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She's Not a Saint	By : AsylumWritings Category: DC Verse Comics > Batman Views: 489 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman/DC Comics, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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I jerked awake, nearly falling out of bed. My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it, and I could barely breathe.
“You’ve been calling out for almost twenty minutes now, was your nightmare that bad?”
I looked around to find Crane sitting in a chair beside the bed. Reaching out, I turned on the light so I could see him better.
“I’ve had worse.” I admitted, tugging the sheet up around my chest. “I guess I’m sort of used to them now.”
He pushed his glasses back up his nose, looking me over. “How long have you been having them?”
“Around sixteen years.” I avoided his gaze, looking down at my hands. “Not every night. Just on and off.”
“About what?”
I shook my head. “It’s the middle of the night, you are not psychoanalysing me right now.”
“Was it about whoever attacked you?”
Getting out of bed, I pulled a shirt on over my bra and completely ignored his question. He’d clearly found my medical file, and I was glad I only kept the redacted version around. He clearly didn’t know exactly what happened, just that I’d been beaten up. He didn’t even know half of it, and I wasn’t about to tell it to him.
“Are you just going to ignore me now?” He asked, walking over.
I sighed, resting my hands on the dresser. “I would, if I thought that would make you leave me alone. But since we both know you’re too stubborn for that, I’ll answer your questions. Only the ones I want to answer though.”
“You agreed to come here, so why won’t you let me help you?” He ran his cool fingers along my arm. “You just have to let me in, Lili. Tell me what scares you, and I can help you get past it.”
I flinched away. “You brought me here under false pretences. And why? So you can test your drug on me or something? Why would I let you help me when I don’t even know why I’m here?”
“So if I told you, would you let me help?”
“Fuck no. I’ve been dealing with it just fine all this time, I don’t need your help.” I turned to find that he’d taken a step closer, and was almost right up against me.
It was really hard, trying to stop my fear showing when he got up close like that. I knew that if he wanted to, he could probably hurt me, pretty badly, so it was a little terrifying when he loomed over me.
“Tell me, Lili, who was it that attacked you?” He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear, his cold skin, or the fear, I wasn’t sure which, making me break out in goosebumps.
His hand was still on my face, and he tilted my head up to look at him. His gaze was so heavy, and it held mine, freezing me in place. I wanted to run, to get as far away as I possibly could, but he was keeping me there.
“I… Please don’t ask me about that.” I whispered, trying to stop my bottom lip from quivering. There was a pit in my gut, and a sense of nausea was filling it.
“Tell me.” His voice was more forceful this time.
I had to stop this conversation, because I could already feel myself falling back into the fear. Managing to step back, I tore my gaze from his and turned away.
“No. I don’t need your help, and I don’t need to fix it.” I wiped my eyes, taking a breath.
He grabbed my arm, his fingers digging into my skin. “You will tell me eventually, even if I have to force it out of you.”
Before I could reply, he let me go and swept out of the room. I burst into tears, torn between my terror and exhaustion. If my sleep kept being interrupted this much, it wouldn’t be long before I was so sleep deprived that I would tell Crane anything.
I needed to get as much sleep as I possibly could, so I climbed back under the sheets and tried to drift off.
He stood outside her room, wondering if she was asleep again. He liked watching her sleep, and he was pretty sure it was because she looked so fragile and vulnerable. She was breakable, like she would snap if he applied too much pressure.
He wanted to know what was deep inside her mind, what was causing her nightmares, but all he could find was the bare minimum. It was like no information existed anymore. Police reports and medical files had disappeared, and he hadn’t been able to find anything useful.
He sighed, walking off down the corridor. If he was going to get inside her head, he would need to ensure he had the right pressure to apply. He’d now realised that he couldn’t just keep trying to push her to answer him, so he was going to have to be smarter about it.
“Jon wants me to take you to see your dad.” Ed told me, leaning against the doorframe. “He thinks it will make you more receptive to his methods, and ensure he doesn’t send his men out to look for you.”
“Does he?” I leaned over from my seat on the bed, tying the laces of my shoes. “And how does he know I won’t tell Papa what’s going on or try to run?”
“We all know you’re not stupid enough to try something like that. But on the off chance you are, you need to know that he won’t just kill you. He’ll go after your father first. He’ll break your mind into tiny little pieces, completely destroying you. Then he’ll kill you.”
I nodded, a little hesitantly. The momentary idea of escaping quickly left my mind, but I’d never really intended to try, because I knew it would be far too dangerous.
