Braving it in the New World | By : EvaBrick Category: Comics > Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Views: 10091 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the Ninja Turtles, nor am I making any money from them. I'm just borrowing the boys for a while. I do own my original characters. |
Downstairs, everyone ate and visited. No one commented on the missing pair, except Splinter, who asked Raphael where Leonardo was.
Raphael cleared his throat and answered quietly in Japanese, “He's upstairs... with a girl, Sensei.”
“I see,” Splinter said, carefully.
“That doesn't mean they're doin' it, Raph,” Mike said, also in Japanese.
Raphael narrowed his eyes. “You wanna put money on that?”
Mike stuffed some chips in his mouth. “Not especially.”
Splinter rubbed the bridge of his nose. He'd had 'the talk' with them years ago but this wasn't the kind of conversation he was used to hearing from his boys. “And just how many of you have 'done it'?” he asked. He didn't really want to know, but he'd been so absent from the turtles for the last year that he was starting to feel like a neglectful parent.
“Leo's the last one,” Mike answered.
Splinter's eyebrows went up.
A few minutes later, Leonardo and Evelyn appeared downststairs. Evelyn was introduced to Splinter and April. Mike and Raph made a point of smelling Leo to see if the deed had been done. Bother were surprised that it had not and reported the news to Master Splinter whose only response was a deep sigh that could have meant anything.
Yoshi was worried about his son. He felt guilty for having left... perhaps if he'd been around more he would have seen the darkness swallowing his boy. He made up his mind to do something to help Leonardo.
*
Leo looked around the room. Evelyn sat at the old piano in the corner, playing and singing her heart out. The piano had belonged to the church and had wound up shoved off to one side since no one knew how to play. Charlie said that Evelyn had spent the afternoon tuning it.
Master Splinter was in his chair with Miguel on his lap. He was telling the little boy an exciting story about samurais that he’d told the turtles many times before. The little boy was engrossed in it and Splinter seemed to be enjoying having a kid to entertain again. Casey lounged nearby, listening too, while he drank his beer.
The song changed and Raphael and Estrella got up to dance. Leo shook his head at the pair. He could understand how Estrella could dance so well, but where in hell had Raphael learned those moves?
Don and Charlie sat side by side on one of the couches. He had one arm around her and the other hand on her belly. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear and she giggled. Mike sat on Charlie’s other side with a glass of iced tea. There was a healthy space between them. It seemed like Mike really did have his feelings under control. Leo watched as Don looked over Charlie’s head to Mike. The brothers locked eyes for a moment and then Don asked Mike if he wanted to feel the baby. Mike reached out and gently placed his hand on Charlie’s belly. Don and Charlie pulled his hand across to the other side of her belly, which mean he either had to sit closer or fall over. Leo watched their three hands stacked together on her stomach. Out of all the turtles, Mike and Don were definitely the closest and Leo was relieved that they both seemed to love each other enough to get through their mutual jealousy.
He thought about Lisa and found that he was also relieved that she wasn’t here. He would have had to work hard to keep her happy and then miss out on time with his family to take her home early when she got tired of it. He shuddered as he thought of all the nights he’d spent on her awful couch.
April hopped up on the counter next to where Leo stood and wrapped her arms around his neck. She rested her head on his shoulder and watched the scene with him. “It sure is different, isn’t it?” she said quietly.
Leo nodded in agreement. “I never imagined the clan would ever get this big. And when the baby comes, there’ll be one more!”
“I’m gonna be a Nana,” April cooed.
“Yeah, it’ll be great,” Leo said absently. “I just… I dunno, April. Where do I fit in this tableaux? I’ve spent my whole life being told I’m the leader and all I do is force the guys to train now that we’re not fighting anymore. I don’t lead anything. I don’t know that I need to lead anything anymore.”
“You’re too young for an existential crisis,” April said. She sighed and pushed her red hair away from her face. “Call it reporter’s instinct or women’s intuition but I don’t see this peace lasting… not while the Foot exist. Sooner or later the family will need to be protected and you’ll be the one to do it. We still don't know how Slash made his way back here.”
Leo turned his head and raised an eye. “Is that meant to be a pep talk?”
April shrugged. “Maybe I’ve just gotten paranoid after a couple of decades of Shredder.” She squeezed him tighter. “You’re the shepherd here, Leo. You’re the one who’ll keep the wolves from the door so that this,” she nodded to the happy scene, “can exist.”
Leo froze for a moment as he remembered what Evelyn had said. He sighed. “I’ll never be happy. I’ll be standing on the sidelines for the rest of my life, hating myself and worrying about everything.”
April rolled her eyes. “Don’t be silly. What about Evelyn? She’s an amazing girl.”
Leo shrugged. “She asked me to sleep with her.”
April turned her head on his shoulder to get a better look at him. “Did you?” she asked.
Leo shook his head.
“Why not?”
“I dunno… I don’t think I’m ready for that. Besides, we’re not in love,” Leo answered. “We’re lonely and sad and depressed.”
April sighed. “Sex doesn’t always have to be about love,” she said.
“It does with me.”
April was quiet for a few moments. “Why?” she asked.
“Because it's the right thing to do?” Leo guessed.
“The right thing for who?” April countered.
Miguel laughed hysterically at something Splinter said. Charlie looked like she was falling asleep, despite the music. Mike had moved to sit by Evelyn. He said something quiet to her and she blushed.
“Are you attracted to her?” April asked.
“Sure,” Leo said. “She’s strong-willed and talented. She’s really funny too.”
“But?”
“But she can’t see me. Lord knows what she envisions, but I guarantee it’s not what I actually look like. What happens if she ever gets her vision back and sees me for what I am?” Leo said.
