Adult-FanFiction.org : Comics

Tainted Minds	By : Madame_Anarchy Category: DC Verse Movies > The Dark Knight Views: 3671 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Batman's Universe or any of it's characters. I'm not writing this story for money.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
Although Bruce went to bed feeling better that night, he couldn't manage not succumbing to melancholy on the following weeks. They spent time together, Joker and him trying their best to leave that incident with Alfred behind, but whenever Bruce was alone or not doing anything that demanded too much attention, he always looked sad. He didn't cry again, neither had new anxiety attacks, but he was doing what he always did when he wasn't ok: he was slowly isolating himself. Doesn't mean he would tell Joker to leave the manor or lock himself in his bedroom, he was gradually avoiding personal subjects when they talked, never sharing how he was feeling or what he did during the day, he was distant. Almost like he entered some sort of very efficient autopilot. He was still extremely functional, went to work, fought crime when the Batsignal was on, he was eating normally, exercising, the whole thing. Maybe to everyone, he was normal but to Joker he clearly wasn't.
Joker noticed the change on his countenance, something that someone only observing his habits wouldn't. Didn't feel like he was enjoying anything he was doing at all, and at the same time, he didn't mind attending to his conventional activities, it was all the same to him, he was numb. Sometimes when Joker entered the Manor late at night, knowing Bruce was alone for the past hours, Bruce looked like he had a glimpse of his deep feelings of sadness.
Their private life cooled down a little, Bruce would still laugh and smile when they were together, but it was less frequent. They were still being intimate, but not as often as before. This set some feelings on Joker he didn't like. First, he started hating Alfred. He was used to people hating him, but most of all he was angry because it was affecting Bruce. Joker could handle all the disapproval in the world about him coming from whoever the fuck it comes, he didn't have parents, family or friends. He had a lover but Bruce accepted him for what he was. But Bruce had more to lose, he had a father figure, maybe some friends Joker didn't know, a company, a legacy, his reputation as Bruce Wayne and Batman. Second thing Joker started to feel was loneliness. He got used to having Bruce treat him tenderly, but Bruce was so caught up in his internal pain that there was not much room for anything else. The Clown Prince of Crime was getting needy and angry, which is not only a bad combination for him to handle but also for them.
Joker was there, sitting in a chair close to a window in a random room of the Manor for the last hour. It was late, maybe three in the morning. This time, he was the one who needed space since something terrible had happened earlier that night. Batman arrived after taking care of a hostage situation in one of the finest restaurants of Gotham. It was almost a clean operation, except that one teenage girl got shot in her leg while Batman was inside. Nobody died and the criminals were sent to Gotham's jail, but when Batman arrived home he was agitated. He went to his gym and started to punch his punching bag a lot, with strength. It would always help him manage overwhelming things, he was the one who suggested Joker started doing the same and he also thought it was helpful.
Joker went to the Batcave to say hi and see if he was ok, he was following the news on TV. But when he got where Batman was, it just happened, he got triggered. And not just a small increase in his anxiety like some triggers that were almost gone would cause, he got breathless, dizzy, his heart was beating too fast, every cell in his body was screaming for him to run. He had seen Bruce practice his fighting techniques before, but never with his Batsuit on and so angrily. He could almost feel every punch the bat gave on the punching bag hit him painfully somewhere in his body because that punching bag had been him before.
He almost passed out after watching silently and in complete shock for some minutes, he wanted to reach for the closest wall to lean on it but he was frozen still there. When Batman stopped after a sequence of punches, he looked to his right and saw him there. And that certainly didn't help, because he saw Joker get pale after he started looking at him. Batman knew that look, even with his brain trying to suppress the memory of how Joker looked when he was scared to death. It took him some moments to understand why Joker was looking so disturbed, but when it sank in, he covered his mouth with his hand in realization. He removed his mask and walked closer slowly, Joker looking more anxious with each step.
