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DAVE: BE AWESOME AT SEX	By : CarcinoGeneticist Category: Web Comics > Homestuck Views: 4595 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures, or any of the characters within, and I make no money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 1-DAVE: BE AWESOME AT SEX
- 1
Written for a prompt at homesmut, the Homestuck kink meme. Enjoy.

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DAVE: BE AWESOME AT SEX

The first time you had sex with Jade Harley, it was all business.

The second time, it is going to be strictly for pleasure. Her pleasure, to be exact.

You are Dave Strider. And you are under no circumstances allowed to fuck it up this time.

You have this mofo on airtight lockdown. You found books. You studied your shit. Memorized every page, every technique, every snippet of information you knew about her likes and dislikes, turnons and turnoffs. You had all the time in the world to do so, after all, so if you’re going to make shit take place you’re gonna fucking do it RIGHT. Not like the first time, no. Fuck that. Fuck it in the goat-ass. Fuck it until it runs home and cries for mommy and never even approaches the front of your thoughts again like you have a fucking restraining order against it and its therapist tells it to stay the hell away from you anyway before it develops Stockholm syndrome.

It was a long time before she was ready to try again. From your perspective, at least. It was months behind YOU. But awkward memories rang fresh for her still. You didn’t exactly keep precise fucking track of exactly how long it had actually been, but you take a shot in the dark and guess it was about a third of the time for her compared to you. Long enough for her to realize their first attempt at christening her baby factory fell flat and they’d need to try again anyway, plus long enough for the gravity of the realization to outweigh the nerves that had re-settled themselves in her brain.

Those nerves are your first target, and you have nuclear fucking missiles locked on to those poor little bastards.

On her long-awaited invitation you stride into her room with the air of the coolest fucking smugass bro that you are, and before she can say so much as a goddamned word of greeting your lips are mashing against hers and for the first time you can remember she fucking QUIVERS in your arms.

You smirk to yourself because you already know you’ve won. Fuck you, nerves. Fuck you, past self. This is the new Dave Strider. And you’re only just fucking getting started.

--

==> Be Jade

--

You are Jade Harley, and it has taken approximately two seconds of being in Dave Strider’s company for all thoughts of regret and reconsideration to fly out the window because oh gosh this is the BEST KISS EVER.

There is the tiniest little flash of what you guess must be jealousy as you wonder where he could have possibly learned to kiss like this, or with who, but it’s a passing thought at best. His lips are just way too talented and yummy to care about anything else. Yes, yummy, that’s right, you could taste cherry lip gloss and oh wow that’s actually really hot, how did he know you’d like that? You’re pretty sure you never told him that yourself. Maybe you will in the future? Oh whatever, who cares, definitely not you. You don’t care about anything right now except that his tongue is finding its way into your mouth and stroking yours, and it’s not really dominating you exactly because it’s really gentle and soft about it, but it’s definitely in control. But you’re more than okay with that because this is only going to be your second time and you still don’t have much idea what you’re doing here and if Dave is this sure of himself all of a sudden then you’re more than happy to let him take the driver’s seat.

The kiss ends way earlier than you want it to because you’re still kind of tingling from the sheer surprise of it, but you suppose clothes have to come off eventually and you really don’t want to rip them, you like your clothes. Dave must already know this too because he’s actually very careful with them, not even stressing the seams as he undresses you, much less ripping anything. Wow, he’s really on his game today. It almost makes you not notice that you’re standing there stark naked and he’s still completely dressed and just kind of staring at you like you’re a really tricky jigsaw puzzle and he’s trying to figure out how to put you together. Except then you do notice these things and oh shoot now you’re nervous again. He’s staring at you. He’s REALLY staring at you oh god is there something wrong with you? Are your boobs too small? Do you have a really gross mole somewhere? Did you forget to shave your legs? Oh gosh why is he STARING your nerves are flaring like a wildfire and you’re suddenly so scared you’re afraid you’re gonna pee yourself.

But then whatever was on his mind must have clicked into place because now he’s shrugging his shirt off and showing you his abs and abruptly kissing you again and this all makes you feel a lot better. Whew. You almost panicked for a second there. Wow his chest feels really nice pressed all flat against yours. Maybe smaller boobs weren’t so bad, because pushing up chest to chest with him just REALLY turned you on. Especially when you sort of rub back and forth against him. You’re definitely tingling again.

Okay. You can do this. This might actually not be so bad this time.

--

==> Be Dave

--

You are Dave Strider, and you are going to have to rethink a couple of your early moves.

