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Sublime Awakenings	By : Kailean Category: Comics > Squee! Views: 1478 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Squee!, JTHM, or Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from these works. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Sublime Awakenings: Chapter 15

As he entered his Home Economics class Dib vaguely wondered why Squee had not shown up for first period. When he had arrived home, as quietly as possible via his window, at the stroke of midnight, Gaz had mentioned something about Squee agreeing to get her signed copies of Happy Noodle Boy before punching him in the gut for running off with Zim instead of taking her home. He felt a twing of worry because, according to Squee, Johnny C. was more unhinged than the bathroom stalls in his old elementary skool. His thoughts were given a rough kick to the back of his mind as Zim made his presence known.

“Love-pig! Come and sit with Zim!” Other students broke into subdued gossip and giggles as Zim warped his mighty Irken hand around the Dib's wrist, which was covered with the sleeve of the new trench coat the alien had bought him the previous night. He drug him to the back of the room, pushed him into the desk closest to the wall, pushed the desk beside it as close as it would go, effectively trapping the boy, and took a set in it.

Chunk glared at them smugly from the front of the room. He wondered if Purple-hair had told Dib about their upcoming date. He really had no particular interest in the girl, not that she was bad looking, but going out with Dib's sister seemed like a small form of revenge in itself. If he was lucky he might even get laid. Getting laid was always good, but getting laid my the enemy's little sister was even better. It was almost as good as getting laid by his (cringe) boyfriend. That sounded SO gay. Suddenly he wasn't as interested in Zim as before, but he still had to get him. It was really the principle of the matter. No one took what he had claimed as his own.

Dib sent Chunk a quick, threatening glare before turning his attention to the disguised alien pretending to be his “love-pig”. They had yet to converse today because Miss Bitters had been acting very strangely first period, and they figured it was best to draw as little attention to themselves as possible. He leaned close to the Irken and whispered were his ear should be. “I think she knows. Miss Bitters, I mean.”

Zim turned to face him, also drawing close, but talking somewhat louder. “Nonsense. She has no prof. None! Stop being so paranoid.”

Actually, she had a fried hard drive in her houses computer. Zim had shot a nearby power line with a laser on the way out, which could account for the hard drive, but there was still nothing to account for the power cord. It had been slightly overcast that day, but there had been no storms. Dib was about to argue that the situation must have been a just a little suspicious when Ms. Whatever entered the room carrying a box and several plastic bags filled with Edgar Casey knew what. It was then that he remembered that today was sexual education day, and for some reason felt distinctly nervous.

“Morni'n guys! We're just gunna watch a little video to make sure we all know the basics first.”

Ms. Whatever slid a DVD into a compartment in the wall, which was attached to an overhead projector. She pulled a blank scroll over the board at the front of the room, dimmed the lights, and pressed play on a remote. The scroll came to life with an educational program that highlighted the sexual development of human males and females throughout the life cycle.

Dib watched in shock as Zim took a notepad from his pak, jotting down what might have been notes on the program. He desperately hoped that the alien wasn't looking for a way to exploit human sexuality in his next Earth-conquering attempt. Before he could stop it, his mind had bombarded him with a multiplicity of ill-contrived and outrageous schemes of a sexual nature. There was no way he was going through the embarrassment of foiling or ranting about such a plan! He glared at the Irken.

The Irken glared back. This was all the Dib-worm's fault! He had been the one to insist that they take this class instead of something useful in exchange for his taking Driver's Ed with Zim and promising to let him take the drivers test in his car so that he could carry on his ingenious disguise. He should be honored to be privy to the mighty Zim's piloting skills! He shoved his notepad in front of the human.

This is DISCUSTING! I can't believe you caused my superior self to be subjected to such filth!

Did you read the report I sent you last night?

-Your future slave master

Dib scowled at his nemesis, while secretly rejoicing that he hadn't been constructing a new and terribly embarrassing plan, and scribbled a reply.

Yeah, well, you're the one who was all for learning about it yesterday. I didn't know this was going to happen when I suggested this class, alright?

Yes, I read it. Thanks for compiling and translating it.

Why did you sign a note on your own notepad, that you just handed me?

Dib slid the notepad back onto Zim's desk while studying the wall. Writing the “thanks” had hurt his pride a small bit, but it would have taken him weeks to decipher all the information the alien had extracted from his lap top, let alone find the more important parts. Apparently, Miss Bitters was a member of the Iorkian race, a parent species to both Irkens and Vortians. According to the Invader, they were a commercial race, with firms in many areas, researching and carrying out economic contracts with other races. Bitters's records had indicated that she was on Earth to study and document human psychological development in general and conformity verses deviance specifically. Special emphasis was given to individuals with extrasensory perceptions.

