Jess, Crippling Anxiety, Blossoming Friendship, and What Matters

Hailey had abandoned her duties to the list, a journal she had entitled "My Big List of Things I'm Totally Gonna Do." She was told that she "had to" complete it in order to save the world, apparently. She didn't want some damn futuristic A.I., like Beta, ordering her around. All the while, she was far too ashamed to face Scott, as she'd have to admit she really messed up. She didn't want to do that, not in a million years. Despite that, being with a man named Sanjay Singh was a big mistake. While they had a nice time at the school dance together, she didn't like how he treated their relationship. She hated it. He was far too intense for her. His behavior caused her to not like him anymore. As a result, she started to regret agreeing to date him in the first place. She had realized that she still yearned for, and liked, Scott.

It all came to a head when they traveled to Metropolis. Hailey, a half-Hawaiian girl from the beach city of Oceanside, was feeling more guilty than ever for not fulfilling the list. She had kept one item hidden from Scott, item 143: that she had to kiss him. Surely, she didn't want this damn list to rule her life. At the same time, she was denying how she really felt. As the days past, she saw more and more of the bad signs. Her boyfriend wasn't who she thought he was. Something wasn't right. She realized she had to end it. She could not let this go on. She had to be free of it.

"Sanjay, you are a nice guy and all, but... I really don't think we are right for each other. We should break up." His smile suddenly turned evil. He laughed maniacally. His head was red and smoking. That didn't stop him from shaking his head. He snickered. "Everything was working perfectly. I separated you from the man you loved. I had figured it all out. All that's left is to me to dispose of you...and then chaos bots can rule the future!" Hailey was horrified. Beta wasn't there to protect her, nor was the Professor, or anyone else. Out of nowhere, a blond-haired girl swooped down and stood in front of her.

"Don't worry your pretty little head, citizen, I'll take care of this." She picked up Sanjay and carried him into the air. After realizing that Sanjay was a ticking time bomb, she let him go. He exploded above the city, and his robot pieces rained down. Miraculously no one was hurt from this debris. Hailey was aghast. Was Sanjay a robot all along? Had he used some mind control on her? Had she fallen in love with a chaos bot? The superhero came back to the ground before she had a chance to wrestle with or answer any of these questions.

"Miss, I think your...uh...partner...exploded...he was not human...I guess." She paused. "You are safe now. Supergirl out!" she said, as she jetted back into the air. Hailey couldn't understand what had just happened. She was filled with so many emotions. What should she do now? Should she go back to Oceanside? How can she confront Scott and her parents? What would they even think of her?

She felt like such a screw-up for believing she would be happy with Sanjay, who she saw as attractive. What was going through her mind at the time? She wondered if she had leaned too much into her desires, coloring what she saw in a possible partner, based on a result from some damn app, a result which she believed was wrong. In fact, the app result had been faulty, but she had no idea. How could she even trust what she felt about other people anymore? She had hurt Scott, Beta, her parents, and her friends. How could she even recover from this?

As her thoughts swirled in her head, she saw a nervous 14-year-old girl pacing nearby. She had run away from the convention center after villainous Toyman had broken through a wall and a cyborg Superman brutally beaten up Toyman, disturbing everyone around. She didn't want to go back inside. She was afraid of what could happen to her, since villains like a cyborg Superman were on the loose. After all, she only, with the support of those around her, gathered enough confidence to stand up and explain, in a convention hall, why Supergirl mattered, why she was brave, and why she was different from Superman. She knew, without a doubt, that her words had made the day of her beloved hero, Supergirl. She didn't care that Supergirl was Superman's cousin, nor that she was known as Kara, and she ignored all the online rumors about her dating Jimmy Olsen, a photographer and influencer working for The Daily Planet. This Latina girl often avoided going places because she didn't want to get lost, be trapped, or feel embarrassed and helpless. Being in enclosed spaces was different. Sometimes being in a crowd, or even standing in line, and being in an open space, could be an issue too.

