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Desiderata	By : grimreaperchibi Category: Web Comics > Homestuck Views: 1782 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck, nor the places, people, or objects within. I make no money writing this.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
*Additional Disclaimer* Please read with caution. This fic is tagged as Xeno for a reason. A complete definition of terms and practices can be found here: grimreaperchibi.tumblr.com/post/50076499276/xenobiology -- consult this list if you have any questions about who's sticking what where. This chapter also contains non-erotic, medical practice fingering. If this bothers you, please skip ahead.
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Two sweeps. Four and so much extra human years. That’s how long it had been since the last curtain closed and the game ended. Truly ended. No scratch, no reset, no Skaia and her moons, no genesis frog or paradox clones. Simply a world left behind where humans roamed by day, trolls came out at night, and despite such vastly different cultures and habits, both got along relatively well. The whole experience had been as if they’d all awoken from a “dream,” complete with knowledge of how this was supposed to work from before “falling asleep.” As if this was the way things had always been.
That’s how long Karkat had been taking care of Gamzee. Completely alone. He never once walked away, never complained, never breathed a word to anyone no matter how all the rest of them had degraded the purple blood—precisely because they had. Sollux couldn’t even begin to think about how much time Karkat spent in that room, working so hard for a body that was still slowly failing. It was easily the most lived in room he’d seen so far, and that only made the feeling twisting in his guts worse. Because he knew exactly how horrible it felt to be too alive to die, yet too dead to live…
He took a breath and smothered his feelings as best as he could because right now, he was feeling too much to make sense of any of it. The only thing he could do was keep progressing in a linear, task-oriented fashion and hope it all made sense later. Right now, he had a friend who needed to be taken care of, and since he was there, it might as well be him. So he took another breath, locked up everything extra floating in his head, and went back downstairs.
Karkat was still lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling when he returned, looking beyond exhausted. At least the tears had stopped again. Sollux leaned over his friend, waiting for eye contact before speaking. “KK, your bulge has become infected,” he said softly, keeping to the point because facts were the only thing he could safely offer. “It’s not going to just go away, only get worse. The fluid needs to be completely drained out before it becomes anymore septic. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to hurt. A lot. But it needs to happen before you get any sicker. I…I’m willing to do this, but if you don’t want me to, I can find someone el—”
“No.” Karkat shook his head. “No one else. Everyone else still hates him so much and I… I wouldn’t be able to…”
“Shoosh.” Sollux reached down and ran his hand through his friend’s hair, absently wiping away the extra moisture still clinging to pale skin. Karkat looked so fragile and thin—and he wasn’t thinking about feelings, just facts. “I had to offer. This isn’t going to be a pleasant experience for either of us. We might not be able to look at each other again afterwards. …Do you still want me to do this?”
“No,” Karkat spat out blatantly, “I don’t want you to do it. I don’t want anyone to do it.” Red eyes bored into his, solid, steady, and determined. “But if it has to be done by someone, then it should be you.”
“Okay.” That hadn’t sounded very convincing or sincere, so Sollux tried again. “Okay. I have to go get some stuff, but I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere.”
That earned him a derisive snort. “Where the fuck could I possibly go, dumbass? You’ve still got me pinned to this damn couch with your goddamn psionics.”
Sollux snickered as he belatedly released the hold. “Uh…oops?”
“Oops, my ass.” Karkat adjusted and settled with only a few hisses of pain. “Go on, you insufferable prick. It’s not like I’ve got anywhere else to be.”
He didn’t wait for a second admonishment. On impulse, Sollux leaned down and pressed a kiss to Karkat’s forehead, and then shot for the door.
Considering embarrassment alone had stopped him from performing a basic health requirement, there was a good likelihood that if he was given enough time to think about all of this, Karkat would try to wiggle back out again. Sollux was already giving him too much time as it was by having to go all the way back into the city to get what he needed. He couldn’t afford to be anything except fast and precise.
