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The Locker Room at Wayne Manor	By : HeyBats Category: DC Verse Cartoons > Justice League Views: 9062 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Justice League, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-The Locker Room at Wayne Manor
- 1
Author Note: Takes place 2 weeks after Starcrossed. Don’t own the characters, but if I did they be funnier than they are now. This is an attempt (albeit lame) at humor but hopefully you’ll get a laugh out of it.

Plot Summary: Male members of the original JL debate on which female members should be admitted… locker room talk ensues.

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On the first Monday evening of October, the second all-hands meeting of the revised six-member Justice League convened at the Cave under Wayne Manor. The Cave was the only secure location on Earth within easy reach of all the member’s dwellings on the East Coast of the United States and by default had become their temporary headquarters. A week before the members had considered Superman’s suggestion to move their temporary base to his Fortress of Solitude however that idea had been nixed when Diana complained that the cold climate would cause her nipples to freeze against her breastplate.

Her teammates looked at her in shock but she’d just shrugged her shoulders, asking, “Do you think I would say it if it wasn’t true?”

Besides a central location, the Manor had an additional benefit given that J’onn and Diana had been left homeless as a result of the Watchtower’s destruction. Spacious Wayne Manor had bedrooms that hadn’t hosted a guest since the death of Bruce’s parents. Soon after taking up residence at Wayne Manor, J’onn suspected that Diana didn’t always sleep in her room however his only real clue was that he caught Bruce occasionally smiling in the morning.

Well aware that prying eyes in Gotham City might spy superheroes flying in and out of the Manor like it was Grand Central Station, Batman provided his teammates with remote entry emitters in order to access the Cave at one of the concealed access points normally utilized either by the Batmobile or the Batwing.

On this particular day, Superman arrived through the Batwing entrance 15 minutes prior to the meeting, hoisting an eight by four-foot table and a stack of fold-up chairs over his head which he started to set-up after touching down near the Batmobile’s turnstyle.

Nearby, Batman was seated at his workstation, deeply involved in designing a new Watchtower. He nodded a quick “Hrrrnn” in place of a normal greeting, then raised an eyebrow (Superman always wondered how he was able to convey so many facial expressions despite the coverage of the cowl over his face) a second later when his teammate finished setting up the chairs and table in the middle of the Cave.

“Getting everyone comfortable I take it?” he observed sarcastically, “Where are the cots?”

“I thought given the amount of topics on the agenda it might help if we weren’t perched on the hood of your car.” Clark replied with a shrug. “Any chance Alfred can whip ometomething for dinner? I had to skip lunch.”

“Saw that on the news. Lois recovered from the fall?”

Clark hesitated a moment, recounting the 22nd time he’d managed to save Lois life. This particular time, Richard Drips, a syphilitic copy editor from the Planet’s business desk, suddenly decided Lois should become his full-time love-slave. He’d lured her up to the rooftop to plead for her affections however when she spurned his advances, the crazed man rewarded Lois with a 48-story free fall. Clark happened to see her fallinghis his office window and Superman arrested her plunge nine feet from the pavement.

“She’ll be fine.”

Batman grunted a second “Hrrnn” then returned to the CAD (“Computer Assisted Design”) projection displayed on the screen above him. He finalized the last touches of the design, focusing his concentration on the exterior support columns of the new Watchtower. The columns would reinforce the superstructure against external attacks while providing more mass, beneficial for future suicide missions similar to the one he’d undertaken against the Thanagarians. When he clicked the final version overhead on the large screen a few moments later, a blast of air signified Flash’s arrival. Batman turned and found the entire complement of the League present and accounted for, quietly seated around the table waiting for him to start his presentation.

“Now that we’re all here, we can get to business.” Batman intoned. “The new design of the Watchtower and five Javelins will incorporate Kryptonian and Martian technology as well as some Thanagarian machinery we salvaged from that Battle Cruiser Lantern trashed…”

An hour later, Batman walked his teammates through his final commentary on the building sequences and raw materials necessary to construct the new Watchtower. Lantern whistled quietly in appreciation at the design of the defense systems, making a point to compliment Batman’s improvements in certain engineering and power systems, which represented a technological breakthrough over the previous design.

