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She's Not a Saint	By : AsylumWritings Category: DC Verse Comics > Batman Views: 489 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman/DC Comics, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 13
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I was alone in the bed when I woke from my nap, which was kind of what I expected. Honestly, I needed a little time to sort out my thoughts about what just happened, so I was thankful Jonathan had taken off. I was deep in this now, and I’d passed the point of no return by having sex with him.
“You really have to learn how to make better decisions, Lili.” I said out loud to myself, getting off the bed and heading to the shower.
Standing under the shower, I could feel my heart racing again as I thought about the way he’d touched me. He made no sense to me at all. He was so calm and cold, but he lashed out with a fiery rage that still scared me a little. How could he be so distant, but still become someone I actually like?
I couldn’t deny that his… unorthodox methods had helped somewhat. I felt free, like the weight of my past was lifting off my shoulders. It was amazing, and I wanted to push myself, to see how far I could take it.
I got dressed, and walked to the door, hesitating for a moment as I wondered whether I was still locked in. I breathed a sigh of relief as the door opened easily, thankful that I’d apparently gained Jonathan’s trust again. And all it took was baring my soul and some sex.
Walking to the kitchen, I paused when I saw Ed making coffee. I had no idea how he managed to focus with the amount of caffeine he was putting in his system every day, but it seemed to work for him.
“I expected it to take longer for you to jump into bed with him.” He said, turning to look at me.
“How…” I trailed off, surprised and embarrassed.
“I can see it on your face.” He poured a second coffee for me, laughing when he saw the look I was giving him. “Relax, I’m not that good. Jon was still buttoning up his shirt when he walked past.”
I sighed, taking the mug from him. “Is nothing private in this place?”
“Not really, no. I need to get back to work, so I’ll let you dwell on your actions alone.” He took his coffee out of the room, leaving me behind.
Drinking my coffee, I had an idea to test myself and see whether I was still be afraid. I was fairly sure Jonathan wouldn’t approve of it, but I decided it was one of those situations where it was better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
On my way into the manor, I’d seen that there was a flat area on the roof, surrounded by some sort of stone railing. I figured there must be a way up there, so I headed up to the second floor to look for it. It didn’t take long. As soon as I turned into the first room, I found a ladder leading upwards. It was a little weird, but I didn’t exactly have experience with Gothic manors, so I wasn’t exactly in a position to judge it.
Climbing up, I pushed open the hatch. Sunlight hit my face, blinding me for a second, but I managed to get up onto the roof. Walking over to the railing, I looked out towards the city. It was so beautiful from this far out, like there was no fighting, no violence.
I looked down at how high up I was. But instead of fear about falling, like I usually would have felt, I was excited. I climbed up onto the railing, trying to get my balance. It felt so freeing, like I was in total control of myself for the first time. It was amazing.
Taking a few steps, I bent over and kicked up into a handstand. There was no fear, no anxiety, just a strange sense of fun and freedom. I loved it, but I didn’t understand it at all. As I continued over into a bend and then stood up, I heard the hatch open again.
“What are you doing?”
I turned, not stepping down yet, to find Jonathan climbing off the ladder. “I needed to try something. I wanted to know if your drug affected other fears I have.”
“There are other, far less stupid, ways to go about this. Get down.” He sighed, giving me a withering look.
“Why would I do that?” I asked, a little annoyed that I was still being told what to you. “That seems like so much less fun. Besides, you told me to face my fears. That’s your whole thing, isn’t it?”
He ran his fingers through his hair, then pushed his glasses back up his nose. “You’re smart enough to know I didn’t mean standing on top of a building and doing something that could get you killed.”
I took a step forward, but misjudged where I was putting my foot and slipped. Before I fell, he grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me back. We tumbled to the ground, and I caught myself before my head hit the concrete. He stood, helping me up and pulling me into his arms.
“You saved me.” I whispered, looking up at him.
“I would never let you fall.”
I was surprised, and suddenly felt really guilty. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think…”
He let me go, pointing down at the hatch. That cold façade was on his face again, but I could see a hint of that darkness I’d see earlier.
