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Sublime Awakenings	By : Kailean Category: Comics > Squee! Views: 1478 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Squee!, JTHM, or Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from these works. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Sublime Awakenings: Chapter 6

As Zim made his way out of the crowded hall, and into the home economics department, he was disappointed that the sound of rambunctious teenagers seemed to rise instead of fall. Worse, the sounds mixed with alternating huuman musics that his classmates were watching on TV. As the late bell rang he flopped down into a nearby desk, and stared forward in boredom, waiting for roll to be called.

About ten minutes later the teacher finally saw fit to grace them with her presence. Ms. Whatever was a highly flirtatious women in her early forties, who changed husbands, and last names, so quickly that no one was ever really sure what to call her. Despite her knack for changing names faster than she changed wardrobes to make a feeble attempt at fitting in with the popular teen crowd , addressing her by a name that was even one marriage behind was sure to get a student shunned for months at a time.

“Morning guys. Guess what? I just got divorced, so if any of you know any fine guys hook me up with their number, okay?” Several students groaned. A group of popular girls in the front humored her with obviously fake enthusiasm. “Okay, I'm not taking roll today. It looks like everyone important is here, and then some.” She finished, looking to the less popular kids.

“Now, down to business. There are several important projects that you guys are going to have to complete to pass this class. I'm going to leave the order and spacing of these up to you, and you can use your free time to work on some of them early or just goof off. These projects include cooking three meals in groups, sewing at least one garment each, partnering with a classmate for “Baby think it over” and sexual education. The sewing and baby projects can be spread out individually throughout the semester, but everyone will need to take part in sex ed and cook at the same time. So, would you guys rather get this stuff over with early or put it off until the last minute when you have finales?”

From the middle of the room Zita suggested doing the projects early, a few people spoke up in agreement, and the rest were silent in disinterest.

“Alright, so I guess we're doing them early. Raise your hand if you want to start with sex ed.”

Most of the popular kids raised their hands, so Ms. Whatever didn't even ask who wanted to cook first because they all the important people had already voted.

“I'll try to pick up some fun supplies with part of the lab money for this class tonight. If any of you have any requests as for as materials go, come by my office after skool, and I'll see what I can do,” she said in a seductive voice, winking at Chunk and Maki, the two football players in the class.

Zim shuttered in disgust at being subjected to such filthy huuman courting, and soon to be mating, rituals. Of all the classes he had taken since fifth grade, this was going to be the worst by far! His eyes narrowed, and he automatically looked to the back of the room where the Dib was hidden behind the latest issue of Crop Circle Magazine. He was wasn't even paying attention to the sickening display at the front of the room! And this was all his fault!

As soon as Ms. Whatever stopped addressing the class to gossip and flirt with unwilling students, the uproar and music resumed, and Zim was free to confront the Dib-thing. His boots made little squeaky noises as he marched up to his arch nemesis, who was STILL ignoring him.

“Dib-stink! ZIM demands you're attention! Give to ZIM!”

At Zim's insistence, Dib peeked out from behind his magazine, and raised a brow. He was, for once, more nervous than annoyed, or even paranoid. “What do you want, Zim?”

Zim, on the other hand, was throughly annoyed with the Dib ignoring him all morning, causing him to be subjected to the horrors of Home Ec and only half paying attention to him even now. His left eye twitched at the stink-beast's snide tone. Suddenly, his hand shot out, and he snatched the magazine away, tore it down the middle and tossed it over his head. “ZIM wants your FULL and UNdivided attention right NOW Dib-thing! Why are you ignoring me?”

“Gee, I dunno Zim, maybe because you just had to open your big mouth this morning to help Ms. Bitters embarrass me? Maybe because you're acting even weirder than normal lately? Or maybe it's just because you're an ALIEN menace here to DESTROY the EARTH!” Half way through his impassioned outburst Dib had stood and was now face to face with the “alien scum”.

“Uuuggg! You are always mad about the stuupidest things! And how am I acting weird?! You are the one who is always changing emotions at the fall of a head ornament! YOU are the one who decided to take this DISGUSTING class! And YOU are the one too distracted by pathetic huuman social pressures to notice that your 'precious' planet is in danger!”