"Hey… It's me… I didn't see you there, try to calm down ok?" Bruce said in a low tone
He got closer to Joker and he was shaking. Bruce was afraid he would pass out at any moment so he made him sit on the floor, broken hearted to see Joker got even more anxious when he touched him.
"Leave me alone, Batman" Joker managed to say sharply, but a bit weakly
"No way, you're shaking, I've never seen you like this" Bruce answered
"NO? OF COURSE YOU HAVE! NOW STAY AWAY FROM ME" Joker yelled, still in shock. He wasn't crying but he was sobbing a little
Bruce gathered some courage he had left to answer him.
"I don't want you to leave you alone in here like this" He said, almost crying
"You already have, you're never around anymore, just leave me alone" Joker answered without yelling but sounding very hurt
"You know what, fine" Bruce answered dryly, making his way out the Batcave, completely losing his patience for all this
Joker just stayed there for some time, completely freaked out, his mind a merciless hurricane. To his own luck, it consumed so much of his energy that it didn't last too long. The next thing he remembers was waking up in the cold floor, still exhausted, but closer to normal. His head was hurting on the left side, probably because he didn't lay down to sleep, but because he passed out, like Batman predicted. He was cold and still confused but with clear memories of what happened. He got up and made his way upstairs, he didn't want to be at the Manor but it was better than going to his place and having another mental breakdown there. The Batcave was cold and he was so desperate to warm up he took a very hot shower. Later he put on something comfortable he had in his room and tried to find a place to sit quietly for some time, someplace Bruce wouldn't find without searching.
Bruce was in his bedroom since he got upstairs. As soon as he closed the door behind him he felt guilty for leaving Joker there, although he somehow believed his presence wouldn't help. He was feeling the worse person on earth. He didn't mean to make Joker feel lonely, he wanted to protect him from his sadness and problems. He was broken hearted to see his lover afraid of his touch again. He felt guilty for all of it, maybe if he weren't so cold to Joker recently he wouldn't have been so badly triggered. He went to the kitchen to get some water and think if he should talk to him right away. But what made him make up his mind was when he opened the freezer to get ice and saw the ice mols were almost empty. Bruce didn't use any for a long time and he knew too well what Joker used them for. It was a clear sign he was struggling with his self-harm issues but didn't say anything to him.
He searched for him a little after seeing he wasn't in his room, but knowing he was upstairs, he heard the shower and some doors. When he found him staring to the darkness outside the window while sitting in a chair, Bruce was terrified of not knowing what to say. He knocked on the open door softly to catch his attention.
"Joker… I… I don't even know where to begin… are you ok?" He said standing under the door.
"I didn't mean to say those things, really, that's not…" Joker tried to say, finally looking at Bruce in the end, but also clueless on what could make things right. "I don't want you to leave me… In fact, I've missed you… I know you're sad, Bruce… I get it, but stop cutting me off all the time" He said, knowing it was not the best selection of words he could have made
"That was one of the most painful things you ever said to me, I'm sorry for leaving you there alone, I just couldn't handle it. But that's not your fault, you got triggered and I didn't even see it. I should have known you would come to see me when I arrived"
"It's not your fault, really… I didn't even say I was here, I couldn't say anything after I saw you there… I've seen you punching that thing billions of times and it was ok, no way you could have known" Joker tried to comfort him and it was true, he wouldn't know that would be a trigger himself. "I'm sorry I said all that, it's not how I feel about you anymore, I mean it"
"Joker, can I get closer?" Bruce asked, anxious to know if they went back to how they were months ago
"Yes, Bruce… you can" Joker answered, making Bruce look a bit less desolated
He got closer and Joker asked him to help him stand from the chair. It was obvious it was on purpose, Joker wanted to show he was ok with the idea, just the way he was before being triggered.
