Black Roses | By : Levii Category: DC Verse Cartoons - Teen Titans > General Views: 3202 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Disclaimer: I don' own the Teen Titans, easy as that.
A/N: Hey ppl. this is my first attempt at a Titan fic. This story is pretty dark and involves themes of suicide.
~*~Raven's POV~*~
I love him, I loved Beastboy once too, but it was never meant to be. I can see that now. Beastboy was too naïve, too innocent and open to survive being with me. I can’t open up, and I’m anything but innocent and naïve. I’ve seen what happens when I lose control, seen what happens when I allow myself to feel. Its why I’m standing here, staring at this grey stone with my mother’s name on it now. I killed her, I destroyed her with what I am, by letting myself lose control.
No, Beastboy and I were never meant to be. He needs someone who can laugh at his stupid jokes, share tofu with, someone who won’t demean him and make him feel inferior. I’ve been researching how to bring her back with Cyborg, using combinations of science and magic. We’re so close, soon she’ll be free. Soon, he won’t be alone anymore. I know he loves her, that he mourns her, and that he blames himself. I blame myself too, but I’m not allowed to mourn, I’m not allowed to cry and weep for those I’ve loved and lost, even though they never knew what I felt. She will be back.
I’ve laid my black roses on her grave and I’m preparing to teleport myself back to the city. Farewell, mother, I hope you’re happy in the afterlife.
****
I’m standing in the center of the park now, the familiar metal embrace of Jump City surrounding me like a cold blanket. Shadows dance in the trees and I’m made to think of him. The one I know could never happen. He’s never seen me, never even considered me anything but a friend. I can live with that, though. I can love him in secret forever, knowing better to love one that will never know than to love another that I can never touch, can never allow to see.
I’ve seen into the depths of his mind, shared experiences and know things about him that no one else will ever know. He’s as dark as I sometimes, at others he’s so far into the sun I fear I’ll burn by just stepping into his shadow. He’s not naïve, not an innocent, Slade saw to that. No, he’s a hero, a real one, not a freak pretending to be one. I’m no hero, I just hang out with them.
I love him, but he can never know. Not with what may come, what Slade thinks will come. I have to spare them, do something to keep it from happening. I’ve wandered to the tower without even looking up, I’m standing at the door, waiting to enter and once again enter the domain of the heroes I live with. I reach up to open the door, but it’s pulled open quickly and suddenly he’s before me.
He seems startled by my presence. “Raven!”
I say nothing, but inside I know he wouldn’t have seen me had the door been made of glass. He doesn’t see me. Usually, I don’t mind it, but, with him, it stabs at my heart.
“We got a call that Killer Moth is robbing the bank,” he says, getting right down to business.
I nod and move aside to let him pass, still silent. He and the others run by me and clamor inside Cyborg’s car. I join them, of course, I may not be a hero, but I still have to play the part and follow the team.
“So… where were you today?” Beastboy’s voice clears past my feelings of self-doubt and sadness.
“I had to see my mother,” I answer truthfully.
“Oh? What’s she like?” he asks, trying to make conversation.
“I never knew. She’s been dead since I was five,” I answer in my usual deadpan.
I wince inwardly at the look of sadness that crosses his features and the fading of his usual smile. Damn. “Oh, sorry.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t know.”
Before he can say anything the car stops and we all tumble out and burst inside. The fight ends swiftly and Killer Moth is back on his way to prison and we’re heading back to the tower. Silently, I rush to my room, the sight of him and Star flirting crushing my heart like tissue paper. I don’t care if anyone wonders, or if they worry, I draw the line at watching the one I love flirt with someone else. I may never tell him how I feel, but I still have some pride.
My thoughts wander to what is coming while I meditate and the possible ways to stop it. Nothing but one ends in disaster for the world, but can I do it? It’s the only way to protect the world… to protect him and my friends. My eyes turn to the sheathed knife on my dresser, the one he gave me for my birthday. Its extremely sharp, having accidentally cut myself on it once. I know that the pain will be minimal and, barring an intervention of my friends, the end would come swiftly.
Before I can think to stand, its in my hands, blood is on the blade and dripping slowly onto the carpet, staining it. I look up to see my reflection. I’m paling. The sticky warmth of life is flowing from my the cuts on my wrists quickly. I can hear laughter in the distance… wait, I’m laughing? No… someone else is laughing from behind me.
I turn and see the one being I hoped never to see again, the one that has pushed me to this. He looks desperate and afraid as he watches me. He must have thought that I killed the others to save them the pain of what is to come. He didn’t think I was capable of this.
“What have you done?” he gasps.
“I can’t open the door if I’m dead,” I answer. “Even if he brought me back, it wouldn’t work.”
He’s panicking, I can feel it roll off him in waves as he pretends to stand there in relaxed nonchalance. I smirk at him, knowing that I’ve won. “No… are you mad?”
I hear myself laugh, the sound is filled with sadness and I can feel tears burning in my eyes. “I may as well be. What life is this? Where I can’t afford to feel… to love. This isn’t a life, life isn’t supposed to be like this. You know this as well as I do. Anyways, if I do live, I bring about the end of all I care for. Perhaps I am mad, perhaps I always have been. All I know is that this is the only way.”
He backs up into the shadows. “Very well then. Farewell, Raven.”
“Goodbye… Slade.” And he’s gone. Just like that he’s gone.
Someone’s banging on my door, I can hear someone calling to me frantically. Its my love. I can hear him asking if I’m okay, that sensors had detected Slade inside my room. I try to answer, but my throat’s too dry, my body to exhausted to stand as I drop the dagger and slump to the ground.
My eyes are still open as he breaks the door down and rushes to my side. His voice sounds as though I’m under water. I know I’m dying, I know he’s crying for me, I can feel his tears as he cups my face and cradles my body in his arms. Darkness pulls, sweet unconsciousness wants to take me away from the pain. As I slip into its soft, black oblivion I hear myself speak. I hear my voice tell him my one true secret as I go to join my mother in the afterlife, or my father in Hell… whichever doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that he knows now, that I can feel now.
“I love you... Robin.”
*****
Levii: Hey guys! How'd I do? Send me a review! Ja!
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