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Birds and Bees	By : defying3reason Category: DC Verse Comics > Batman Views: 2564 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman, or any aspect of the broader DC Universe, and I make no money from my fanfiction

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Chapter Fifteen
"Mom, Dad, I'm heading out!" Jai yelled as he ran down the stairs. He almost got to the front door, fingertips just brushing the doorknob, when Linda charged into the room and grabbed his shoulder.
"Excuse me, but you are very much not. I got a call from your English teacher today Jai. She said you called her a bitch!"
Jai calmly returned his mother's gaze and shrugged. "She was being a bitch. Yeah, I called her on it."
"You cannot talk to your teachers like that! Come on, you know better than this. You're grounded, and so help me, if I hear about you doing anything like this aga-"
"But Mom-"
"No buts! Now get up those stairs and change out of those clothes because you are not even allowed to think about having fun for at least a week! You got that? You're going to learn some respect before you're allowed out with your horrible little friends again!"
Jai didn't budge. "Did you talk this over with Dad?" It was his last hope. His parents never enforced discipline unless they acted in concert. If she hadn't spoken to his father yet, then by Linda and Wally's weird logic she didn't have the right to punish him.
Jai's hopes crashed and burned at Wally's shout from the living room. "Yep! You're busted Jai!"
"Why'd that stupid bitch call on a weekend anyway? You gotta see that she's got it out for me, right?" Jai tried, knowing it wouldn't fly.
"I guess she wanted to ruin your life. Now get upstairs and wash off that guy liner," Linda snapped.
Jai chewed on his lip. He could feel his breath speeding up as he started to panic. He went through dozens of unlikely plans in a matter of seconds: sneaking out the window and scaling down the solid wall of the house around all their superhero intruder alarm tech, calling Piper and begging him to hypnotize his family into temporary comas so he could sneak out…telling his parents he had a date didn't even cross his mind.
He settled for begging. "Mom, please…I need to go."
"And what is so important?" Linda asked, looking unimpressed.
Jai broke eye contact. "I…I can't tell you. But please, it is actually really super important. I promise I'll be good and I'll submit to the punishment after this. I'll behave at school and never remind Mrs. Nickerson of her bitchiness again, just please let me go out just this once."
For a minute he thought he might have gotten to her. After all, there was genuine desperation in his tone. But ultimately, she iced over again. "No. Now go to your room."
Eyes welled with tears, Jai stomped past her and banged his way up to his room. He slammed the door behind him, locked it, and then flopped face first onto his bed.
He was going to miss out on a date with Damian Wayne, which was such a fluke it never should have happened, because his English teacher was a cow and his parents sucked. What kind of miserable human being screwed up a kid's life on a weekend anyway?
After indulging in self-pity for a few minutes, Jai sat up, wiped his eyes, and took out his phone.
"Yes?"
He bit back a sigh of longing at the sound of Damian's voice. The world was so fucking unfair. "Hey Damian. I-it's Jai."
"I'm aware. What is it?"
Jai took a steadying breath. "I can't go out tonight. I'm grounded."
"Oh. Well that's less than ideal. I'm already in Kansas. I'll be in Keystone City in under fifteen minutes. Are you sure you can't convince them to delay your punishment for one day?"
"I tried. They're being bastards."
"Oh. I'll see what I can do."
"What does that mean? Damian?" But he'd already hung up. "Huh." Jai flopped backwards against the pillow and tried telling himself that blunt, arrogant Robin, who didn't understand social cues, wasn't about to out him to his family before he was ready for them to know. Jai didn't believe himself, and he immediately called Piper.
It took Hartley a couple rings to pick up, which was unusual for him. The guy didn't have much of a social life, what with being a reformed superhero with dead parents (the rest of his family avoided him out of safety concerns, and he'd alienated a goodly amount of Costumes with side-switching). Any time Jai needed him he was usually readily available, and he almost always answered the phone after the first ring.
When he answered he sounded a little impatient. "Hello?"
"Hey Piper. Do you think you could take Robin in a fight?"
There was a pause. "Wait, what? Jai, is everything alright?"
"Uh, so…so yeah, no. Nothing's alright. Kay, so I was gonna, um, um go and do something with Robin tonight, but I'm grounded, and now he's gonna come over and talk to my parents but um…I don't want him to do that. So do you think you could intercept him and like music him into driving back to Gotham?"