She had been able to calm down herself enough to avoid a panic attack. Even so, she wanted to get out of this public place as soon as possible. It was then that Hailey came over to her. "Are you okay?" she innocently asked, without any idea of what was going on with this girl. Scared that she might say the wrong thing, while she did not know how to get out of this situation, she replied quickly. "I'm...uh...fine." Despite everything she was experiencing, the Hawaiian girl, whose skin was the color of brilliant tangelo, as some described it, tried to be as caring as possible. It was the least she could do.

"Well...if you are having a hard day...I'd be happy to listen...I mean...I learned that my boyfriend was a robot...and Supergirl saved me...and…" This girl cut her off. Her eyes got wide. She was really excited. Her demeanor completely changed, almost like a light switch had been flipped on. She was absolutely beaming, with such a bright smile. "Supergirl was here? She is so amazing! She is so brave. I don't know if I could do that. I could never do anything like that in public. It has to be incredibly stressful." Hailey laughed uneasily. She scratched her head and wondered what she could tell her. She hoped her words would help, even in a small way.

"You can...do anything you put your mind to...if you'd like to go somewhere quiet...that would be great..I mean...I'm not a big fan of this hustle and bustle either...it's so different from Oceanside…," she started to say. She sheepishly added, "I'm Hailey by the way. My friends call me Hails." The other girl grinned. She shook her head. "That's such a great name. You don't need to shorten it. I'm Jessica. Some people call me Jess." She nervously extended her hand. Its light brown color shined brightly under the sunlight. The Hawaiian girl happily fist-bumped her. "Nice to meet you," she said. Jess, a Latina whose dad was from Honduras and mom from California, paused for a second. "I know just the place we can go."

She realized she was missing something. She couldn't avoid talking about it. "Sorry to hear about your boyfriend." Hailey shook her head. She didn't need anyone to comfort her. She had fucked up. It was all her fault. "It's totally okay. I was foolish to be with him anyway." They walked together to her favorite place in the city, Metroboba. She had visited the place before, when she'd come to the city for a superhero convention. She wasn't from Metropolis either. In fact, she spent most of her time in her hometown of L.A. Breathing deeply, she hoped she could relax a bit. She would be okay.

She was unaware that in another universe a store of the same name existed, a store that had been visited by a Black magical girl and her close friend. In that world, Superman's friends knew about his real identity before Lois revealed it. In that world. Lois didn't have a chance to be incredibly furious at Superman for lying to her time and again, despite the fact he was concerned she would spill his secrets. In contrast, in this moment, in this world, the Latina girl was incredibly happy. She never felt afraid or anxious when she was inside this place.

She always felt at peace. There wasn't anything scary. Instead, there were just some surly servers from time to time. As they went inside, one server said, almost robotically, "Welcome to Metroboba. The best boba shop in Metropolis. We Boba Love You!" This was incredibly cringey. Jess knew that. Despite knowing that, she loved it more than anything. That waitress, wearing a fitting apron, was a big pale-skinned muscular woman, with short red hair and amber eyes. She was clearly not a fan of this at all. That was painfully obvious to anyone watching.

Hailey was slightly unnerved by this waitress, especially after she saw the bandage on her nose and left forehead. Even so, the piercings on the woman's chin and left ear didn't bother her at all. For a second, she began wondering what they would be like on her. Switching back to what she might order, she saw people happily carrying boba tea in their hands, and drinking it with complete delight. She'd never had one before. She didn't know the whole hubbub around it. "So, what's this whole... boba tea...thing about... why do people like it so much?" Jess snickered. She started babbling, in extreme detail, about why boba tea was so great, and then proceeded to name every single ingredient which went into this tea-based drink. After that, she walked to the front, while the Hawaiian girl snagged a table. The overworked waitress had gone behind the cash register, since they were short staffed. She needed to cover multiple jobs. This time she was serving as the cashier.