Before writing his reply, Zim gave the Dib's answer a sideways smile. Finally, he was learning to appreciate the marvelous perfection that was him, ZIM!

You're welcome, Dib-monkey. So, what do you think?

I signed the note, just as a little reminder of the glorious doom that will soon befall humanity...and you specifically. I think I'll get you a collar that proclaims you to be my property when the time comes. Maybe GIR will walk you around the palace on a leach. I hope you like tacos.

-Lord of All Humans

Dib was torn between hitting the other over the head with the notepad and breaking down in laughter. Taking a deep breath, he resolved to do neither.

The report said that Bitters is being commissioned by a race called the Veelob, right? Why would they be interested in human psychology?

I'm not going to be your slave, Space-boy. And I'm definitely not wearing anything that says I'm your property.

The Irken forced back an ironic smile, so as not to reveal something the Dib-creature would probably never know, before answering the question.

Remember the Meecrob from that time I got you back for throwing the muffin (WHY did everyone laugh when I said that yesterday?) at my head? They are generally peaceful, energy-based life-forms. The Veelobs are a decenting fraction that have separated from the main group. Antiphasic lifeforms, such as these beings, feed on emotional energy. The Veelobs believe that negative energy, such as that based on fear, is more viable, stronger, because it is more primal.

You shall see, Dib! Oh, the seeing you shall do! And Zim is being kind with the collar offer. If you refuse to wear it, I could always just brand it into your weak human flesh.

-Supreme Overlord of Earth

Dib had the urge to bite his nails in worry, but since he was so paranoid, they were already mere nubs. It certainly didn't sound like the Veelobs had very good intentions for the people of Earth.

The Meecrob were the shoe aliens, right? The Veelob want to use humans as a food supply?!

Look at the screen right now. See that organ on the diagram of the human female? Muffin can be slang for that. You should really learn human slang, you know. A lot of the things you say to me are just...wrong.

The Invader rolled his eyes at Dib's questions, but took his suggestion by looking to the screen. Interesting. Vaguely gross, but interesting. It wasn't all that different from Irken reproductive organs, though there were vital differences in the processes that made Irken organs quite superior, of course. Despite the superiority of Irken organs, they were very rarely used for actual reproduction anymore.

Yes, yes. Shoe aliens. And yes, the Veelob probably hired Bitters to help find out if humans would make a good host species. Though, they obviously don't want to eat you filthy pig-smellies. EWW! They just want to enslave your race so they can control you emotionally, and feed off the negative energy.

What does that organ have in common with a muffin? You humans are so illogical.

The things Zim says to you are wrong? Wrong...or right?

-Ruler of Mankind

The young paranormalist bite his lower lip as his fears were confirmed. How sad was it that he dealt with this type of thing often enough to take it as a matter of coarse? Anyone else would be on the verge of some sort of breakdown, if they ever opened their eyes enough to look past the “somebody else's problem field” that their minds seemed to generate to see the truth.

He was pulled from his bitterly redundant thoughts as he read the remainder of Zim's note. The last sentence was a perfect example of what he had just told the alien. It was just wrong! Zim was so clueless. Or was he? His mind once again replayed the old argument, in which the Zim had claimed that his denouncement of Tak had “nothing to do with jelly” when Dib had accused him of being jealous. Could it be that Dib had actually been the clueless one then? What about now?

Zim raised a brow ridge at the worm-baby, who was once again tinted pink. He was just sitting there, holding a pen above the notebook, staring at the words. “Something wrong, Dib?”

The sound of Zim's voice drew the attention of the teacher, who paused the DVD, which appeared to be in the process of explaining sexual intercourse. “Zim. Dib. I realize that this bit may be out of the realm of your interests, but I'm going to have to ask you to remain quiet so that the other, normal, students can learn what they need to know. We'll be talking about homosexual practices later.”

Snickers could be heard all around them, and Dib responded by growing even redder. The pen finally started to move as he wrote in large letters.

Now it is! And what did you mean by that?

Taking one short look at the paper, the Irken shot straight into his usual rebuttal. “Nonsense.” He directed the first word at Dib before turning to the teacher. “We are normal!” His outburst caused a few students to laugh while a few others nodded in agreement. Most of the class, however, ignored him and his all too common proclamation. Ms. Whatever restarted the video. Dib was still looking at him expectantly, but he turned his attention to the sex-ed program instead, happily leaving the Dib-worm to torture himself with the possible meanings of his written words.

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Notes:

-“somebody else's problem field” is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
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Sublime Awakenings