"Does that really sound like something I'm going to do?" Piper asked, clearly making an effort to keep his voice patient sounding.
"Um…no."
"Good. I'm glad you have at least that much respect for me. But if you need to talk to me about something you know I'm here for you. And if you do have a fight with your parents tonight, I'll gladly help you deal with it later, okay?"
"Okay Piper. S-sorry. I wasn't thinking about how crazy that sounded until it was out of my mouth."
"That's okay. I'm sorry you're having a rough night. When you're not grounded anymore, do you want to get lunch with me?"
Jai smiled. "Yeah, that sounds great. I haven't seen you much lately."
"Well you've been busy," Piper pointed out.
Jai laughed. "Yeah, because it's always my fault."
"Well it is. I've actually got someone over though, so since we've decided that I'm not picking a fight with Robin, I think I should let you go."
Jai heard a male voice laughing from Piper's end. Somehow that made him feel even worse. He liked the thought of Piper never being too busy to get on the phone with him.
He didn't like the idea of Hartley starting to have a social life.
"Whatever," Jai said. He ended the call and threw his phone on the bed. Then the doorbell rang. Feeling incredibly stressed out, Jai stalked back out of his room, leaving his ringing phone (flashing Piper's number) on the bed.
Jai stopped at the top of the stairwell and listened. He could hear Damian talking to someone (his father, based on the male pronouns), but he couldn't hear much of what they were saying. After a few suspenseful minutes Wally called him downstairs. He grabbed his phone first (no longer ringing) and his keys, which was probably wishful thinking.
"Geeze Jai, you coulda just told us that Robin needed your help on another case. We do get superhero stuff you know."
Jai tried to keep the surprise off his face. That was a really handy excuse. Maybe he'd look into becoming a non-powered hero just to get parental blessing to run around at night unchaperoned.
"He told me to keep it quiet," Jai said, careful to keep his tone defensive and bratty.
"I didn't mean for you to exclude your parents though," Damian said. Jai's mouth went dry at his first clear look at his favorite nocturnal fantasy that evening. He was wearing the Robin costume, which wasn't exactly the clingiest or hottest of superhero costumes, but he still looked really, really good. Oh but he looked good...
Again, with effort, Jai schooled his features from lust-blown into petulance, because for him that was acting naturally. "Well whatever. You didn't say it was okay to tell them so I didn't."
Linda walked in from the kitchen, carrying a couple cans of soda and a bag of chips. She handed a soda off to Damian, who thanked her politely, and gave the other to Wally. "I still don't entirely agree with this," she fumed, and Jai knew his parents would be fighting about this one later. "Jai, you are only allowed to go out because your actions are, in theory, helping others. All next week you are grounded, so you'd better make sure that you finish everything Damian needs you for tonight."
It was really hard to keep the grin off his face at the poor choice of words. "I'm sure I can help Damian finish loads…"
The double entendre flew right over Damian's pretty head. That was okay though. It wouldn't take many dates to fix that.
"I appreciate your leniency Mrs. West. I promise not to reinforce your son's bad behavior," Damian said, no doubt delighting both of Jai's parents with that one. He turned to Jai. "Are you ready to leave?"
"Yep."
They departed the house, Linda yelling instructions about how frequently she was to be called and what time Jai needed to be home ("It's still a school night!"), but he barely heard her. He was too distracted by the fact that he was finally, really, truly going on a date with Damian fucking Wayne. Jai was the luckiest closeted gay kid in the history of ever. He wanted to do cartwheels down the street.
Damian was much more cool and collected as he unlocked a very expensive looking car. Jai got into the front passenger seat, but Damian climbed into the back. "I'm going to change into my civilian attire," he said, taking note of Jai's confusion. Jai supposed Damian's illegally tinted windows had something to do with costume changes then.
"Excuse me," Damian snapped. "Would you mind facing front?"
"Sorry." Jai only peeked in the rearview mirror twice while Damian changed.
God he was hot.
He climbed into the front seat a moment later, wearing slacks and a dress shirt. He still looked really nice, but in all honesty, Jai would have preferred it if he'd stayed in the tight little briefs he'd glimpsed in the rearview mirror. Or nothing. Nothing would have been good too.
