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Career Girl Blues	By : Scribe Category: DC Verse Comics > Superman Views: 5447 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Superman, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Career Girl Blues
Chapter Forty-five
A Brief Tribute to Douglas Adams, and the Troops Are Marshaled
"Okay." Lois put her hands on her hips. "As Douglas Adams would say, 'Don't panic!'"
She got blank looks from everyone. It was Dick who finally asked. "Who?"
Lois shrugged. "I don't know, either. It's just something Scribe said a couple of times. She said something about him being a genius, and one of the funniest men ever to walk the face of the Earth, and she pitied us 'cause we never got to read 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'."
Jimmy looked thoughtful. "I don't know why, but for some reason, that title makes me want to laugh."
"Anyway, don't panic," Lois continued.
Bruce's voice was just the tiniest bit cool. "My dear Miss Lane, I never panic."
"All right. Quit being defensive. We're wasting time. What we need is a comprehensive list of every building owned by Luthor in and around Metropolis. I don't think he'd risk taking her somewhere he didn't have complete control."
Clark nodded. "And he's just arrogant enough to want to keep her nearby, right under our noses, rather than smuggling her out of the immediate area. I..." He cleared his throat. "I'm going to run down Superman and tell him what's happened. I expect he'll want to do a quick fly over and scan the area."
"It will be easier for him if he waits till we have the list, so he can concentrate his efforts," Lois remarked.
"And how long do you anticipate this taking Lois?"
"Uh..."
"You have no access to public records at this time of night, do you?"
"Well, no."
"I do." Everyone looked at Bruce. "No, I won't tell you how, but I do. I'll need to have a little time alone. Then I can have a list of the properties sent here, if the Daily Planet will let us use their wire service receiver, Lois."
"Of course they will. Even if the owners might balk at first, once I explain to them the amount of publicity this will generate, they'll split their pants trying to help out."
"And while I'm at it," Bruce examined his fingernails casually. "I'll appraise Batman of the situation. I'm sure he and Robin will want to help."
"Oh, you know them personally, do you?" Clive perked up.
"Why, yes. I do."
"Any chance I might get to meet them?"
Lois stamped her foot. "Clive! How can you think about that when Scribe is in danger?"
"Honey, Scribe would understand. And I fully intend to do some serious ass-kicking, given the opportunity. No one hauls my precious off like a sack of sugar and gets away with it." He started toward the door. "I'm going to go make a few calls and get the network looking. Given Luthor's... um... recreational proclivities, there's a good chance that someone I know might have a clue to some of his more secluded bolt-holes."
Clark followed him. "I'll go put the word out to Superman."
Jimmy sighed. "Well, it's probably hopeless, but I'll start checking to see if anyone saw anything suspicious."
Lois chimed in, "And I'll go down to the Daily Planet and tell the operators to get ready to receive whatever information you can scrounge up for us."
Bruce watched everyone leave, and murmured, "Oh, I can do a bit better than scrounge." He looked at Dick. "Looks like we don't get a vacation after all."
"It was nice while it lasted. I'll go get the suits out of the trunk." He slipped out the back door.
Bruce went to the phone hanging on the wall and punched in a number that only three people knew: he, Dick, and Alfred. it range twice, then was picked up. A mechanized voice said "Identify."
He said, "Dark Knight."
There was a muted whirr. In a moment the voice said, "Identity verified. Welcome, Dark Knight."
Batman began to tap the number pad rapidly, and the computer in the Batcave prepared to process his data request.
In the Daily Planet wire room, Lois paced nervously beside the machine that would receive whatever information Bruce could dig up. The operator, a seasoned veteran who had probably been working for newspapers back when they relies on the pony express for information on breaking stories, watched her calmly. He'd seen elections, wars, disasters, and the frenzy that accompanied Lindbergh's crossing of the Atlantic. A simple 'possible' kidnaping wasn't going to faze him. But finally he said, "Miz Lane, would you please light somewhere? You're giving me whiplash, trying' to follow you back an' forth."
"Sorry, but if I don't pace, I'll bite my nails, and I spent a bundle on a manicure for that charity function." She sighed gustily. "I probably could have gotten it done at Attitudes for a discount, and had a lot more fun to boot."
The old man nodded placidly. "That's what my wife says." Lois stared at him, and he shrugged. "She's got the prettiest silver hair you ever saw, and there's always a spring in her step after she visits Clive." He grinned. "I'm the one who gets the benefit of that spring."
