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Birds and Bees	By : defying3reason Category: DC Verse Comics > Batman Views: 2564 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman, or any aspect of the broader DC Universe, and I make no money from my fanfiction

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
Chapter Fourteen
Roy woke up with a huge smile on his face. He hadn't felt this good or this relaxed upon waking up in years.
He was also naked, rolled into a blanket cocoon, and inhabiting the center of the bed. The only warm spot was from him, meaning it had been some time since Dick had been in bed with him. Still feeling a bit dazed, Roy sat up and noticed that it was almost noon. That was about the hour he normally woke up, but unless Dick had been knocked unconscious during a fight he was up and about well before that. Watching Roy sleep could only hold his attention for so long…
Unless he'd already left.
'No, he would have woken me up to say goodbye first.' At least, Roy hoped that was the case. He felt a pang of uncertainty and tried to squash it down as best he could. Though the previous night's discussion and…assorted other activities…had been much needed and wonderful, he and Dick hadn't exactly discussed their relationship in any amount of depth. Now that Roy was committed again he was fully committed, and it was going to sting like hell if Dick had run out while he was still asleep.
He got out of bed, pulled some clothes on, then ventured downstairs. Wonderful smells were wafting from the kitchen, which made him hopeful. So far Lian had shown no culinary ability beyond the microwave. Not that Dick was much better (living with Alfred was a strong deterrent against cooking for yourself), but he was known to occasionally turn on a stove.
Dick was sitting at the table with Lian when Roy walked in. They were both laughing about something, and Roy couldn't suppress a smile himself at the sight of the people he cared most about in such obvious high spirits. Lian was still in her pajamas and had her hair up in messy pigtail braids, and Dick was wearing the sweatpants and t-shirt he'd worn over the previous night. There were empty plates in front of them, but a full one was waiting for Roy at the head of the table, along with his favorite bowl-sized coffee mug.
"Hi Daddy! I was starting to wonder if you were ever gonna get out of bed."
"It's Sunday. You're supposed to sleep late," Roy said defensively.
Lian jumped up to get the coffee pot. She kissed his cheek as she passed, then returned and filled his cup. He eyed her warily.
"Did you want something Peanut?"
"Hm?" She finished filling his mug and went back to the counter to return the pot to the coffee maker. "No. What makes you say that?" Furthering his suspicion, she gathered up her and Dick's plates and put them in the sink.
Roy bit into a piece of bacon, but continued watching her with some suspicion. "You're acting a little funny."
"What, she isn't always this well behaved?" Dick asked with a snort. Lian stuck her tongue out at him.
"Just so you guys know, when I want something, I suck up to Grandpa Ollie. He's the one who hands off his credit cards."
"True enough," Roy said with a laugh.
Lian poured a cup of coffee for herself then sat down at the table across from her father. She neatly folded her hands and regarded him with a somewhat eerie looking smile. "Though since you bring it up, there is something I wanted to talk to you about."
Roy traded a look with Dick, who looked a little uncomfortable, then quickly bit into his toast to delay answering.
"I didn't really talk to her about why I'm here," Dick said. "Figured I'd wait for you on that."
"Good call," Roy choked out.
Lian still had that eerie smile on her face. "So…how are you guys?"
"Fine…" Dick and Roy answered together, both in a strained tone of voice.
Roy was the one to address the awkwardness first. "You, uh, didn't hear anything last night, did you Peanut?"
"I have headphones," Lian said dismissively. Roy was pretty sure his face was at least as red as Dick's, if not more so thanks to his fair complexion. "I think I'm gonna need the ones that go over your whole ear though. But that's not important." She broke off into a giggle, and Roy scowled while Dick dropped his face into his hands. "You guys look really funny right now, sorry. Anyway, I just wanted to find out if…if this means you're admitting you're in love or if that was just sex."
Roy actually did choke on his breakfast a little, but he got it up and took a sip of coffee while Dick rubbed his back. "Lian! This is-that is-look, sex is never 'just' anything, okay? So don't talk about it that casually." He winced, realizing that he was behaving like an utter hypocrite, but that still wasn't something he wanted to hear from his little girl, and he was totally content to have a 'do what I say, not what I do' parent-child relationship when it came to certain things.
