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She's Not a Saint	By : AsylumWritings Category: DC Verse Comics > Batman Views: 489 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman/DC Comics, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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I needed a glass of water, but Jonathan’s arms were wrapped rather tightly around me and I really didn’t want to disturb him. He slept so little as it was, I didn’t want to wake him when he finally got some.
Carefully pulling his arms off me, I managed to get out of the bed without disturbing him too much. Creeping into the bathroom, I refilled my glass and took a few gulps. I could hear him tossing and turning, and I hesitated, unsure how to help him. This wasn’t the first time I’d dealt with one of his nightmares, but it was different now that I had some idea what they were about.
I knelt down beside the bed, softly touching his arm. “Wake up.”
He suddenly woke up, pushing my hand off. Before I could say anything more, he got up, walking to the bathroom and splashing water on his face.
“What was it about this time?” I asked, pulling on a shirt. “Let me help.”
“Nothing.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s fine, I don’t need your help.”
I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hide the hurt I was feeling. “Why won’t you tell me anything? You expect so much from me, but never give anything back.”
“Don’t.”
Before I could stop them, the words I didn’t want to say suddenly came tumbling out of my mouth. “If it’s about what your grandmother did…”
I felt the change before I saw it, and I watched as his face darkened, his hands clenching the edge of the sink. I realised that I was in very serious danger, so I quickly fled the room, locking the door behind me to give myself a little time.
Running down the corridor, I was basically praying that Ed was awake and in his office. I could hear Jonathan banging on the door, and I was trying not to panic.
The office door opened, and Ed stepped out, ushering me inside. He locked the door, turning to me with a sigh.
“I told you not to let him know.” He squeezed the bridge of his nose.
“I didn’t mean to.” I cried, trying to catch my breath. “Please, Ed. I need your help.”
He pulled the car keys out of his pocket, handing them to me and walking over to the window. He slid it open, then turned to me. “I can only hold him off for a short time. You’re going to have to drive as far as you can.”
I swung a leg over the windowsill, looking back at him. “I’m really sorry.”
He nodded, hesitating when there was a loud bang on the door. “I know. Just go.”
I did as I was told, sprinting along the grass to the car. It started quickly and I sped into Gotham, trying to work out where to go. If I unlocked any of the safehouses, Papa would get an alert, and that was the last thing I wanted right then. And I obviously couldn’t go home.
So that left one option. There was an apartment I’d bought for myself, under a fake company, just in case I ever had to hide from everyone. It was across the other side of Gotham from where I was, and I couldn’t exactly take the car there, so I dropped it a few blocks away then ran.
I made my way up to the top floor, ignoring the pounding hurt inside my heart. Typing in the code, I swung the door open and stepped inside. Dragging myself to the bedroom, I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep myself awake, no matter how scared I was. I had no idea what had just happened, but something had changed inside Jonathan, and it really did scare me. I saw something dark inside him.
Ed threw him back against the wall, holding him in place. “You don’t want to do this.”
“Yes, I do. I want her so scared she never betrays me again.” He snapped back, shoving him aside and running down the corridor to his lab.
Jonathan was not in control anymore. Instead, there was only Him, and he had never been so angry before. He picked up his mask and glove. He was going to make her pay for what she had done, and there was nothing she could do to stop him.
He pulled out his phone, activating the tracker he’d placed in the car. He knew she wasn’t stupid enough to take it straight to wherever she was headed, but he knew he would be able to find her from that point. He was always very good at finding things.
A quiet buzzing from the bedside table roused me from my sleep, and pushed me immediately into panic. That was the sound of the alarm. Someone had broken in, and I was fairly certain I knew who it was.
I barely had enough time to get out of bed before the door suddenly flew open. I was thankful that I’d fallen asleep with the lamp on, because I could see exactly what Jonathan was wearing. His face was covered with a strange burlap sack gas mask, but that was the least of my concerns. The bigger worry was the glove on his hand that look like it had a needle on each of his fingers. I was fairly certain that it contained his toxin, which was something I could do without experiencing a second time.
He suddenly lunged forward, but I ducked out of the way. His free hand wrapped around my arm, and he threw me up against the wall. I could barely breathe, I was panicking so much, and the needles dragging down my cheek only made it worse.
“Please, Jonathan. Don’t do this.” I whimpered, keeping my eye on his glove. “I’m sorry.”
“Dr. Crane isn't here right now, but if you'd like to make an appointment...” He replied, in a sing-song voice that was distorted by something within his mask.
I ripped at his mask, pulling it off his face so I could see him properly. He looked so different, thinner and paler somehow. I didn’t know what the hell was going on, but I could tell that it wasn’t him at all.