The two enemies had, by now, assumed an all too common pose. They were so close that their foreheads were touching, eyes baring into each other as if their passion was too great to be expressed with mere words and so required a melding of souls. Of course, now that Dib was almost a head taller, he had to lean down and Zim had to stand on tip toes, but the customary effect was achieved.

The Irken could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins like liquid fire. Why could nothing else compare to his rivalry with this Earth creature?! And why did it always leave him so confused? Zim did not like feeling confused. He did not like the way the Dib made him say the most nonsensical things, the way the Dib was so adorably flushed in scarlet when angry or humiliated like now and that morning. He had to do something about it, but what?

“What are you talking about, Space-boy?! Of course I realize the Earth is in danger! It's ALWAYS in danger, because you're ALWAYS trying to destroy it with your stupid EVIL! And even when you're not, humans are doing your job for you! You think that's a STUPID thing to be mad about?! How would your feel if-”

A loud smack drew the attention of the class as the force of a black gloved hand against his face sent Dib crashing to the floor to land roughly on his back.

“Shut up, Dib-bitch! Just shut up!”

Dib used his arms to push himself into a sitting position, and stare at the alien, more in shock from his words than the violent outburst. “Zim. Did... you just call me a “bitch”?!

Zim assumed a smug demeanor, crossing his arms over his chest, and looking away, to hide his mutual surprise. “You heard me human.” As he looked away, he finally noticed the entire class watching them, some gaping in surprise, some snickering in amusement and one (Keef) staring in horror.

“I'm normal! This was just a regular human fight about some regular human issue!” He pointed one of his three fingers at Dib as he thought up some meaningless human offense. “He eat my muffin!”

Much to Zim's annoyed confusion, the class erupted in laughter. “What, ZIM said nothing funny! Stop laughing at ZIM!”

Chunk yelled above the laughter. “Hey, Zim, did he butter it too?! I knew you were a girl! Why did you tell me you weren't? Don't tell me you'd rather date DIB than ME!”

While Dib was once again red in the face, Zim felt like jerking off his wig so he could pull his lekku out in frustration. Did these overgrown simians never learn? And why did Chunk suddenly think he was female, and thus a repository for his germs, once again, anyway? What did butter and muffins have to do with sex? Dear Tallest, these humans were driving him crazy!

He had to yell even louder than Chunk because the volume of laughter had increased even more after his comments.“For the last time, I am NOT female! And Zim dates no one! NO ONE! But if I were interested in “dating” a filthy pig-smelly, the Dib would-”

“ZIM! Will you PLEASE STOP TALKING!” Dib yelled, getting to his feet.

“NEVEER!” After that, however, the Irken did quite down, mostly because the Dib-beast had caused him to forget the point he was trying to make. Luckily, it also reminded him of why he was talking to Dib in the first place. It would be impossible to tell the boy about his suspicions with all those morons focused on them, though.

There was a brief silence as Dib and Zim stared alternatively at each other and their classmates, and Chunk tried to decide if Zim was telling the truth about his sex. Keef took advantage of this to push through the crowd, and stand between his two “bestest buddies”.

“I knew it! I knew you two would grow to be friends! And its all because of me!” Keef gave himself a cheerful hug, which made Dib think that he was either related to Mr. Eliot, or the two spent way too much time together.

He stopped mid hug, and grew serious. “Although, your relationship does seem to be a bit on the dysfunctional side.” His spirits became gleefully excitable again as he thought of a solution. “Maybe I can help! How about we all make footie pajamas for our sewing projects! Then, you can both stay the night at my house, and we can stay up late watching movies, playing games like truth or dare and talking about relationships! And in the morning, I'll make waffles!”

At the mention of footie pajamas, Dib cringed.“No Keef. No. I am not going to make or wear footie pajamas. I am not going to stay the night with you. And I am not going to talk with you about the relationship that Zim and I do NOT have.”

“Aww, but Dib you two are such good friends, and you have such chemistry and Zim even talks to you without removing your organs...”

