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She's Not a Saint	By : AsylumWritings Category: DC Verse Comics > Batman Views: 489 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman/DC Comics, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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I could feel the pain in my side again, and even though I desperately tried to hold onto sleep, there was no way I could continue. After a few moments, I felt Jon gently wrap an arm around me, making sure to avoid my wound.
“Wake up.” He breathed, pressing a kiss to my shoulder.
I rolled over, pushing him back onto the bed so that I could lie with my head on his chest. “ I already am. I just don’t want to move yet.”
“Do you need something for the pain?”
“No, I’ll survive for now. I’ll take something before I go talk to him.” I traced the scars on his chest, feeling calm and happy through the pain. “About last night… Do you know what Joker is planning?”
“No. I tend to try and keep out of his way.” He ran his hand down my side, gently pulling my leg across him. “I’d rather not end up on the wrong end of a bomb.”
I winced a little at the change of position. “Did you know he was planning to attack Arkham? Is that why you tried to stop me going?”
He didn’t reply, and I was fairly certain I knew the answer. I sat up so that I could look him in the eye.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I…” He hesitated, sitting up. “I didn’t really want to stop you, because I wanted to know how you would handle it.”
It was like he’d just punched me in the heart. I couldn’t believe that after everything, after he’d just told me he loves me, he was still looking at me like an experiment.
“You’re such an asshole.” I climbed off the bed, storming out of the room before he could stop me.
I was hurting, both physically and mentally, but it was actually hard for me to stay angry. I’d only ever successfully held one grudge in my life, and I was about to resolve that. I pushed open the door to Jon’s office, sitting down on the couch. I did my best to ignore the pain in my side, but I was struggling. Taking a few deep breaths, I calmed myself down, just in time for the door to open.
“I’m sorry.” Jon knelt down in front of me, reaching out to take my hand. “I should have told you the truth, and let you make your own decision.”
“Yes, you should have.” I touched his cheek, making sure he was looking at me. “I love you, Jon, but I don’t want to be your test subject anymore.”
I saw a moment of internal battle reflected in his eyes, then he nodded. I knew almost instantly that Scarecrow was back, but I was hoping he would tell me himself.
“You’re right. I… have still been treating you like part of my tests.” He knelt up, taking hold of my chin with his thumb pressed against my lip. “This is… it’s new to me. It’s not something I can think my way through.”
I gently pulled his hand from my face, and leaned in to kiss him. “I’m not asking you to get it right or to be perfect. Just try and get out of your head a little.”
“I need to tell you something.” He pressed a kiss to my fingers. “Last night, while you were out, and I was worrying about you… He’s back inside my head again.”
I didn’t reply straight away, just wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close. Kissing his cheek, I just held him for a few moments.
“It’s okay.” I whispered. “I’m sorry he wasn’t kept away for very long. I thought it would keep him quiet for longer than that.”
He wrapped his arms around me, accidentally bumping my wound. The pain shot through me, and I cried out.
“Let me get you something for the pain.” He stood up. “Wait here.”
I did as I was told, trying not to cry as the pain just seemed to get worse. There’s only so much that breathing and calming can do, and that one bump seemed to just send the sharp pain radiating through me.
He returned quickly, sitting down beside me. “Lift your shirt.”
I lifted it high enough to get to the wound, wincing as he injected the drug in. He gently peeled back the bandage, just checking the stitches over. I wiped a tear off my cheek, closing my eyes until he was finished.
“Are you alright?” He asked, gently lowering my shirt back down.
I nodded, lying down with my head in his lap. “I will be, once it kicks in.”
He quietly read his book, running his fingers through her hair as she napped. The anaesthetic had kicked in quickly, and she was clearly still exhausted. Roman could wait a little longer, he wasn’t going to die down there.
I’ve never really thought about it, but she is quite beautiful. Especially when she’s lying there, so vulnerable, so breakable.
“That’s enough.” He spoke quietly, glad when she didn’t stir.
You used to be a lot more fun before you met her.
“And you used to be a lot quieter.” He turned the page. “So I guess we’ve both changed since she’s been here.”
I pushed the basement door open, walking down the stairs to see Roman. He was strapped down to the medical bed, and he glared at me as I walked over.
“What the hell are you doing?” He snapped, pulling against the straps.
“What my father should have done sixteen years ago.” I sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at him. “The rivalry, the animosity, between you and my father had nothing to do with me. And yet you took it upon yourself to punish me for it. I was fourteen years old, just a kid. I wasn’t even involved in anything he did. Why did you send them after me?”
“You were just convenient. A pawn that I could use against your father.” He sneered at me, an almost gleeful look in his eyes. “And I would do it again if I had to.”
I pressed the button on my knife, causing the blade to swing out. “It took me years to deal with the fear you left me with. I’m still dealing with it even now.”
He laughed. “I should have had them do worse. They should have broken you completely.”
Slamming the blade down between his fingers, I grinned when he flinched. I walked to the end of the bed, resting my hands either side of his head.
“I clearly made you too strong.”
“You didn’t make me strong. You made me terrified. I couldn’t leave the house for a month.” I slapped him, hard, leaving a red mark on his cheek. “You made me weak. I made me strong. I did it by myself. And I left the scar where they carved your initials into my body, so that I would never forget what I had to do to get here.”
He rolled his eyes, not looking at me. “You really don’t get it. It wasn’t about you. It was never about you. Your father stole my family’s company out from under me, and he had to be punished.”
“So you had a fourteen year old girl raped and beaten instead of going after him directly.”
“No. I taught him a lesson. And it’s one he understood, because he backed off.” He grinned. “Besides, if I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be with your charming doctor upstairs.”
“Fuck you.” I stormed out of basement, slamming the door shut and leaning against it.
I was beginning to shake, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn’t prepared for this, and I should have been smart enough to realise that going down and talking to him directly was a bad idea.
I was getting flashes, images of my attack, over and over, and I couldn’t seem to stop them. I slid to the floor, unable to catch my breath. If I was going to do this, I needed to be stronger, but it was so hard. My body hurt, I was exhausted, and I just couldn’t seem to calm myself down.
No, I was going to get through this. I had to, so that I could finally be free of it. Closing my eyes, I focused on the feeling of the warm air against my skin and the cool wood against my legs. I managed to take a deep breath.
My heart was still racing, but I could breathe properly now. I was calming down, but as I stood up, I suddenly felt nauseous. I stumbled down the corridor to my room, just making it to the toilet in time to throw up. It surprisingly helped, and I felt better as I stood at the sink, having a glass of water. I was hoping Jon wouldn’t come in while I looked awful, but of course I wasn’t that lucky.
He walked into the bathroom, gently touching my lower back. I turned, wrapping my arms around him and resting my head against his chest.
“What can I do?” He asked, gently running his fingers through my hair.
“Nothing. I have to do this myself.” I wiped my eyes. “I just wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be to look him in the eye.”
He softly kissed the top of my head. “Do you want to go back in today?”
I hesitated, unsure. I wanted to get this over with, but I really needed to take a little time to get myself out of this anxious space. I was so exhausted, and I needed to rest more.
“Maybe in a couple of hours.” I played with the buttons of his shirt. “That was a lot, and I’m tired.”
“Get some rest. I’ll check on you later.” He walked me back into the bedroom, helping me into bed. “Come get me if the pain starts to worsen again.”
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She's Not a Saint