina's info was, of course, perfectly on target. According to her sources, Cheshire had purchased an abandoned Asian themed spa from the Broker and transformed the upper floors into a silk upholstered, carved jade trinket filled, gold trimmed nightmare with actual tigers roaming, and even a few giant pandas in a pen out back.
Dick stared at the pandas for a few minutes, wondering how he'd missed out on hearing about beloved endangered animals like those going missing. He gave himself a little shake, then went back to breaking into the hideout. He found it reassuring that according to Selina's info Cheshire and Poison Ivy seemed to have gone their separate ways. Cheshire was unpredictable and dangerous enough without having to keep his eyes out for monstrous plants or Ivy's very deadly poisons and aphrodisiacs.
Then he noticed the vine curling around his ankle. He tried to fight it off, but it had gotten too much of a grip at that point, and others started joining it. Dick struggled against them, and was met with a boot to the face.
"Whaddya doing peeping in our begonias ya jerk!" Harley yelled. She was getting ready to aim another kick at him, when suddenly all of the vines around Dick were cut loose by a volley of batarangs. Harley eeped and ran for the door while an arrow whizzed towards her head. She ducked just in time, and it stuck in the wall behind her.
She ran back into the building screaming for Cheshire.
Dick did a few nimble flips to get out of reach of the plants, then pulled the dead vines off of him. By the time he was finished Robin, Impulse, and Lian Harper had joined him.
"What the hell-is that Babs' shirt?"
"Code names Uncle Nightwing," Lian said with a smirk.
"Okay…are you supposed to be Bat-dirty-laundry or something?"
"Speedy," she said with an eye roll. "Now let's go inside and get Daddy, kay?"
"Wait." Dick placed a hand over her chest as she tried to run forward, and the other kids flanked her. "You can't go in there."
"You're not going to stop me."
"Oh I very much am. If only because Red Arrow would kill m-" And then she grabbed his arm and threw him over her shoulder. It only worked because he wasn't expecting it (and honestly wouldn't have thought the short little teen could pull it off even if he had). He landed on the ground with a groan, and when he looked up again the kids were already charging into the hideout.
"Dammit!" Dick hauled himself to his feet and took off after them.
The first room he ran through was empty so he charged into the next one and almost wet himself, but then his perception caught up to him and he realized the enormous tigers on the floor were already unconscious (with trick arrows in their necks).
Dick gingerly tip toed around them, not wanting to risk it just in case whatever Lian had dosed them with wasn't strong enough to keep them under, and he only breathed normally when he was in the next room. He found Harley dangling from a wall sconce, trussed up in a grapple with a bat symbol sticker over her mouth.
He was still annoyed about Damian and Irey rushing Lian into such a charged and dangerous battle when she'd never done any crime fighting before, but there was no denying that the three teenagers worked well together.
Dick looked around the room, not sure where to go next (there were no more convenient kicked open doors to follow), when he heard screams coming from below. He looked around the room wildly, then ran back into the room he'd come from, went through an archway into a room with more unconscious tigers, and bolted down to the basement.
Cheshire was doing battle with all three teens at once, and doing a fair job of it to boot. Lian was firing arrows with impressive rapidity and skill. Her aim wasn't quite up to par with her family's, but she was close (and with the way Cheshire moved, Dick wasn't entirely sure that Roy or Ollie could have hit her either). Damian was locked in hand to hand combat with her, and Irey was darting in with the occasional superspeed fueled hit.
Dick watched them dazedly for a moment, not sure how to intervene in a way that would help the kids without throwing them off their game. His initial assessment had been understated; they worked amazingly well together. His teams had taken years to build up that kind of silent communication and anticipation.
Then Irey crumpled to the ground with an arrow sticking out of her side. Another one landed in her thigh, a third landing in the opposite calf. Dick ran for her while Damian dodged away from Cheshire and threw himself in front of Lian. "Daddy, what are you doing?!" she yelled, because of course it was Roy standing behind them, coolly nocking another arrow into place.
With a stereotypically evil grin, Cheshire strutted over to him and raked her hand down his chest. Dick stared at Roy, not in horror the way Lian was, but studiously, taking in changes. He was still wearing the clothes he'd been abducted in, but he'd put in his robotic arm. He looked terrible (sickly pallor, smudges under his eyes, dried blood caked in his hair), but also unconscious of it. His face was entirely impassive.
"What do you want me to do Jade?" he asked in a low voice that sounded nothing like him.
Irey was gasping and whimpering in pain. "N-nightwing…m'gonna heal around th-the arrows," she squeaked.
"Is it too much to hope you'll let the kids go?" Dick asked.
"Fuck that! I'm not leaving here without Dad!" Lian yelled.
Cheshire arched a brow. "Darling, you've got to teach her not to use such crude language. From now on, set a better example."
"If you wish."
Dick squinted, and was just able to make out a pinprick on Roy's neck. He silently prayed that whatever Cheshire had done to him was reversible.
"And Lian, dear, of course you're not leaving here without your father. I'm taking you with us. And your boyfriend too, if you'd prefer."