Fumbling around in her pocket, Jess pulled out two crisp five-dollar bills from her plain blue cloth wallet, which was nothing fancy or flashy, for two boba teas. The cashier was about to growl at her, as she hated this job with a passion. Despite that, she knew it brought her the money she needed to survive. She could see that this Latina girl was insecure about herself and she felt bad for her. With her amber eyes staring into the girl's blue eyes, she sighed. "That will be eight dollars, four dollars for each boba tea, miss." The girl handed over the dollar bills. She felt this was worth the cost. Wasn't it?

The cash register dinged. The cashier opened the nearby fridge and pulled out the two beverages. Almost rolling her eyes as she said it, she handed them over, and two dollar bills as change. "Thank you for coming to Metroboba. Your patronage is appreciated. Have a boba day!" The girl smiled back and placed two dollar bills into the tip jar. The woman almost felt like this was all worth it. As Jess walked back to her table, she had no idea, nor did Hailey, that the cashier was none other than Heat Wave, a notorious criminal and member of Intergang. If Jess had known, she might have acted differently, and her illusion of safety would have been shattered into a thousand pieces. So for her sake, she was lucky she didn't know about this at all.

Hailey was sitting at the table, thinking about what she'd experienced. She had wanted to get closer to Scott. Instead, she had made up a man named Sanjay. Suddenly, like an apparition, he had appeared, almost like she called him there, somehow. In retrospect, it was incredibly bizarre. She had been a coward for hiding one list item from Scott: that she'd kiss him. She should have been honest, even though it would have been difficult. Sometimes you don't have the strength to be honest and you want to hide. Sometimes, you just are awkward around other people. That's just how it is. And it's okay.

"Here we go, Hailey!" Jess said, happily. Something about this Hawaiian girl, from south California, didn't make her feel anxious. She didn't have to fight her inner demons, nor did she need to regain her confidence by slowing her breathing and taking deep breaths to re-center herself. She felt comfortable around her. Although she hadn't realized it just yet, this girl happened to have a voice very similar to hers. She wasn't exactly sure of the reason, but the girl's voice soothed her, more than she had ever expected possible from someone she'd just met. "So what brings you to town?" she asked, as she started drinking the boba tea, sucking on it through a big paper straw, and chewing on the tasty tapioca balls. The Latina girl scratched her head.

"I was going to Supercon. Superman and Supergirl made an appearance. I even got to tell Supergirl the reasons she is different from that suave man, Superman...her bravery is like nothing else...she is so inspiring." Hailey hadn't heard of the convention since she had been caught in a mind fog of sorts due to her former relationship with Sanjay. She barely even knew who Supergirl and Superman were.

"Oh, okay. I...don't even know how I got to Metropolis...I...just feel so lost...," Hailey started to say. She was intrigued by what the Latina was telling her. She didn't know what in the world to make of it. What could she say to her? What should she say? Their conversation was immediately interrupted when Jess's phone buzzed. "It's my Mami. She's asking where I am..." She began stepping away from the table. Although the text didn't make her anxious, she did feel bad that she was leaving behind someone who could be a new friend.

Before she could leave, Hailey held her hand. She didn't want to let her go. She was worried about what would happen if this Latina girl left. How in the world would she even get back to Oceanside? She had no idea. She knew this would be a hard ask. She felt that she had to try. "I know you have gone through a lot...I know this is a lot to ask...but...can I...maybe come with you? I don't have a way of..." Her words trailed off, as she had no idea how to say this without feeling like she was imposing something onerous on this socially anxious girl.