"Are you ready?" Damian asked.
"H-huh?" Jai's very dirty mind was in very dirty places. "For what?"
"The date," Damian answered, looking a bit annoyed. "I'm not familiar with your city, Where should I be driving?"
"Oh, uh…well there's a gay neighborhood in Central with some, like, bars and restaurants and stuff. We should go there so we don't get hassled."
Damian smirked. "You'll be perfectly safe with me Jai. I can handle a few rowdy bigots."
"I know. But um…if someone from my school sees me out with a guy, well…you don't go to Keystone High and I suck at fighting."
Damian didn't immediately answer, but he removed a GPS from his glove compartment. "Alright. Where is this gay neighborhood?"

Talking to Damian was like nothing Jai had ever attempted in his life. He was inarguably one of the most intelligent people Jai had ever met (which was saying something, because he'd been in the company of superheroes, including a lot of self-mades with no powers, for his entire life). That was pretty cool, since Jai was smart too, and he rarely got the chance to discuss things that interested him in that way. As long as they were chatting about linguistics, sciences, or something related to cultural exchange, Damian was an amazing conversationalist (if not a bit insulting).
It was when Jai tried to flirt with him that he iced over and pulled away. Jai tried to touch his hand during dinner, and Damian flexed his arm as though he were going to hit him before quickly getting control of himself. After that almost-slip, he was so obviously upset with himself that Jai couldn't coax him out of his shell no matter how hard he tried. The rest of dinner contained only monosyllabic responses from the brooding teenager.
Then they got to the movie theater. The prospect of sitting still for two hours with a guy who would instinctually try to break your arm if you went to hold his hand wasn't nearly as exciting as it had seemed when Damian had first asked him out. Jai excused himself for the bathroom while Damian was in line getting snacks, locked himself into a stall, and took out his phone.
And then Jai remembered that he didn't have anyone he could call for advice, because he still wasn't out to even his closest friends. "Fuck," he muttered. Having a little fun with his buddies was one thing, but now that he was on a real date, he realized how much he wanted to be able to go to someone and have them soothe his insecurities.
But he was pretty sure Irey and Piper would tell his parents, and he wasn't ready for them to know.
After a moment of further hesitation, he finally called Piper. This time Hartley didn't pick up at all. Jai stared at his phone in disbelief. For almost as long as he could remember, Piper had been there for him. He'd never ignored a call before.
Jai felt his eyes welling with tears. The date would only get worse if he emerged from the bathroom with smudged eyeliner, because even in a darkened theater he was sure freaking Robin would notice that, and notice he'd been crying, and figure out Jai was a waste of time and that Robin could date other super cool and suave sexy superheroes and-Jai forced himself to take another deep breath, then calmly walked over to the sinks and started dabbing at his eyes with damp paper towels until they looked less puffy. He'd just finished fixing the eyeliner when his phone chimed, indicating a text.
"You do realize I'm on a date right now," Jai read. Scowling, he texted back 'Me too. Need help.' Then his phone rang. "Hey Hartley."
"Hey…it sounds like you're having an interesting night."
Jai remembered what he'd asked Piper to do earlier in the evening and choked on a laugh. "Yeah, I uh, I managed to get around my parents and now I'm, I'm out with someone and they're, uh, really intense and…I'm not sure what to do. The date's kinda sucking, but I really like this person and I want to fix it. But they're, like, really reserved. And awkward. I'm kinda failing."
"They...?"
Jai silently begged that his friend wouldn't demand an explanation for the gender neutral pronouns. Thankfully, Piper had some sense of tact, because he didn't.
"Alright Jai, when you say first date…does that mean just that it's your first date together, or your first dates period?"
Jai thought about it. "Well I had that date for the eighth grade graduation dance a few years ago. And, um, I've gone out with gu-people before. But I guess this is my first real date. And I think it's theirs too." Smooth. An openly gay man from the generation where coming out was potentially life threatening (well, more so than it was for Jai) would never guess what he really meant.
Again, Piper stuck to what Jai was asking for help with instead of the more tempting conversation topic. "Then it's probably just nerves. If they've never done this before, and they're naturally shy and reserved, they're probably more worried about it than you are. Just be patient and try not to panic. I don't think it's anything to worry about unless the discomfort's still there a few dates down the line."
