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Hamato Karai	By : MercyJinn Category: Comics > Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Views: 9488 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
TITLE: Hamato Karai Chapter 19
AUTHOR: Jinn-Jinn
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Quite poor. Don't sue
AUTHOR'S NOTE:Surprisingly easy to write, except near the end. Man, I'm exhausted!

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It seemed that everywhere Leo went, he was seeing babies. It was almost becoming ridiculous. Every time he went out on patrol or exercise runs with his brothers he was seeing a baby crying, laughing, being changed, fed, sung to. Was this a sign of what his future will lead him to, or was it a reminder to make up his mind already?

He had been meditating on the adoption issue for nearly three months now and he felt about the same as he did before, confused. To make matters more complicated he was beginning to feel Karai slowly become frustrated with the passing of time. She had promised not to question him about his thoughts, but her patience was beginning to wear thin. It wasn’t bringing any stress in their relation, yet Leo would swear during their sparring that she’s hitting a little harder than usual.

Leonardo knows he’s taking a bit too long, but it’s a difficult topic! It requires a lot of research and thinking and feeling. It’s not like he’s been idle either; he’s been asking a lot of questions and they’ve been helpful…..sort of.

First he went on the internet and read articles about what men thought of adoption. He quickly found out the biggest problem males had was the feeling of sexual inadequacy and the loss of their bloodline and how men had to cope with those feelings before accepting adoption. Well that didn’t really help that much since sexual inadequacy was hardly the problem and as for bloodlines, forget it! Master Yoshi, Master Splinter, his brothers, himself were all adopted. Hell the Hamato clan *thrived* on adoption! Actually it made Leo smile at the thought that he might be continuing the family name that way. He liked that.

He also read about the greatest fears about adoption; rejection. Could a child learn to truly see him as a father? Leo looked at his three-fingered green hands and fisted them. What if the child was scared of him and became traumatized? The fear could turn to hate and mistrust, leading ultimately to rejection and total abandonment. The thought made an old hurt throb in his soul. He desperately didn’t want that to happen; the world already rejected his ilk, he couldn’t bear it if it came from someone he wanted to love.

With one pro and one con already in his mind, he decided to talk to an expert. Of course trying to get Master Splinter to talk about fatherhood without giving away the reason why proved something of a challenge, but he wasn’t the leader for nothing. As it happened all he needed to do was manipulate a conversation in just the right direction.

It was an evening with the lair all to themselves. Mikey, with the power of his big, blue eyes, managed to get their father’s permission to go out to see a special movie screening with the others. Leo was interested in the film, but as a loyal son decided to stay at home, especially since it gave him plenty of privacy to ask some much needed questions.

The gods must’ve loved him because Splinter started off the conversation in just the right way.

“Your brother has been using those eyes since infancy. One of these days I shall discover the ability to say no to them.” Splinter jested lightly.

“You say no to him plenty of times, Master. Parenting seems to come naturally to you.” He said lightly, hoping Splinter will pick up the thread.

Splinter chuckled softly. “Hardly, my son. Those first months with the four of you were the hardest. Keeping all three of you fed, warm, healthy and safe completely consumed me. There were many nights I went hungry and I was very tired.”

“So why did you keep us?” He asked as he took an old tea pot and poured his father a drink.

The question made Splinter pause. He cupped his tea with both hands and rubbed it lightly; then heaving a lingering breath he said before taking a sip. “Because I couldn’t leave you.”
A
t the slightly confused expression on his elder’s face, he tried to elaborate. “When four, tiny faces look up at you the way you all did, there’s no way I could have left you to fend for yourselves.”

“Were you hoping to replace the family you lost, Master?”
“Perhaps, but I could not imagine what kind of beings you four would become. You were children, you were turtles and our mutation might’ve been unpredictable. I had experience with none of these things yet…..” Splintered closed his eyes and smiled faintly. “….yet…..I loved you all. You were my sons from day one and while we all have had great hardships I have never regretted my choice.”

Leo realized that as much as he would like to ask more questions, to find the root of his father’s love, it would be one of those spiritual, unanswerable mysteries that could never be fully explained. “So…it just happened.”

Splinter smiled. “Yes, my son.”

"I guess you’re lucky then. None of us will ever know.” He sighed softly, thoughtfully, feeling sad. A warm, aged hand reached out and touched his face.

“A child would have a difficult life with us, my son.” Splinter said honestly, “They might suffer as we have and I would not wish that on an innocent soul.”

His heart instantly plummeted at those words. The thoughts that had been on his mind were now confirmed; he couldn’t bring a child into his world. He’d have to deny Karai.

“But….”

Leo snapped up. There was a but???

“…..no two lives are the same. Should the opportunity for fatherhood come to any one of you, why should I deny you the right to experience that kind of love?”

His father’s words rolled in his mind, adding itself to the jumble already there and as much as he wanted to excuse himself so he could meditate, he knew that would only give him away, so instead he smiled and said;
“Thank you Master Splinter, but let’s just hope that any kid we have doesn’t become another Mikey. We can barely handle one.”

Splinter chuckled at the thought.

