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Writings of the Heart	By : meathead13 Category: Comics > Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Views: 3683 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter Fourteen: Explanations
Carrie took another slow sip of her green tea, its bitter smell hitting her nose as she inhaled and released a relaxing sigh. Her smile reappeared as Raphael slumped over onto his stomach, the blanket Carrie had covered him with sliding off and hanging by a corner from the sleeping turtle’s left leg. Raphael took in a deep breath, let it out slowly, then rubbed at the top of his head while mumbling incoherently, and Carrie couldn’t stop the gushing laugh that suddenly escaped from her nervous stomach.
Even though the emotional kiss they had shared still lingered on Carrie’s lips, she was completely taken aback by the overwhelming sensations that had flooded her. The tingles, the shudders, the unexplained warmth that enveloped her entire body. Carrie had known since the night she had taken that drunken fall off the roof that she had fallen in love with Raphael, but she still had wanted to know if it was just more than some infatuation caused by her lonely, alcohol state. But now that Carrie was definite about her feelings, she now needed Raphael to prove if he, too, was true about his. The kiss was explosive enough, but she wanted him to say it. Carrie needed to hear the words fall from his mouth.
Despite the happiness, Carrie was still worried about the last thing Barry had said to her before he had boarded the bus. She had noticed something change in Leonardo’s behavior during the past few weeks, but like both Raphael and Barry had mentioned, it seemed to be from a lack of sleep. Finding his family had become his obsession. But there was something else, something that Carrie guessed she could only see. Leonardo would stand just a little too close while showing her where to place her feet. He held onto her a bit longer than he should have while catching her from a fall. The look he had in his brown eyes while he and Carrie closely locked his swords together in combat. Carrie had seen that look before. It was the same look Raphael had given her while they engaged in their intense sexual trysts, and though Carrie didn’t want to believe it, she could almost feel that same lustful heat radiate from Leonardo as it had from his brother.
Carrie shook her thoughts from her head as she realized she had been staring off into the flames of the fire. After deciding that Barry was just putting ideas into her head and that she was imagining Leonardo’s weird behavior, Carrie turned back to the sleeping Raphael and poked at him with her long fingernail.
“Wake up!” She whispered with a playful grin. “ It’s almost ten! Your breakfast is getting cold!”
Raphael lifted one eyelid, swatted at Carrie’s hand, then flipped over away from the sunlight that blared through the window.
“Come on!” Carrie put her tea down and knelt on the floor. She rubbed his shell, then leaned over into Raphael’s ear. “I’m taking off my robe...”
Raphael answered with an annoyed moan.
Carrie giggled, then raked her finger down the turtle’s shoulder. “ I’m unbuttoning my pajama top.”
Another swat of Raphael’s hand came, and Carrie moved to the couch, taking a seat behind his folded knees.
“There goes my bottoms.”
The moan came out in an angry growl this time, and Carrie laughed louder. She cleared her throat and leaned over Raphael’s legs, purposely pushing her body against him.
“Did I forget to mention that I’m not wearing underwear?”
“What the-!” Raphael bolted upright, then glared at Carrie, her hands over her mouth as she tried to hold back her laughing fits.
“Now, that shit ain’t funny!” Raphael remarked with a slight smile on his face. “Don’t say it unless yer gonna really do it!”
“I’ll keep that in mind next time.” Carrie answered, her face beaming from her wide smile. Raphael noticed the huge grin she was carrying, and he wrinkled his forehead at her while he stretched his arms over his head.
“What’s yer problem?” he asked with a yawn. “Ya win the lottery or somethin’?”
“You could say that.” Carrie rested her elbows on her knees, her face in her palms, and she continued to watch Raphael as if she was drawing a heart around his head.
“Why the hell are ya smilin’ like that?” Raphael bellowed, popping the imaginary heart. “Yer really freakin’ me out!”
Carrie sat up, her arms falling into her lap along with her smile and her heart, and she slowly moved to her feet. “Sorry. I just-just..... I’ll go heat up your...”