"That makes sense. You're really good at this Piper."
"Experience. I coached your dad through a lot of dating issues back in the day. Your mother has no idea how much she owes me for how he's turned out."
Jai thought about the toaster oven his dad had gotten his mom for their anniversary present and wondered how bad the man had been at dating before Piper's help.
"I'd better get back out there. Thanks Piper."
"Not a problem. Call me later and let me know how it goes, alright?"
"Sure." Jai hung up with Piper, took one more look at his reflection, and then strolled out to meet Damian, reminding himself to be patient and calm.
And meanwhile, back in Keystone, Piper tried not to ruin his own date wondering why his honorary nephew was out on a date when his parents thought he was on a team up with Robin. Between that and the pronouns...it was difficult not to read too much into it.

Damian sat perfectly still for the duration of the movie. His posture was rigid and completely uninviting. Jai kept reminding himself of what Piper had said. Damian's obvious discomfort wasn't necessarily a reflection of his feelings towards Jai. He was probably just uncomfortable in general. Panicking wouldn't help. Patience and understanding.
The movie was pretty terrible though, and that couldn't be helping.
Jai kept sneaking glances at his date, and once or twice he caught Damian doing the same thing with him. He almost died when Damian smiled at him; it was small, and weak, and terribly self-conscious looking, but a smile nonetheless. Jai smiled back, hoping he wasn't overdoing it, and wondered if he might be able to touch the walking wetdream before their first date was over.
Well...the smile was an encouraging sign. He hesitantly, in full view of his companion, brought his hand up to the armrest and laid it over Damian's. Damian repositioned his hand so that they could twine their fingers.
Suddenly, Jai's opinion of the movie improved dramatically.

Lian was pacing back and forth in front of her bedroom window with her cellphone in one hand and a smooth river stone her uncle Connor had given her as a present in the other. She stopped pacing, took a few deep breaths, then dialed the number she'd scribbled onto her hand.
It rang for quite awhile before Damian answered. Lian was surprised it didn't go to voicemail. "Yes?"
"Hi, uh, Damian? It's Lian Harper."
"Oh, hello. Yes, that would be why I didn't recognize your number. Excuse me a moment." She could hear the barest bit of a conversation taking place, but Damian probably had his hand muffling the phone because she couldn't make much out, or even tell who he was talking to. After a moment he spoke again. "Hello Miss Harper. What can I help you with?"
"D-Daddy and I are going to, um, so yeah. Hoo, sorry, I don't know why I suddenly got all spazzy." She stopped for a few shaky breaths. This was just Damian, the little boy who'd looked at her in confusion when she handed him a silly band. Granted that little boy was now a six one dark and handsome dream, but she'd never be able to talk to him without sounding like an idiot if she thought of him that way. Better keep the mental image of the lost looking little boy.
"Anyway, I'm going to be in your neck of the woods tomorrow and I was hoping that if Daddy and I hit up the manor, I might be able to talk to you for a little bit. Are you going to be home?"
"I'll make every effort, but unfortunately the, er, lifestyle does have a tendency to make prearranged plans difficult."
"Tell me about it," Lian said with a grin. "My Dad's only shown up for one school event of mine ever, but I can't get mad at him because he really does try. No, I completely get that."
"It could be worse. At least you have school events for your father to miss."
"You were homeschooled?" Lian asked. She'd been wondering about that.
"Yes. We felt any benefits I may have gained regarding socialization weren't equal to the risks."
"Oh. Well that's too bad." No wonder he hadn't gotten much better than when he'd been ten. "Guess me and the West twins will just have to fill in for the socialization of middle school and high school. From what I hear about high school, the three of us will be less dramatic at least."
"Mm. A vast improvement upon the traditional arrangements."
Lian felt herself in danger of ditzy verbal spewage again, and decided to end the conversation. "Right. Well anyway, Dad said he and Uncle Dick were going to do dinner in Gotham tomorrow, so I'm guessing we'll head up after I get out of school, and I can chill with you while they're out. I'll probably see you around six."
To her surprise Damian let out a hiss of displeasure. "Oh please tell me they haven't started that again."
"What do you mean?" Lian asked.
"Dick is trifling with Roy Harper again? He really hasn't learned anything, has he? I'd thought your father at least, oaf that he is, had reached an epiphany about this."