You meant to really lay on the boob play thick. You know for a goddamn fact she likes this in the future. Except you were a dumbass and didn’t keep close enough track of all this time shit and forgot she won’t hit her tit-based growth spurt for another few months. She’s not flat but she’s not packing the fucking melons you were thinking of, or let’s face it, really fucking looking forward to. But what the hell ever, that’s cool, that’s cool, you can work with this. Big tits or not you still know she likes them played with.

She already keeps her carpet neat, thank fucking god, you do NOT need it to be all 1970s porno down there. Makes it a bazillion times easier to focus on the main attraction. Except, fuck, she looks dry as a bone down there. A bone that’s been picked clean by ravenous hyenas and left to bake in the desert for fifty years and then put under a heat lamp in your personal trophy room because it’s still a bone you really like looking at. She must be nervous again. That kiss must not have been as awesome as you meant it to be. That and you probably stared too hard. Shit. Gotta fix that. Time for the fucking gun show.

Your shirt vanishes and you kiss those goddamn adorable lips again. You smile a second later as you feel her tremble and hear her girly little coos escape her muffled lips. It looks like she really fucking likes the gun show. She’s also really enjoying squishing her boobs against you and grinding like you’re a fucking stripper pole and it’s Friday night at the titty bar. Oh yeah, you’re back on track. You take her shoulders and gently lay her back on her bed as you crawl your way over her. She stares wide eyed up at you and your obviously bitchin’ macho man physique, and you give her a smirk behind your shades. This is nothing, hon, this is just the eye candy.

She’s squirming the second your fingertips cop their first feel of her tits. More than you were expecting, actually. Must be getting to be sensitive tits. Sweet, you’ll just be taking that as a signal for full steam ahead thank you very fucking much. Your mouth wraps around one of her nipples, and if it couldn’t cut glass before it sure as shit could after a solid minute of being between your lips. It’s hard not to imagine blasting a load all over them. But that would be way the fuck off the plan, and you spent way too fucking much time making the plan in the first place to ditch it this early. You beat back thoughts of relieving your boner and return your full attention to Jade, but now it’s even harder to hold your focus because you realize she’s moaning, in this high-pitched, squeaky voice through her buck teeth as she bites on her lower lip. She didn’t moan at all the first time, and you couldn’t blame her because you were pretty much garbage at it, but holy fuck are you sorry you missed it that time because it is a fucking gorgeous sound, and if there’s anything that’s going to keep you on track now it’s the prospect of listening to an angelic fucking chorus of those moans if you pull this off.

And you WILL pull this off.

--

==> Be Jade

--

You are Jade Harley, and you have no idea whether it is possible to orgasm just from getting your breasts played with, but you’re starting to think the answer is yes.

You start to taste blood because you’ve been biting your lip a little too hard with your ridiculous teeth, so you resign yourself to letting your moans be heard in full. You don’t know why you thought that would be embarrassing, in hindsight. Dave obviously doesn’t care that you practically squeak when you moan, and it’s not like there’s anyone around to hear the two of you. Oh, gosh, if anything Dave’s working even harder on your breasts now that you’re not holding back. He must like it when you get vocal. You make a little mental note of that and sticky it in the back of your brain with a big gold star so you don’t forget.

Your whole body is starting to squirm now, and you would really like it if Dave attended to a slightly more obvious spot, but he is being just relentless with your breasts, and despite how hot and gooey you feel down between your legs it’s really hard to complain or tell him to stop because you really don’t want him to do that at all. In fact you kind of wish he would suck on your nipples forever because it feels REALLY amazing and it’s making you writhe and squirm so much that your legs have wrapped themselves around a pillow and you’re clamping down really hard on it and almost kind of humping it a little because you’ve got it rubbing against your crotch JUST right. His fingers and lips mercilessly attack your boobs without pause and you’ve just about had all you can stand, you suddenly realize. Your twitching limbs seize up, your breath catches in your throat, your mouth freezes in a perfect “O,” and the pillow between your legs suddenly has this kind of warm dampness feel to it and there’s literal electricity shooting through your spine and your womanhood feels like a furnace and oh gosh…you are pretty sure you just had your first real orgasm. And don’t get you wrong, you’re thrilled, but you’re a little shocked too. You didn’t even really come close last time and you’d never openly admit to it even though he probably already knew but it had been just so awkward and awful that there was never really a chance of it then. But oh gosh, this time, THIS time, oh it was completely different, something had changed in him, he KNEW things somehow, he knew exactly how to touch you and kiss you and you never came CLOSE to feeling THIS good before. And all he’d done was play with your boobs.

