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Tainted Minds	By : Madame_Anarchy Category: DC Verse Movies > The Dark Knight Views: 3671 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Batman's Universe or any of it's characters. I'm not writing this story for money.

Chapter List
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It was about eight o'clock when Jonathan, also known as Scarecrow, entered his flat. His living room was strangely dark, he didn't remember closing the curtains before leaving and he felt a familiar scent reach his nose. It was not accentuated, but since he spent a lot of time inside and rarely brought anyone in, any change could be easily noticed by him. He turned on the lights and saw Joker sitting in his armchair in the right corner of the room.
"Joker… how did you get in?" Jonathan asked surprised, but quickly adding a "Nevermind" after Joker narrowed his eyes and gave him an "oh please" kind of look. He was good at breaking in inside places without being noticed.
Scarecrow looked at him better as while getting closer, not bothering to conceal the fact he was studying his guest inch by inch. Joker started to demonstrate some discomfort with that, but in fact, he was mostly annoyed.
"You never change, Jonathan. I can practically see the engines working behind your eyes. Anyway, I want to ask you some questions" He said in the hopes to break Scarecrow's gaze upon him.
"I imagined maybe you would come for that, but so long passed… wasn't even sure you were alive" he said expressing some genuine concern while getting a chair to sit in front of Joker.
"So it was you that night" Joker pointed out
"What do you remember?" Scarecrow asked
"Not much, really. Drinking a lot, some street, some dogs barking and waking up in my place next day with stomachache… but also covered in a blanket I never use and a little purple bruise on my arm. I wasn't sure it was you, but then, I found this the other day" Joker said while showing Scarecrow a little glass vial, typically used to store medication, with an obvious syringe hole on the top.
Scarecrow got it from Joker and looked at his own handwriting in the label of the vial, indicating the name of the substance and dosage.
"Joker, really, what the fuck happened that night? I was walking around my neighborhood to get some air and I heard something coming from an alley. I thought it could be a dog. I went there to check and I found you there… looking so…" he tried to finish the sentence but didn't know how to put it
"I know, I was a mess" Joker completed for him
"A mess? Joker, I carried you to my car! You were so skinny it took me a while to recognize you in the dark alley! What the hell what was going on?"
"Jonathan, just tell me what else happened! I can't remember anything at all, I mean it! What did you do next?"
Scarecrow sighed, he was the one who wanted an explanation, but that could wait.
"I found you there in the dark, I think you might have just fallen on the floor… I found you laying there, still conscious but you were very disoriented, I think you recognized me. You closed your eyes and stopped responding. I carried you to my car and drove you to your place. I had no idea of what you had in your system… It could be any kind of prescript medication they used to give you in Arkham, drugs, alcohol… Didn't even know how much you had… So I got this for you and gave you a dose" he said pointing at the little glass he just left on the little table close to him
"What is that, exactly? I couldn't find anything about it anywhere" Joker asked
"I was concerned you might have taken sleep inducers the night before or had anything that acts on the brain combined with too much alcohol, that could lead to alcoholic coma or a seizure, especially in your case, they give you antipsychotics in Arkham. That is a substance I created, it helps your body metabolize this kind of medication, so it can be eliminated faster. I wanted to give you some glycose too, but I just stayed there for a couple of hours in case you started vomiting. When I realized you were just gonna sleep I left you there… Wasn't sure you wanted to see me when you wake up"
"I can't remember much, I'm almost sure I had lots of vodka that night, but that's it… no drugs or sleeping pills or whatever those people gave me in Arkham, you know I hate those, why would I take them outside?"
"Withdraw can be harsh, especially with this kind of medication if you stop all of a sudden, which is what you always do. I told you, Joker, I can arrange them for you outside Arkham, make it smoother…"
"I'm fine, I just…"
"How dare you say that?! I've seen your arm that night, you look way better now but I can see you're still different… Think I didn't notice you're still skinnier? Let me see it" He said touching Joker's forearm over his clothes
"Hey! Leave it!" he said angrily taking Scarecrow's hand away from him harshly "You never fucking respect my space, Jonathan! There is a fine line between helping someone and having some sick interest in analyzing screw-ups like me. And you think that I don't know that!"