Keef was suddenly pushed aside as Chunk took his place. “You and Zim ain't go'in out?” He gave Zim a look that failed at being seductive, but still conveyed his intentions. Even if Zim was a boy, he still looked feminine enough, and hot, even with the strange skin condition. “So, Zim, how about that date? I promise to show you a real good time. Maybe we can even borrow a few of the things the teacher is bring'in tomorrow.”

As Chunk took a step closer, Zim darted to the side, and latched onto Dib's currently trench coat free arm. He gave him a pleading look before launching into yet another attempt to elude this especially grotesque brute. “No! I can not date you, because I AM in a sickeningly twisted, PUTRID, yet satisfying relationship with the Dib! We just hide it INGENIOUSLY, because, like any normal huuman wormbabies, we are afraid of being judged by filthy huuman social norms because we are both boys! BOIIIS!” If the Dib played along, maybe this would work. Now he had proclaimed the Dib as his love-pig AND restated his maleness. He was such a GENSUS!

Dib was at a loss. He was too shocked to say anything. Instead he simply hide his face behind his own free hand. He suddenly felt very exposed without his trench coat, which was currently wrapped around the back of his desk. He took a deep breath and spread two fingers so he could peek out at Chunk, whose eyes glared with jealousy. This could be bad, real bad. It probably wouldn't be as bad as a date with the biggest drolling moron on the football team, though. It was a fate he couldn't condemn even his greatest, and most amazing, enemy to. He had to admit, the way Chunk looked at, and spoke to, Zim made him feel sympathy for the alien. Plus, the chances of anyone believing his denial of Zim's obvious lie weren't very good. No one ever believed him.

“Is that true, Dib?” Chunk grit out through clenched teeth.

Zim felt the boy's hand travel down his arm to find and grasp his gloved one. He let out a sigh of relief as Dib dropped the other hand from his face, and straited his posture to look up at Chunk.

“Yes, Chunk. It's true. Zim is my...he's my..my boyfriend. Yeah.”

“Boyfriend? So, he really is a boy then?” Chunk smiled sadistically. “Well, I don't date boys. What do ya say I just get to know him a little?” He gave Dib a lewd wink. “You know, just to find out for myself.”

Dib could feel Zim shiver at Chunk's suggestion. He didn't know if it was from fear or disgust, but it was certainly making him sick. Why wasn't Ms. Whatever doing anything about this?! It was people like Chunk who almost, ALMOST, made him want to just give up his fight, and maybe even help Zim with his mission.“Just try it, asshole.”

Chunk shrugged and arrogantly strode over to the couple. Before he could raise a hand to touch the disguised Irken, he felt a fist connect with his face, and then the floor with his butt. Blood was streaming from his nose. For a skinny, whinny nerd Dib sure could throw a punch! Good: maybe he could get a fight, which he would win, and a fuck out of these two. The fuck would have to come later, but right now was as good a time as any to put Dib in his place. He wiped the blood from his face like he usually did with snot, but as he started to rise he saw his prey go running by him, and out the door. Hey, they were pretty fast! Fast enough to make quarter back maybe, though if they ever got tackled..wait! After them!

Chunk heaved his large self off the floor, and made to run after the two, but soon found his way back to the floor.

“Chunk! Buddy! Did that hurt?!” Keef certainly hoped so. He smiled to himself as he retracted his foot and played nonchalant. He had to protect his bestest friends. Besides, even if Chunk suspected him, he wouldn't dare lay so much as a finger on Principal Eliot's favorite office aid.

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Notes:

-I'm sure some readers have noticed that I am using the term lekku for Irken antennae, as Neo and Kitteh do in their stories. This is because when I was researching the biology of earth and fictional alien antennas I discovered that the term was originally used to describe the antennae of the Twi-leks, an alien species in Star Wars. They were also known as “brain tails” because they contained part of that species's brain much like the human upper spinal cord. I just thought that this would be an interesting additional function of Irken antennae.

-Mrs. Whatever is based on a real teacher I had in High School. I only took one home economics related course.

-I know, Zim is being silly about the Bitters comment, but just look what happened in The Plague of Babies. He was right then, even though his idea seemed stupid. Maybe he has good intuition.
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Sublime Awakenings