Flash and Diana made a few suggestions about upgrades to the common and residential areas, noting that the first Watchtower had been somewhat spartan in its creature comforts. Batman made a series of design changes with the CAD software, thereby increasing the size of the kitchen and coffee rooms. When he was done, he noted that the compromise for these larger rooms meant downsizing “his and hers” locker rooms and showers to unisex. The men looked to Diana for an argument but she just shrugged her shoulders, raised an eyebrow and proclaimed “it doesn’t bother me” while giving Batman a sultry stare that only Superman didn’t pick up on. Lantern was surprised that the Princess didn’t argue the point with greater passion then realized Diana had already committed to saving water by showering with Bruce anyway. 15 minutes later the team agreed that the design was complete.

“So we’re agreed that J’onn will coordinate the construction in space and John Stewart will deliver the necessary parts to orbit?” Superman asked, then remembered that his teammate’s arm was still in a sling, “That is, once his arm has healed.”

Flash looked at the blueprints on the screen again, marveling that the new Watchtower was four times the size as the last one. “This monster is going to take us awhile to build. Are we going to get any help from Wayne Enterprises?”

“Not this time. The SEC has been investigating some of my activities for awhile now. It wouldn’t be prudent to remove a billion dollars from Wayne Enterprises coffers again so the labor is going to have to come from our new members.” Batman replied.

“That leads us into our next topic: recruiting.” Superman started.

Batman got up from his chair and grabbed a stack of folders off the adjacent table then distributed a folder to each one of the League members. “These folders have a list of every man, woman and teenager on the planet known to have extraphysical prowess, including mages, as well as other candidates who are non-powered but are known to be talented in their own way. Their abilities are outlined in the pages after the list. I’ve included photos, known successes for bringing down bad guys, as well as a DVD with some compiled footage of them in action. Given that we’re pretty light on female members, the female candidates are listed first, then the men, then the teens.”

Diana looked up from her folder when she heard the last part of his statement. Her face softened as she looked directly at him. “That is very considerate of you. It would be nice to have at least one more female member in the League.”

Batman’s eyes narrowed behind the cowl. “This isn’t Themyscira. My focus is to find the best members as quickly as possible, regardless of whether you accomplish any female-bonding with them.”

Diana dismissed his reply with a wave. “It was very considerate of you to think of me. Thank you.”

Batman looked at her with an equal mix of confusion and derision, electing to stay silent. He thought his silence would be beneficial lest the Princess misconstrue more of his deeds as a League Member. As far as Batman was concerned, if Diana wanted to believe that he was interested in making her happy by adding more female members to the League, it was okay by him, but only if she honored her promise to dress up in a little Catholic school girl outfit for him later than evening. The Princess returned his stare with a smoldering glance but neither looked away. If Clark looked under the table that second he would have seen Diana’s foot snaking up Batman’s leg before settling on his crotch. As it was his super hearing picked up some rubbing sounds Clark attributed to the bats in the Cave, not realizing the crotch of the kevlar-nomex weave made that sound when in contact with a red leather boot.

The sexual tension was thick enough to cut with a knife and J’onn cleared his throat to command their attention. “Given the time pressure, I suggest we start vetting them immediately. Should we start on the first page with ‘Black Canary’?”

Batman opened his mouth to reply when Alfred suddenly appeared at the top of the steps leading to the Manor. “Master Bruce. I apologize for the interruption but a news bulletin just flashed on my television…it appears that the Joker and Killer Croc have escaped from Arkham again.”

Batman turned to Superman, tossed him his folder and muttered “You take care of the recruiting drive!” then turned and strode off to the Batmobile. Superman detected an odd limp in his teammate’s stride, then frowned. “Need any help?”

“No.”

Diana floated out of her chair a second later in pursuit. She landed on the passenger side of the car and placed her hand on the door handle before Batman reached the driver’s side.

“I’m coming with you.” She stated flatly.

“Gotham is under MY protection, Diana,” he replied in his usual harsh tone which Diana dismissed as sexual frustration. ‘Hera, he needs another blow-job,’ she thought with resignation, ‘What’s this, the third time today? I’ve got to stop making him omelettes for breakfast.’