Jess looked at her with utter surprise. Of all the things she expected the Hawaiian girl would say to her, she didn't think of this as a possibility. She wondered if she could get through this. She didn't know if this girl had friends or loved ones who were at her side. Did she even have a support network? She wasn't sure. Over time, she had turned her fear into one of her greatest strengths. Even with that power-of-sorts, sometimes she had good days where she felt great and could manage her anxiety. Other times, she felt terrible. On those days, her anxiety felt completely unbearable. She could be suffering by herself, away from anyone, trapped in her own mind, and unable to speak at all. Despite what some claimed, anxiety could never be fully eliminated. Instead, you could grow and learn from it.

Some used writing to express themselves better and communicate effectively, when they had difficulty when speaking. For Jess, she breathed, mediated, and grounded herself in the present. This could either involve exercising, getting out of her head, doing the dishes, or following a set routine. All of this served as her armor of sorts so she could move forward with her life. When she became overwhelmed by anxiety, she aimed to ground herself, remaining determined to defy fear, overcoming it, and her lingering trauma. This is why she liked characters like Shoko Komi, Yui Akamatsu, Bocchi Hitori, and Hitori "Bocchi" Gotō, all of whom she related to on a deep level, often feeling seen by their struggles as they tried to move through their daily lives.

She hadn't decided what to tell Hailey, as they both left the shop and walked outside. Only a few seconds later, her Mami showed up. "Jessica, why'd you run away from the convention? I thought you were so excited to be there...I mean, you made this shirt on your own." She laughed nervously as she pulled on her t-shirt with a superman symbol in the middle. She knew that her grandma meant well, even if she didn’t always say things in the right way. "I'm so sorry, Mami. I should have told you...it's just I...didn't feel safe there." Mami understood. She had been doing her best to help Jess, after everything she had gone through. She tried her best to be as loving and supportive as possible. Staring at the bespectacled girl in front of her, she said, "and who might you be?" she asked. She was genuinely curious.

Wanting to make a good impression, the Hawaiian girl extended her hand and bowed. "I'm Hailey Banks, ma'am, and...we were just talking here at this...boba shop." The Latina was shocked. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She didn't know how she missed it. Maybe because the Hawaiian girl was acting differently than she had imagined. She almost completely lost it.

“OMG. OMG. You are the Hailey Banks? You are such a legend! I'm sorry I was so rude...if I had only..." She was cut off. The girl shook her head. She didn't always like all this attention. More often than not, she was prone to overthinking and was somewhat introverted herself. She even talked herself out of taking risks. She didn't like to do anything way out there, although "the list" has changed that, pushing her to complete tasks she'd never even dreamed of doing. Through it all, she wanted to make a difference in the world while staying within her comfort zone, using her creative skills and resourcefulness.

"It's okay. I'm not looking for any fame or anything. I only want to be a normal teen...you were so nice and friendly...I'm just a mess," she said, as she almost began to cry. Now, Jess felt really bad, while she related to her on an even deeper level than before. It gave her the push to go ahead. She was so much more relatable now! "You are just fine...don't beat yourself up...she can come with us, can't she Mami?" Her pale-skinned grandmother nodded. She grinned happily. She couldn't be more pleased. They had a long drive ahead of them. It would be the perfect time for them to get to know each other better. Hailey was grateful. She knew that Oceanside was 83-90 miles south of L.A., depending on what route you took. They could drop her off on the way there, right?

Getting into the car, she saw someone else sitting in the front passenger seat. The Latina smiled. "That's my older brother, Antonio." That made her feel a little better. She nodded. She sat in the back seat, not next to Jess, but on the right side of the car. Jess got in the left, with a basket on the seat between them. It was filled with a bunch of snacks. As the car started up, the Latina giddily said, "thanks so much Mami!" Somehow, these snacks seemed different. She couldn't quite grasp why. Without any prompting, the Latina spilled the beans.

"Well, I didn't tell you, but I'm a strict vegan...I just deeply care about the world...and what they do in those factory farms is awful...I can't do a lot on my own...although I feel better about myself." Hailey completely understood. Her friends had tried to introduce her to so-called "plant meat," a product made in hopes of making more meat-eaters vegetarians. She detested it with a passion. She knew all about how food was produced in the U.S. Even so, with everything going on in her life, she never became vegetarian, or even vegan, since she was far too exhausted from trying to complete the list.