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When Splinter retired for the night, Leonardo stayed up and waited for his brother to come home. When they did they were loud and enthusiastic. Mikey lamented his older brother’s decision to stay and quickly began retelling him the movie with over exaggerated embellishment. Once he finished and recovered his breath he asked Leo what he and Master Splinter did.

“Talking about parenting.” He replied with a shrug.

“Parenting?” Mikey parroted, “You mean like having kids??

You’re thinking about having a kid bro??”

It amazed him how his littlest brother was actually very astute, but didn’t know that he was. “Come on Mikey, you know it’s not possible.”

“Yeah I can’t imagine any of us are parents, especially him.” Raphael snorted at Leo. “Karai doesn’t look like she has a maternal bone in her body-”

Leo looked at him sharply. “Don’t start, Raph.”

Donnie gave Raph a faint pleading look and the sai-wielding turtle shrugged. “Then of course there’s you, Fearless. You’re such a perfectionist and a worrier. The chaos of having kids would probably put you in an early grave.”

“You’d think I’d suck so bad?” Leo countered, another knot of doubt planting itself in his mind.

“You can’t handle a mess, kids are messy; do the math.” Raph replied coolly.

Mikey put in his two cents. “You’d suck as a father too, Raph; couldn’t see you anywhere near a diaper!”

“And you never will.” Raph replied with a firm nod. “Me and kids forget about it!”

Donnie rolled his eyes at them both then looked at Leo. “Personally I could see you as a dad, bro. You keep an eye on us, don’t you?”

“Yeah you got plenty of experience with us!” Mikey chirped as he looked around for the remote. “I wonder what’s on at 3 in the morning!”

With a huff, Raph hoisted himself off the couch. “If we’re staying up then I’m getting a beer.” He nudged his older brother along the way and said in a mellow tone. “Ah forget about it Leo. Parenthood is out of the picture for all of us. Plus, I ain’t welcoming anything that comes from *her*.”

Mikey wrinkled his face at the thought. “Ew.”

Donnie merely shrugged.

And Leonardo sat there with his brothers, wishing he could scream.

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He didn’t visit the lair for a few days claiming he was sick and he was of sorts. His mind was so full, his heart so conflicted with decisions that he had become plain exhausted. What was he going to do? Basically from all he has gathered in his months of meditation was that he might not make a great father, that his life was full of danger, that rejection and fear was a possibility, but to know such love was indescribable. Getting no comfort in the tiny garden at home he grabbed his gear and took off to wander the roofs of New York City.

There was still a faint trace of sunset and as he had grown accustomed to seeing the sun rise and fall on a daily basis now that he lived above ground, he’d grown to really enjoy watching the orange, yellows and reds rays turning into the pink, violet and finally midnight blue.

The night was perfect actually, the kind that made people want to step out on their roofs and enjoy it, which made Leo’s wandering a bit more difficult, but was more than happy to concentrate on being stealthy for once.
Just as he thought, not far from where he landed he saw a small party on a roof top. The music was what made him stop because it reminded him of his stay in Central America. It was a festive dance song with the steady beating of drums. People were laughing, eating and dancing; little children in fine clothes ran around. Some of the littlest one were dressed entirely in white and Leo vaguely wondered why. He went in for a closer look at the festivities; something he would usually never do, but tonight he desperately sought a distraction from his heavy thoughts.

He kept himself hidden in the shadows of the neighboring roof and watched as people helped themselves to cake and soda. He was now close enough to read the banners and balloons that proclaimed it a baptism party. The most he could recall about baptisms came from watching the Godfather Trilogy, which would explain why the most fuss was made on the little ones dressed in white. Some were small and still needed the helpful, loving arms of their parents; others were toddlers, waddling around the guests in their finery. He noticed a small herd of children of various ages playing on another side of the roof and he had to smile to see a little girl giggle and run after the others as best she could. She too wore a white dress that went down to her knees, white stockings and shoes with a big bow in the back and flower ribbon in her dark, dark hair. For some reason the sight of the little creature so innocent and carefree made Leo smile and he felt the throb in his head lessen.

Suddenly a single Spanish word rang out and the kids scattered, screaming with glee back to the adults. Only the little girl remained though not for lack of trying; somehow her pretty white skirt got caught on a metal piece and she couldn’t break loose. Chubby hands tugged at her skirt with a frustrated frown and after a minute or two the frown gave way to tears. She wailed for someone to help her, but with the volume of the music and all the screeching children she could not be heard. The sight of her isolated and miserable tugged on Leonardo’s conscious and despite the risk he made his way over to her side, giving the partiers a wide berth.

The quickest and fastest way to set her free and disappear would be to use his katana and simply slice the bit of material off, but he’d dare not else he might accidentally hurt her, so he just might have to simply pull the snag himself and be on his way. As he got closer the girl stopped crying and looked at him. If a baby could have a bewildered look on her face than that would be what was on hers. She stared at him so long he began to feel self-conscious.

“Uh…it’ll just be a moment……I mean….Todo va estar bien.” He said feeling a little foolish for talking to a child who probably didn’t understand a thing he was saying.