“Inside. Now.”
I did as I was told, not wanting to push him further. As I jumped off the last rung of the ladder, I wondered if he was scared that I was going to get hurt.
I wanted to say something, but he stormed past me before I could. I was a little hurt, even though I shouldn’t have been, because this was my fault. So I walked myself back to my room and decided not to push it.
He angrily pushed open the door to his lab, storming inside and resting his hands on the desk. He was good at ignoring the fear, he’d been doing that for years. But when he saw her nearly fall, and he thought he wouldn’t be able to grab her in time, he was more scared than he’d been for a long time.
He hated that she somehow made him feel again. Everything he’d been holding back for so long was starting to rise to the surface, and it was making him angry. But behind all that anger was something different, something he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt before. And that scared him, more than anything else.
“I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” Jonathan said, buttoning up his jacket.
I bit my lip, trying not to get distracted. I was very quickly realising just how good he looked in a suit, especially a well-tailored one.
“Where are you going?” I asked, sitting on the edge of his desk.
He sighed, giving me that look again. “Must you sit on my work?”
“I’ll move if you tell me where you’re going.”
“That’s not happening.” He took hold of my waist, gently lifting me off the desk. “I’ll be back soon.”
“Fine.” I got out of his way, letting him leave.
A little annoyed at being brushed off like that, I wondered why he still wasn’t opening up to me. I knew he was keeping things from me, and I was getting sick of being kept out of the loop like this. I was going to have to snoop if I wanted to find anything out. And that meant patiently waiting a little longer, until I was sure he was gone.
Once I was certain, I knelt down behind the desk, pulling hair pins out of my bun. Bending them into shape, I picked the lock on the drawer. If he was going to keep his secrets anywhere in this place, they’d probably be in somewhere locked, so I figured this was a good place to start.
In the back of my mind, I was fairly sure that this wasn’t a particularly good idea, but since it didn’t seem like he was planning on telling me anything, he should have expected that I would go searching for answers.
There was a small click as I turned the lock, and I smiled to myself. Opening the drawer, I found some drawings and photos inside. I flipped through the drawings, finding that they were all of crows or ravens, I wasn’t sure which. The photos were of an old, very severe looking woman. I didn’t understand the significance of any of them, so I put them aside and reached back into the drawer, this time pulling out a journal.
I sat down, hesitating. If I read it, I would be crossing a massive line that I would never be able to come back from.
“Maybe just one page.” I whispered, unable to deny my curiosity for very long.
I opened it up, beginning to read. It was old, from nearly twenty years ago, when he was young. And the story that was told in just that first page made me quickly realise that I’d stumbled on something no one except Jonathan knew.
Grandmother called me an affront to God today. She hit me again, then locked me up in the old church. It’s so cold and dark and I’m all alone. Why does she hate me so much?
I slammed the book shut, putting everything back the way it was. Four lines, that was all it took for me to realise that he was just as, if not more, messed up as me. I was already wishing I hadn’t read it. As I carefully shut the drawer, making sure it locked, I heard footsteps.
Picking up the book I had been reading earlier, I walked out the door, only to crash right into Ed. He sighed, looking me over.
“Jon can never know you were snooping.” He said quietly, and I could tell from the expression on his face that I’d really fucked up.
“Why?” I hugged the book to my chest, suddenly feeling unsafe.
“Some things are better left untouched and unsaid.” He paused for a moment, looking off down the hallway. “I can sneak up on you or be right in front of you without you even knowing. But when I reveal myself, you will never be the same. What am I?”
I shook my head. I had no idea what the answer was, and I was ready to take the insults if it meant he gave it to me. “I don’t know.”
“Betrayal.” He whispered, then headed off, leaving me alone.
I wiped my eyes, walking back to my room. So, I had just completely fucked up. Seemed like that was just what I did at this point.
Sitting down on the mattress, I burst into tears. All I could think about was Jonathan as a scared little boy, locked in a church and all alone. I couldn’t imagine how terrifying it was, not wonder his work seemed like an obsession to him.
- 13
- 14
- 15
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She's Not a Saint