"J, it really broke my heart to see you like that and listen to what you said, but if you're telling me you didn't mean it, I'll believe it. So… did you mean it? All of it?" Bruce asked
Joker sighed and said "Look… I've been feeling lonely in here, even when you're with me you seem distant. I don't want you to cut me off, even if you're sad or angry. So yeah… I actually meant it when I said you're not around, but didn't mean to say it like that… And about the other part… I'm just sorry you heard it. No, I didn't mean it. I'm hating myself a lot for making you feel guilty again… You're very hard on yourself about it and I know it. I just think that whenever it happens my mind goes back to where it was when I first woke up in the Batcave and that's a nightmare for me"
"And I hate to put you back in that nightmare too, believe me…" Bruce said while placing his hands on Joker's shoulders slowly. "Is this ok? I don't want to push it, but is it ok?" Bruce asked afraid of the answer.
Joker gave him a weak smile back and got a bit closer to put one arm around him. "Yes… it's ok. Don't worry, I'm back in the present now. Just don't leave me alone on it, come back to it too"
Things started to get better again after that night, sometimes the night is darker before dawn. The thing about trauma, forgiveness and getting over those things is that it is never linear. Things get better, sometimes they get ugly and then better again. It's a mess, but one bad night can't speak for all they built together, even if times were hard lately. They were constantly making the choice of getting over things together and even knowing that was a tortuous path sometimes, that was the one they were willing to take.
Joker had always been the impatient type, so he decided to do something different for Bruce this time. Both because he thought they needed a little breeze to increase their flames and also because he thought it could be fun. He waited a couple of weeks just make sure he wasn't pushing anything before time.
Bruce was listening to music with his expensive headphones while sketching a couple of things in a piece of paper in the dining room. Joker was ready to see some drawings related to his Batsuit but instead,d Bruce was just sketching a view of the dining room from his perspective. Joker sat in the chair close to him and Bruce took off the headphones to listen to him.
"That looks nice, didn't know you could draw. I mean, I saw you draw differently before like a project type of drawing" Joker said in a friendly way
"I know some technical drawing things, it's very helpful to show Lucious what I want. I'm just trying to learn some perspective, never been good at it" Bruce answered looking at his drawing
"You don't think that's good? That's 'cause you haven't seen me trying to draw" Joker said giggling
"Draw something! I want to see it!"
"Nah, I used to draw a little in Arkham and my drawings freaked people out. Heard at least two psychologists say they were disturbing" Joker said as if he was proud of it "Anyway, you don't have plans for the rest of the afternoon, right?"
"No I don't, anything in mind?" Bruce said a bit distracted while adding some lines to his sketch
"Actually, yes. It's something we haven't done before, but you're gonna have to trust me on this one"
"Really, what is it?" Bruce asked curious
"I'm taking you out on a date, how about that?" Joker said confident
"Wow, wait… you mean, out there? In public? You and I?" Bruce asked surprised, a bit apprehensive but also excited with the idea
"That's the part in which you have to trust me, I thought about everything. Oh, the things I do for you… you made me plan things" Joker said dramatically
"Alright, I'm listening to your plan"
"I'll tell you what to do when it's necessary. For now, you can go upstairs take a shower and get dressed. The clothes I picked for you are on your bed. It's not one of your fancy-ass places but I think you'll like what I planed"
Bruce went upstairs to his room and got ready, it was weird not to be in charge, not being the one who planned everything. But he trusted Joker, he was out all the time and never got caught, he must be good at blending in with the crowd when he wants. That's something Bruce wasn't so good at, people knew who he was everywhere he went, he was curious to know how Joker would make him go undercover.
The clothes Joker chose were slightly dressed up, but still kind of casual. He picked from Bruce's existing wardrobe. No sunglasses or hats or anything like a disguise. When Bruce knocked Joker's door the surprises begun. Bruce knew it was Joker, it had to be, but he looked different. First, his posture was different, as Bruce got closer he noticed he looked taller. Joker was actually a bit taller than him, but he could never tell because he was always a bit curved. He was wearing a dark-brown wig, almost black and of excellent quality, it really looked like it was his natural hair. He had contact lenses on, they were blue, also very good ones. And he also did something to his skin, he used some foundation to change the tone. He was white, but not a European white like the look he came out with. He even applied it in his neck and his visible skin in his hand and wrists.