Leonardo swooped down to remove the snag, his mind on a quick escape when suddenly a warm little hand touched his face. Startled, he turned and was surprised to see her smiling at him. She seemed absolutely delighted and happily explored his face with her hands. It was such a strange sensation to have his face touched like that that he didn’t know what to do except let her continue. As she went on poking and prodding a realization finally hit the mutant turtle.

“Why aren’t you scared of me?” He blurted out. The baby replied with some mindless garble and proceeded to stick her finger in his mouth. Leo spit out the finger and thoughtlessly picked her up, which didn’t bother
her in the least.

“You’re making this too easy. Babies aren’t easy.” He said, trying to make her understand the gravity of what she’s doing. “You’re supposed to be scared of me; not trying to stick your fist in my mouth.”

“-I!” She said in greeting.

He sighed, smiling faintly at her beaming grin. “Don’t you want to go back to the party?” He pointed to the noise behind her. “I’m sure your mom is missing you.”

The girl actually followed the direction of his hand, then turned back, gazed at him thoughtfully and gave him an uncoordinated kiss at the tip of his beak. “-I!” She said simply.

Something in his heart contracted and he felt a warmth that was different from the one he felt for Karai or for his family. It was rich, sweet and yet slightly scary.

Unable to help himself he touched the girl’s cheek and marveled at the softness. “What are you doing to me?” He whispered.

“Nina! Nina!”

A frantic cry broke Leo from his thoughts and with a mental curse realized that he overstayed his welcome. He quickly placed the little girl back on her feet and impulsively gave her a kiss on the top of her head.

“Thanks for the talk, Nina. It was helpful.” He said, then swiftly disappeared just as a woman rounded the corner and with much relief, gathered the child up in her arms. She gently scolded the girl, not noticing as she waved her chubby arms at the giant, disappearing turtle.

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Hours later, now completely enveloped in night, Leonardo sat on the roof of his home and thought. For once his mind wasn’t jumbled and confused; instead it focused on one thing. The little girl in white.

She stripped him of his fears and filled him with something else that he couldn’t really describe. It made his heart swell and his spirits lift. Was this the feeling that Master Splinter couldn’t describe? The pull and longing that made him love his sons? He liked that feeling a lot and wondered just a little bit if he would get the same feeling with a child of his own. Why hadn’t he meditated over that instead of all the facts and opinions he’d
been gathering these three months? As he thought about it, it suddenly dawned upon him.

When it came to family and love, thinking had nothing to do with it. One simply had to follow the heart and trust it’ll all be alright. All this time Leo should’ve gone with his heart, not with his mind.

“Idiot.” He said to himself with a smirk.

Knowing now what to do, he made himself comfortable, closed his eyes and meditated; this time searching deep within his soul.

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Karai was roused from her sleep by the gentle shake from a large green hand. Slightly irritated, she opened her eyes and focused on her husband and was surprised to find him slightly damp. She reached out to stop his
hand and was slightly alarmed at the coldness she felt. The last she saw him he was upstairs on their roof meditating and not wanting to disturb him, she left him there unmolested. When she went to bed around one in
the morning he was still up there, but she assumed he would eventually make his way down. By the looks of him though it seemed he was there all night and the morning dew had drenched him, leaving him cold and
wet.

“Leonardo you meditated all night? Is everything well?” She sat up, thinking she should escort him to the bathroom for a hot shower, least he developed a cold.

Instead of giving her a straight answer, Leonardo smiled serenely, gave her a pleasant kiss. “I thought about all night and I’ve decided.”

Well she definitely wasn’t expecting that! She snapped to attention and waited with bated breath. “Alright.” She said simply, not knowing what else to say, but noticing that he was sniffling a bit and she couldn’t decide if
it was because he was getting emotional or because he did catch a cold.

“Can we have a girl?”

The question threw Karai off so badly she jerked and it took her a few heart beats before it all sank in. He’s consented, and by the look in his eyes there was no conflict, just a peaceful confidence. She truly didn’t know what to say. If she was honest with herself she would burst into tears and embrace her husband for giving her her heart’s desire, but that would never do, so instead she composed herself, returned his serene smile
with one of her own and kissed him firmly.

“A girl would be fine.” She replied and kissed him again.

Leonardo yielded hungrily to her and enthused at the thought of soon becoming a father, of expanding and bringing new joy in his family, he hugged his wife fiercely…..then the rough tickle in his throat that had started to nag him forced him to pull away and cough. Karai watched him cough and sniffle again, bemused.

“Ill?” She asked with a raised brow, not having to tell him how foolish he was for meditating outside in the middle of autumn when they had a perfectly good, warm, dry home he could’ve been in instead.

“Yeah.” He admits sheepishly, then adds, “I promise that I’ll make all major decisions inside once the baby gets here.”

She smirked at him, then decided that despite her excellent control over herself, she would hug him anyway and convey to him in that warm embrace how much he, and his consent, meant to her. She was finally going
to have her one good thing; a little girl to call their own. “Good.”
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Hamato Karai