"You're not fucked up, your mind is so fascinating, I told you already… If you could only stay around more I could…"
"Oh noooo, I'm so not listening to your bullshit again! I've had enough of you trying to seduce me to be your guinea pig!" Joker interrupted him filled with anger
Scarecrow giggled bitterly and said "Funny you used that word… I kept my hands to myself that night I found you, but I won't deny I've missed our nights together"
"My God, are even listening to yourself? You really think you made me a favor in not taking advantage of me in that state?! And to think I came here to thank you for looking after me"
"You? Thanking me? That's a new one" Scarecrow said sarcastically "How about a little reward? Suits you better" he said getting closer to Joker's neck, showing a clear intention on kissing it
"Stop, Jonathan" Joker warned him pushing him aside with strength
"Ahh… exclusivity…" He said solemn and bitter tone "We didn't have that. Must be someone very special. Is it a man? A woman? Probably someone you feel you need to protect, since nobody knows about it"
"Will you just shut up for once in your life? Have it crossed your head maybe I just don't want to sleep with you?" Joker snapped back
Scarecrow gave him a crooked smile in the corner of his mouth and said "Joker, we had sex so many times after you said you couldn't stand me anymore and after I said I was done with you… you're hiding something from me" He said looking straight to Joker's eyes
"Who the hell do you think you are to keep asking me things? Plus, our 'lack of exclusivity' didn't seem to bother you when you were the one sleeping around" Joker said venomously
"I don't know what you're talking about" Scarecrow said with some disdain in his voice
"Shut up! Do you think I'm stupid? I've seen you with that blond woman a thousand times! You know what, I'm leaving" Joker said getting up from the armchair and reaching the door. "And don't you ever use your experiments on me again! I mean it!" Joker said while opening the door to leave.
"In case you and your selective memory might have forgotten, I helped you get home!"
"I'd rather die than feeling like I owe you anything from now on" Joker said closing the door behind him and making his way out silently.
He was so angry he was shaking and not thinking straight. He really wanted to thank Scarecrow for taking care of him that night but being close to him just made him remember that oppressive atmosphere surrounding Scarecrow's presence. He always felt observed, studied, Scarecrow gave him so little privacy it made him infuriated. Joker even remembers a particularly nasty argument that started when Scarecrow asked him to inject some drugs on him to make his old memories return.
When he arrived at the mansion he slammed some doors and went to his bedroom to get rid of some of his clothes and go downstairs to the gym so he could punch the shit out of one of Bruce's punching bangs he had there. But when he was throwing his purple jacket on the bed he heard some weird muffled sound come from the end of the corridor. That's when he remembered Bruce was probably home but he said nothing to his noisy entrance. He got closer to Bruce's bedroom slowly, trying to control the anger boiling his blood. He heard the clear sound of Bruce sobbing inside his room.
He froze in the corridor. He had never seen or heard Bruce crying before. What could have happened to cause this reaction on him? Was he ok? Had someone died? He was extremely unprepared to comfort anyone with his state of mind but he couldn't just pretend he didn't hear anything and run away cowardly.
"Bruce? Are you there? Are you alright?" He asked after knocking the door a little but not getting an answer. He was still crying there. He heard him but didn't answer, which is even more concerning. "I'm coming in, ok?" Joker warned him in a softer tone, forgetting a great deal of his own anger with this sudden concern.
He opened the door slowly and found Bruce sitting on his chair by the desk. He was touching his head with his hands, while his elbows were on the table and his breathing was short and shallow. The whole sight was heavy and Bruce seemed immersed in his own thoughts he didn't even move when Joker got closer.
"Hey… calm down, what's wrong?" Joker asked almost whispering, touching Bruce's shoulder and trying to make him look at him. Bruce stopped sobbing when Joker entered, but he had tears in his eyes.