Superman, Lantern, Flash and Martian Manhunter cringed a moment later as the Cave acoustics magnified the sounds of two superheroes squabbling like an old married couple. The volume of their voices rose higher and higher, finally interrupted when Batman haughtily triggered a button on his belt, locking the passenger side door. He opened his own door and was preparing to settle into the driver’s seat when Diana responded by hefting the car over her head. She saucily strode over to the edge of the nearby cliff, pointedly hinting that his refusal to allow her on the mission would immediately result in the Batmobile’s demise on the piles of guano 70 feet below.

Flash’s eyes widened in amazement as he heard Batman’s normally harsh tone suddenly soften, almost plead with the headstrong Amazon to return his car. His missives fell on deaf ears however and she inched closer to the edge of the cliff, lowering the Batmobile inch by inch until he finally relented when he realized she would do trash his car without hesitation in order to make a point.

“Fine, just don’t get in the way.” He growled.

Diana flashed her teammates a quick smile of triumph then set the car down on the turnstyle. Her teammates were still seated at the table, transfixed by the scene in front of them, however none of them dared to move or say anything lest they face the wrath of the Bat. A moment later, the car doors opened and Diana slid into the passenger seat, a triumphant smirk still evident on her face. Batman entered the car and slammed his door shut behind him with a bang. The men winced, imagining the wrath that Diana had brought on herself for embarrassing Batman in front of his teammates, not knowing that she’d discovered the easiest way to replace a Bat-glare: a Bat-gasm. A moment later the Batmobile thundered down the driveway, the reverberation of the turbine engine pounding in the men’s ears.

The Batmobile disappeared around the corner a second later and the four men collapsed into a fit of laughter as they started mimicking Batman’s plea to Diana, begging her not to throw his car into the chasm.

“Did you ever think you’d see the day when Batman was pussy-whipped?” Flash asked as the others howled in mirth.

“We know who’s wearing the pants in the Manor these days!” Lantern agreed with a hearty laugh.

Flash furrowed his brow as he pictured Diana’s defiant expression as she toyed with his car. “I know she’s a Princess and everything but did you ever notice that sometimes Diana gets a little bossy?”

“Sometimes?” Lantern retorted with a snort. “How about all the time. They’re perfect for each other… two control freaks.”

“What do you mean?” Superman asked lamely. “Diana’s just trying to help him apprehend the Joker, right?”

Lantern rolled his eyes. “I forgot that you were raised on a farm. Haven’t you ever seen a man and a woman act like that? They’ve probably been knockin’ boots since Diana moved into the Manor!”

“Knockin’ boots?” Superman asked, a confused expression evident on his face.

Lantern shook his head in exasperation. “You’re a reporter. You figure it out.” He turned his attention to the file in front of him then had a moment of inspiration. “Alfred, is there any beer in the house? We’re going to be looking through these files all night and I don’t know about you guys, but I could use a cold one.”

“I bought a case of Michelob last week in anticipation that one of you might need some refreshment.” Alfred replied in his clipped monotone. “Would the gentlemen care to take the meal upstairs in the media room? I believe there is a football game on to help you pass the time. Its dark now so it won’t pose a security risk for Master Bruce.”

“That would be great, Jeeves!” Flash replied with a smile. “Got any food?”

Alfred rolled his eyes and replied, “I’ll see if I can find some chips and salsa.”

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Two minutes later the four men sat down on adjacent couches as Alfred turned on the Monday Night Football matchup between the Broncos and the Raiders. The surround sound system filled their ears as John Madden started handicapping the game for the viewers. The network went to commercial break before the kick-off and the men raised their beers in salute, “To Bruce!” they all shouted, clinking their beers with a flourish. Each silently reflected on the argument that must be unfolding in the Batmobile at that very moment between the stubborn princess and the Dark Knight, not knowing that Diana’s head was bobbing up and down on Bruce’s lap at that very second.

The football game came back on and the Broncos returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown. The crowd at Invesco Field was going nuts on the surround sound and Flash actually reduced the volume a few notches so that they could hear themselves talk. The first round of beers went down quickly and even J’onn allowed himself to relax, polishing off his beer with obvious gusto. Alfred magically appeared with a second silver platter carrying with two more rounds of beers as well as some chips, guacamole and salsa. The men quickly dug into the pile of food and cheered loudly a few minutes later when Denver’s defense intercepted a pass and returned it for a touchdown.

