Batman: The Killing Fuck

BY : Psychostorm
Category: DC Verse Comics > Batman
Dragon prints: 607
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman, or know any real-life people that may be mentioned or appear in this work of fiction. All my work is 100% free.

Batman: The Killing Fuck
Chapter 1 - Barbara’s Bush


[Somewhere in the bowels of DC headquarters]

Brian Azzarello: Ya know Brucie, Warner Brothers wants us to do a Killing Joke movie…

Bruce Timm: Yep.

Brian Azzarello: But ya know, some people say that graphic novel is misogynistic as fuck…

Bruce Timm: Yep.

Brian Azzarello: So what the hell are we gonna do Brucie? We’re in some shit. We’ve got triggered feminists on one side, ready to tear our balls off, and butthurt neckbeard virgin fanboys on the other side, ready to say mean things to us at ComicCon. Whata we gonna do Brucie?

Bruce Timm: Hmm… let’s make our own story for the first half of the movie.

Azzarello: And?

Bruce Timm: And we’ll make it so over the top misogynistic, that the actual Killing Joke part of the movie seems tame by comparison.

Brian Azzarello: You’re a goddamn genius Brucie.


* * *

[Gotham City]

It was a Tuesday. The crisp night air of Gotham City starkly contrasted against the muggy heat between Batgirl’s legs. She shifted, squirmed, and scratched uncomfortably as she swung through the air on her bat-line, high above the gloomy city below.

Looking down, the grimy yellow lights of the city chaffed her soul worse than the cheap spandex of her costume chaffed her pretty pink butthole. A scowl of discomfort furrowed her brow as she furiously scratched her itchy crotch and contemplated the countless number of rapes that must be taking at that very second.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” Batgirl screamed as she slammed into the side of a building, her hand slipping off the bat-line. In a fit of terror, she fell headfirst towards the pavement faster than a meth addict’s fetus into a South Florida gas station toilet bowl.

“You stupid cunt!”

Out of nowhere, Batman swung in, heroically grabbed Batgirl by the crotch, and swung to the safety of a nearby rooftop.

Batgirl breathed a sigh of relief, happy to feel the solid concrete of the rooftop beneath her. But then, suddenly, she glared at Batman who was standing over her, his face twisted into a smug scowl of male privileged superiority.

“I told you not to call me the ‘c-word,’ it isn’t empowering!” snapped Batgirl angrily, flipping her auburn hair over her shoulder and out of her pouting face.

“Don’t be a fucking idiot Barbara. I said ‘Your stupid cunt,’ said Batman. “I was speaking literally. When I grabbed your crotch I noticed that you haven’t shaved your pussy in months. Your fur pie is getting way out of fucking control.” He smirked, knowing that he had won the argument instantly because, as any Batman fanboy will tell you… HE’S BATMAN.

But Batgirl wasn’t about to give up yet. She had been frequenting Tumblr the past few months and had become EMPOWERED as fuck. No man was about to use the bearded clam between her legs to shame her.

“You listen here you misogynistic ass commando…” began Batgirl getting to her feet when suddenly she noticed that the heat between her legs was no longer just from her overgrown pubes. Her face turned redder than Hellboy’s big thick devil dick as she realized that she had pissed all over herself.

“I didn’t fucking train you so that you could come out here and piss all over yourself like some scared little girl waiting for daddy to come home and play hide the sausage with her again.” scolded Batman, looking at her piss soaked spandex and shaking his head with disappointment.

“Fuck you, Bruce. If you hadn’t grabbed my fucking genitals like the goddamn male sex obsessed swine you are, this would never have happened!” spat Batgirl. “And why did you have to make a rape reference you sick fuck? Thanks for proving that all men are rapists!”

“Hmm… Barbara… Bruce… like Barbara Gordon? And Bruce Wayne?”

The bickering superheroes looked up, shocked to see some raggedy homeless guy rousing from a drunken stupor from behind some power generators on the roof.

“Goddamn it Barbara! You just revealed our identities!” cursed Batman, storming over towards the homeless man.

Grabbing the bum by his crusty balls, Batman tossed his dumb ass off the roof to his death.

“Holy shit Bruce you just fucking killed him!” cried Batgirl, freaking out at Batman’s psychotic behavior. “And you goddamn molested him in the process!”

“Fuck that guy,” said Batman, watching the man’s body splatter onto the pavement with a satisfied smile.

“Well thanks for proving that men always resort to violence,” said Batgirl, winning a major victory for feminism in that moment, and crushing the patriarchy.

Batman reached into his utility belt and rummaged around, “Listen, we’re wasting too much time here, get fucking changed, and let’s get back to patrolling this fucking city already,” he said, tossing an unsoiled pair of latex tights at Batgirl’s feet.

“I don’t know, this city is run by sexist over-privileged white males, maybe it deserves to burn to the ground,” replied Batgirl, pulling down her black spandex tights. “HEY, turn around!” she snapped, suddenly realizing that Batman’s eyes were all over her body like Jared Fogle’s dick all over the 5-inch foot-long sub sandwiches he used to serve to kids before he was caught.