"You are really principled, Jess," she said. "I'm trying to be a better person now...so maybe I'll give it a try." As the car ride continued, they chatted about every subject under the sun. At one point, Hailey decided to reveal something she had told few people about, apart from Scott and Beta: the list. She whispered into Jess's ear. She looked at the Hawaiian curiously, at first, then it clicked.

"Oh. That's why you did all that risky stuff...I always wondered how you got into it." She wasn't sure how she could ask her new friend. How did she even know about her? Was it some post on social media? An online article? A blogpost? What? "I'm just...curious...am I a social media celebrity...by chance?" Jess almost burst out laughing. How could she not know? How could she have missed it?

"Yeah, your stuff goes viral ALL the time. There's thousands of fan accounts just dedicated to you." When the Latina showed her the #haileybanks hashtag on RikRok, she was completely amazed. She almost felt bad for disappearing for all those months. What would people think about her now? Would people try to track her down? Had she let them down? "I guess I'm...honored...I don't know what to say." Jess was about to change the subject, seeing that her new friend was uncomfortable. Instead, Hailey opened her mouth once more.

"I...feel like I don't live up to people's expectations...I'm just a nerd...who likes to have fun...I've been in a bit of slump recently...I suppose that now...a fog has now lifted...and well..." She stopped mid-sentence when she saw a video from someone who looked familiar. She didn't recognize it at first, until she realized who it was: Becker Denoga. The video was entitled "Try 1000 to get a cute girl to notice me." In it, Becker chattered about how she loved Hailey, without naming her directly, and wanted to kiss her, before filming her. If she had been drinking water, she would have spit it out in shock.

She felt so embarrassed. "This is the girl who started dating some other girl in my class after she admitted that she had a crush on me...I literally had no idea...I was caught completely by surprise when she told me about it one day." She was glad that Becker had still remained friendly with her in the days following her reveal, despite the fact she had started a relationship with Kennedy. She didn't know why a video like this was still up. Perhaps the video had brought in a lot of viewers or maybe she wanted to keep it out there so she could be honest with people.

Jess didn't know how to react to all of this. How should she react? She blurted out, "well, I admire you too." Her new friend didn't have a chance to respond, before the Latina quickly followed up. "Let me clarify something...I don't love you or anything...not in the way that Becker girl does." Hailey grinned. "I get it, Jess. I totally get it. Sometimes things don't come out the way you want them to. Sometimes you do the wrong thing and regret it later. And so...Us weirdos need to stick together." The Latina understood that all too well.

As their time in the car went on, they kept talking, finding they both liked anime and manga, particularly those which were sci-fi, romance, or yuri. Neither one had watched much BL, finding it was too much of a barrier to get beyond, although that could obviously change in the future. Jess promised to send Hailey some recommendations of her favorite series.

A smartphone sat in Hailey's pocket. She had turned it off after following the bad advice of Sanjay, falsely believing that she didn't need her parents, nor her friends, anymore. However, since Sanjay had literally blown up in front of her eyes, and was revealed to be nothing more than a chaos bot, he wasn't around to manipulate her. Even so, there was another reason she didn't want to turn her phone back on: she was terrified of what her parents and friends would be saying about her. She resolved to turn it back on when they reached California. At that point, she'd surely have enough personal strength to actually deal with the flood of messages which had come in, right? That was her hope, at least. Whether it actually panned out that way would be up to her.

Whatever happened next, Hailey was determined to confront it. Jess would be there to support her, while Hailey would do the same. They still had a lot of time left together as they traveled across the country on this road trip. Any tension either one of them had would likely fade away into nothing. Although the Hawaiian and Latina were different, they had enough similarities to bring them together...