“14 to nuthin’ five minutes into the game…this is going to be a blow-out.” Lantern observed with a frown. “Might as well get back down to business.”

They opened their folders and scanned the picture of Black Canary for a moment. Flash popped the DVD from his folder into the loader, wolf-whistling a second later at the screen as Black Canary’s shapely figure filled the screen. Lantern nodded in appreciation at the attractive image displayed before them, then found the “Screen within Screen” button on the remote. The button embedded the smaller picture of the Monday night game onto the larger image of Black Canary, thereby allowing them to keep track of them game while reviewing the performance of their prospective teammate.

“She’s got my vote.” Flash announced, tossing his folder over his shoulder for dramatic emphasis.

Superman raised a suspicious eyebrow. “How can you say that? You haven’t even seen her in action!”

“That’s because my standards are different than yours. Let’s see: she’s single, blond, wears fish-net stockings, high heeled boots and once dated Green Arrow. She’s in by me!”

“What does Green Arrow have to do with your criteria?” J’onn asked.

“It means she likes guys who put themselves in danger, which means she puts out for guys like me.” Flash replied without hesitation.

“We’ve got to have more substantial criteria than that for picking female members!” Superman retorted.

“Hey, I don’t know about you, but I thought the first incarnation of the League was pretty light on the T & A factor, Shayera and Diana aside.” Flash replied with a pompous grin. “The more chicks, the more action for me.”

“T & A factor?” J’onn asked.

“Yeah, Tits and Ass!” Flash responded, his voice growing more animated by the second. “The Princess is kind of stuck up to begin with, and now she’s shacking up with Bats so she’s useless to me now. Besides, since I was the last one to know about John and Shayera -----” he paused to raise his beer in salute to his wounded teammate, who nodded back, appreciating his friend’s gesture, “----I think its only fair that I get first crack at the next female member in the League.”

“I already invited Supergirl to join the League.” Clark responded with a glare.

“Is she your sister?”

“No.”

“Cousin?”

“Not genetically, speaking, no. But she does live with my parents so I think of her as my cousin.” Clark replied, his tone still serious.

“No offense, Supes, but where you were raised I’ve heard the word ‘cousin’ is like a license to get married.” Flash roared with a laugh. “Quick, what’s the definition of ‘relative humidity’ in Arkansas?”

“Dunno.” Superman responded.

“It’s the amount of sweat that built up on your cousin’s skin when you’re done fucking her.” Flash laughed.

Superman’s eyes narrowed considerably and Flash thought he detected the faint red glow of the laser’s starting to power up behind his corneas but he couldn’t resist one more jab.

“Besides, your ‘cousin’ is a little hottie… who designed her outfit anyway? It shows more T&A than Wondy’s!”

“That’s enough, Flash!” Superman yelled. His posture stiffened and he almost stood up, then calmed himself for a moment, taking a long pull from his beer. “Just so we’re clear on this…nobody gets to fuck my cousin. Is that understood?”

“Loud and clear.” Lantern interjected before Flash lost a limb to the Kryptonian’s optical lasers. “Who’s next?”

“Before we move onto the next candidate, I have a point of order that I’d like to discuss with you guys.” Flash said gravely, studying his teammates faces with concern. “Do you think that one of us might make a suggestion to Wondy about wearing something….” He paused to find the right words, “a little more substantial? There have been occasions when I get so distracted watching those tits bounce around that I forget about fighting the bad guys. Is it just me?”

“She has… substantial assets.” J’onn agreed, putting down his third empty beer on the coffee table. “Perhaps we might suggest Batman approach her about the issue since it obviously hinders our ability to work effectively as a team.”

They all considered that suggestion for a moment then exploded with laughter again as Alfred delivered yet another round. In the background, the Broncos kicked a field goal to make it 17-0 as they flipped their folders to the next page.

An hour later Alfred brought the last round of beers available in the Manor and emptied the last of the guacamole and salsa containers into the dipping bowls. The men were almost done with their folders, having reached the final two female candidates.

“Okay, here’s Huntress. What’s she do?” Lantern slurred, the five empty bottles in front of him serving as the likely culprit for the impediment in his speech.

