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Desiderata	By : grimreaperchibi Category: Web Comics > Homestuck Views: 1782 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck, nor the places, people, or objects within. I make no money writing this.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
*Additional Disclaimer* Please read with caution. This fic is tagged as Xeno for a reason. A complete definition of terms and practices can be found here: grimreaperchibi.tumblr.com/post/50076499276/xenobiology -- consult this list if you have any questions about who's sticking what where. There are mentions of erotic fingering and voyeurism in this chapter.
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It took three cycles for the swelling to go back down enough that the process could be repeated. The first night after was spent wildly oscillating between sniping at each other and apologizing. Karkat kept insisting he was well enough to do whatever he spent all his time doing while Sollux thought otherwise. Everything became a fight between them and more than a couple of times, Sollux had to step outside to scream or destroy something before the urge to do as such to one stubborn crab of a troll overwhelmed him. The next night, he went back to his own hive, mostly because neither of them could stand the other anymore. He lost himself in his next project, ignoring the rest of the world as he promised himself he wasn’t going to ever leave his hivestem again. The third night, he was just as surprised as his friend to be standing outside the door, restocked and ready for another go. Karkat let him in after a few minutes of awkward staring and stuttering.
He looked better—still tired, still flushed with fever, still obviously in pain and therefore delicate about everything he did and bitchy in temperament—but considering the mess he’d been in to begin with, Karkat couldn’t have really looked much worse. He still fussed, and whined, and tried to squirm out of doing something about his condition, though it wasn’t as vehement as it had been before. The pain was still very real. The process was still long and involved. And when they finished this time, there was a little more material in the bucket then there had been the last time. Sollux cleaned up, collapsing into a half-assed pile for the uncertain rest he needed, and then left the next night instead of staying and fighting some more. It became something of a predictable pattern. Fly out to the secluded hive, help drain out a bit of the infection, spend an uncertain day making sure there were no complications, leave again for a few days until the other was recovered enough to try again.
A part of Sollux loathed leaving. Karkat was in no position to protect himself or Gamzee against a wet paper bag, let alone anything more substantial. They were toxic together afterwards, however. Their friendship was already pretty damaged because of what was happening. There was no point in actively ripping it further apart. And just because his own contrary nature demanded it, there was another part of Sollux who hated having to go back, hated having to fight and devastate something that had never been stable between them in the first place. He could feel the cracks going deeper every time he showed up to that surprised face, which hurt in ways he wasn’t willing to think about yet, if ever.
Doing this wasn’t just destroying Karkat, it was destroying him as well, and there was nothing for it.
All in all, the whole process took a perigree and a half. As more and more of the infection was drained away, the swelling reduced and the recovery time in between dwindled. Three days gradually became two, then became one, then became twice in a night with another day of recovery. Karkat’s colour improved, his fever fully broke, and the bruising faded, though he never did fully lose the embarrassment that came with the task. That more than anything was what had Sollux returning one more time, armed and ready for a fight.
Karkat complained the whole time, but let him in nonetheless. “Jesus fuck, Captor, I’m fine. Nothing’s changed since the last time you were here. Or do you actually get off on playing lusus?”
“Roleplaying in general can be kind of fun, but I don’t have lusus issues to work though, so it tends to kill my writhe before it really starts.” It was possible to hear Karkat’s jaw drop open and the resulting silence meant Sollux had caught the other off guard. Good, because there was no easy way to do what he planned and it made him feel better to know they were both on shaky ground. “What about you, KK?” he asked as casually as he could, dumping a bunch of stuff onto the coffee table like he usually did. “What pushes your buttons?”
The answer was something of an inaudible squeak. “What the fuck?! I’m not discussing this with you!”
Sollux pinned his friend’s feet to the floor with a curt gesture, fighting his own instinct to leave. “Fucking is exactly what I’m talking about and if you don’t want to say anything, that’s fine too. But we’re not doing this again. You’re going to get over this stupid embarrassment about pailing so that you don’t fucking neglect yourself again for so long you make yourself sick.” He felt so tired and that exhaustion had to be the reason his voice sounded off. He also blamed it for the twinge of pain that tagged along with his snap of, “The faster you get over yourself, the sooner I’ll leave you the hell alone.”
It took a minute for Karkat to find his voice again. “So what? You’re going to hold it for me? Is that it?” he sneered even as his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
“If that’s what it takes, yes.”
