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She's Not a Saint	By : AsylumWritings Category: DC Verse Comics > Batman Views: 489 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman/DC Comics, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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I woke in a cold sweat, panic shooting through my veins. The nightmares about my attack weren’t getting better, even after everything. It didn’t help that even though Jonathan was always with me when I fell asleep, he was often not in the bed when I woke from one.
I knew I would struggle to get back to sleep, so I pulled some clothes on and stretched, before heading out to the lab to find him. He was bent over his notes, scribbling away with a frustrated look on his face, and the air was heavy with the smell of chemicals. It was a weirdly pleasant smell.
“Jon?” I whispered, trying not to surprise him too much as I walked over.
He looked up, clearly a little concerned. “Did you have a nightmare again?”
I nodded. “How long have you been up?”
“A few hours.” He pushed his work aside, resting his head in his hands. “I’m stuck.”
“You need to take a break.” I softly touched his cheek. “You’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t take a few minutes off.”
He suddenly pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I guess I can take a little time off from this.”
“What are you stuck on?” I asked, holding him tightly.
“I think I need to test it, but the police are apparently really trying to find me right now, and if I go out, they’re likely to find me.”
I traced his jaw with my fingers, realising that this is something I could actually help with. “Let me go find someone.”
He shook his head, hesitantly. “I can’t let you do that. The police could be looking for you too.”
“Then test it on me.”
“No.” He said it so firmly and suddenly that I nearly jumped. “I won’t do that to you again.”
“Those are the two choices right now.” I kissed him gently. “You know I can bring someone here for you, just tell me what you need.”
He took a moment to think, those blue eyes drifting over my face. It made me blush a little, and I wished I knew what he was thinking.
“Alright.” He said finally, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Just be careful.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, sliding closer to him. “I’ll go tomorrow. Now, do you still need a distraction? Or are you going back to work now?”
“I think I need some more distraction.” He leaned in to press a kiss to my neck, sliding his hands up my back.
“Mmm, that works for me.” I breathed, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.
He suddenly pulled away with a sigh, avoiding my gaze. It was a little too late though, because I managed to see his face darkening.
“He’s talking to you, isn’t he?” I asked.
He sighed. “It’s happening more often now. He’s so erratic, switching back and forth between hating you and wanting you.”
“I need you to trust me right now.” I climbed off his lap, sitting on the desk as he nodded slightly. “Let me talk to him.”
His eyes widened and he shook his head. “He’ll hurt you. I can’t watch, I can’t feel, that happen again.”
“I have been through some of the worst this city has to offer, I can deal with this.” I squeezed his hand. “I know you held him back from throwing me off the balcony the other night. That means you have some sort of control over him. But I can’t help you if I don’t understand him. I’ll tie you up if you think that would help, but I need to have a conversation with him.”
“If I let him out, I don’t know if I’ll be able to take over again. I don’t know what will happen once he gets his hands on you.”
“I know.” I whispered, knowing he would pick up on my anxiety if I didn’t hide it. “I also know you keep a sedative in the top drawer of your desk. He obviously does too, but hopefully I can use it on him if I need to.”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
I shook my head, leaning back on my hands. “It’s not likely, no.”
He looked away, taking a deep breath. I watched as his eyes changed to that harsh grey. This wasn’t like the other identity disorders I’d seen in Arkham. It was like he was half possessed by something.
Before I could react, he was suddenly standing in front of me, his hand wrapped around my throat. He wasn’t choking me, not yet, which was a surprise. Jonathan must have had more control than I thought.
“Scarecrow, I presume. If you’re not going to choke me, would you mind letting go? I’m not here to hurt you, I just want to talk.”
“I don’t talk.” He replied, in that strange sing-song voice. “I do what Jonathan can’t.”
“I know.” I placed my hand over his, looking up at him. “You protected him, right? When his grandmother locked him up and abused him? I understand why you were needed.”
He hesitated for a moment, almost imperceptibly. “You… understand?”
“I do. You kept him safe, locked away inside your head, and you took on the worst of what happened.”
“You understand nothing!” His grip on my throat suddenly tightened. “He called for me. Prayed for me.”
I gasped for breath, scratching at his hand. “Then help me understand. I want to understand both of you.”
He suddenly let me go, walking over to the window. “Little Johnny Crane was so pathetic. He would sit in that church and take the abuse, drawing his pictures of crows and wondering why his grandmother hated him.”
I rubbed my neck, still feeling the pressure of his grip a little. He was talking now, which was a step in the right direction. “It sounds like you hate him.”
“No. I don’t hate him.” He sighed, turning back to him. “How could I? He created me. No, I hate that even after all this time, he still won’t do what’s necessary to keep himself safe. I told him you would be an issue for us, but he still brought you here anyway.”
“You think I make him unsafe?”
He stormed over, his sudden anger scaring me. “You make him weak! I should have thrown you off that balcony when I had the chance, then he wouldn’t be so emotional and pathetic again.”
