JADE/DAVE: PLAY A GAME

Written for a prompt from the kink meme at homesmut, the livejournal Adult fan-community for Homestuck. Enjoy.

JADE/DAVE: PLAY A GAME

-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

GG: hey mister coolkid! :D

TG:  sup harley

GG: doing anything unbearably cool today??

TG: babe everyday is unbearably cool in strider land

TG: cooler than the other side of the fucking pillow

TG: cooler than a polar bear feelin’ a slight breeze

TG: it’s so fucking cool it does a time loop reacharound to hot again and chills that motherfucker out

GG: soooooooo cooooooool! :D

GG:  do you think you can fit in some time in your coolkid schedule for me today?

TG:  i think i could swing it for a little while, no promises though

GG: ooooooooh i’m so lucky! 8-)B

TG: the fuck is that supposed to be?

GG: me, dummy!! 

GG: it’s my glasses and teeth

TG:  oh, i get it

TG: cute

GG:  lol i thought so!

TG: so what’s up, did you need something?

GG: ummmmmmmm

GG: no not really!

GG: actually i wanted to ask if you’d like to play a game with me!

TG:  oh fuck

TG: come on harley seriously?

TG: this is like the fourth time this week

TG: what the hell is your obsession with games for whiny babies who poop in their diapers?

GG:  pleeeeeeeease, dave?

GG:  games are fun, I promise!

GG: and easy too, there are games all over the internet ripe for playing!!

TG:  how about no

GG: yes!

TG: no

GG: yes!!

TG:  no

GG:  yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!

TG: jeez jade i know you’re totally hot for me but don’t cream yourself

GG:  oh i bet you’d like that wouldn’t you!

TG: maybe

GG: hmmm

GG:  this gives me an idea!

TG: oh god this can’t lead anywhere good

GG: how about we make it more interesting!

GG:  you play a game with me and i’ll make it a strip game, deal?

TG: what the christ

TG: harley i can’t fucking see you how would that be at all interesting

GG: i can’t see you either, you know!

GG:  but i still think it sounds exciting!

TG:  how

GG: trust me

GG:  i’ll even give you the first one for free!

TG:  the first what

GG: dave…

GG: i’m taking my shirt off

TG: bs

GG: it’s a button-up

GG:  there goes the top button

GG:  two more buttons

GG:  my bra’s uncovered

TG: oh my god what am i even reading here

GG: last button

GG: the shirt’s totally open

GG: now it’s sloooooooowly slipping off my shoulders

GG: and now it’s gone! no more shirt, just a cute bare tummy and a cute blue bra

TG:  oh fuck

TG:  goddamnit harley

GG: so whaddya say dave…

GG: you wanna play? :D

TG:  fine

TG:  what’s the game

GG: here click this to join the game with me!

TG:  oh motherfuck

TG: Memory?

TG:  You want to play fucking strip-Memory?

GG:  sure, it’ll be easy!

GG:  every time one of us gets a match the other one has to take something off

GG:  first to get the other person naked wins

TG:  you’re fucking evil, this is like your favorite game you’re going to annihilate me

GG:  lol maybe, maybe not!

GG:  i already gave you a head-start though, and i’ll even let you go first too! ;-)B

TG: only because you’re that damn sure you’ll win

GG: oh just flip, fuckass!

TG: fine

TG: there happy a lemon and a tangle buddy no match

GG: well duh, what are the odds of getting a match the first turn, like a million to one?

TG: whatever go ahead and crush me now

GG: the second turn isn’t really any better unless you get really lucky

GG: there see, an apple and a smuppet, no match for me either

TG: what the fuck are fucking smuppets doing in this game

GG: it’s customizable! :D

GG: you can put in all your own pictures

TG: that is so much fucking worse, you actually consciously put those things in?

TG: jesus fuck harley it’s like you’re actively trying to kill my boner

GG: =O

GG: oh my goodness dave are you really that excited?

TG:  moving on, my turn

TG: oh fuck awesome a lemon

GG:  gasp!

TG: and two lemons, bitchin’

GG: nice going dave!

TG:  incoming erotic shoe removal

GG: hehehehe, well i was gonna take my skirt off but if you insist!

TG:  no goddamnit that’s not fair

GG: oh don’t whine, you’ll get there eventually

GG: i don’t have a lot to take off anyway ;-P

GG:  we’ll even count shoes as one thing

GG: and i’m not even wearing socks!

GG: just sandals

TG: wait really

GG: yep!

GG: click click go the buckles and there they go, off my little footsies!

GG: hehe, this is so exciting it’s making my toes curl!

TG:  okay that is enough foot fetish talk go move

GG: alright let’s see…

GG: eeeeeeeek tanglebuddy!

TG: fuck

GG: two tanglebuddies! 

GG: i have reunited the soulmates! :D

TG: whoop de fucking doo

TG: okay well it’s your lucky day because i’m not a tool who wears shoes around the house

TG: so i guess i’ll take my socks off first

GG: and?