“Why are you ashamed of your body all of the sudden?” retorted Batman with a smirk. “I thought you were an empowered feminist warrior now.”

“You know, I hate you Bruce. I really fucking hate you,” said Batgirl with a huff, taking off her tights and leaving herself naked from the waist down.

“Then why don’t you come over here and fuck me like you hate me,” said Batman, his lips twisting into a grin any self-help guru would be proud of.

Batgirl cautiously looked down at her mentor’s crotch to see the biggest bulge in the history of mankind. A sudden heat ignited between her legs, and it wasn’t from her overgrown potty otter, OR her yellow glory this time.

She took one step forward and that was all the “consent” Batman needed. Moving quickly, he grabbed the horny out-of-control girl by her shoulders and forced her onto her knees. “Take it out bitch!” he commanded with unbreakable Hitler-like authority.

“Stop using words like ‘bitch,’ it’s disrespectful to women you scrotum juggling ass clown!” snapped Batgirl, pulling down Batman’s tights, and whipping out the biggest penis she had ever seen. “Holy fuck, this can’t be right, there’s no fucking way…”

“What? Never seen a real baloney pony before?” asked Batman with a self-confident grin. “I bet all those guys you were fucking in college like the whore you are had little micro chodes that you could pick a lock with.”

“No, I’m just wondering how the FUCKING HELL you can be super-rich, be the best in the world at hand-to-hand combat, be unnaturally handsome, fight on the level of guys like Superman, be the best detective in the world, be a goddamn genius, and STILL have a monster love muscle,” replied Batgirl cautiously jacking off the meat log in front of her.

“Being a Gary Stu has its perks,” said Batman unironically. “Thank you Bruce Timm.”

Batgirl rolled her eyes as she contemplated just how the hell she was going to fit the mighty dong in her mouth when suddenly Batman grabbed her by the hair and slammed his bald-headed baby maker straight down her throat.

“Through the teeth, past the gums, look out stomach here it comes!” cried Batman as he rammed his meat pole straight down into Batgirl’s stomach despite her muffled cries.

The female superhero flailed about and fought for her life as Batman deep-stomached her repeatedly, letting out a ‘WHOOOOOOOO!’ every time the tip of his who-who-dilly grazed her stomach acid for an extra tingly, minty fresh sensation which reminded him of the time he went skiing down Mount Everest butt ass naked.

Noticing the pained struggles of his sidekick, Batman stopped his incessant thrusting and caressed her cheek softly, stepping into the role of trusted mentor once again. “Easy now Barbara, breath through your nose, calm down, and breath through your nose girl.”

With that, Batman began thrusting twice as hard, nearly giving Barbara fucking whiplash, and probably a few ulcers in the process. Just when Batgirl thought she was about to pass out, the brutal deep-stomach fucking stopped abruptly.

Struggling to maintain her composure, Batgirl watched as Batman slowly removed his schlong from her innards, a process which took several long, painful seconds to complete. With the 100% all-beef thermometer removed, the female crime fighter fell to her hands and knees, coughing, gagging, and drooling all over the place.

“T-that… that was… the BEST BLOW JOB I’VE EVER FUCKING HAD!” cried Batgirl between pants of adrenalin-fueled exhaustion.

“Damn straight it was. Because I’m Batman,” said Batman grinning like a proud father who just found out his son’s wiener is a mile long. “Now clean my purple-headed warrior.”

Batgirl wasn’t sure if it complied with the feminist code, but she promptly used her beautiful reddish-auburn hair to clean the muck and slime off of Batman’s giggle-stick.

“Good girl,” said Batman, patting her on the head.

“Stop saying ‘good girl,’ you cross-eyed douchewaffel! It’s misogynistic, goddamnit!” cursed Batgirl, getting all pissy again.

“Like I give a fuck!” retorted Batman like a man who didn’t give a fuck.

He then swung his dick like when Al Capone executed that guy in the Untouchables (1987), and knocked the hormonal girl in the head with enough force to cause even Wonder Woman to make a miscarriage.

Batgirl was knocked to the ground in a daze. “What the fuck are you doing!” screeched Batgirl, angrily pulling herself up to her knees. “You stupid fucking…”

Batgirl was cut off as the massive middle-leg monster hit her in the head again, and again, and again. Batman stood over his sidekick, brutally beating her with his hockey-cocky until she literally began to cry.

“W-why are you doing this…” sobbed Batgirl, her tears staining the concrete like beautiful falling raindrops.

“I don’t have any lube in my utility belt,” responded Batman, giving her one last whack. “I need your tears.”

“What?” gasped Batgirl. But before she could protest, Batman had grabbed her by her dirty hair and began shaking her head to sprinkle her tears.

“God damn it stop that! You’re seriously going to give me whiplash you anal bead eating cuck!” whined Batgirl, crying like a comic book fan on prom night.