"Hello, Bruce" he said smiling a little, but not with his conventional voice. It was his voice, but another tone he hardly used. Sounded "normal", like most people would talk, not his unique pitch.
"Wow" he answered thoughtlessly after hearing Joker's voice "I get it now why no one ever recognizes you. I'm really impressed"
"I don't do this every day, usually the wig and another touch you'll see does the trick"
"Is that how you hide your scars? Don't people know it's you anyway?"
"Wait and see, but there is a reason why I marked people's faces in Gotham. I can go out and show them, is common knowledge I did that to some people. It's hard to find these people online, they protect their identity, but there is a guy I remember well that has dark hair and very pale skin"
"Not that I support you cutting people's faces around, but I have to admit… this is brilliant" Bruce said amazed by how ingenious Joker could be.
"Let's go, first thing we're going to do is going to the movies. You are checking the sessions for that thriller on the internet for two weeks"
"Don't you think people will notice it's me when we arrive with one of my cars?" Bruce asked
"That's why we're taking the subway, I bet you never used it before. There is a line that can take us really close to where we're going"
They walked to the front gates of the mansion and before they left, Joker put on a surgical mask on. It wasn't even white as the conventional ones, it was a bit closer to his fake skin color. As they walked to the subway, Bruce noticed some people would look at Joker, some would even stare but no one recognized him. Bruce was sure maybe a couple of people recognized him, but no one said anything.
After entering the subway Bruce was just looking around, it was true, he never used it before and that made him feel really out of place. He didn't know where to buy tickets or where the platforms were or where they lead. Joker said he bought tickets previously and they needed to wait for a couple of minutes. After entering the train, they sat down in one of the last seats.
"You're doing well, Bruce. Just try not to search for people's looks, you're observing where people are looking, catches attention because people find it suspicious. Pretend you do this every day. People know your face, but I doubt the ones you talk to every day come here and use the subway, they don't come to this part of town and don't eat or do anything in the places we're going"
Bruce never gave it a thought before to the fact that Gotham had places he'd never been, even as Batman. His life as Bruce Wayne was also very restricted, he always thought he didn't want to see the same people over and over again, but never went to the trouble of going to different restaurants and shopping malls for example. And once again, Joker was right, he couldn't imagine those rich businessmen having lunch too far away from work or in simple places, it was always fancy and expensive. Made him wonder when did he establish he couldn't go to other places and talk to different people.
"Some people stared at you, don't you get bothered or nervous?" Bruce asked
"When we get to the neighborhood we're going people will stop staring for sure. In here they do that a lot but I don't care too much. It's even good, some people refuse to stay close to me in public transportation or to get closer in closed places. Once a guy tried to take pictures of me twice, he wasn't very discrete. It's weird because guys get more freaked out than woman. They think I have something lethal or whatever since this is not a thing we do in our culture, but many women sat by my side in the subway and on buses when they had the choice to sit close to other people"
"I could never build the nerve to do this, really. I just realized I'm not comfortable with people staring at me"
"Neither am I, but now I just don't care. You should try it one day, you care too much for what people think of you and if people like you or not, it could help you get prepared for some ugly looks. People are always giving some quick smiles to each other, I've noticed… Like after ordering things in restaurants and to strangers they will never see again just to look friendly, but when no one can see your expression under the mask you don't have to do that. Try to hold your impulse to smile back when a friendly stranger smiles at you, it's not that easy for most people, specially if the stranger is attractive to them. You can be whoever you want at night, dealing with people outside those circumstances is different, I suppose"
"Yeah… I never thought about that before. People consider me a serious person, I often don't smile back, but yes, it's hard to hold that impulse sometimes. I mean, I like when people are nice or at least polite to each other, but I get your point, it's kind of an automatic answer to smile back, it's weird to do that when I had a bad day and don't want to smile at all. Feels even worse to conceal you're not in the mood but still doing it anyway just to avoid uncomfortable situations. Ok, I just got to ask, what did you do to the guy that tried taking pictures of you? Is he alright?" Bruce asked curious but a bit uneasy, Joker is a dangerous person when he gets irritated
"He is ok, I just stole his camera later. And his wallet. And his car keys. Still have his credit card number and documents, might come in handy one day. Oh, and I sole the car to some people who needed a random car to do whatever, can't even remember, probably a robbery, but not a kidnapping" He answered giggling a little "Hey, let's go it's the next station" he said getting up
While they walked around the station Bruce understood why Joker was so sure people would stop staring at him. It was a station close to the Japanese neighborhood they had in Gotham. Many Chinese and Koreans would live there too, but it was mostly people with Japanese background. They use surgical masks in crowded places to avoid catching something from others and also when they are sick and don't want other people to get anything from them.