TG:  and what

GG: you gotta be more detailed like i was!

TG:  okay they’re nasty sweaty three day old socks that peel off like a layer of skin

TG: you can see literal stink lines rising from my mold-encrusted toenails

TG: the radiation levels in the room skyrocket as my bare feet release their trapped odors

GG: eeeeeeeewwwwwwww!

GG:  come on dave don’t be gross!

GG: this is supposed to be fun and sexy

TG: okay okay fine

TG: i guess i have pretty normal totally non sweaty and non radioactive feet?

TG:  and no mold just perfectly normal feet and stuff

GG:  better!  8-)B

GG: okay your turn

TG: i got an orange and

TG: oh real cute my broken record logo

TG: i should sue you for copyright infringement

GG: hehe!

GG: hmm this one is a lime, so let’s pick this one…

GG: ack!

TG: hahaha thanks for finding the other record for me my turn

TG:  oh look at that two records

GG: jerkass!  =P

GG: fiiiiiiiine i’m taking my skirt off

TG: awesome

GG: just gotta loosen this button…

GG:  whee there it goes!

GG:  fell right down my legs as soon as i stood up

GG:  brrrrrrrr, bare legs are chilly!

TG:  wait how bare are we talking

GG: =P

GG:  still got all my underwear on silly

GG:  buuuuuuuut…

GG: that all that’s left! ;-)B

GG: ps i am being goofy and wearing non-matching panties, they are green instead

TG: what the hell blue bra and green panties

GG: yep!  I told you it was goofy!

TG:  meh big deal you’d still be decent on a beach

GG: would not! i’m in underwear!

TG: right that’s basically a bikini

TG: in fact i bet most bikinis are even skimpier

GG: lol good point

GG: okay mister coolkid time for you to lose something

GG:  bam, there’s the other lime!

GG:  two limes dave, let’s make something happen! :D

TG:  fine

TG:  check out this shirt stripping action going on over here

GG:  ooooooooh yay!

TG: just twirling it over my head now it’s like a fucking Chippendales up in here

GG:  hehehehehehehehe!

GG: liar  =P

TG:  okay the twirling is an exaggeration but it is off i promise

TG: and there is some sort of bare hulking male chest underneath

TG: because dudes are awesome and don’t need two fucking pieces of underwear

GG: lol oh really dave?

GG:  you think dudes are awesome? :3

TG: oh fuck shut up

GG:  hehehehehehehehe!

TG:  my turn oh god fucking damnit there’s the other smuppet

GG: oh noooooooo

GG: you forgot where the first one is by now right?

TG:  no way that thing was fucking burned into my brain

TG: there two smuppets

GG:  aaaaaaaa you suck!

GG: > 8 [B

GG: wait that looks stupid

TG: quit stalling i got a match

GG:  lol well well, now who’s all interested in playing the game!

TG:  no comment

GG:  alright mister coolguy

GG: i’m reaching behind my back…

GG: my fingers are unhooking the clasp of the bra…

GG: and now it’s open and just barely hanging onto my shoulders

TG:  then get your fucking shoulders out of the way

GG: don’t rush me!

TG: okay fine sorry

GG: okay

GG: it’s off

TG: really

GG: yep

GG: hehe…

GG:  i’m totally topless

TG: goddamn

GG: told you this would be exciting! 8-)B

TG:  can uh

GG: what?

TG: can i ask what you look like

GG:  hmmm

GG: well

GG: dave

GG: this may shock you, but

GG: i have boobs

TG: no fucking way i never would have guessed that

TG: never in a million fucking years would that have crossed my thoughts

TG: my mind has been scattered to the cosmos for how thoroughly it is blown

GG:  lol you’re so ridiculous

GG: it’s just boobs

GG:  kinda pointy boobs

GG: it’s especially obvious when my nipples are this perked up

TG: holy fuck

TG: you’re walking a dangerous line between incredibly hot and incredibly tmi

GG: okay dave take your pants off!

TG: what

TG: oh fuck did you move while

TG: fuck

TG: how did you even find two harlequins at once

GG: :D

GG: i guess i’m just lucky like that!

TG:  luck doesn’t actually matter but okay fine

TG: get ready for the pants-removing entertainment spectacle of the year

GG: woo take it off!

TG: motherfucking swish

TG: pants be gone

GG: lol i bet you are wearing sweet bro and hella jeff boxers!

TG:  what the fuck gave you idea that’s fucking stupid

GG:  exactly!

GG: you wear them ‘ironically’

GG: :DDD

TG:  you go ahead and think that

TG:  oh shit my turn

TG: an apple oh my hell

GG: eeep!

TG:  fuck where was the other one

GG:  hmm i don’t know!