"We're not-"
"Robin, is that really the most important thing going on right now? And stop covering me!" Lian yelled. She smacked him upside the head then moved in front to face her parents. "What the flying fuck did you do to Daddy! You're going to hear me swear a whole hell of a lot more if you don't fix him right now!"
Jade narrowed her eyes. "Perhaps I'll work up another batch for you. You have far too much of his spirit as is. Roy, kill Nightwing while I talk to the children."
"If you wish."
Dick had been edging towards them, but he sprang up and leapt aside as arrow after arrow whizzed where he'd been standing. He heard Lian yell and Damian snarl in rage, but he couldn't see what was going on. If he took his attention from Roy for a second the man would accomplish his objective. Ollie hadn't nicknamed him Speedy for nothing, and Dick hadn't practiced against him since they'd been in the Outsiders together. He wasn't used to battling with Roy anymore, and a practice battle against someone with a no-kill preference was completely different from a brainwashed-by-a-supervillain fight.
Dick managed to get a hit on Roy while he was reaching for another arrow, throwing him off balance enough that he was able to slash at his quiver with a batarang. He cut through the strap, sending arrows clattering to the floor. Then Roy punched him with the robotic arm and Dick saw stars. When his vision cleared Roy grabbed his hair with his organic hand and smashed his head into the wall.
And his face was still entirely impassive.
He smashed Dick's head into the cement wall again and then threw him across the room. He landed in a heap on the ground, groaning and clutching at his head. Roy kicked him in the ribs, and Dick cried out as he felt at least one of them crack. Then Roy put his cold, metal hand to Dick's throat and squeezed.
He clawed at Roy's metal arm helplessly, but he had no real hope of fighting him off. Vic had designed that arm, for fuck's sake. If the owner didn't want it to unclench, it wasn't going to unclench.
Dick stared at Roy's cold face, taking a bizarre comfort in the fact that the last thing he was going to see before he died was his longtime lover and friend's dark green eyes.
Then suddenly Roy's grip loosened. The hand was still on his throat, but it wasn't squeezing anymore and he could breathe again. He rasped out a painful breath, forcing himself to suck in the desperately needed air around his abused windpipe.
"Fight it Roy," Dick croaked. He could see Roy's facial muscles ticking as he fought off Cheshire's influence. He'd gone paler, and there was sweat dripping down his face. Dick was afraid to risk prying the metal arm off his neck, lest that trigger something and make Roy finish his task, but he'd been clutching at it anyway, so he wound his fingers through Roy's cold, artificial ones. "Fight her. Lian needs you."
"Lian…" Roy squeezed his eyes shut, face pained.
"And so do I." Dick wasn't even conscious of thinking it until the words left him, but they were true. They always found their way back together; there had to be a reason for that.
Roy grabbed his metal arm with his organic one and wrenched it out with an angry squelching noise. It certainly had never sounded anything like that when he did it properly. He threw the arm across the room, then crouched over with his head in his hand. "Oh my god. Oh hell. Oh hell, I almost killed you. I…dude, I kicked your ass."
Dick sat up and rubbed at his neck. "Back to yourself are we?"
"Well I did."
"I was a bit distracted. Roy, Impulse is hurt and Cheshire has Lian and Robin. We've gotta move."
"Do you have backup?" Roy asked. "What are the kids doing here anyway?"
"I'm not s-"
Dick was interrupted by Cheshire being thrown down the stairs. She landed in a graceless heap, limbs akimbo, clearly unconscious. Calmly, as though nothing in the room held the slightest interest to her, Poison Ivy walked down into the basement, looked disdainfully at the whimpering speedster huddled on the ground, smirked at the battered ex-Titans, and then continued her sweep of the room.
"Hm. Oh babies…" She rubbed her hip in a circular motion, and suddenly all manner of vines and other plants slithered out from every corner of the room to wind themselves around her limbs. Once she'd collected all of her plants she walked back towards the stairs, spit on Cheshire, and left.
"Well that was weird," Dick said.
"I knew she was going to regret pissing off Poison Ivy."
Roy helped Dick to his feet and they lurched over to Irey. "Oh hell. Wally and Linda are gonna have my ass. Impulse, I'm really sorry."
"S'okay!" Irey chirped, face pale and eyes watering from the pain. "It really does hurt though. Can you call my Dad?"
"Of course." Dick reached for his JL comm, but he was interrupted by Lian and Damian walking back downstairs.
Damian had a huge gash over his eye and his costume was torn in several places, but otherwise he looked fine. Lian didn't have a scratch on her.
"Poison Ivy just beat the hell out of Mom, grabbed Harley Quinn while she was still tied up, and then she left. Is that normal?"
Dick shrugged. "It's not abnormal. At least, not for her."
"Lian what the fuck are you wearing?!" Roy screamed.
Then Lian ran forward and, with an excited squeal, threw her arms around his neck. "Oh Daddy, you're okay!"
Still looking thoroughly freaked out, Roy patted at her back with his arm, and then reluctantly settled into a proper hug.
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Birds and Bees