"Excuse you."
"I didn't ask for-"
"You just insulted my dad. Like, to me, you just insulted my dad. That's not cool kiddo." And now her hands were shaking for totally different reasons from when she'd first started this conversation. No one was allowed to talk about her father like that.
"…kiddo?" To the casual observer, Damian probably sounded angry. Lian thought she detected a hint of uncertainty in that rumble of a teenage voice though.
Good, because she was pissed at him. "And what the fucking fuck do you mean Uncle Dick is trifling with my dad?"
"I believe that the two of them pursuing a sexual relationship is a regrettable choice, or a trifle, because-"
"I know that the word trifling means!" Lian snapped. "I was giving you a chance to apologize you idiot!"
"…Did you just call me an idiot?"
"You're being an idiot you idiot!" Lian considered hanging up before she said anything worse, since Damian's last statement lacked the uncertainty she'd heard before. That had just been anger.
"You're being overly emotional. I'm only stating that your father is not a suitable partner for Dick. They've discovered this on their own the many times they've attempted a relationship. Base urges aside, they really aren't compatible."
"Well you're still being a fuckstick."
"A what?"
"A fuckstick! An asshole, you know? A jerk. People don't like it when you insult their dads dumbass!"
"…but your father is-"
"You sure you want to finish that sentence fuckstick?" Lian asked in a deadly voice.
Damian took a controlled breath, and when he spoke his voice was cool and even. "I'm sorry. I suppose I wouldn't enjoy it if someone insulted my father to my face. I'd just assumed that where you live with the man you would be privy to his many shortcomings-" He stopped at the sound of a warning growl from Lian. "Er, would it appease you if I complimented him?"
"I dunno, give it a try."
"Alright, let me think for a moment…" His lengthy pause only furthered her irritation with him. Lian could think of dozens of excellent qualities in her father off the top of her head. It was like Damian was trying to dislike Roy. "Well, he was able to spawn rather remarkable progeny."
"Oh holy hell, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Lian exploded.
"Did you not understand what I-"
"I'm not one of the dumb kids Dami, I know what you said! Not only do people not like it when you insult their dads, they really don't like it when you use the language of someone who breeds show dogs or horses or some shit like that to talk about them! That wasn't a compliment, that was demeaning! Do you know what that word means?" She ended the call and then threw the phone onto her bed. Her hands were shaking.
"Gaa-aa-AAHH!" She screeched.
Suddenly Lian understood and had a lot more empathy for her dad's frustration with the boy.

Damian hung up the phone, took a moment to compose himself, then rejoined Jai in the parking lot outside the movie theater.
The other teen eyed him expectantly, but Damian couldn't for the life of him figure out what Jai wanted. His mind was still with Lian, lamenting how poorly he'd handled the conversation.
"Well?" Jai finally asked, all insolence. "Who was that? And why the hell was it so important that you couldn't take the call after our date?"
"Oh, right. Sorry Jai. This is a new experience for me and I'm still learning the protocols."
"Whatever." Jai started walking towards Damian's car and, feeling stung, Damian fell into step behind him.
"It was Lian Harper. She wishes to speak with me about something tomorrow but…I'm no longer entirely certain that that's the case."
"Kay. Y'wanna not talk about your future girlfriend when you're out with me? Thanks."
Damian frowned. "Lian and I aren't necessarily-"
"Damian, please, just don't. You told me that you don't wanna do anything really serious with me because you're gonna marry a girl someday, and it doesn't take a super genius to figure out that Lian's that girl. You brought her back from the dead."
"…it's not determined that she'll have me."
Jai stopped, turned with his hands on his slim hips and snorted derisively. "Trust me, she'll have you. And I won't, and this is only our first date, so can we please stop talking about this?"
"I'm sorry. I…I had hoped being candid with you would help."
Jai tilted his head to the side, contemplating Damian, and then smirked bitterly. "I can't tell if you're too much of an asshole to be this nice or the other way around. Either way, it's a weird ass combination. It's okay Damian…I'll get over myself and have as much fun with you as I can while it lasts."
"If my terms are unsatisfactory, I will understand if you would rather not continue. I'm sure you can find someone better-"
"I don't see it getting any better than you."