"Dad, I'm not a little kid anymore, and I've been thinking back on a lot of my childhood memories. I'd like to think you weren't in love with every single person we had breakfast with back in the day."
Dick regarded Roy with some confusion. "I thought you tried to keep your hookups away from Lian."
"I did," Roy groaned. She's barely met any of them but, well...Roy had had a lot of hookups when he was in his twenties.
Lian's eyes widened. "Kay, I remember you," she pointed at Dick, "Auntie Donna, Kendra, Grace, some lady with black hair who was kinda mean…" She was ticking them off on her fingers as she went and Roy dropped his head into his hand. He hadn't realized Lian had noticed that many of his partners, as he had put some effort into keeping his sex life away from his daughter. "And there was that guy that lived upstairs with the ugly ear gauges…wait. Daddy, did you sleep with my kindergarten teacher?"
Roy moved his plate forward, then banged his head against the table. "Please stop thinking back on your childhood! You were five; you weren't supposed to notice that."
Lian scowled. "I should have been getting A's!"
"How do you not get A's in kindergarten?" Dick mumbled.
Lian folded her arms across her chest. "I should have, but apparently Miss Lindsey was a woman scorned!"
"Li, I'm sorry! I promise to never sleep with one of your teachers again, okay?"
"Well I should hope so," Dick said. Roy cracked an eye open and glanced up at him as best he could from his vantage point with his head on the table.
Lian was smiling a genuine smile now. "So you guys are dating?"
"If he'll still have me," Roy said.
Dick laughed. "Like I didn't know about all that. In fact, I can probably fill in the partners Lian missed-"
"No need!" Lian chirped. "Alright, so you guys are in love, and dating. That's-that's great. And Dad's apparently a slut."
Roy frowned. "I'm responsible about it."
"And yet me…"
"Okay, Lian, that's not funny." Roy sat up straight and regarded her with a stern expression. She maintained eye contact with a steely focus.
"I wasn't joking."
"Right…" Roy turned to Dick. "Maybe you'd better get going. I have a feeling this is going to get-"
"Even more uncomfortable than it is now, yeah," Dick said with a nod. "It's probably a good idea anyway. Damian's been texting me all morning asking when I'm getting back in."
"Is he okay?" Lian asked, then winced when her father let out an exasperated noise as he rubbed his eyes. Dick only quirked an eyebrow.
"He's fine. I've got an idea of what he wants to talk to me about."
"Please tell me he's not going to harp about us getting back together too," Roy pleaded.
"Oh, I imagine he'll have a lot to say about it when he finds out," Dick said with a sigh. "Anyway…" He stood up, and Roy reluctantly got out of his chair and walked with him to the front hall.
He poked his head back into the kitchen and gave Lian a stern look. "You stay right there. We are having a talk."
Lian stuck her tongue out at him. "Goodbye Uncle Dick!" she called sweetly.
"Bye Lian!" he answered from the hall.
Roy walked up to him while he was pulling on his shoes and squeezed his ass. "Hey!" Dick jumped, startled.
"Just checking if you were really wearing my underpants," Roy said. Dick flicked the band of his sweatpants, and Roy caught a brief flash of a pair of his own boxers. He briefly smiled at the sight before his thoughts returned to the uncomfortable table talk. "So…sorry about that."
"It's okay, don't worry about it. She's too smart for her own good."
"I know. More like she's too smart for my own good though. She certainly doesn't get it from me."
Dick shook his head. "I don't know about that. Anyway…" He leaned towards Roy, who rested his hand on Dick's hip. "When can I drop by again?"
"Whenever you want dude." He fanned out his fingers and circled his thumb over Dick's hip bone.
Dick leaned even closer, so that their lips were almost touching. "We're dating again. You have to stop calling me dude now."
"That has never been a condition of our relationship."
"It is now. I'm creating a no dude clause, an extension of me not making speedy jokes when we're in bed. Now, you didn't answer my question. Would tomorrow be too soon? Too clingy of me?"