"The man is everywhere," Lois murmured.
"Not quite, darling, but I spread myself around." Clive strode into the room and gave the old man a peck on the cheek. "Hello, Don. How's Mabel?"
"Ornery as ever. She'll want a touch-up in about two weeks."
"You tell her to come right on in and I'll be happy to touch her up, in any way she likes." He looked at the quiet machine, then at Lois. "Nothing yet?"
She shook her head. "I don't know how hopeful to be. I mean, I know he's rich and powerful, but it's damn hard to root any bureaucrat out of bed."
"Don't worry, sweety. I have a feeling that Mister Wayne has a real knack for getting what he wants, judging from the way he was going after Scribe." He frowned. "I hope we can find her quickly. I know what that nasty man, Luthor, has in mind. Well, I can imagine. I'd probably do the same thing, but only if she really wanted to, and I hate to think about my precious having her first time with a selfish brute like that."
"How can you be thinking of things like that at a time like this?"
"Come on now, Little Miss A-Line Skirt. We know damn good and well what old Lexie wants, and it's no use pretending we don't. We'd better face facts that there's a possibility this may turn out much worse than the Lavender's Green Great Amazon Assault, and be prepared to pick up the pieces."
"You're right."
"Of course I am. I am always right in matters concerning sex in its many varied and wonderful forms. No, it would be awful if poor Scribe had her first bouncy-bouncy with Luthor. Now Mr. Wayne, that's a different matter. He'd be good to my lamb, I'm sure. And..." he smiled wickedly. "there's always the chance that the other member of that delectable household might be persuaded to join in."
"My God, Clive!"
"Oh, hush! As it the idea of both of those beautiful men worshiping her with physical pleasure isn't stimulating." Lois fingered the short string of pearls she was wearing, as if they were getting tighter. He nodded significantly. "Hell, I know I'd pay to see it."
"Where are they, anyway?"
Clive shrugged. "On their way here, I would suppose. I went back to my shop to make my phone calls, and then came right here."
"You changed?" Lois looked at him closer.
"Only enough so that it wouldn't hinder me if things got, pardon the expression, hairy." Clive was still wearing his tuxedo pants, but he'd jettisoned the jacket and cummerbund. The sleeves of the formal shirt were rolled up, and he was wearing heavy engineer boots that looked like they could do damage just by coming near someone without having to actually land.
Lois pointed. "What's that in your pocket?"
Clive arched an eyebrow, purring, "Maybe I'm just glad to see you."
"Stop it. I meant your back pocket."
"Oh, these." Clive reached into his pocket and pulled out an evil looking set of brass knuckles, slipping them on. "These aren't actually brass, you know." He held out his hand, palm out, like a woman admiring a new manicure, then curved his hand into a deadly looking fist. "They're chromed steel, much harder and much more easy to accessorize. I dipped into my toy chest while I was at work."
"Toy chest?"
"Relax, dear. I don't actually use these with my playmates, but they're absolutely lovely for role playing. Now I can put them to practical use."
"You scare me."
He crooned, "I'm supposed to, precious. That is such a good attitude."
Jimmy came in, dispirited. "Well, one of the doormen saw a large black car with tinted windows come out of the alley right about the time the robbery was breaking up, but he didn't get a plate number, naturally. With the number of big, black cars there were around that place tonight, there's no way of positively identifying it." He spotted Clive's knucklewear. "Hey! Cool. Got another set for me?"
"Jimmy!" Lois squawked.
"Oh, stop it. The lad is showing spunk. I like that." Clive leered at Jimmy briefly, who looked startled. "Don't worry, Sparkly One..."
"Sparkly One?" The confusion was growing.
Clive sighed. "Oh, that hair. I really don't get enough redheads in the shop. Well, since you're so cute... I was going to use both of these..." He removed another set of knuckles from his other pocket and tossed them to Jimmy, "but since you asked so nicely. But only on condition that you promise me to use them on, please note ironic emphasis, whoever took our Scribe."
Jimmy curled his fingers through the holes, fitting the weapon across his knuckles, and regarded it with grim satisfaction. "Can do."
"You know, you really ought to make an appointment to have a trim."
Jimmy, wide eyed, regarded Clive. Clive regarded Jimmy, smirk firmly in place. "Uh... I'd have to think about it."