You realize at this point just what you’ve gotten yourself into. If you’re already this worked up, you can only imagine once he really gets going just how amazing the orgasms are going to be.

You nearly have another right then and there just thinking about it.

--

==> Be Dave

--

You are Dave Strider, and you are a little disappointed that Jade’s breath gets trapped in her throat when she actually cums instead of the chorus of moans you were hoping for, but you don’t let it deter you. You actually pulled off the tit-centric orgasm. Most fucking important mission accomplished. It’s gonna be all downhill from here. The first one opened the gates. The rest would have her wailing like a fucking siren.

You treat her to a little frenching because her mouth is hanging open while she gasps for breath and she looks like she wants a little tongue action, and who are you to say no to that shit. Jade Harley tastes fucking amazing, you’d have to be completely shithive bonkers to think otherwise. Not too long though, you tell yourself, can’t let her relax and lose too much of her high. You tear your lips off hers and she whines for a minute, but she shuts her trap the second she sees where you’re going. You push her legs apart and grab the pillow she was humping to get it out of the way, but in the second it’s in your hand you feel a wet squish to it, and when you look at your hand after tossing the thing aside you see that it’s coated in fucking girl jizz. Holy shit, you’ve got a squirter on your hands. Literally.

You battle with yourself for a few seconds as you decide whether this revelation is gross or hot. Based on the increasingly epic aching of your boner, you settle on hot.

You run a finger over her waiting pussy lips and yep, confirmed, she’s fucking soaked. Not like “oh shit you just sneezed into your arm and now your sleeve is a little damp,” more like a sponge that you’ve dunked in a full sink and forgot to wring out. A really hot sponge. A really hot sponge that with just the slightest push of your finger it’s fucking dripping and coating your fingertip with sweet-smelling and slightly sticky juices. Jegus tapdancing Christ this might be easier than you thought. She’s already begging you for more. No bullshit, she is actually honest to fucking god begging. You’re pretty sure you even hear something in there about selling her soul to you if you’d hurry the fuck up about it. Fine, goddamn, you can take a hint already.

Your whole palm plants itself over the trembling mound of her crotch and rubs along the whole area at once. The base of your hand is rubbing around the pubic bone. Your palm is grinding the general area of her clit. Your digits stroke over her pussy directly. She’s obviously in total fucking heaven about this arrangement because her moans are ringing out again like the sweetest goddamn music to your ears and she’s making humping motions again except she’s humping your hand now and that’s a lot hotter than humping a pillow and it’s practically raining girl jizz suddenly because she must have cum again. Hot.

Wait, shit, you were wrong about something. She’s not in total heaven, not yet. You nearly kick yourself in the ass for forgetting. Why the fuck else would she be humping at you? You lift your middle two fingers, drawing them back from merely rubbing her sopping wet snatch and plow them right the fuck inside it and holy shit it’s fucking hot in there. Her walls are practically sucking your fingers in and drooling all over you and she practically screams she’s so fucking ecstatic. Is she starting? Your fingers start to thrust into her rhythmically while your pal keeps rubbing over her clit area and Jegus yes, there she goes, that heavenly echo of Jade Harley’s orgasmic moans filling the room, god, it’s so beautiful, look at her there naked and writhing and singing your praises while her fucking easy bake oven of a pussy is giving your fingers the sauna of a lifetime. Holy fucking shit, sensory overload. You can’t even string together a coherent ironic metaphor anymore.

Okay, you know what though, fuck irony and fuck metaphors, you’ve got a fucking gorgeous naked chick cumming all over you and that is just so fucking awesome. You unironically want more. You NEED more.

--

==> Be Jade

--

YOU ARE JADE HARLEY AND OH JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST YOU LITERALLY CAN’T STOP CUMMING HIS FINGERS OH GOD HIS FINGERS DON’T YOU DARE STOP DAVE STRIDER DON’T YOU DARE STOP THIS IS THE BEST FEELING EVER IT CAN’T POSSIBLY GET BETTER THAN THIS OH GOD NOW HIS HEAD IS MOVING DOWN THERE AND--

OH GOD--

OH GOD--

--

Error: You cannot be Jade Harley because Jade Harley has been reduced to an incoherent pile of orgasmic girl-jello and can no longer form a logical mental narrative.