“Hey, hey! Come on!” Raphael called out as Carrie turned to move into the dining room, a few scattered tears falling down her cheeks. He reached out his hand, waving her back with his two fingers, and Carrie slowly sat back down.
“Ya know I’m a grouch ass when I wake up.” Raphael scooted closer to Carrie and his attention went right to wiping her tears away. He directed her chin up, forcing Carrie’s eyes into his and shook his head with a sympathetic smile. “ I forgot how freakin’ sensitive ya were. Now, what’s on yer mind?”
Carrie pulled back from Raphael’s grasp slowly, her grey eyes blinking back her tears. “Uh, nothing really. I was just...I, uh-,”
“Boy, yer the conversationalist today.” Raphael joked, pulling the thick blanket off his legs and slinging it over the back of the couch. He then grabbed Carrie by the waist and pulled her entire body into his lap. “Now that I got ya on the spot, tell me what’s goin’ on up there?”
“Uh, uh-I,” Carrie rested her shaking hands on Raphael’s broad shoulders, suddenly uncomfortable by their closeness, but soon calmed after seeing the warmth return in the turtle’s stare.
“It’s about last night-,” Carrie finally blurted out. “I have to ask you something about....what happened.”
“Glad ta see ya found yer voice.” Raphael played around again, hoping to bring back Carrie’s addictive smile as he nuzzled her chin.
“I’m sorry, I’m just...a little embarrassed about how forward I was,” Carrie confessed, fully aware that Raphael was raking his fingers along the small of her back.
“Embarrassed? Are ya kiddin’ me?” Raphael laughed. “ And this is comin’ from someone who writes about sex for a livin’?”
“Yeah, I know. I’m an oxymoron.” Carrie joined in, finally settling into Raphael’s lap and enjoying the feeling of being in his arms. “ But, about last night, when I told you had to kiss you to find out something-,”
“And did ya?” Raphael interrupted, his mouth heading for Carrie’s neck while his hands traveled a little farther south.
“Well, I-I- Raph, stop it,” Carrie moaned as his lips nibbled on her neck. She felt a rush of heat flame up between her legs, but knew better than to pursue the needed action that would vanquish that certain type of fire. She sighed, then pushed Raphael back and pulled his hands into hers.
“I serious about this, Raph,” Carrie let her eyes wonder over the calluses that had formed on the broken skin of his knuckles. “I told myself I would never get into this again, and I never in a million years dreamed it would be with you. Barry would kill me if he found out what I did last night.”
Raphael rolled his eyes and smirked. “Shit, Carrie! He ain’t yer father! And it’s not like we fucked again! Why do ya worry so much about what that little fairy thinks, anyway?”
Carrie jerked her eyes back up to Raphael’s face, then pushed herself out of his lap. “I really don’t appreciate you talking about Barry like that. Sure, he may not burp and spit like so-called real men do, but, dammit, he’s the only best friend I ever had! At least he knows to listen instead of trying to get to second base when I’m talking about something important!”
“Well, if ya would just spit it out instead of babblin’ on-” Raphael reached again for Carrie but let his hand fall as Carrie crossed her arms over her chest and turned her nose in the air. Resting his elbow on the back of the couch, Raphael rubbed at the space between his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, sighed in frustration, then tapped Carrie on the shoulder.
“Okay, I’m sorry.” He lowered his hand from his face and leaned over. “Come on, babe. I wanna hear what ya have ta say. I really do.”
Carrie turned her head sharply, the neatly trimmed ends of her hair lightly smacking Raphael in the face. “All right, but you better keep your hands to yourself!”
“Until ya tell me ta move them, they’ll stay right here!” Raphael entwined his fingers together and folded his hands into his lap. “Now hurry up and talk! I ain’t the patience ta sit all freakin’ day!”
“Okay!” Carrie spun back around and copied Raphael’s pose. “ All I want to ask you is, after last night, do you feel-,” Carrie stopped, noting that Raphael was no longer looking at her, but at something over the top of her blonde head, and she felt a strong wave of tension fill the air as Raphael tightened his shoulders and dropped his smile.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Leonardo spoke softly after clearing his throat.