"You do that, dear. Maybe you could bring Scribe by for a nice wash and style after she gets through with this ordeal. She'll need to relax, I'm sure."
"I don't like to sit around waiting."
"Who said you'd have to?"
"Well, you couldn't very well fit two people in your chair at once, could you?"
"I can if you mean me and the client. But in any case, I have plenty of nice hooks on the wall."
Lois covered her ears. "I don't think I want to hear any more about this."
Clive was opening his mouth to say something else when the wire machine started racketting, and they all went to it to peer anxiously at the document that was slowly emerging. Don adjusted a few dials, murmuring, "Print's too light. There." the peered at the paper himself. "Hm. Looks like a city map."
It was about half-way printed. Jimmy leaned over, craning his head sideways to see it properly. "A city map with little circles in various areas. I'm guessing those indicate Luthor's properties. What are the little stars for?"
Lois looked. "According to the legend those are his suspected properties." She blinked. "Yow!"
Clive looked. "Yow is right. That thing has more stars than the commissary at Universal Studios. It would take an army of Jehovah's Witnesses to cover that much territory."
Don shivered. "What a thought!"
Clive smiled nostalgically. "Oh, I don't know... They can be a lot of fun if you get them trapped... *cough* I mean, if you challenge their assertions. Yes, that's it--challenge."
"You didn't!" Lois gasped.
Clive shrugged. "He still sends me Christmas cards. Put that thing through yet?"
"Almost." Don carefully tore the extruded paper off the machine, handling it carefully because of damp ink, and carried it over to lay it on a table. "Oh, my. There are dozens of little marks on this thing. You folks have your work cut out for you. Well, I'll be!"
This remark was occasioned by the entrance of Superman. He looked dejected. "I scanned the entire city and the surrounding countryside for five miles. You wouldn't believe how many screened rooms there are. All of them can't belong to Luthor. I think that people have been lead lining their bomb shelters since the Missile Crisis."
Lois indicated the map. "This may help. It shows Luthor's known and possible holdings in Metropolis. I suspect he got her under cover as quickly as possible, knowing that you'd be on the job, looking for her, so she's probably still in the city."
"That makes sense. If we move quickly enough, we should be able to keep him from moving her."
Don sat down with a thump. "Okay, I've seen it all now."
All eyes turned toward the door in time to see Batman and Robin enter. Lois and Jimmy gaped, Clive just leered. "Wow," Lois muttered. "I'm never going to question Wayne's ability to get co-operation again."
The Dark Knight nodded briskly to each of the group. He paused for a moment when Clive winked at him, then said,"We’re here to help. Did the information arrive?"
Superman indicated the map. "We were about to consult on the best way to go about this."
"I would suggest dividing the area into sections, and having a team investigate each one. Each team is going to have to consist of someone who can pretty much handle the physical aspects of what might come up, and someone who doesn't feel any qualms about breaking-and-entering, if it's in a just cause."
Superman protested, "Batman, I can't just go breaking into..."
"That's why I said each team had to have someone to do that. Relax, you'll be the muscle of your team."
Clive shrugged. "Well, I qualify for either part."
"Six people. Two, or three teams?" Lois asked.
"I'd say three, to get the maximum amount of ground covered. Robin and I should take different partners, so that the crime fighting experience is equally spread out."
Clive murmured, "I'm all for having different partners." Everyone looked at him sharply. He made his eyes big, but somehow the innocent look just didn't work for him. "What?"
"All right. Let's say Superman and Lois, since you two have a certain amount of history working together. Dick, you take Jimmy with you, and I'll take Clive."
Clive put a hand over his heart. "I just got a shiver. However, you will be working with me, dear man. No one takes me."
Batman studied him levelly. Clive arched an eyebrow. Lois groaned, holding her forehead. Great. Now they'd have two of the would-be rescuers kicking each other's butts. To general shock, a small, stern smile flitted across Batman's lips. "We'll see. Come on." He left in a swirl of cape.
Clive fanned himself. "God, I knew there had to be something going on with that gear!" and hurried out.
Lois shook her head. "For some reason, I'm reminded of something that Scribe said."
The other's regarded her curiously. Jimmy spoke up, "Okay, I'll bite. What?"
"Well, it was something she said under her breath during that bidding war that Bruce and Luthor had. She kept looking back and forth between them while they were trying to metaphorically rip each other up, and she muttered, 'When tops collide...'"
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Career Girl Blues