For the second time in as many minutes, Karkat was struck silent, staring with a mixture of anger, mortification, and fear. It made Sollux’s stomach twist, made bile rise in his throat at the simple thought. It was a pretty shitty threat to issue at all. Not that he’d actually be able to follow through—hell, as it was, he was probably already pushing too hard. Making the other afraid of the act wasn’t going to get either of them anywhere. Not to mention the raking pain left in the wake of that look. That alone was almost enough to make him sick on the spot. His best friend was scared of him…if he even got to call them friends anymore.
He swallowed hard and locked his feelings up again, breaking their stare-down first. “KK…what happens the next time?” he asked quietly. “I found you passed out on the fucking floor. I could have been anyone. Anyone could have come in here and done whatever they wanted. To you. To GZ. And no one would have known.”
“That wasn’t what happened.”
“But it could have,” Sollux insisted, tapping the side of his glasses. “It’s not all consuming now, but I still have the Vision. That’s why I hacked your IP. Because I Looked and Saw how very differently this could have ended.”
And that shut Karkat up for the third time. Normally, that would have been something worth mentioning, but in the current circumstances, it only made Sollux feel more exposed. He was talking too much, Karkat was talking too little, and the whole mess seemed as pointless and as stupid as any of their other arguments, only it really wasn’t.
“Okay.” It’s said in an unusual tone, but there wasn’t time to interpret it as Karkat coughed and repeated it. “Okay. Fine.” Back to the normal snark, and thus back to more familiar territory. “What the hell are you suggesting?”
Now it was Sollux’s turn to fight the rising colour in his cheeks. He waved a hand to the things he’d dumped on the table. “Jacking Off 101. Porn. Lube. A bucket.” This plan had sounded so much better in his head. And just in case things couldn’t get anymore more awkward, he added, “I’ll even do it with you.” The look he received immediately made him regret the choice of words. “That’s not what I meant. I meant…fuck, no matter how I say it, it’s going to sound wrong.”
“So. Just because you have seen all the porn on the internet does not mean you’re an expert of the subject.” Karkat allowed with a mocking smile as he cautiously approached the couch from the other side. “Good to know.”
“Blow it out your aural sponge, KK, and just pick a damn movie.”
There was quite literally a little bit of everything in the pile he’d brought, from straight forward blackrom to the heavy fetishistic redrom to the almost-pale-so-why-is-there-a-bucket-at-all and everything in between. Considering he didn’t think Karkat even knew what his turn-ons were, it had seemed a safe decision to make at the time. It might have been wise to at least sort them into something of an order, however, instead of leaving everything mixed uncertainly together. Sollux was pretty sure the other troll was just going to pass out on him before he found something that didn’t make his think-pan implode.
It didn’t come as much of a surprise when what was picked up turned out to be something classically middle-of-the-road. What was a surprise was the fact that a redrom movie was ultimately chosen. Caliginous sex was a little boring in its portrayal simply because the logistics were so set. That’s also what made it a safe place to start experiencing sexuality. There were rules and boundaries, and because it was almost ritualistic in its performance, there was very little that was unexpected or unaccounted for. There still needed to be trust between the partners, that was a given. There just wasn’t as much needed for it there as there was for the high-end redrom bondage that seemed really popular these days.
The shoe-string storyline linking the sex scenes together was beyond atrocious and it was fairly obvious there was only one set of mates who actually felt anything for each other, but it got the job done. By the end of the first scene, Karkat was shifting somewhat uncomfortably on his end of the couch and Sollux could feel the beginnings of his own writhe low in his abdomen. With all the nonchalance he could muster, he kicked off his shoes and undid his pants, stretching out like it was most natural thing in the world. It took two more scenes before he was into it enough to start palming himself through the cloth. He glanced over when he heard Karkat’s nearly scandalized intake of breath to find the other attempting to look like he wasn’t watching. Considering his face was already scarlet, Sollux didn’t comment and went back to trying to make the movie more interesting than it really was.
They were halfway through the film when Karkat let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t think this is working. All I feel is kind of sick again.”
“That’s because you’re still curled up in the corner and tense. Stretch out a bit and relax.”
“Easy for you to say…” Still, Karkat stretched out, mimicking the position Sollux had taken up.
“Still feel sick?”
“Yes…no…” There was some more shifting about. “I just feel weird.”
“Wow. That’s really informative.”
“Shut up! It…it feels like when I was sick. Really hot and heavy down…but not like I want to puke or anything like I did then.”