“I’m sorry, I know I screwed up.” I looked up into his eyes, scared of the darkness I could see in them. I needed to keep his attention on me for long enough that I would be able to get his glove off.
“Oh, you did more than screw up, Lili. You broke his heart.”
Taking an incredibly big risk, I kissed him. While he was distracted, I took hold of the tubing on the glove and yanked it out. He realised what I was doing, and suddenly slapped me, but it was too late.
I shoved him backwards and kicked him in the chest. He fell back with a thump, and I took my chance to run. I only made it to the lounge before I felt him grab my shirt.
Using strength I didn’t know he had, he lifted me off the ground and threw me through the window. It was like everything happened in slow motion, the fear distorting time around me.
As the glass shattered behind me, I was certain that I was going to fly right over the balcony railing and fall ten stories. Then I hit metal and fell onto the balcony, in a pile of glass. I was relieved, mostly because I hadn’t fallen, but also because it meant the he didn’t want to kill me. Maybe Jonathan was still inside, and I could reach him somehow.
“I know you’re in there, Jonathan.” I breathed, picking myself up off the ground. I held a shard of glass behind my back, just in case. “You’re stronger then this.”
He sighed, stepping out onto the balcony, and pulling off the glove. “Poor, sweet, Jonathan. He really thought you were different. But you betrayed him, just like everyone else. I’m here to make sure you pay for what you did.”
“I want to talk to Jonathan.”
“I can’t let you do that.” He slowly started to pace back and forth, getting closer and closer. “You made him weak, and I have to protect him from you. He doesn’t want you anymore.”
I bit my lip, knowing there was only one thing that might bring him back. I would have to exploit his fear.
“You’re lying to me. If he wanted me gone, you would have thrown me off the balcony. So,” I raised the shard of glass to my throat. “Let me talk to him, or I’ll cut my throat right now.”
His eyes widened, and I saw him hesitate. “Don’t be stupid.”
“This is what you want, isn’t it?” I asked, trying to control the shaking in my hand. “You want me out of the way so you can have Jonathan to yourself.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I’ve done a surprising number of things recently that I probably wouldn’t have done before.” I took a breath, cutting my skin just enough to draw blood. It wasn’t deep enough to do any lasting damage, I wasn’t stupid, it just looked bad.
“No!” He cried out, suddenly leaping forwards.
I breathed a sigh of relief at his reaction, a wave of dizziness washing over me, and I dropped the glass to the ground. I thought I was going to collapse, but he caught me, lifting me off the glass and carrying me back inside.
He placed me down on the bed, kneeling in front of me. Placing his hand over the cut on my neck, he gave me the most vulnerable look I’d ever seen on him.
I reached into the drawer of my bedside table and pulled out my small first aid kit. I didn’t have any of the good stuff, but I had enough to deal with the bigger cuts on my neck and hand. He helped me in silence, but I didn’t know what to even say.
“Lili, I…” He avoided my gaze, running his fingers through his hair.
I slid off the bed, sitting in front of him. Reaching out, I softly touched his cheek. His skin was even cooler than usual, and I was concerned for him.
“Jon, look at me.” I waited until his eyes were on mine. “Are you in control right now?”
He nodded, taking my hand and checking my arm over for any more glass. I could tell he was hurting inside, and I didn’t know how to help him, because I didn’t understand what was happening.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, ignoring the stinging pain from all the tiny cuts the glass had caused. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never do that on purpose. But…” I pressed my hand to his chest, so I could feel his heart beating. “There’s something dark inside you, and I need you to trust me enough to tell me what’s going on.”
“If I told you everything, you would leave me.” He squeezed my hand tightly. “I can’t… lose you.”
Climbing into his lap, I wrapped my arms around his neck, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’m not leaving you. Maybe that makes me crazy, or proves that I belonged in Arkham. I just want you to trust me.”
“Come back with me.” He whispered, brushing my now knotted hair out of my face. “I’ll tell you everything, I just need a little more time. There’s… a lot that I’ve never told anyone.”
I nodded, a little hesitantly. It was going to take some time to fix this, but I did want it fixed. But I couldn’t pretend like everything was going to be fine straight away.
“Is there any glass that you need me to pull out?” He asked.
“I think there’s a piece in my foot.” I climbed back up onto the bed.
Before I could check, he took hold of my foot and gently pulled a small piece of glass out.
“I never wanted to hurt you like this.” He whispered, checking the rest of my skin over for any more shards. “But you… make me feel, and it’s hard to hold him back when I’m around you.”
“So this is my fault?” I gave him an incredulous look.
“No. None of this is your fault.” He pressed a kiss to my knee. “Come, let me take you home, and I’ll tell you more.”
- 14
- 15
- 16
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She's Not a Saint