As they walked to the movie theater Bruce was looking around a lot, it was so different there! Hardly looked like he was in Gotham. It wasn't a big neighborhood but they had many small stores and restaurants. When they were waiting for the movie to start in the dark, Bruce dared to remove Joker's mask a little to kiss him and needless to say, Joker kissed him back passionately.
"So, did the movie meet your expectations?" Joker asked with the voice he had been using ever since they left the Manor while they were walking in the street outside the movie theater
"I liked it a lot, not a huge fan to the ending but it was nice. Thanks for bringing me here J, it was really nice to be outside with you" Bruce said while holding Joker's hand for a moment, not minding if people would look at them
"I'm glad you liked it, but I still have a couple of things planned. You hungry?"
"Yes, where are we going now?"
"There is a place I like around here, we can be there in ten minutes walking"
It was dark outside while they went to the restaurant, they passed some stores and one in particular caught Bruce's attention. Joker said they could enter to look around, but that he should pay attention in case it was a Chinese store. For the Chinese, it's really rude to enter and not buying anything. It was mostly a bookstore but it also sold some brushes, ink and some tools for drawing. A young guy was practicing kanji with a thin brush in the corner of the store, probably from the family of the owner. Bruce was paying for a book he liked about martial arts, he was always looking for new styles and Joker gave him a small envelope when Bruce turned around. He opened and it was a bookmark with a kanji written on it but he couldn't understand the meaning. It also had a little green fabric attached to it in the upper part.
"Thought you could use something to mark where you stopped reading" Joker said
"Oh, J… thank you! What does it mean?" he asked
"Means 'thank you for the perfume' in Japanese" Joker answered
Bruce missed a heartbeat when he heard that and a second after it, his heart started to beat faster. He didn't care about anything else at that moment, he just hugged him and thanked him.
When they arrived at the restaurant, Joker talked to a woman that worked there before they entered. It was still weird to hear Joker talking like that and standing in a posture that made him look taller than him. Bruce noticed the Japanese woman knew Joker since he called her by her name, or maybe that was her last name, Bruce couldn't tell. She took them to a place in the restaurant that was more private. It was a corridor with five rooms. The rooms were divided by thin walls and to enter there they used curtains and not doors, it was beautiful. The entrance and where most customers were eating was nice, but this part was cozier. There were people in the first room behind the curtains and inside it was illuminated by candles, so Bruce and Joker could only see their silhouettes. They chose the table available in the end of the corridor.