“I bet ya didn’t.” Raphael growled, his eyes burning at the sight of his brother.
“Good morning, Leo,” Carrie turned to face him, noticing that his face mask was hanging around his neck as Raphael’s was. “You look like you finally got some rest.”
“Yeah, I did. I feel a lot better.” Leonardo tried his best to smile as Raphael’s cold glare stared him down. “Uh, would you mind if I talked to Raph?”
“Not at all!” Carrie beamed, glancing back at Raphael and jabbing him in the ribs. “ Go talk to your brother.”
“I ain’t got nothin’ ta say ta him!” Raphael announced, not caring that Leonardo was still present in the room with them. “And we ain’t done talkin’ yet, either!”
“It can wait.” Carrie stood up and pulled Raphael to his feet, shoving him with all her might toward the dining room. Raphael fell forward, but caught himself before crashing into Leonardo, and quickly protected himself by folding his arms over his chest.
“Well, what do ya want?” He snapped, but sighed as Leonardo waved him to follow.
“Outside, if you don’t mind,” Leonardo replied calmly.
“Ya, I do mind.” Raphael grumbled, but followed behind his brother through the back door to the porch, the glistening snow blinding him momentarily as he stepped into the sun.
“All right, let’s just get this over with!” Raphael boomed. “ Yer sorry, I’m sorry. Same old shit! Just like the last twenty some years we’ve fought and made up! Nothin’ ever changes!”
Leonardo shook his head. “No it doesn’t, Raph. I agree with you. And you would think after doing it for so long, we would just...give up on it all.”
“Wait a minute,” Raphael raised a brow and pointed his finger at Leonardo. “Yer not plannin’ on apologizin’, are ya?”
“No, I feel that I don’t have anything to apologize for.”
Raphael’s jaw fell to his feet. “What? Ya gotta be kiddin’ me! What about jumpin’ my ass and poundin’ the shit outta me? What about that?”
Leonardo once again shook his head, this time sighing heavily. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Raph. It happened, it’s over. I don’t want to dwell on it.”
“What the fuck is up with ya?” Raphael exclaimed, a small bit of exasperated laughter coming out. “Have ya been hittin’ the bottle again, Leo?”
Leonardo yawned. “Raph, would you just stop and listen to me?”
Raphael wrinkled his brows together and snorted. “What the hell is up with everyone? Is taday national ‘Listen Ta Me’ day or somethin’?”
“The others are at Casey’s grandma’s house in North Hampton,” Leonardo blurted out. “I talked to everyone on the radio last night. Despite Mikey whining about his broken arm, everyone sounded okay.”
“What?” Raphael blinked, rubbing ast his ear holes to make sure he heard his brother correctly. “They- you found ‘em? Everyone’s okay?”
Leonardo let out the smile he had been hiding and nodded, then jumped as Raphael suddenly squeezed him in a tight bear hug and lifted him off the ground. After a short drop back down to the porch, Leonardo watched Raphael walked down the steps and onto the snow, his smiling face as bright as the sun that hit his dark green skin.
“Can I talk to ‘em? I bet Masta Splinter asked if I was stayin’ out of trouble! I wonder if Donnie’ll smack Mikey upside the head for me? I ain’t done it in so long, my hand’s goin’ through withdrawals!”
Leonardo chuckled, then followed his brother over the snow to the barn. “I’m sure they’re up, Raph. The channel is still set on the right frequency. Casey told me he’ll keep his CB on all the time now.”
“That bonehead. I actually miss that guy! Me and him will havta go bar hoppin’ when we get back-,” Raphael stepped up to the table and grabbed the microphone, only to stop and let the smile fall from his face. “Uh, Leo?”
“What’s wrong?” Leonardo caught up with Raphael and began to examine the radio. “It didn’t die again, did it?”
“No.” Raphael dropped the receiver back to the table and slumped down on the stool, his inner thoughts suddenly drawn to something else. He looked up at Leonardo, knowing that his brother could see the sadness in his eyes. “Does this mean we gotta leave now?”