Superman raised his left leg and let a thunderous fart echo off the vaulted ceiling. “Oh man, guacamole farts are the worst! It’s like Kryptonite for the ass!…Anyway, I’ve got two picturezzz in my folder.” Superman replied, a trace of inebriation now evident in his voice, “Which one’s newer?”

His teammates looked on in concern. The alcohol was obviously affecting his Kryptonian physiology more rapidly than his teammates and they were worried that his usually docile manner was eroding into that of a drunken fraternity lout.

“Uh….let’s see. The one showing the tummy is the newest one.” Lantern confirmed.

“Good.” Superman replied as his eyes continued to glaze over by the minute. “We need some more…what did you call it, Flash?”

“T & A.” Flash replied with a grin.

“That’sssss right! T & A!” A moment later Superman belched from the depths of his stomach then immediately used his freeze breath to crystallize the airborne contents of his belch in mid-air. He started laughing like a hyena as the little ice crystals fell to the floor, shattering like glass when they landed on the travertine floor.

“Didn’t know I could do that.” Superman chortled. “Superpowers are pretty bitchin’ when you’re wasted...” He focused his gaze momentarily back onto the screen. “Are you sure she isn’t Star Sapphire? Kinda looks like that sultry little English bitch, dontcha think?”

Lantern almost choked on his beer as we watched his teammate spiral into drunken oblivion. He wiped off his mouth with his shirt then replied. “Nahh…it’s not her. Huntress has bigger boobs.”

“C-cup, at least.” Flash agreed. “Sounds like she’s in.”

The men agreed and were about to move onto the next candidate when Superman interjected again. “Any of you guys notice that Sapphire has got that hot little English accent…you know, British or whatever? I always thought out of all those evil women that she would be kind of…well, a nasty little role in the sack, you know?”

“Pretty hot,” Flash agreed. “I couldn’t get the mental image of a threesome between me, Aresia and Wondy out of my system for months. Then again,” he continued, now looking at Lantern, “I think I went through a whole bottle of Jurgen’s in a week after seeing your friend Katma strut around in a steel-cupped bikini.”

“She was a great piece of ass…just like Shayera.” John Stewart lamented, “Kinda toothy on the blow-jobs though. Tried to work with her on that but she just never learned to relax her jaw…”

“THAT IS THE WORST!” Flashed yelled sympathetically. “I mean, its not like the damn thing is made out of steel.”

“Speak for yourself, wussy-boy!” Superman laughed with derision. “Mine’s cold blue steel! A cat couldn’t scratch it!”

“Yeah, but that means you have no sensations at all, doesn’t it?” Flash responded smugly. “Ever meet a woman who could take it?”

A dark cloud swept over Superman’s face for a moment as he remembered the last time he’d gotten laid. “Yeah, three years ago Darkseid brainwashed me…his gang of Furies; Mad Harriett, Stompa, Gillotina and Lashina…anyway they decided to make me into their little boy toy. Didn’t know what they were getting into though. I fucked Lashina so hard one time that she ended up smashing through two walls when I came…she couldn’t walk for three days but she came back for more. Stompa is something I’m not proud of, obviously. Fat chicks stink.”

“Damn dude. Stompa?” Flash asked with disdain. “That sucks.”

“Shit…three years?” Lantern asked incredulously. “Maybe you should give Stompa a call…after all, she’s kind of a slump-buster, you know?”

“I have been in a little slump.” Superman admitted. “I was thinking when we formed the League that Wondy might turn out to be an occasional sport-fuck but she won’t give me the time of day now that Bats has gone all ‘dark and mysterious’ on her.” He emphasized the ‘dark and mysterious’ part by raising his index fingers over his head like the ears on Bruce’ cowl. “First Lois and now Diana. The fucking luck of some guys, you know?”

“If you think three years is a long time, try 500 years, my friend.” J’onn said gravely from the corner. “I’ve forgotten what the touch of a woman feels like.”

“Dude, you’re bringing us down!” Flash yelled with disdain. “Let’s take him to a strip club or something.” He looked at Lantern with a grimace. “Let’s go find these guys a slump-buster…a sheep…anything.”

“It would be nice.” J’onn said, a touch of despair on his voice. “Let’s take a look at this last candidate before we go. Zatanna, is it?”