"J… I…" he sighed "I'm not feeling well, I…" he said placing one of his hands on his chest to indicate he was feeling something there.
"Trouble breathing? Pain in your chest?" Joker asked while holding Bruce's hand and bringing his head closer to his body for a second as he stood up beside him. Bruce just nodded. "I think you're having an anxiety attack, Bruce. I used to have those a lot…" he said stroking Bruce's hair
"Open the window for me, I need some air"
Joker did as requested and went to Bruce's bathroom for a moment, bringing a glass of water for him on his way back.
"Drink it slowly, do you want to go outside a little or just stay here?"
Bruce drank some of the water and answered "I don't know, I just want it to stop"
"Come here, let's lay down for a moment" Joker offered
"Not sure I want to lay down"
Joker thought for a moment, it was tricky to figure out what would help him since it was probably the first time he was having an anxiety attack.
"I have an idea, come with me" Joker said helping him get up from the chair and looking at him better for the first time. He was sure something happened, Bruce looked sad rather than just having a random anxiety attack.
He took Bruce to his bed and sat down on it, with his back on the headboard, inviting Bruce to sit in front of him, so he could embrace him from behind. Joker got the blanket Bruce had in his bed and covered him, giving him a kiss on the back of his head. He could feel Bruce was holding his tears, trying not to show him weakness.
"It's Alfred… he was here today, I told him about us and it was terrible… he said so many horrible things… he said he doesn't want to see me again while we are together, he thinks I'm crazy. Also, he clearly doesn't like the idea of me being with another man. Alfred is so respectful to everyone, I never thought he could be homophobic" Bruce said after ten minutes of silence, his voice cracking multiple times
"You can tell me more about it later when you're feeling better" He said stroking his right shoulder with his hand "I told you this wouldn't be easy, Bruce. I don't blame him… Do you remember how you used to feel about me one year ago? The idea you had of me? That's where he is. That's what everybody thinks of me. He is like a father to you, he must be concerned"
"I tried to explain so many things to him but he wouldn't listen… he never yelled at me like that before, not even when I was a kid or a teenager"
"Just give him some time, ok? I'm telling you, I think we would do or say anything to protect you from me. Wouldn't you do the same?"
"Maybe" Bruce said weakly, his breathing becoming typical from someone who's about to cry
"You can cry if you want, there is nothing wrong with it. I'm here for you" Joker said hugging him from behind
Bruce turned around, his eyes filled with tears. He put his head on Joker's chest and cried a little. He wasn't one hundred percent comfortable with it, nobody has ever seen him cry since he was a kid. Joker was doing a great job, holding him and making him feel like things could eventually be ok. That's all he needed now.
Bruce's anxiety attack faded gradually, as they talked about some other things and shared some moments of comfortable silence. At some point, they decided to walk outside the manor a little, get some air. The moon was beautiful and lightening their way through the woods. They were holding hands for a while when they heard some bats in a close three. That made Bruce hold Joker's hand a bit strongly.
"Bruce, you're afraid of them, aren't you? I remember you saw bats that night Scarecrow used the fear toxin on you"
"They used to terrify me as a kid, but I can deal with it better nowadays" he answered
"Why did you choose them to be your symbol if you're afraid?" Joker asked
"I have always feared them, I thought it was about time for my enemies to fear them too" Bruce answered
"They sure do, I can tell you that" Joker said giggling a little "You know something else that I always wanted to ask? How on earth did you know the brand of my white foundation from the start? Or you just guessed?"
"Oh, I have my reliable sources" Bruce said in an overly mysterious mocking tone
"Oh come on, tell me!"