His thoughts were racing very fast, but they weren’t exactly precise in their trajectory. Heating pad. Anti-inflammatory meds and creams. Topical analgesics, ice packs, aloe, and lidocaine, and vitamin E. A neutral lubrication and lots of it he could use to… Towels. He still needed towels and a bucket and holy fuck, what the hell did he think he was doing? He should be dragging Karkat to a hospital, not attempting to play sick-nurse himself. He knew basics, theories, and had some practical working knowledge. If this wasn’t done right, he’d only be exacerbating the problem at best, and killing his friend at worst, and—
“Get the fuck over yourself, Solluxander,” he snarled, only partially aware he was speaking aloud. “You don’t get to just barge in like you did and then bail when shit gets serious. Show some spine, shitlord, and help your friend like you said you would. You’re not going to fuck this up.”
He paused in his frenzied captchaloguing to stare into the bathroom mirror. That’s what really scared the hell out of him right now—screwing this up somehow and adding the death of another important person to his list of lifetime achievements. Aradia had died because he couldn’t control his power; Feferi, because his power hadn’t been enough. Through both, Karkat had been the anchor that kept him grounded and safe. And now, he had to protect and help the one who’d never let him give up and it didn’t matter how powerful or skilled he’d become. He was terrified he still wouldn’t be enough to make a difference.
There was no other option, though. Taking Karkat away to a hospital would only leave Gamzee exposed, the results of which had already been witnessed that night they’d met on the street. He wouldn’t stay for treatment, and even if they tied to him to the bed and forced it on him, he’d only make himself sick with worry over his moirail. In-home treatment was the best option there was. At the least, it offered something other than a painful, slow, obscure death. So Sollux would do this because his friend deserved much more than that.
“And I won’t fuck it up,” he reaffirmed before starting to pack again.
It was only on the way back that he realized a lot of the things he was bringing were probably redundant. It never hurt to have extra, however. By the time he landed again, the moon had set. He’d made better time than he’d thought, but had still been away far too long. Karkat was still on the couch, though it was obvious he’d tried to get up and move a couple times. He started pretty badly when Sollux walked in, then curled up shyly when he was approached.
“Do you still want me to do this?”
“I already answered that.” The colour flared on Karkat’s cheeks again as he tried to hide behind his blanket.
“And I’m asking again. Because I need you to be sure about this.”
Karkat looked like he would have happily just melted through the floor at any point. “…It’s got to be done, right?” Sollux nodded. “Then yes, I want you to do it.”
With confirmation granted, preparations began. Half of the things he’d brought were de-logued onto the nearby coffee table. The rest was dumped into the kitchen area. Sollux worked in silence, not because he needed to concentrated, but simply because he didn’t know what to say. Nothing would take away his friend’s embarrassment or discomfort. There were no words that could give either of them the assurance that this would all turn out fine between them later. He wanted to joke and make it better, but only apologies were waiting on his tongue.
The end of the couch got piled up with pillows to make it more comfortable. The heating pad was slipped under Karkat’s back to help with the tension there. Blankets were rearranged, jars were organized, and—
“Two buckets?” Karkat asked, equal parts teasing and mortified as one was set close to his end.
“That one’s in case you get sick.”
The colour drained out of his face so fast, Sollux thought the other might need it before they started. “Oh.” The strained silence came back. All in all, Karkat held it together well until Sollux had finished with all the stalling he could and stripped off his shoes and shirt. “Whoa, wait! What the fuck—”
“This isn’t going to be clean and I like this shirt and these shoes.” He settled onto the other end of the couch, gently rearranging Karkat’s legs around him. Though it pained him, the other kept trying to draw his knees together and up every time Sollux pulled them down and apart. His hands steadily inched up further with each draw until a little bit of pressure on the knees kept each leg where it was supposed to be. Karkat trembled, taking slightly unsteady breaths, but didn’t fight the positioning.
At least, he didn’t until Sollux started trying to remove his pants. “No, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t care.”