The picture of Zatanna flashed onto the screen a moment later. John flipped through the notes on her. “Says here that she and Bruce dated ten years ago…”

“Fucking guy has all the luck I tell you…” Superman shouted drunkenly. “Is there anybody he hasn’t fucked?”

Lantern patted his friend on the shoulder and gave him a wink. “Another pair of fishnets so Flash will give her his vote, I’m sure. Man, I hope there’s a zipper in the back of that tuxedo cause’ that bod’ of hers is smokin’!”

“Zipper would provide instant access.” Flash agreed with a giggle. “She can play with my wand, anytime.”

“From what I’ve heard, your wand leaves a lot to be desired.” Bruce’s voice thundered from the doorway.

“Hey Bats! Wassup?” Flash gurgled from the couch, the last of his beer trickling off his chin. “Find Joker?”

“No sign of him.” Bruce responded grimly, then surveyed the mess “Looks like we missed quite a party.” he noted to Diana, who by this time had joined her paramour after changing into a comfortable pair of jeans and a cotton, button-down shirt she’d stolen from Bruce’s closet.

“Looks like it,” she agreed with a stern look at her teammates that reminded Flash of his older sister, “What was the occasion?”

“Fresh meat.” Superman blurted with a dazed expression.

“Excuse me?” Diana asked, startled by the statement.

“We’ve voted that any woman meeting our criteria will be admitted to the League immediately. No probation, nothing.” Superman beamed at her through his clouded eyes.

“What are your criteria?” she asked.

“They have to be hot…you know, wear suggestive outfits and generally distract us with their hotness when we’re not saving the world.” Superman replied with a drunken grin.

“Oh, I see. So your point is to objectify the women as much as possible, thereby rendering them crime-fighting strippers?”

“Hey, it works for the X-men, why not us?”

Diana realized that she was arguing with a bunch of inebriated aliens and immature whelps who didn’t know the first thing about women. “I’m going to bed.” She sighed with resignation. “This Justice League Unlimited sounds like a bad idea to me.”

The four men (or three men for that matter, as Superman had passed out on the couch) watched as Bruce and Diana walked up the staircase. She made point of dramatically saying “Good night, Bruce” as they separated at the stairwell landing which demarcated the West and East wing bedrooms. Flash, Lantern and J’onn enviously watched them walk up the stairs (knowing full well that Diana was probably going to fly over the parapet to Bruce’s room as soon as they were out of view) then turned their attention back to the football game. Denver was up 34-10 in the middle of the fourth quarter and the lack of excitement in the game gave them time to contemplate their passed-out friend.

“What should we do with him?” a bemused Flash asked. “Paint his face yellow?”

“Let’s just let him sleep it off.” Lantern replied. Alfred walked into the room, clucking with disdain at the drunken Kryptonian, who responded in kind by farting so hard that his cape lifted up into the air.

“Alfred, is there anyplace we can park the fart-monster for the night?” Lantern asked, covering his nose as the first wave of noxious fumes reached their side of the room.

“There’s a few spare beds up in the East Wing that should prove sufficiently far away so that our other guests won’t suffocate.” Alfred replied.

Lantern picked Superman up in a green plasma bubble, which served a dual purpose of both carrying the drunken alien as well as containing the still reeking odor emanating from his anus. He hovered behind Alfred while Superman floated easily in the plasma bubble a few feet behind him as they slowly made their way up the staircase. They made the same right turn up the stairwell Diana had made a few minutes before then stopped at the third door on the right. Alfred opened the door and motioned Lantern to follow. Alfred pulled back the covers and Lantern levitated him onto the bed. The debated whether to peel the cape off or not then ultimately decided against it then left the now snoring Kryptonian to process the alcothrothrough his system.

Flash and Lantern departed via the Cave exit five minutes later. J’onn made his way up the stairwell after exchanging “good-nites” with Alfred. J’onn paused at Diana’s door, raising his hand to knock to see if she wanted to share a midnight snack of oreos. He hesitated before knocking however as at that instant he received a telepathic image of a very naked Diana perched on top of Bruce, moaning in ecstasy as the orgasms wracked her body. He didn’t need telepathy to hear her scream “Bruce” a second later and he retreated down the hallway to his own room, shaking his head as he walked.

“Fucking guy has all the luck.” He thought, then turned out the lights.

THE END
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The Locker Room at Wayne Manor