But it was only a moment before Batman had all the tears he needed and released the weak female from his iron bat-like grasp.

Taking a moment to collect herself, Batgirl’s vision cleared up, and she came to her senses. “You are one stupid anal bending cock rancher,” she said. “I could have just spit on your tallywhacker, you fucking diseased mongoloid cunt puncher.”

“Those tears weren’t for my skin flute,” growled Batman holding up his tear-soaked fist. “NOW BEND OVER BITCH!”

The shocked girl had only seconds to realize what was happening before her mentor grabbed her by the hair, bent her over, spread her dainty butt cheeks, and rammed his fist so far up her ass, she farted out her mouth with a sound that resembled Chewbacca being castrated.

After the mighty mouth fart subsided, only cries of Batgirl’s ecstasy could be heard, piercing the blood-red night as Batman bat-fisted the fuck out of her ass with 5 million PSI per square metric inch.

“Fuck me harder shit head!” she cried in delight, as her legs quivered with electric blinding white pleasure waves of intensity.

Batman complied, fisting Batgirl so hard that shit and sweat began flying all over the place, making it look like he had just gone mud bogging like a West Alabama inbred sister-fucker.

“Know your place woman!” snapped Batman, making sure she knew that he wasn’t just tearing her ass up because she told him to. He had a reputation to maintain after all.

As the shit and sweat battered him, Batman battered dat ass, roughly pushing Batgirl up against the power generators. He fisted her so hard that her head was repeatedly slammed into them, giving her a concussion so sublime, it felt like she was rising to orgasmic heaven to meet God and Jesus and personally shake their dicks.

Then suddenly and without warning, the pleasure became so intense that Batgirl began to see sparks flying all over the place. “OH MY GOD I’M CUMMMMMMMIIINNNNNGGGGGG!” she screamed as the generator blew the fuck up, throwing the girl and her mentor clear across the rooftop like a discarded fleshlight thrown across the room in shame after it had served its purpose.

Slowly the dust settled, and in that profound moment, Batman came to his senses. He pulled himself up off the ground, taking a moment to reflect upon the intensely profane sexual act he had just committed. Reveling in his sexual conquest, the Batman grinned like Brian Michael Bendis when he got DnA fired from writing the Guardians of the Galaxy comic, and took their place so he could cash in on the movie’s success.

“Oh my fucking god help!”

Becoming alert at once, Batman’s bat-senses picked up a cry for help! It reminded him of the time he heard a woman crying for help while she was being raped in an ice cream truck and he gave himself a violent 15-minute wank before saving her.

But wait, where was Batgirl!?

“Shit fuck!” cursed Batman as he suddenly realized a true tragedy was about to happen! Batgirl was in trouble like the weak pathetic female she was!

And only a big strong man like him could save her…

Rushing towards the sounds of her cries for help, Batman found Batgirl dangling over the edge of the building, holding on to a window ledge for dear life.

“Bruce you stupid herpes licking anal scuba diver, help me goddamnit!” she cursed as her mentor peered over the edge of the rooftop and chuckled at her predicament.

“Use your fucking bat-line you autistic fuck!” snapped Batman. “What the fuck did I even train you for?”

“I don’t have it dickweed! I dropped it when you were fisting me!” screeched Batgirl in a near-PMS fueled panic. “Hurry up and save me you stupid self-sodomizing AIDS dispenser!”

Batman rolled his eyes. Women. Always getting themselves into trouble and needing a man’s help to fix their mess.

Shaking his head, and breathing a sigh of resignation, Batman lowered his half limp pork-sword over the side, and let Batgirl climb up to safety.

Thank you Bruce Timm…” whispered Batman under his breath as he felt her delicate hands all over his mighty one-eyed trouser snake.

“You’re such a fucking stupid taint sniffer!” shouted Batgirl catching her breath. “Now that that generator blew the fuck up, the cops are going to come! We’re in deep shit now!”

“Fuck the cops. What are they going to do, we’re white,” laughed Batman folding his arms.

“You dumb cis fuck, if my dad finds out I’ve been riding your big Italian salami, it’ll be all over,” snapped Batgirl viciously.

“It’s not over until I say it’s over, you silly slut,” retorted Batman, pulling a super trendy latest model iPhone from his bat-belt and making a call.

“Who the hell are you calling!?” screeched Batgirl. “Don’t you know how rude it is to use the phone during the middle of crazy rooftop sex you incestuous web-toed turd herder?”

Batman ignored Batgirl’s blathering and spoke into the phone. “Alfred put your crooked tallywacker away, get your crusty old ass out here immediately. I’ve got a job for you…”


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NEXT TIME on Batman: The Killing Fuck - Alfred shows up to help Batman perform the most batshit insane sex act in the history of mankind! Will Batgirl give in to her primal urges and give up dat poooooosey? Or will she become the feminist warrior that breaks Batman’s bat-dick for good? Find out in the next exciting chapter of Batman: The Killing Fuck!

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