"Let's say I left your first interrogation with a significant amount of your foundation in my gloves… I collected it and found out which brand it was. If it were a rare one it could help me find out who you were, but it's in most cosmetic shops and online" He said simply "Anything else you would like to know?" he added smiling in the corner of his mouth as they sat in the grass to look at the moon
"Oh, many things… but you complain all the time your Batsuit is hot as fuck on the inside, how come it didn't warm you up that same night?" he asked truly curious to know
"It kind of works as a heat insulator and I hate that. As I run and all it gets hot inside but not enough heat goes out… and if it's cold inside, well, not much heat can enter from the outside"
"No wonder you're so grumpy when you're wearing it" Joker said provoking him
"Joker, why were you angry when you got home earlier? I didn't pay much attention but I heard some doors and you cursing around" Bruce asked after some minutes of moon contemplation
"I don't want to talk about that" Joker said right away
"Ok, but are you ok? Did something happen?"
"I hate Scarecrow so much I wish I could punch him until I break his nose, that's what happened" Joker said very angrily
"Whoa, I knew you had your differences, but didn't see this coming"
"OK, fine, I'll tell you" Joker said suddenly after a brief pause on the conversation
"It's ok, you don't have to if you don't want" Bruce said fast before the other man started talking
"Oh my God Bruce, this is one of the best things about you. You respect my fucking space! You never push me to talk about things that I don't want. No one has ever given me privacy the way you do, really. But that creep has given me hell for too long. We started working together and little after that we were… well, we were sleeping together as well…" Joker said a bit timidly, he wasn't sure if it would make Bruce jealous
"Wait, wait, wait… you and Scarecrow?" Bruce said surprised, but not looking uncomfortable with the idea Joker had an "ex"
"Well, yeah… it started out nicely but didn't take long for me to see the real him. I mean it when I say he was always observing me in a weird way… He was always making me all sorts of questions about how my memory works, what I remember from my previous life and all kinds of things you can imagine. I get it… he is a great psychologist and a biochemist, but that was pissing me off. I'm sure he would sneak through my stuff! I'm fucking sure he looked what was in my trash more than once! He wanted to experiment things on me, some substances he created. I had the constant feeling he was just waiting for me to drop dead to dissect my brain" Joker said extremely angry and filled with resent
Bruce was listening and getting revolted as well. Being someone who gives great value to privacy, he can imagine how Joker felt.
"Trust me I would be as pissed as you. I could never live like this… He really looked inside your trash?" Bruce asked
"YEAH! HE DID" Joker said furiously
"Man, what a creep… but don't worry, you don't have to see him anymore" Bruce said in a reassuring way "But… what happened today? Found him somewhere?"
Joker sighed and said "Not exactly… I went to my place to get some things the other day and found a little glass vial in a corner of my room, same type he uses to carry his experimental substances around. I remembered one night I drank too much and had no idea how I woke up in my room the next day, there was a syringe mark in my arm that day so must have been him. That was a long time ago, maybe one month before I got here. I went to his place to thank him, really, I mean… I broke a chair on him and he helped me get home. But he was the same jerk as always"
Bruce felt a familiar guilt build inside of him. He remembered how Joker was looking about one month before he brought him to the batcave. The idea he was broken in every way possible because of him was still devastating, specially after all they built together. Thinking of him sick and hurt the way he was, drinking and wandering alone in the corners of Gotham made him sad and brought back some feelings of shame that were not gone but were fading with time, like an echo slowly losing strength in his mind.
"Shouldn't have said that, at least not today… I know what you're thinking, Bruce. Didn't meant to bring it up now" Joker said hating himself for not noticing from the start that this conversation would lead them back to that time.
"It's ok, I'm the one who asked… You shouldn't have to protect me from my past self, it's not fair that I made you go through all that and still give you the feeling you have to spare me from the things I've done. But anyway, what did he say to you that made you so upset? I've never seen you slam doors like that" Bruce said to put an end in that uncomfortable subject and continue with the "my ex is a creep" topic
"He was analyzing the shit out of every inch of me, like always… But what really pissed me off was when he said I should 'reward' him for not taking advantage of me when I was drunk. He even tried to kiss me but I didn't let him. And then he started trying to figure out if I was with someone and started to wine about some old fights we had"
"I can't believe he did all this! Now I want to break his nose too!" Bruce said truly angry for Joker "Do you think he might find out about us?"