“That’s your bulge wanting attention, KK.” Sollux pushed his pants down a bit and leaned back, exposing the slightly swollen skin over his own bone bulge. “See? It’s normal.” It was hard not to flush self-consciously at the rapt attention Karkat was suddenly giving him. “Try pressing on the bone a bit. That should feel good now that everything’s working like it should.” The look turned dubious, but the comment was apparently taken as a challenge. Karkat ran the flat of his hand over the bone and pressed down slightly. The moan that crawled from his throat put the noise from the television to shame. Sollux swallowed a nervous chuckle and now tried to focus on something that wasn’t his friend.
“Now what?” The question was a bit breathless, voiced in the middle of a rather protracted scene between two mates who were trying too hard to like each other. A part of Sollux wanted to smack the other troll and ask if he was paying any attention to the movie at all. Most of the scenes had gone through the same motions enough times to get more than a general idea. It did open the door, however, for him to stop fighting his own attention span. He shucked his pants the rest of the way off and turned slightly so that he was facing Karkat more than television. Only so that it was easier to demonstrate, he told himself, but there was still a thrill when his actions were mimicked. A swipe of the psionics dropped a small bottle of lube into each of their hands (since sharing seemed like one of those line-crossing activities). Sollux congratulated himself on keeping his hands steady as he poured some across his fingers.
“Like this.” The extra lubrication probably wasn’t necessary. Since he was already decently turned-on, his nook was already starting to open up and was definitely wet with prematerial. A hand still trailed down the seam like he wasn’t ready at all. Up and down in long, languid, fluid strokes, sometimes teasing the slit itself, sometimes drifting along the sensitive outside edges. A couple traitorous moans tried to escape, but the most that made it into the world was slight gasps as his fingers slipped a little further in than he was trying to go. It was a bit embarrassing to feel how quickly he did open up while being at least partially watched by the other. This was tempered by the fact that Karkat was making all sorts of interesting, aroused sounds that made him feel liquid and hot anyway.
He couldn’t stop the groan when his bulge finally started to distend. The work started by the nearly thirty minutes of quasi-engaging visual stimulation was completed in five by the simple acts of touching and listening. His legs splayed out a bit more comfortably as he turned to fully lay against the armrest, slick fingers drifting up to twine with his immerging length. For a little while, he was able to just lose himself in the sensation, forgetting where he was and what exactly he was supposed to be doing. The twined tip played with his fingertips as the heavy feeling in his lower abdomen gradually gave way to the needy tension of the engorged bulge.
A half-laugh brought him right back to reality, leaving him staring at Karkat, who was also (thankfully) open and starting to distend. It was unclear if his hands were actually trying to help or hinder the process, trying to cover as much of the bright red bulge as they could. “Oh my god, you really do have two,” Karkat snickered somewhat unsteadily.
“Something like that…” Sollux huffed back. “You don’t exactly have a corner market on weird mutations, you know.”
“What do you mean…‘something like that?’ ”
Somewhat annoyed with having to explain when it require real effort to string more than three words together coherently, he opted for the more visual approach. The heel of his other hand pushed down hard on the bone bulge. With a low, trembling moan, Sollux forced his bulge to completely distend, proving that he in fact did not have two separate bulges, but rather a larger than normal one which was bifurcated into slightly smaller than normal parts. He hissed as the halves peeled further apart in their effort to completely entwine with his hand.
“Not exactly two, but not really one, either. Like my tongue. Or my horns.” His jaw snapped shut, partially to stop himself from babbling and partially because of the rush of sensation that came with his fingers trailing along the inner edge of the bifurcation. It was Karkat, however, who let out the breathy moan that in turn had Sollux fisting his bulge in desperation.
It was struggle to keep the movement slow from that point on. With a practiced motion, he got his hand around both halves while trapping a finger in between for the added stimulation. His breath huffed out in time with the draw of his hand, which was shaking more and more with each pass. The movie was completely forgotten in favor of focusing on Karkat’s unintentional display. How was he supposed to focus on anything else when the other troll kept asking for assurances, kept making those noises as he mirrored any action Sollux took. And the smell…he could smell that tart, astringent but still somehow sweet scent that Karkat’s fully aroused body was giving off, making him pant just so that he could breathe more of it in, feel it coat his throat and fill his head with the dizzying need to actually taste the source. It made him want things he hadn’t wanted in sweeps and even then, hadn’t wanted as badly as he wanted now.