They were standing in front of Damian's car. Jai walked to the door but made no move to get in, and a silence settled between them. Damian knew that a kiss customarily came at the end of a first date, but he wasn't sure if he should administer it now or when he dropped Jai off.
Jai looked like he'd prefer it sooner as opposed to later. Damian closed the space between them and silently prayed he wasn't misreading the situation. When Jai relaxed against his touch and wound his arms around Damian's waist, he resisted the urge to cheer. The kiss was more of an embrace with the slightest bit of pressure as their lips touched, which was where Damian would have preferred to keep it. However, he felt Jai's lips part against his and responded in like without thinking it over.
The only person Damian had ever kissed was his mother, on the cheek, and the last time he'd done it was almost ten years ago. Damian could think of dozens of ways to lay his hands on Jai's body that would cripple him or make his nerves sing with pain, but caresses, pleasurable sensations, that was alien territory. And Damian wasn't used to the thought of being bad at something.
Based on his actions, Jai didn't find the situation intimidating at all. When the kiss turned open mouthed Jai sucked on Damian's bottom lip. It sent a shiver up Damian's spine, but in a good way, and he drew the other teen closer to him without realizing it. One of Jai's hands was resting on Damian's lower back, and that felt good too, though he'd probably felt the shiver. Then Jai's tongue was in Damian's mouth, and that felt much better than he'd suspected upon learning about the custom. He found himself groaning into the kiss, very startled that he was the one making the noises, but Jai was really good at kissing.
Jai was also the one to break the kiss. He closed his mouth again, put one more touch of wonderfully warm pressure against Damian's lips, and then pulled back, alluring gold-green eyes half lidded and decadently full lips quirked in a confident smile. "Was that your first kiss?"
Frowning, Damian nodded. "I'm sure I'll pick up the technique at some p-"
"Damian, that was a really good kiss," Jai assured him. "But if you wanna practice…"
It was Damian's turn for a smirk. "I think I'd like that very much. Er…shall we depart the parking lot?"
"Oh yeah, that's probably a good idea."
They got into the car, but before Damian managed to start it Jai's hand was on his thigh. He turned to regard his companion. "I think the kiss was enough for tonight."
"You sure? It's still early. My parents can't be expecting me yet, and your guys keep late hours. If you wanna keep…alright, never mind." Jai removed the offending hand, admitting defeat against a withering glare. "You did say you wanted to practice though."
"Yes, well, I didn't say when." He had some study to do before they got much more adventurous.
Damian drove back to the West house and parked up the street. He made an effort to keep his expression impassive, then turned to face his date. "We already kissed. What happens now?"
Jai laughed. "I don't know...wait, so like for you the date ends whenever you kiss the guy?"
Damian let out an irritated breath. "As far as I've gathered, that is the cultural norm. And then chemistry and ultimately the success or failure of the date is judged by the kiss."
And then quite suddenly, Jai had moved across the seat and he was kissing Damian again. He'd moved so fast that Damian hadn't even seen him remove his seatbelt, but he had to have because he was in Damian's lap, and the warm weight of the slight teen felt remarkably good...and his wickedly talented tongue was in Damian's mouth again, but it was starting to feel familiar, and right, and this time Jai was moaning too.
Well of course he was. Damian did have a tendency to excel at things...

Jai started walking up the street towards his house, a huge smile plastered on his face. He waved as Damian drove past him, hoping his idiotic smile appeared more suave from a distance.
He stopped just before coming into view of the front room window, which was a good thing because his hair was sticking up in odd angles and his shirt was misbuttoned. Jai started fixing his appearance, when something else occured to him. It was still well before midnight, and since he was theoretically helping a crime fighter save lives, he had a parental blessing to be out as late as he wanted. This was a rare opportunity.
Clearly he didn't have to go home just because the date was over.
Jai turned on his heel and strode off. He took out his phone and was about to call Shane when something occurred to him. Whenever he hung out with most of his friends, they ended up getting drunk and making out, and he'd just made out with a sex god. There really wasn't much appeal to heading over to Shane's after that.
He probably was better off just turning in. Jai gave his appearance one more quick inspection to make sure his mom wouldn't be able to tell from looking at him that he'd just been groped in a car, then he went home.