"He might suspect I'm with someone, but I don't think he would guess it's you. Also, he doesn't know you're Batman, nobody knows by the way"
They shared another moment of silence, Joker getting calmer after finally being able to say how much he was angry to somebody else.
"You went to your place again… how did you feel there?" Bruce asked
"Still makes me nervous, I've been there a couple of times… Maybe if I cleaned it or whatever it could help, but I can't stand the place for more than one hour… cleaning it and stuff would take at least a day" Joker said laying down on the grass to look at the sky better
"What if I helped you clean it? You don't have to show me where it is, we can use the Batmobile like we did before, but you put the address this time. Don't make it bad ok? I want you to continue living here with me, I just think it would be good for you… every time you talk about it you seem upset" Bruce said after laying down in the grass close to him
"Hmmm, I'll think about it… Doesn't sound like a bad idea… Wait a minute, have you ever made a heavy cleaning somewhere? Trust me, there is way more to be done than some dishes and vacuum cleaning the floor" Joker pointed out
"Hey, I wasn't such a spoiled kid that has never cleaned a toilet in my life, ok?" Bruce said sharply but still in a playful way
"Oh yeah? Have you ever cleaned a bathroom in your life?" Joker asked in a fake amazed tone
"Actually, yes! When I was eleven I was rude to a maid here at the mansion and Alfred saw it. He made me clean my bedroom and bathroom for a month. And apologize to her, obviously"
"What are waiting for, then? Gotta see your 'spoiled brat cleaning skills'! I'll show you where my place is under one simple condition"
"I'm listening" Bruce said, just waiting to hear it
"You're going to buy a white T-shirt and do the cleaning with it, I know you'll have to buy a while T-shirt because I've seen your wardrobe and apparently you're in some kind of cult that only allows black clothes"
"Fine, I can do that… but what for?"
"Wait and see, bats, wait and see" He said mysteriously
"Wow!" they said together as they saw a shooting star in the sky
"Did you make a wish?" Bruce asked
"It was so fast I didn't even think of one, did you?"
"I had mine ready in my head, think now!"
"Ok… humm… there, got one. Hey, let's go inside, you look tired"
"Ok, I have to wake up early tomorrow" he said while they were getting up
"There is no way you're going to work tomorrow, Bruce. Give yourself a break, you've been stressed and didn't feel well today. It's Wednesday, take the rest of the week off"
"I'm the CEO, I can't call sick to work"
"What!? You can call sick whenever you like because you're the CEO!"
"That's not how it works, just because no one can fire me doesn't mean I don't have responsibilities there"
"If Gotham were in danger you would take a week off for sure, give yourself priority just once, Bruce, really it's not ok to have anxiety attacks"
They went inside and after some good time of soft arguing and some indecorous promises about how they would spend their time together until the end of the week, Bruce agreed. As they were laying together under the blankets in Bruce's bedroom, he took a look at his lover sleeping right next to him. Bruce was familiar with all sorts of physical pain, sadness, and sorrow but having a mental breakdown due to anxiety was a whole different deal. He knew it could never compare to what Joker's mind does to him, even in his dreams he wouldn't have peace sometimes, but it made him understand him a little better.
Joker wasn't sleeping yet, he had his eyes closed but knew Bruce was probably looking at him. Being observed by Bruce didn't make him uncomfortable the way being observed by Scarecrow did. He always felt free to be as devilish as he wanted to other people, no guilt would weight on him, as long as it wasn't Bruce, of course. But with Bruce he felt another kind of freedom: he felt he could be as good as he wished, and he would never regret it. Even if they had a fight or anything, which sometimes they did, it would still be worth it. He never thought somebody else's well-being would be important to him, but holding his lover earlier while he cried and later that night kissing him under the moonlight made him realize that some feelings are better when shared.
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Tainted Minds