“Huh?” Leonardo blinked. “What do you mean by that? I thought you wanted to get out of here! You were yelling at me because we’ve had to stay for so long!”
Raphael slowly stood, his shoulders drooping down along with his face as he slunk back toward the barn doors. “I know, but...but somethin’...”
“Raph?” Leonardo grabbed his brother’s shoulder and turned him around. “If it’s about Bishop finding us, don’t worry. Donnie and I are coming up with a plan to get us out without-,”
“No, Leo. It ain’t that!” Raphael pushed Leonardo’s hand from his shoulder, his eyes sticking to the floor. “It’s just-somethin’ happened last night...”
“Carrie...” Leonardo murmured, glad that Raphael couldn’t see the cold glare that was directed toward him, but he wasn’t so lucky with his tone. “And what exactly happened, if you don’t mind my asking?”
Raphael rose his eyes from the floor and felt his anger flow through him as he met Leonardo’s stare. “Just how long were ya standin’ there, Leo?”
“Long enough,” Leonardo snapped. “And after everything you accused me of yesterday, you have some nerve throwing yourself at her!”
“Everythin’ I said yesterday still holds true, Leo!” Raphael growled , shoving his forefinger into his brother’s chest plates. “ And for yer information, Carrie threw herself at me!”
“What?” Leonardo asked, unable to mask his shock.
“Yeah, that’s right! Carrie kissed me, Leo! She chose me! And I’m glad she did! Ya wanna know why?”
Leonardo took a step back, his eyes still wide as the smile came back on Raphael’s face, more devious than happy, and it only made Leonardo feel even more uneasy. “Why?”
“Cause now I got a chance ta prove ta you that I’m capable of carin’ for someone! It’s a chance ta prove that I can be better than what ya think I am!”
“Raphael, you are insane!” Leonardo yelled. “ I don’t care if you can or not! And you can’t stand here and tell me that you actually have real feelings for Carrie, because I know that you don’t! This just all stems from some sexual fantasy world the two of you created! All you are going to do is suck her into sleeping with you again! And then what? What will happen when we get ready to leave?”
“Now hold on a second!” Raphael jumped in. “All that is pure BS, Leo! Ya have no clue how I really feel about her! And when we go home-,”
“Are you going to take her with us?” Leonardo lunged forward, causing Raphael to step back. “You know that’s not possible, nor would it be fair to Carrie! Hell, it wouldn’t be fair to any of us! And to finish for you, when we go home, all you are going to do is crush her heart and leave her in a broken mess! Is that what you want, Raph? Is it?”
Raphael studied the intense expression Leonardo held in his eyes. “ I wish ya could see yerself, Leo. How crazy ya look.” He pushed Leonardo away, feeling like he had no oxygen to breath. “Maybe if ya would’ve just fucked Karai without fallin’ for her, ya would still be in yer right mind.”
“ Oh, no, you just didn’t-,” Leonardo then grabbed Raphael’s shoulders and pulled his brother in closer to his face and whispered, all the while hooking Raphael’s eyes into his stone cold stare.
“So help me, Raph, if you do anything to hurt her, you will regret the day, the very moment, you laid a hand on her, because I will do everything in my power to make you pay for it. Got it?”
Raphael pushed Leonardo away and swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling more confused and hurt than angry at his brother’s harsh words. He turned to walk back to the barn doors, but stopped to speak once more.
“She mustva really broken yer heart, bro. Almost makes me feel sorry for ya.” Raphael opened the barn door and noticed Carrie rushing around in the kitchen through the window, and his smile returned, the coldness from the barn disappearing as he thought about holding Carrie in his arms once again.
“Yep...almost.”
Later on that evening, after fighting against the wind-blown snow drift that blocked the doors, Carrie balanced a wooden tray in her hands across the barn floor, stopping a few inches behind the blue masked turtle as he sat in a deep mediation, knowing that he had been in the same spot and in the same cross-legged position all day. Carrie bent down, placing the tray of food on the ground, then opened her mouth to speak, but gasped in surprise when Leonardo spoke first.