“You do too care. You’ve already given me permission twice and I’m not going to leave until this gets done.” He leaned forward, catching the hands that were trying to push his away. “KK, look at me,” he said softly. “This…this isn’t sexual, okay? We’re not pailing. We’re not quadranted. This isn’t your first time and neither of us is cheating on our moirals by doing this. This is only practicality. You need help and I’m providing it. That’s all.”
“I know.” Karkat squeezed his hands tightly. “Fuck, I know! But it still feels like it…”
“I know. That’s why I’m telling you it’s okay, dipshit. And I want to make this as least traumatic as I can, but if I have to force the issue, I will, no matter the cost. I don’t want it to come to that, so I need you to relax a little okay?” Karkat nodded slightly. “Would you feel better taking them off yourself?” Another short nod. Sollux squeezed his hands reassuringly and sat back.
“Don’t… Don’t stare,” Karkat scolded, shaking as he fussed.
“I have to look so I can see what I’m doing.”
“Looking isn’t the same as staring, fucknub. Don’t stare.”
“Whatever you say, KK.”
There were a few more grumbles as the pants were slowly slipped off. Sollux was allowed to help pull them free once the cloth was pushed down past the knees. The trembling returned with force they once more played the game of shifting legs, though it was a shorter version this time. A quick glance showed everything was as bad as had been feared, bruised an almost uniform dark red. How the hell had Karkat lived with this for as long as he had? The question was ignored as he reached for the first jar.
Touch was fine by now from ankle to knee, so Sollux started by massaging in the first round of topicals just above the knee. He went slowly, working the cool gel in completely in one spot before moving further up. By the time he reached Karkat’s hips, the other had stopped trembling and relaxed slightly. He switched to a heavier, thicker salve for everything between the hip bones, which let him apply it with minimal initial pressure. Karkat whined and gasped, jerking away until the numbing properties kicked in.
“Doing okay?” Sollux asked when there was nothing but a little shaky breathing happening.
“Yeah,” was the sighed answer. “Shit feels weird.”
“I’m sure.” He paused. “KK, I’m going to need to pin you down now.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because my claws are about to breach some very unhappy tissue and even if I shield them, if you jerk wrong, it could cause a lot of damage. You can’t move at all and the only way to ensure that is to lock you down with my psionics.”
The nerves started to come back as Karkat chewed on his lip. “Can we… Can’t we just use the creams and stuff?”
“The genetic sacs have to be massaged into release the first couple of times to get them acclimated to it. You’ve built up so badly that you probably can’t release without the direct stimulation.”
“Then why the hell are you asking for permission?”
“Because I can pin just your hips, or your whole body. This is really going to hurt and sometimes movement helps with the pain. It’s up to you.”
“Just my hips then. I don’t want to feel more helpless than I already am.”
Sollux just nodded, already layering his restraints. “Give me your hands. I don’t want you clawing yourself up. And keep your mouth open. This is kind of pointless if you bite your tongue off and die in the middle of everything.” Satisfied with his work, Sollux shielded his own hand and covered it with lubricant. A whine met the slight touch of his fingers to the still firmly sealed seedflap. He looked up to meet Karkat’s apprehensive gaze. “It’s okay to scream and swear. That helps some, too.”
“You’re not helping,” Karkat replied flatly, scrunching his eyes closed. “Just do it already.”
For the first little bit, the going wasn’t too bad. There were some minor sounds of distress as he gently rubbed his fingers over the partially numb skin, but nothing like the noises that had been made before. That was good because it meant the painkillers were working. It also meant he was getting nearly zero physical reaction. He pressed a little harder and felt Karkat’s heels dig into his hips as a breath was sucked violently in. Using the same slow, steady pressure he did when peeling apart his hive mainframes, Sollux coaxed the seam of flesh open.