Lian wasn't sure what the expect when she showed up at Wayne manor with her father. Her best guess was that Damian would avoid her, and then she'd be stuck as an incredibly awkward third wheel until her dad left on his date.
Then she'd be stuck wandering around a creepy old house by herself, hopefully without bumping into Batman. She really should have done a better job controlling her temper when she'd talked to Damian. The kid hadn't meant to press her buttons, after all.
Given a little time for reflection, she sincerely regretted yelling at him. He was an emotionally stunted, socially disabled teenager, and that had to suck enough without having one of your only friends calling you a fuckstick. It really wasn't his fault he didn't get social norms. Lian didn't regret the content of what she'd said though, because someone needed to teach that boy how to behave. Otherwise he'd never learn. He was already too old not to know about insulting people's parents.
Roy pulled their car up in front of the ostentatiously big house, then cupped his hand to his mouth and smelled his breath.
"I'd worry more about that middle school boy body spray you're wearing Daddy," Lian said while fumbling through her purse for a pack of gum.
Roy frowned. "It's not middle school boy-"
"I'm a middle schooler. Trust me, you smell like a thirteen year old."
"Yeah, well Dick's never complained. So...how do I look?"
Lian swept her eyes over him, a critical look on her face. His hair was brushed, he was wearing a new shirt...overall he looked very clean and put together. "If it wasn't for the preteen boy smell you'd be very fetching."
"You're a brat."
"Yep. Your fault."
They got out of the car and walked up to the front door. "You know it's interesting," Roy commented. "Dick went through all this hassle to move away from Gotham, and yet he's still here all the frickin' time. I can't figure out which needy Bat he's hanging around for this time."
"Maybe he's the needy Bat," Lian suggested, because she could see that.
Roy made an iffy motion with his hand. "Maybe...oh hell, they're all just bizarrely codependent with each other. I'm guessing it's all of them."
"Sounds right. Though if I had to guess..."
"Damian," they both said with a nod. Then Alfred opened the door to let them in, so they stopped gossiping. They were shown to a parlor, and then the butler left to get their Bats.
Alfred didn't show up again, but the raised voices steadily approaching the parlor probably had something to do with that. If Lian had the option of running away from the sounds of that fight, she would too. Roy looked incredibly uncomfortable, and Lian figured she did too.
Dick and Damian were fighting about the date, and they were being loud.
"It's none of your business! Come on, we've already had this fight. Just let it go!"
"I still don't understand why you're-"
"You don't need to understand-"
"-debasing yourself with someone clearly beneath you! You know it's not going to work out! It never has!"
"Damian, I really couldn't give much less of a fuck what you think about this, okay, so leave me the hell alone!"
"You should care because you're making a mistake!"
Then they finally walked into the room. Dick had the decency to look embarassed, but Lian couldn't tell what the hell Damian was thinking. His face was impossible to read.
Roy was standing by the window clenching and unclenching his fist. Lian wanted to go give him a hug, but she was also afraid to move. Everyone looked tense, but Dick in particular looked like he wanted to hit someone.
Someone had to break the tension, and it might as well be her. She jumped forward, grabbed Damian's hand, and started dragging him from the room. "Hey! So let's go hang while Daddy and Uncle Dick are on their date! C'mon, let's give them some space and, um, you should give me a tour. Something. Come on, stop dragging your feet."
"I-I wasn't finished speaking with Dick," Damian said, flustered. She'd already gotten him into the hallway.
"Yeah, sweetie, you're totally finished speaking with Dick. Come on, move it!" She tugged harder, not quite sure where she was leading them, and to her surprise Damian obediently followed after her. Eventually he took the lead. Lian wasn't sure what to say to him, so she silently followed after, reminding herself that he was socially impaired and that he didn't mean to be an ass.
But if it had been anyone else to make her dad look that despondent, she would have punched them in the throat.
Damian took her to a stairwell and, despite the fact that it looked creepy as hell, she followed him down the poorly lit passageway. It wasn't until she thought about how very many stairs they were descending that Lian realized he was taking her to the Bat Cave.
Maybe he wasn't mad at her then...
Damian walked over to a chair in front of the largest-yet-high-tech computer console Lian had ever seen and plopped down. He swung around by his feet so that he was facing her, then leaned over and steepled his fingers. She pulled up another chair and sat down. His expression was carefully blank, guarded. It saddened her a bit; he'd never been guarded with her before.