==> Be Dave

--

You are Dave Strider, and you are chaffing in your jeans so goddamn bad. Your dick is probably rubbed raw by now. But you grin and bear it for her. You promised her the time of her fucking life, and there’s no way that doesn’t include eating her out. No matter how fucking bad being that close to her quivering pussy makes you want to whip out your dick and fuck it to high heaven.

And let’s not mince words, you want to. So fucking much. The only thing keeping you on course now is sheer force of will, and the fact that Jade Harley’s pussy actually tastes pretty goddamn good. It feels even hotter in there on your tongue than it did on your fingers, and her thighs are squeezing your head and pinning you in place so hard it’s a little painful, and you’re pretty much laying in a puddle of her girl jizz that’s only getting bigger. But goddamn she tastes good. You’re pretty sure she cums again after barely a minute or two – what was that, four times? Five? – and you lick up her fresh juices and decide you could probably get used to this, because it really is awesome watching her cum her guts out like this, but that was the last straw. You can’t stand it anymore. Your dick has been caged in long enough. Dick is officially cashing in the get out of jail free card.

You rear back and finally, finally get rid of your pants, and in the gap you watch her just writhe and moan and roll around beneath you. She can barely string words together, her whole body is flushed, and the slightest touch anywhere on her body seems to make her shudder. If you didn’t know she’d essentially just been fucked silly you’d be worried about her. You say ‘essentially’ because she’s yet to actually get fucked, and not only does she know it, she still wants it. You can tell because despite being a shaky and muted pile of hypersensitive goo, she is settling herself on hands and knees, aiming her ass your way, and backing up until your hips meet and she whispers one desperate word.

“Please…”

Holy. Fuck.

You cannot shove your dick into her fast enough.

You are not gentle, you are not careful, you are not tender, you are not any of that sappy shit. She’s in orgasm heaven and she wants to stay there, and fucking hell do you ever want to join her. Your hands clamp onto her buttcheeks, she buries her face in her pillows, and your aching boner slams into her waiting pussy and it’s absolutely fucking perfect. You draw back and slam inside again. Again. Again. Again again again again, faster each time, until you’re railing her as fast as you can reasonably sustain. Goddamn it’s amazing, feeling her ass slapping your hips two or three times a second. Almost as amazing as hearing her screaming into her pillows as she cums a couple more times. Not quite though. That voice is still fucking angelic. If all the world was Daves, The Sounds of Jade Harley Cumming would be the best selling record for all of fucking eternity. God you’re getting close way faster than you hoped. Damn this gorgeous fucking bitch, how dare she be awesome at getting you off. Maybe you can hold on a little while longer though. Maybe if you slow down a bit, take a few deep breaths, get a little composure back, and before you know it you’ll last another few—

Oh fuck she’s cumming again. Oh god there go her moans again. You might have to block out the sound if you want to last much longer or else--

Oh fuck. It’s different this time, you realize. And it’s like a lightning bolt hits you when your sex-addled brain interprets the sounds.

This time she’s moaning your name.

She’s moaning your fucking name in the middle of a fucking orgasm.

Yeah you’re not lasting another fucking second.

A heavy, grunting breath escapes your lips, the first sound you’ve made all night, and you blow the most epic load of your life.

--

==> Be Jade

--

You are Jade Harley, and by the time you’ve regained the brain activity to remember even that basic fact, it’s at least ten minutes after Dave finally stopped. He’s pulled you up from your all-fours position since then and is sitting back on his knees holding you against his chest and letting you recover from what was unquestionably the most mindblowing sex ever in the history of paradox space. You can still feel him inside you, a radiant heat from both of your tired, aching crotches. You’d be shocked if you could walk tomorrow without a bolt of agony in every step. But you don’t care. You don’t care even a tiny little bit, that is how thoroughly fucked you are. In the good way, of course.

Eventually his legs get tired of sitting like that, but you’re coherent enough now to coax him into a different position. You lay on your sides together without ever disconnecting your joined hips, and he wraps his arms around you from behind and cuddles you against his chest and spoons you in total un-ironic fashion, and you smile and holds his hands in both of yours and sigh dreamily. You could pretty much die happy at this point. You can feel his soft, slowing breaths on your neck as he starts drifting to sleep, his arms and chest blanketing you with his warmth, his shaft pressed snug into you and his seed swimming through you and it’s all just so amazing you can’t imagine a better feeling in the whole world. If you fell asleep like this and never woke up, you would be okay with that.

But of course you do wake up. Hours and hours later. Exactly how you fell asleep together.

You were right. The ache in your crotch is epic.

You still don’t care.
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DAVE: BE AWESOME AT SEX