"You can be clingy this time. I was kinda thinking tonight would be nice if you can manage it."
Dick laughed. "I'll bring Lian a pair of headphones." He closed the distance for a wonderful goodbye kiss, and then he was gone.
Roy walked back towards the kitchen, simultaneously wanting to do a happy dance over how good things felt with him and Dick, and dreading the conversation with his daughter.
Lian was obediently still sitting at the table, though she looked less than pleased to be there. Well, at least she'd stayed. In a few years he might not even be able to get that much respect out of her.
Roy resumed his seat and fidgeted with a piece of bacon. "You understand why I'm upset, right?"
"Yeah, I get it. Can I go now?"
"No sweetie, we need to talk about this. I don't want to hear you calling me a slut ever again. I'm your father. I know I'm not perfect, but I think I deserve more respect than that."
"I know. I just…didn't realize how much you got around." Lian's eyes were downcast, and Roy felt his stomach knot at the disappointment on her face. He set the bacon down, wiped his hand off and again rubbed at his eyes.
"It's not like that!" Well, it kind of was, but he wanted to set a better example for her than that.
She seemed to be thinking along the same lines. "Dad, wouldn't you be upset if you found out that I had like a million sex partners? I mean God, it's supposed to mean something, isn't it? That's what people say."
"It does. Sharing a bed with someone is an incredibly intimate experience. You're right, I'd be upset if you treated this lightly, but I'd be upset if I found out about you doing a lot of the things I've done. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I didn't have much guidance. I'm trying to do better for you, okay? And just because sex is special and intimate, it doesn't mean you have to be prudish. When I'm not in a relationship, I sleep with my friends. I don't think that makes me a slut, and I damn well won't have you judging me for it. I'm an adult. I get to make those kinds of decisions, you got that?"
Lian nodded. "I guess it doesn't really matter anyway, since you're going to be with Uncle Dick now. By the way, good job finally getting your head out of your ass on that one."
"Lian, honey, I really don't want you to talk to me the way I talked to Grandpa Ollie," Roy said with mock exasperation. "God knows I deserve it, but…"
Lian stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed.
"One other thing kiddo…"
Lian looked away, chewing on her lip. "We don't have to talk about that yet if you don't want to."
"I don't want to, but I think we need to. Li…just because you weren't, you know, planned and…part of a normal relationship…you're still…" Roy gave up on any kind of eloquent speech at that point, because he was flustered and he didn't really know what to say. This was a horrible conversation to stumble into first thing in the morning. "Lian, I love you. I wouldn't have any of it back, I swear."
"I know Daddy. I'm sorry I snapped at you." She got up and ran around the table to hug him. "We're good, right?"
"Of course." He squeezed her with the good arm and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "You don't…you don't regret not being part of the typical two parent household, right?"
Lian snorted. "You think I want you married to my mother?"
Roy forced out a laugh, but his stomach sank at the throwaway comment. "I guess not, huh?"
"Yeah, bad plan. I don't mind the idea of a two parent household or anything, if you wanted to marry Uncle Dick, but I am happy Daddy. You're a pretty kick ass father."
He didn't always feel that way, but it was nice to hear.
"Can I go upstairs yet or are you going to talk about something else weird and uncomfortable?"
"No, I'm all set. You go ahead Peanut."
"Yes!" Lian all but fled the room, leaving Roy with his cold coffee and half eaten breakfast.
"Yeah, the teen years are going to be a fucking hoot."

Dick got to Gotham around lunchtime. He checked the Cave first this time, and was surprised at the lack of Damian. So the kid was voluntarily exposing himself to daylight, how interesting...
A search of the manor revealed no Damian, so he kept Alfred company for a little while and then watched a few episodes of the Simpsons with X'hawn before Damian finally got back.
He had shopping bags with him, which was highly uncharacteristic. Damian took one look at Dick and X'hawn sitting together on the couch, scowled, and then stormed upstairs to his room.
X'hawn stared at the doorway for a moment, lovely orange eyes wide with innocent confusion. "Dick, am I right in assuming that Damian and his father behave somewhat...atypically for humans?"