“Are we going now then?”
“Yes. I want to be back as soon as possible.” He gestured for me to follow him out to the car.
I wrapped my arms around myself, following him outside into the warm air. I had no idea what I was going to tell Papa, even as we pulled up in front of his house, but I was going to have to make something up.
“You have ten minutes.”
“I’ll be back by then.” I climbed out of the car, biting my lip as I walked up to the front door.
I didn’t even have a chance to knock before it opened, revealing Papa standing there.
“Lili? What are you doing here?” He asked, stepping back to let me in.
“I… Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
He nodded. “Of course, principessa. Come, sit.”
I walked into the living room and sat down, still putting the words together in my head. “I’m sorry that I’ve been so much trouble for you recently. I know it hasn’t been easy, after everything, to make sure that I stay safe while you’re working. And I know I haven’t really helped make it any easier for you.”
“Has something happened?” He asked, taking my hand.
“No, nothing in particular. It’s just that while I was in Arkham, I had a lot of time to think.” I hesitated, biting my lip. “I need some time to focus on myself, to deal with everything. So I’ll probably be in and out of touch for a while.”
“Do whatever you need to do, Lili. But I want you to know that you’ve never been too much trouble for me.” He pressed a kiss to my hand. “I love you, and I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Papa.” I sighed. “I don’t know how long this will take, but I promise I’ll let you know.”
He still hadn’t let go of my hand yet, and he squeezed it gently. “All I want is for you to be happy and healthy. Take as long as you need, everything will be here when you come back.”
We both stood up, and he gave me a gentle hug.
“I’ll see you soon.” I stepped back, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ears, and hesitating for a moment. “Please, Papa, try not to worry too much. I promise I’m going to be fine.”
He held me at arm’s length, his hands on my upper arms. “I’ll do my best. But I can’t promise anything.” He laughed.
I hugged him again, then headed back out to the car. Ed was impatiently tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, and as soon as I shut the door, he started the engine.
“Did he buy it?” He asked.
I nodded. “I think so. It’s hard to know anymore. In any case, even if he doesn’t believe me, he does trust me enough to not interfere unless he thinks I’m in a lot of trouble.”
“I hope so.” He spoke quietly this time, concerning me a little. “I am not excited to see what would happen if he did try to interfere.”
Me either. I thought to myself, watching as the streets went by. At this point, I had no idea where things were going. All I knew was that I couldn’t deny that I was curious about who Crane actually was.
Why did I push back when he pushed me? I was taking so many risks that I knew could end with my death, but it’s like I was trying to prove something to myself.
“What did you tell him?” Ed asked, pulling me from my reverie.
“Just that I needed time to work on myself and deal with everything that’s happened to me.” I replied, after a moment. “Depending on what Crane is planning, that may not technically be a lie.”
He didn’t answer, just stared out at the long driveway up to the manor. It was pretty clear that he knew more about what Crane was planning than he was letting on, and that made me concerned. I knew better than to trust either of the two men, but I thought that Ed and I were at least something resembling friends. A heads up on even the basics of the plan would have been nice.
Instead, I was almost completely in the dark. I hated being left out of the loop, it made me feel unsure and vulnerable. For all I knew, Crane was planning on tying me down, drugging me, and torturing me. Which made the fact that I’d willingly come with him even worse. This was really bad, even by my standards, and I had no one and nothing to blame except my own reckless nature.
“How long have you known what he’s planning?” I asked, hesitant to know the answer. “Was it before he came to get me?”
He still didn’t speak, but gave me a slight nod. I turned to look out the window again, annoyed, but not in the mood to have a whole argument about everything.
I regretted not telling Papa what was really happening, because maybe he could have helped me. But then I would have put him in danger too, and my conscience just wouldn’t allow that. The actions I’d taken already in the past year were weighing heavily on my shoulders, and I couldn’t add putting Papa at risk onto them.
As soon as we pulled up at the manor, I was out of the car. I stormed through the corridors, passing Crane on the way as angry tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt so pathetic, so stupid, and I really didn’t know how to deal with it. Walking into my room, I ignored him, even as he leaned against the frame of the door.
“It seems like lying to your father was hard for you. I would have thought you’d lied so much it almost comes naturally now.” He commented, a smug look on his face.
I didn’t even reply, just walked over to the door and slammed it in his face. I couldn’t even look at him without getting more angry. Sitting on the bed, I rested my head in my hands and cursed myself for being caught between intrigue and fear.
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She's Not a Saint