It didn’t seem like the swelling and such could get worse, but it was much worse. He’d held out vain hope that just maybe, there would have been a way to make this feel less…invasive. Not outright pleasurable, that wasn’t even possible, but not completely, soul-scarringly painful. There was too much swelling, though. Even if the bulge wanted to distend, there was no room for it to do as such. He couldn’t even find the entrance to the nook cavity itself, let alone press a finger or two in there like he needed to. There was no natural lubrication occurring, no increased blood flow that would have relaxed the muscles and helped everything open up. The pain was simply too much and he was about to make it worse.
The application of more lube didn’t help any either as he deliberately tried to slick everything. The whining drone Karkat had picked up turned into a fast litany of “oh fuck oh fuck” as he reflexively gripped at the couch. Sollux pressed his awareness into the very tips of his fingers, using his psionics to probe around and spread the lubricant deeper. Without any of the texture and less significant pressure, the process became a bit more bearable.
Even working in mirco-steps did little to help for long, though. Half a bottle of lube and barely one knuckle in had Karkat starting to hyperventilate. By the time Sollux managed the second knuckle, the restraints holding the other down had to be extended halfway up his torso and down to the calf of each leg because Karkat had tried to lash out from the sheer pain. When Sollux finally managed one finger completely, Karkat was a mess of tears and broken pleas. He unashamedly reached for the second bucket and heaved his guts out when the second finger started pressing in as well. The scream he released when Sollux pressed on the bone, trying to get the bulge to unsheathe even a little, was something the yellowblood was going to have nightmares about for sweeps to come. A part of Sollux wished he’d been smart enough to bring his music player and headphones so that he wouldn’t have to listen to the incoherent, agony-induced screeching and swearing coming from his friend. Another part felt guilty for the thought. He could stand to suffer during this; it shouldn’t just be Karkat breaking apart. He needed to hear and remember this like he needed the pain in his shoulder where even shielded claws had ripped into his collarbone when the other had tried to attack.
It went on and on for what felt like nights. In reality, it had only been a couple of hours. Sunlight was just starting to pour through the eastern facing windows when Karkat’s body finally clenched the way it was supposed to. A couple more extra firm strokes and finally, finally, some of the built up material released. It wasn’t a lot and Sollux wasn’t even going to question the colour or texture of what ended up in the bucket. But given the low groan from Karkat before his eyes rolled up into his head and he properly passed out, at least some of the pressure had eased.
Sollux took a couple minutes to just breathe, numb and exhausted, but not quite finished yet. When his blood pusher stopped racing, he started to clean up. The forethought of placing towels had helped keep the damage to a minimum. His pants were still wrecked and it was probably a good thing Karkat’s claws had ripped the couch open in a couple places because a few of the cushions were never going to come clean. Everything creaked and popped when he stood and shuffled towards the kitchen. He carefully washed away the lube and errant genetic material from Karkat’s still heavily bruised skin with some warm water and a washcloth before laying on the analgesics again. Another towel was wrapped around his hips to keep whatever modesty he had left and then the blankets were tucked in. After a little poking around, he found the laundry. While the used towels and his pants got washed, the contents of the buckets were disposed of. Then he found a shower for himself. The thought of eating came and went as he cycled the washing, closed the blinds against the light of day, and checked in on Gamzee just because it felt polite to do so. Wandering around in just his boxers and shirt should have felt weird, but he was too tired at that point to care about much of anything. He barely managed to make a pile near the couch before he crashed himself.
When he awoke with a panicked start a couple hours later, he grabbed his phone and sent a text to Aradia.
TA: ii know you won’t get thii2 untiil later but ii found kk.
TA: cant 2ay anymore than that becau2e of rea2on2.
TA: ii ju2t diidnt want you two think ii went on another bender agaiin 2iince you miight not hear from me for a whiile.
TA: fuck iim rambliing 2orry.
TA: point ii2 would you miind comiing over when ii get fiinii2hed wiith thii2?
TA: becau2e
TA: fuck
TA: a2k me later.
***
To be continued.
- 3
- 4
- 5
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Desiderata