Crushed

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**NOTE to the Reader. It's Raven again. :) *

Ouch. All this time apart, and the only thing he could think to say to me was that I look good for a dead girl.. I burrowed farther under the hood of my cloak so that he couldn't see the pained look that hit my face. What could I say to something like that? I didn't want to fight with him; I never want to fight with him. Physically or just verbally. I decided, cautiously, to change the subject.

"It's been a long time." I spoke quietly, my voice barely above a whisper, almost hoping he wouldn't hear me. He took a step forward so that he could hear me when I spoke again, and unfortunately for me, he had heard.

"Yeah.. that's for sure."

Where do we go from here? What comes next? I certainly don't know- but I might as well try to make small talk, even though there's an issue burning down into both of us, consuming out minds and leaving this smoke trail that masks our common sense. I have to try to fight the fire; and maybe pretend like nothing happened. Though somethings you just can't forget about.

"How is... Linda, right?" I knew her name, I could never forget it. Every time I thought of him, I had to think of her too. Linda Park- or rather... Linda West. But if I admitted to him that I knew her name, knew her; had been watching him through the public eye, had been following his every step- he might run scared.. again.

He raised his eyes to mine, trying to search out any hint of sarcasm, or jealousy. There wasn't any sarcasm, and my jealousy I kept locked up deep inside. I was just trying to carry on a conversation with the man I loved, love.

"She's alright." He could have added more, if he wanted to hurt me even more, but he didn't seem to want me to be miserable. I frowned. There wasn't much more to talk about, except what already lay between us. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and let it cleanse my lungs and heart. I was going to need all the strenght I had to confront this topic.

"I know I've apologized before. But... I'm sorry for what I did to you." That was all I had to say, that was all there was to say. It was up to him now. He could yell and scream at me, he could tell me that he never wanted to see me again- I wouldn't argue. But I could only hope that he had some how found away to forgive me. All I had now was hope.

He didn't say anything, just nodded quietly. I took that as a good sign. Was it too much to say that I thought it was forgiveness he was granting me? It didn't seem possible. But it was, he was forgiving me. For what reason, I don't think I'll ever know... but he forgave me. My heart could have burst from just that one simple nod. But my hopes rose even more. I knew that what I was about to do was stupid, and wouldn't get me anywhere... but he showed his forgiveness, and I had to show him how I still felt about him.

With two quick steps, I crossed the barrier between the two of us. The barrier time had erected to keep us separated, to keep us from hurting each other again, to keep us from loving again. Two steps was all it took. All of that planning and misery for two steps, then I was looking up at him, and before even he had time to react, I lifted myself onto my tiptoes, and placed my lips firmly against his.

I kissed him with all the love and passion I possessed. I kissed him so that he would know that I adore him. I kissed him knowing full well that he was married to someone he loved. I kissed him for closure.. I kissed him goodbye.

He didn't kiss me back. I wasn't expecting him to- but part of me had still hoped. He's married. He loves someone else, and we can never be together again. Our time in the sun passed too quickly, and it can never be reclaimed, no matter how I tried. His lips were firm and soft against mine, but only because that's the way they were naturally...

I pulled away slowly, reluctant to finally let go; and when I looked up at him, I know my face showed no ounce of regret or remorse- because I didn't feel it. I flashed a soft smile, the first real one since I'd heard that he was coming back to the Tower, for however brief an amount of time. I smiled, and turned to go towards my life, and away from his.

Just as I took my first step away from him, he grabbed my wrist, and whirled me around to face him, pulling my into his arms which wrapped around me tightly. He rested his chin on top of my head, and kept his arms securely around me, unwilling to let go, for whatever reason. Tears sprung to my eyes as I embraced him, my hands against his back, and my cheek pressing against his chest. My love's hands stroked my back, and my hair, as he took a deep breath, drinking in my scent and the sensations of touching for the last time, drowning in what was us. We held each other the way a widower holds his dying wife. We held each other the way a little girl holds her favorite stuffed animal. We held each other, and we let go of each other... all in the same instant.


That was three days ago. Wally has gone back to the Justice League, and I've resumed my stotic position with the Titans. I still love him. I always will- but things have changed within me. I love him, but I don't need him... and I can honestly say that I'm happy for him. I'm happy for him to build a life with someone he loves. I know what it's like to love... and I know what it's like to lose. But sometimes, even when you've loved and lost, a person must always remember, winning may have never been an option. Sometimes losing is all you have ahead of you. That was the case with Wally and I.




**WooT! I finished something!! Erm.. Please Review :D Thanks bunches **