"Absolutely."
"Okay. Because there's a television character that seems to have some of the same social impairments, so I was wondering if it was common."
Dick quirked an eyebrow. "What TV character reminds you of Bruce and Damian?"
"Dr. Cooper from the Big Bang Theory," X'hawn explained.
Dick thought about that for a second. "Huh. Now that you mention it, I kinda see it. Well anyway, I'd better go see what he's huffy about. I'll see you later X'hawn."
"Goodbye Dick."
Dick jogged upstairs and checked the door, but of course it was locked. Which didn't mean Damian didn't want to see him. Damian fully expected Dick to come in and talk with him, but since he was upset he was going to make Dick work for it. Dick went into the room next to Damian's, a seldom-used guest bedroom, flung open the window, and swung himself onto Damian's window ledge. He got the window open from the outside and swung himself inside.
Damian was standing in front of his bed, which was covered with clothing. He was looking at the potential outfits pensively, occasionally picking up an article of clothing, inspecting it, and then returning it to the bed.
"Date tonight?" Dick guessed.
"Yes...I want to make a strong physical impression since I'm sure I'll fail abysmally at the small talk. What do you suggest I wear?"
Anything on that bed would probably work. Damian was an exceptionally attractive kid. He had Bruce's solid build and height, with some of Talia's sinuous grace and sensuality. Plus his caramel skin and black hair were easy to color match. Add a billionaire's funds to procure the best fitting clothes out there, and Damian was pretty much set in regards to clothing himself.
Still, it'd probably be easier just to give him some advice. Dick pointed out a pair of slacks and a sweater he thought looked nice, and Damian instantly discarded them. Sighing, Dick tried again. The more outfits he suggested, the more outfits were tossed into a reject pile until Damian was left with a collared shirt and a pair of dress pants.
"So, you nervous?" Dick asked.
Damian snorted derisively. "It's just a simple date. If it goes poorly and Jai never wishes to see me again there are no real consequences. He doesn't have superpowers, after all, and hasn't chosen to engage in heroics as a non-powered hero. I won't ever need to team up with him, so there will be no opportunities for awkwardness."
"Damian...if you screw up one date, it doesn't mean you can't see him ever again."
Damian looked at him with some genuine fear showing in his amber eyes. "Oh no, I assure you, if I embarrass myself tonight, I will never seek Jai West out again."
"Right, because that's the rational thing to do. Look, you gotta calm down. You're not going to have any fun if you're all tense like this."
"Fun? I find nothing appealing about the prospect of sitting in a restaurant watching another person eat before enduring some inane romantic comedy and finally proceeding to the normative social ritual for judging the effectiveness of a courtship. The good night kiss," Damian supplied, since Dick was eyeing him in some confusion.
"Uh...if you don't want to see a romcom, you can see something else." Maybe Damian was a little similar to Sheldon Cooper.
"My research indicates that romantic comedies are the most common form of date movie, and besides that, there was one that Jai actually wanted to see." Damian frowned at the outfit laid out on his bed. "I don't want to do this anymore. I'm not used to the prospect of giving a subpar performance at an activity."
"Well first dates are usually a little awkward. But you can't move on to the more comfortable dates if you don't have that first one, you know?"
"As usual Grayson, you're a font of banality."
"I try my best. Look, I'm sure you and Jai will have a good time." In all honesty, Dick wasn't that sure at all, but he wasn't going to say that.
"Dick...when it's time to kiss him...what do I do?" Damian asked, turning away from Dick in an attempt to keep some of his discomfort from view.
Dick shrugged. "You just kiss him. Try not to overthink it. Kisses aren't that big a deal."
"From what I understand, the goodnight kiss is how the outing is judged. It can 'make or break' the evening."
"Just keep it simple for the first time. You can worry about tonguing him later, okay?" Dick teased. His words had the opposite effect from what he'd intended, since Damian looked more worried than ever.
"Just how soon am I expected to do that?"
Suddenly, Dick wished he'd stayed in Kansas with his boyfriend.
- 13
- 14
- 15
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Birds and Bees