"Please remove your shoes before entering. I'll be serving you two tonight. I'll come back in a moment with tea and tonight's menu" She said with a recognizable Japanese accent but very clearly
"They are very traditional, I thought you could like it, I come here a lot and you know I can be picky for food" Joker said
"I loved the place! It's beautiful and while we got here I saw at least five dishes people were eating that looked delicious"
"It's always better to eat the hot meals here but if you like something cold they can prepare it for us to take home and eat tomorrow, I've done that before"
Joker suggested him some hot dishes he liked and they agreed to share a couple of things they wanted to taste from the menu that looked exotic. The Japanese woman came back with their tea and took note of what they wanted. Bruce noticed Joker removed his mask after they sat on the tatami floor, each one in one side of the low table set but didn't bother to put it back when she arrived. He even used his normal voice with her once they were in the private part of the restaurant.
"You know her, J?" Bruce asked curious
"She is the daughter of the owner and her mother has a store in the end of the street. I made him some favors in the past, before he had this place. Helped him and his family so he told me I can come here and eat whenever I want. He, his wife and daughter know who I am. The wife and daughter didn't like me much at first, but I never cause them problems, and honestly with the food they have here I don't know what could be worth the trouble"
"Can you tell me what kind of favor?" Bruce asked, still curious
"When he moved to Gotham and a gang started to threaten him and his family here in the neighborhood. I also had my problems with them, so I took care of it. I also killed a man from the gang that was always observing his daughter. He gave me information about them and I did what I had to do, but this man I killed simply because he asked me to. He said he would return the favor one day so I took his word"
"It's so interesting to hear more from your life, J. It's always a surprise. I just don't ask much to give you some space, but you can tell me. You know so much about me by now. But wait, why didn't his daughter like you in the beginning? You killed that man because of her"
"Her father didn't tell her about what I did, she also wasn't so aware of how much in danger she was back then. When they opened the place three years later she said her father had told her all the story. Now she is always the one who serves me here so I don't have to worry about being caught"
Their night continued nicely, the food was excellent and would make any anime fan pleased since food looks so delicious in every single manga and anime ever published. They laughed and talked a lot. Joker laughed for five minutes straight when Bruce ate a lot of wasabi thinking it was something else and got desperate to drink anything that would make his mouth stop burning. By the end of the meal they also had finished a bottle of sake and it made them pretty light headed. Joker sat by Bruce's side after they finished eating, just to kiss him with that drunken passion they were feeling.
"Hey, wait until we get home you perv, this is a family place" Joker said amused after Bruce touched him between his legs while they were in a particularly long kiss
"Sorry, you know how I get when I drink, can't help it"
"Oh I think I haven't seen you drunk more than four times, but yeah, I should start adding sake to your drinks without your notice" Joker said maliciously
"Like that is hardly necessary, you know I'm crazy for you. It's not even fun, it's way too obvious" Bruce said blushing a little from the drinks and his statement "J, thank you so much for all this. It was wonderful, really, I loved every second of it"
"I wanted to do this for a while, it's good to see you smiling again. Let's go now, ok? We have time but if we stay for too long the subway will close" Joker answered
They looked at each other for a moment. The candlelight gave a mysterious and romantic touch to everything, including their expressions. Joker couldn't remember a moment in which Bruce looked so handsome to him and Bruce's gaze was so intense that gave Joker the feeling he could see his soul. They kissed briefly one last time and walked to the subway. Joker eventually couldn't resist and dragged Bruce for a quick stop between two closed stores just to make out a little. Wasn't his fault if Bruce got him in the mood in the restaurant and if drinking also gave him some interesting ideas of how he wanted to spend the rest of their night.
Author's note: Hello guys! It took me a while but here it is ^^ Thank you very much for reading!
Fun fact: I actually did this little experiment of using a surgical mask in a crowded bus station some weeks ago. We never use them in my country, it's very atypical. Showed me I wasn't as prepared as I thought for unpleasant looks and yes, a guy actually tried to take a picture of me. Twice. Without my permission. Which I found creepy since I'm a girl. Many people refused to stay close to me as well. Amazing the discomfort a little disposable mask can cause to everyone around me and also to myself.
There will be slash in the next chapter, so stick around ;) See you!
- 14
- 15
- 16
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Tainted Minds