“Sollux…” The yellowblood ground his teeth against the groan and rush of lust produced by Karkat calling his name. “Fuck, Sollux, I…I feel weird…”
“It’s fine, KK,” he grit back, trying hard not to cheat and use his psionics on himself. The two fingers up his nook, moving in time with the hand on his bulge, almost wasn’t enough. It certainly wasn’t what he wanted, either. “Just…keep breathing… Don’t….don’t fight it…”
Karkat kept moaning his name, though, like it was the only tangible thing he could hang on to anymore. Sollux bit his lip hard enough to draw blood so that he didn’t do the same. So close… He was so close, and that had his mind automatically filling the gaps in reality with fantasy. With the other troll whining his name repeatedly, it easily became Karkat pressed against him, that cherry red bulge writhing inside him even as the other rode out his own pleasure on the split mess of Sollux’s bulge. Despite his own words, his breath caught in his throat, choking him as the thought of how hot Karkat would be translated into a sharp wave of need. Unbelievably, meltingly hot because of his brilliant blood colour and so wonderfully responsive because he’d never actually had something else up his nook before Sollux and he heard the harsh cry as Karkat finally released—
He grabbed the bucket almost too late, shuddering and gasping as his own genetic material spilled, taking with it all of Sollux’s thought for a few glorious minutes of silence within his own think-pan. His muscles relaxed, letting him sink into the solid comfort of the couch as the contented ache spread slowly through his limbs. His pulse slowed with his breathing, leaving him within the cozy confines of simply existing, warm and comfortable as he rarely was in the waking world. When he was touched, he reached out on instinct to touch back, a gesture that only served to solidify the contentment of the world.
Like always, reality came crashing back sooner than it was wanted. For a few seconds, Sollux stared at the ceiling and wondered why it wasn’t his or Aradia’s. About the time he remembered it was Karkat’s ceiling was the moment he also realized his hand was wrapped possessively around an ankle, the owner of which made a slight sound of annoyance when he released it. He bullied his still disconnected body into an upright position to confirm what he already remembered. Karkat was still sprawled out on his side of the couch like a contented purrbeast in a warm spot, complete with said purring. His legs were still thrown wide, revealing the stray streaks of red on his thighs and the partial length of lazily writhing bulge that hadn’t retracted yet. Given the hand absently kneading at his bone bulge to his obvious enjoyment, Karkat look utterly content and possibly ready to be debauched again.
The warm ache of wanting to do just that mixed with the images that had ultimately served his own release and crashed headlong into the cold, cold fear brought on by realization. Sollux nearly threw himself from the couch, stumbling to his feet and almost knocking the bucket from its spot between their legs in the process. He grabbed it without thought, stuffing it into his sylladex while the rest of him concentrated on not ending up face first into the floor during his effort to get away. He found himself in the abulation block, swearing at himself long before the thought of escape occurred to him. Not yet. He couldn’t deal with this yet. He had to keep it together just a little longer. A little while longer and he—he needed to get the hell out of there before he did something even more stupid.
A sudden knock on the door spiked his pulse again just as he was starting to get it back down. “The fuck, Captor; you okay?”
“Yeah. Fine.” Sollux kicked himself, first for sounding anything except fine and then again for not having an excuse to be in there. No, wait… “I’m taking care of the bucket, all right?”
The silence on the other side of the door seemed embarrassed, but not entirely convinced. “Right,” Karkat finally muttered. “Whatever.” Sollux sighed when he heard footsteps wander away and hurried to do as he said he was.
When he reemerged, cleaned up, if not still somewhat unsteady, it was to find Karkat already redressed and fussing in the nutrition block. Everything Sollux had brought was pointedly piled together off to one side, including his shoes, pants and underwear. He dressed and recaptchalogued everything, firmly ignoring the unspoken message. A part of him said to just leave after that. He’d done what he’d come to do, so now it was time to cut his loses while he still had enough control to do so cleanly. He still hesitated by the kitchen, deftly ignored by the other as he worked.
“KK—”
“Yes, I feel better. Yes, I’ll take better care of myself in the future. Yes, I’m still embarrassed as all hell, but no, that won’t stop me next time. No, I don’t need anything and yes, I’ll be fine.” He paused in his aggressive chopping to stare stonily at Sollux. “Anything I missed?” Not trusting his voice, Sollux shook his head. “Then I’ve got shit to do tonight,” Karkat snapped, the hard thunk of the knife against the cutting board ending the conversation.
He hadn’t exactly been thrown out the door and told not to come back, but only the truly stupid wouldn’t have understood that’s exactly what Karkat had done. Sollux bit his tongue and with one last nod of acknowledgement, he turned and left. The shaking started as soon as the heard the door latch catch behind him. It took several attempts to gather enough concentration in order to start flying. He blamed the wind for his blurring sight and shortness of breath.
***
To be continued.
- 4
- 5
- 6
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Desiderata