TG:  bs

TG: okay come on fuck where were you, you fucking goddamn fruit

TG: fuck fuck fuck goddamnit

GG:  yessssssss!

TG: why do you have more tanglebuddies what the fuck

GG: its cthulu-buddy!

TG: goddamn fucking eldritch horrors

GG:  wheeeeeeee i got the apples!

GG: you know what that means! :D

TG: do i have to

GG:  yes!

TG:  you suck

GG: I’m waaaaaaaaiting!!

TG: fine they’re off

GG: =O

TG:  you win game over

GG: heeeeeeeey come on you can’t gloss over it!

TG: what the fuck, no, i’m not gonna sit here and describe my pasty white ass

TG: or my uncomfortable boner

TG: it’s crude and gross

GG: maybe i think its sexy

GG: maybe this uncomfortable boner of yours sounds quite interesting!

TG: oh my god you’re such a pervert

TG: this was your plan all along wasn’t it?

TG: to get me naked and talk about my fucking cock

GG: your uncomfortably hard cock

TG: ……

TG: okay what the fuck was that

GG: your turn dave!

TG: what

GG: i’m still wearing panties remember

GG: c’mon dave

GG: get me naked ;-)B

TG: okay this just took a really weird as fuck turn

TG:  are you being for real

GG:  pick your cards!

TG: fuck

TG: this is

TG:  fuck

TG:  fine okay

TG:  oh shit it’s that fucking slime ghost thing

TG: perfect where the fuck am I going to find something completely new again

TG: the odds are like, fucking

TG: some huge ass giant astronomical

TG:  oh hey there it is

GG: hooray!

GG: :DDD

GG: ready dave?

TG: uh

TG: for what

GG:  my hand is running over the edge of my panties

TG: oh fuck

GG: my fingers are pushing the waistband down

GG: just have to lift my hips a bit and slip them past my butt

GG: and there they go

TG: jesus jade

GG: slipping right down my legs

GG: bye bye panties

GG: well dave there you go

GG: i’m totally naked

GG: now what do you want to play? =P

TG: what, i had to talk about my boner and you get to just stop after the panties are off?

GG: hmm, good point

GG: well…

GG: it’s just a little bit fuzzy

GG:  up above

GG:  and when I put a finger down there it’s wet to the touch

TG: really

TG: wet huh

GG: mmhmm

GG: it feels pretty good to touch dave

TG: well

TG: fuck

TG: maybe

TG: you should keep touching it then

GG:  that’s a good idea dave i think i will do just that

GG:  and maybe that uncomfortable boner of yours wouldn’t be so uncomfortable

GG: if you started touching it too?

TG: fuck I was already touching it the second you said your pussy was wet

GG: =O

GG: want me to keep describing it?

TG:  fucking yes

GG: it’s getting a lot wetter now

GG: I’m pushing two fingers inside

TG:  holy shit

GG: oh god that felt good

GG: dave

GG:  you talk too

GG: are you still hard?

TG: as a fucking rock

TG:  you’re making me type one-fucking-handed

GG: me too :D

GG:  dave

GG: my eyes are closed

GG: help me make this your fingers inside me

TG:  oh fuck

TG: uh

TG: okay

TG: my fingers are pushing into you

GG: into what dave

TG: into your slippery wet pussy that’s what pay some fucking attention harley

GG: ooooooooh i can feel them

TG:  they’re going deeper now

TG:  as far as they can go

GG:  my hand is wrapping nice and snug around your shaft in response

GG: holding tight and moving up and down

TG:  fuck, jade

GG: don’t stop keep going

TG:  my fingers do a little curl inside you and rub your walls

TG:  i’m thrusting them in and out now

TG: and i’m so goddamn fucking good at it

GG: oh god

GG: dave i’m so wet

GG: i start rubbing you faster but i’m afrad i’m not doig nearly as goo a jbb

TG: and i tell you to stop fucking worrying you’re doing really god

TG: you’re gonns mak me blow any secnd

TG: fuck i can’t typ anymr

GG: me to fuk asasdfhjkfgdfg

TG:  ffffffffffffffff

TG: fuck

TG: shit where are my tissues

TG: holy hell that was hot and weird as fuck

TG: jade

TG: jade are you there

GG: yes

GG: oh god i came everywhere

GG: that was so good

TG: yeah no shit

TG: but jesus, jade, where the fuck did all that come from?

GG: i dunno i just suddenly really wanted to

GG:  it was fun though, right? i told you games are fun!

TG:  i guess so yeah

GG: maybe next time we won’t have to do it through a computer

TG: next time

TG: what the fuck do you mean next time

GG: oops, gotta go clean up

TG:  goddamnit harley

GG: later, dave!

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TG:  hey no don’t do that fucking sign off before i can respond bullshit

TG: oh goddamnit you suck

-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

GG:  maybe next time. ;-)B

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TG:  ……

TG:  goddamn

-- turntechGodhead [TG] logged off --