“What happens if she never gets her vision back at all?” April countered. She stroked a soft hand over his smooth head affectionately and kissed his cheek.
Leonardo didn't have an answer for that.
“Do you know how to put on a condom?” April asked, after a minute.
Leo cringed and looked sideways at her. “Seriously?” he asked. “You're going there?”
April shrugged. “I don't think they do organ transplants on pregnant women.”
Leo opened his mouth and closed it again. He hadn't thought of that.
April nudged him with her chin. “So do you know how?”
“Yes, Ms. Chanel 6, I know.” He nudged her back and she hugged him closer.
Leo rubbed the bridge of his nose. The whole thing was ridiculous. He and Evelyn were both suffering from self-esteem issues and depression. Sex wasn't going to make anything better for either of them. It would just complicate their lives and he didn't think either of them needed that.
A teasing little voice inside his head reminded him that Don had condoms in his bedside table.
“Is sex without love worth it?” he asked.
“It can be,” April said, slowly. “I don't think it's as emotionally fulfilling but physically, it still feels pretty great.” She thought for a moment. “With your father...”
Leo cringed and April smacked his arm.
“With your father,” she continued, “I can feel my soul flying free. There's no shyness or fear. It's very liberating. With the other men I dated over the years it was good... sometimes it was great.” She sighed and blew her bangs out of her eyes. “But they always let me down and I always wound up back in the lair, drinking tea with him.”
They both looked at Splinter who was still telling his story. He was doing all the voices and Leo could see traces of him in Mike.
“How come you and Splinter never worked things out when he was still a rat?” Leo asked as the thought occurred to him. “Did you think he was gross? Are we gross? Lisa thought I was gross.”
April chuckled sadly. Her cheek was up against his and he felt the touch of dampness on his face. “He wouldn't.” She finally said. “He was too ashamed.” She traced her fingertips over Leo's biceps. The turtles all had slight colour variations through their skin, unlike hers, which was solidly one colour. He was warm and strong. Leonardo covered her hand in his and turned his head to press a kiss against her tear. April smiled and snuggled him against her. He rested his head on hers. It was nice to be held. April had cuddled them fairly often when they were tweens but then they'd gotten too big for that kind of coddling.
Miguel was now sitting next to Charlie with his head on her belly to see if he could hear the baby talking. Raphael and Estrella stood behind the couch, watching Miguel. Raphael had his arm around her and she seemed happy. The red turtle jerked suddenly and gave Estrella a wicked grin. Leo was pretty sure she had just reached under his brother's shell and stroked his tail while no one was looking.
Evelyn had stopped playing. She and Mike exchanged a couple of sentences and he guided her to one of the other three couches that circled the open living room. You needed a lot of couches if you had a big family.
Leo sighed. Maybe he was never meant to be part of the happy vignette. Maybe he was always meant to stand outside to watch and protect. He glanced at the kitchen clock... it was well-past time to start their training but he didn't have the heart to break the party up.
“There's nothing gross about any of that,” April said. She nodded toward the scene. “Don't you ever think you're gross.” She squeezed him extra-tight. “And don't you ever settle for anything less than happiness.”
Leo patted her hand. “Thanks, Mom,” he whispered. He pulled away from her and slipped out of the main living area to the dojo to train alone.
*
The old church hall was at the far end of the building and it was quiet. Leo snapped the middle set of lights on so only the central area was lit. There was no need to waste electricity for just one person. He stepped into the shadows and opened his locker. He hated how comfortable the shadows felt. He pulled out his protective bandages and quickly wrapped his hands, wrists, and ankles. In another time, he would have also put on padding, a utility belt, and the mask that covered his eyes and head. He ran his hand over his scarred plastron... those days were gone... for now.
He ran his fingers over the handles of his katanas. He knew them like he knew his own body. They were now just as useless and unneeded as he felt. He left them in the locker and moved to the centre of the room. There was no sensei to bow to so he bowed to the darkness at the front of the room... the welcoming, familiar darkness. He dropped into an attack position and started the first kata.
Seven moves in, he heard a locker door squeak. He spun around in time to see Raphael step into the light, all bandaged up and ready to go. A moment later, Donatello and Michelangelo followed. They each touched him and murmured quiet apologies for being late and lazy. The dojo door opened and closed. Leo could hear the lock click. Yoshi and Miguel also walked into the light. Yoshi pulled off his shirt and tossed it to the side. Miguel saw him and tried to struggled out of his Bob the Builder t-shirt. It got stuck on his head and Raphael knelt down to pull it off him.
Leo was dumbstruck. “You guys don't have to come out here,” he said. “I didn't mean to make you leave the party.”
“Bow ta Sensei,” Raphael said to Miguel.
“Why?” the little boy replied.
“Cause it's polite and if ya don't wanna be polite, ya can go sit with yer mom while we have fun.”
Miguel looked stricken and quickly did a wobbly bow to Leonardo.
“Not me, buddy,” Leo said. He pointed to Yoshi.
Yoshi shook his head. “This is your dojo, Leonardo,” he said softly. “I will always help you as you need me but I think I'm ready to retire and enjoy being a grandfather.”
Leo was gobsmacked. “W-what?” he said. This was a huge honour. It was so big, Leo almost didn't know how to handle it. The dojo was his... the students were his... granted, the “students” were just as capable as he was and didn't really need to be taught anything, but they were his to mould into a team. His to command and protect.
The others moved into position, leaving an open space at the top right hand corner for the sensei. Raphael took the top left hand corner while Don, Yoshi, and Mike took the second row. Miguel looked questioningly at Leonardo. Leo put him in the front row between himself and Raph. He looked the group over for a minute, then bowed low to Yoshi.
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