I was shaking, just slightly, my mind immediately going back to when he threw me out the window. I didn’t want Jonathan to push his way back yet though, so I took a deep breath and calmed myself.
“You don’t have to hate me.” I whispered, trying not to shrink away as he loomed over me. “I’m not your enemy. I want to make things work here, but I don’t want to be thrown out a window every time you decide you don’t like me.”
“Are you scared right now?” He asked, taking hold of my face. His fingers dug into my cheeks, and he forced me to look at him.
I didn’t reply, just stared up into his eyes.
“But you like being scared, don’t you?” He gave me a wide, unnerving grin. “That’s why you fucked him after he drugged you. You could have both of us, you know. I’ll make you scream louder than he ever could.”
The sudden change in the tone of the conversation gave me a kind of mental whiplash, and completely knocked me off kilter. I was now completely out of my depth, and had no idea how to even reply.
“He would feel it too.” He whispered, tracing my lips with his thumb. “He feels everything I do.”
I was still silent, trying not to panic. Especially once he turned my head the the side and ran his tongue along my jaw.
Moving slowly, I reached for the drawer to find the sedative. I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I wasn’t going to let him go any further. Suddenly my hand was shoved away, and I looked up in fear to see those icy blue eyes staring back at me.
“Jon?” I whispered, unsure if I trusted my own eyes.
He nodded. “I’m so sorry, Lili. I… He was going to hurt you.”
I threw my arms around him, pulling him close between my legs. “It’s okay. I think I understand now. I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want to do that.”
He leaned over to kiss me, just once, softly. I got up off the desk, taking his hand.
“I did promise you a distraction.” I whispered. “Or have I done enough for today?”
"I think I could take a little more time.” He walked me back to the bedroom.
Sitting down on the bed, he gently pulled me into his lap and pressed a kiss to my jaw. I was feeling really guilty about pushing him so far, and I just wanted to make it up to him.
“Did I make it harder for you to keep him under control?” I asked, pressing a kiss to his cheek. I kissed his jaw, his neck, just wanting to keep him close.
“No.” He breathed, shakily. “No more than usual, anyway.”
I pulled away, opening my mouth to say something more, but he pressed his fingers to my lips.
“Stop… Stop talking.” He lifted my shirt up, taking it off me and throwing it aside.
Climbing off his lap, I stood and pulling him to me. Kissing him deeply, I gasped as he drifted his hands slid down my back. His skin was always so much cooler than mine, and I didn’t know why it affected me so much.
He took hold of my waist, turning me around and pushing me up against the dresser. I gripped the wood, moaning as he gently bit at my neck.
“The way you touch me…” I whispered, trying to keep myself on my feet. “You have no idea how good it feels.”
“I have a pretty good idea.” He ran his tongue along my skin, making me shake.
As he wrapped his arm around my bare chest, his other hand slid my shorts down to my ankles. I was already desperate for him, and I tried to turn so I strip him down too. He stopped me, pushing me down onto the wood. With one hand tangled in my hair, he held me in place.
There was a moment of calm as he unzipped his pants and kicked them off, then he squeezed my thighs together with his legs and penetrated me. I could feel him deep inside of me, filling me in a way that was made better by the way he’d somehow made me tighter with this position.
He began to move, slowly at first, teasing me like he had before. I wanted him to fuck me so hard I couldn’t think, but he was being so mean right then.
“Harder, Jon.” I whined, pushing my hips back against him.
He grabbed my arm, yanking me up to his chest. “What was that?”
“Please.”
He slid his hand around my throat, tilting my head up so he could kiss my neck. “Please, what?”
I moaned, already feeling the pressure building inside me. “Please fuck me harder, Jon.”
“With pleasure.” He breathed, nipping at my skin.
Every thrust caused me to shudder, rubbing right against my g-spot. It wasn’t going to be long before I lost myself, but I didn’t know if I would be able to stay upright until then. My legs were weakening, and his constant biting and kissing my neck didn’t help.
He could clearly tell I was trying to hold myself back from the edge, because he suddenly had his other hand between my legs, his fingers tracing circles around my clit.
“Let go, Lili.” He whispered, his warm breath brushing my skin.
I did as I was told, throwing my hands onto the dresser for balance as the fire exploded inside of me. The scream came from deep within my chest, and I was so caught up in the feeling that I didn’t realise it was me who had screamed.
He thrust a few more times, a surprisingly deep primal growl rumbling up from inside him as his hips shuddered to a halt against mine. When he immediately pulled out and stepped away, I realised what was happening and turned, even though my legs didn’t really want to work.
He was standing with his hands pressed against the wall, and breathing deeply. I ducked under his arms, so that I could look at him. Now that I knew what to look for, I could see the battle going on inside his mind.
“I know you want to lose control right now.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close. “I’m here to hold you until the urge passes.”
It took a moment, but eventually he relaxed, and hugged me back. We stood there, in each other’s arms, until we were calmer.
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She's Not a Saint