She was going to have to be so careful with this boy.
"Did you still wish to speak with me, or are you also angry with me because of my concern for Dick's well being?"
Lian bristled. Okay, so she had to be careful, but that didn't mean she couldn't call him on his rudeness. As long as she didn't call him a fuckstick again, she'd probably be okay. "You know Damian, that's not exactly how it went. Concern for Dick is one thing, but you haven't just been exressing concern. You've been insulting my dad, and you're trying to take over Dick's life choices for him. That's pretty rude."
Damian was quiet for a moment, considering her words. When he spoke again, his voice was low and a bit melancholy. "I just wish he weren't setting himself up for more emotional hardship. You may not be aware of this, but Dick has a sordid history of complicated entanglements. He doesn't do well with your father."
"I think they make each other pretty happy."
He shrugged at that. "Time will tell. So Miss Harper, how may I be of service to you?"
Lian took a deep breath. 'This is it kid. You sure you still want to go through with it?' But she had to, feeling of dread or no. This was something she needed to do.
"Damian, I want you to teach me how to fight."
Damian's eyes widened slightly, but otherwise his face was as inscrutable as ever. After a moment, he nodded. "Alright. What are you looking to learn?"
"Everything," Lian said. "Anything you want to show me. I only know archery so far, and even then, I've only been shooting at really standard targets. My skills probably wouldn't transfer to a fight that well."
"Your father isn't teaching you what little he...er...that is to say...you haven't been learning from your family?"
Lian nodded approvingly at Damian's correction. "Not really. Dad doesn't want me to suit up until I'm older."
"Perfectly understandable, but that doesn't mean you can't learn now."
"I know," Lian said. "And...with what happened with my mom...and what happened when I was little...I need to learn. I still don't really know what my dad and my grandpa did after I died, but as far as I can tell...I can't leave them again. I need to learn how to defend myself."
Damian leaned forward and took her hand in his. "You're absolutely right. I promise to help you in any way I can."
Lian smiled brightly at him, and was rewarded with a small, weak little smile of her own. "Cool. In exchange, I'll teach you how not to stick your foot in your mouth so much."
Damian dropped her hand and pulled away. "That's an admirable goal, but not highly realistic. Dick's been coaching me on social interactions for years."
"Yeah...and he's a really nice guy," Lian pointed out.
Damian nodded. "Foolishly nice."
"And you're not. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're good, but you're not nice. They're two different things, and they usually overlap, but I don't think they do with you. And Dick being nice to you all the time hasn't really been working. I know how to be polite and all that, but I'm actually not very nice either. I'm kind of a brat. I think you need a brat to train you."
That shrewd look came back to Damian's eyes as he thought over her words. "That's an interesting idea..."
"I thought so."
"I see some merit in your argument. Fine, you can tutor me on social norms."
Lian grinned. "Cool. Okay, so I've already got an assignment for you."
Damian frowned at that. "I'd assumed we'd begin with your training."
"Yeah, yeah." Lian waved one of her hands. "We can start that today too. I brought my yoga pants with me. But for your first assignment, I want you to have a heart to heart with Uncle Dick when he gets back from dinner with my dad, and I want you to calmly explain how you feel to him without insulting my dad, and I think you should tell him that you respect his right to make his own choices for his own life."
"But he's wrong."
"That's how you feel. He still has the right to do whatever he wants. It's his life Dami."
Damian hissed out an irritated breath. "I don't like it when people call me Dami."
"I can respect that. You know, a choice you made for yourself about your life."
"A nickname is not the same level of importance as a romantic partner," Damian said flatly.
"No it's not. One's significantly more important...Dami."
"Alright, fine! I'll do your inane assignment."
Lian smiled at him. She knew he was trying to look broody and frightening, but, despite the fact that his size and build should have rendered him physically intimidating he looked far too much like a pouty little boy to be at all frightening. Lian jumped to her feet, picked up her bag, and skipped off towards a part of the cave that looked like a changing area. "I'm gonna go put my workout clothes on. When I get back, I hope you'll have an assignment ready for me!"
"Oh I will," Damian promised.
Drat. Next time she'd have to irritate him after her training session, not before.
They were going to learn a lot from each other, she could just feel it.
- 14
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Birds and Bees