“Another offering? I’m beginning to feel like some Buddha statue.”
Carrie giggled, relieve to find Leonardo in a good mood. “ I didn’t want to interrupt you earlier. You looked like you were on another planet or something. I hope the omelet wasn’t too cold.”
“It was when I got around to it.” Leonardo turned his body around, wincing at the stiffness that had settled in his lower back, but soon forgot it as he inhaled the plate of food in front of him. “That smells great! What is this?”
“It’s Chicken Curry,” Carrie lifted the plate into Leonardo’s hands, then handed him a fork. “My mom’s so called ‘secret’ recipe. I found out a few years ago that the curry seasoning she told me was homemade was actually from a bar you melt with water!” Carrie shook her head and sighed. “It was like finding out Santa Claus wasn’t real!”
After sharing a laugh, a suffocating silence closed around them, and for the first time, a new uncomfortable strain formed between them. Leonardo looked up from his still untouched food and found Carrie staring at him, her eyes pleading for him to speak, but Leonardo found he couldn’t get any words out as his heart swelled in his throat and the queasiness returned to his stomach. He envisioned throwing himself at Carrie, grabbing her tightly and giving her a million reasons to forget about his brother. But instead Leonardo sighed, returned the plate to the tray, and jumped to his feet. Carrie did the same, but felt hurt as Leonardo turned his back to her, folding his arms together and bowing his head down.
“Leo, did-did I...do something wrong?” Carrie pleaded softly.
Leonardo braced himself, pushing his feet closer to the floor to stay in one place. “No, Carrie. You didn’t. I don’t want you to feel guilty about anything. This-this is between me and-,” Leonardo began to choke on his words, and the deep breath he took didn’t help the shakiness in his voice.
“Leo, I know something is wrong. What is going on between you and Raph that has both of you on edge like this?” Carrie placed her warm hand on the chilled skin of Leonardo’s shoulder, and it sent shivers down the turtle’s spine.
Leonardo slowly stepped out of Carrie’s reach and was finally able to find his voice after pushing back his carnal needs.
“Do you love him, Carrie?”
Carrie froze, her hand still poised in the air after falling from the turtle’s shoulder. “What? I don’t-how did you know-,”
“Just answer me...please.” Leonardo turned his head slightly, now able to see Carrie’s terrified expression from the corner of his left eye.
Carrie lowered her eyes to the ground, feeling like a child being scolded by a parent. “Would it be wrong to say if I did?”
“Do you?” he asked again, this time completely facing Carrie and watching as a few tears found their way down her face.
“I-I don’t know,” Carrie wiped at her face and sniffled. “I haven’t really-talked to him about it yet. I think I do-,” She rose her tear-glistened eyes to Leonardo’s stern expression, and felt more drops fall down her cheeks. “Why are you so angry about this, Leo? And why do you guys keep fighting? I just-just don’t....”
Leonardo dropped his arms and rushed down to Carrie’s side as she fell to her knees and sobbed into her hands. Unable to hold back anymore, Leonardo wrapped Carrie in a tight embrace, absorbing every shake that erupted from Carrie’s sobs, and wanted nothing more than time to freeze so they would be in the moment forever.
“Just please tell me what is going on!” Carrie demanded, pushing herself back at Leonardo’s sudden hold. “I can’t take anymore arguing between the two of you! I have my own life to worry about, you know! You have no idea how hard it has been with the two of you here! My life is in complete disarray”
“Carrie, I-,” Leonardo started, but was pushed back even more as Carrie stood up and began to pace, her words coming out as screams through her tears.
“Why is it taking so long for you to find your family, or are you guys just enjoying your free stay? Just taking your sweet time, plotting out your next move, while I sit around and wonder if you are telling me the truth about everything!”
“We have been telling you the truth!” Leonardo yelled back, then steadied himself before he spoke again. “Carrie, just please calm down.”
“I can’t calm down, Leo!” Carrie stopped pacing and held her arms to her chest. “There is just so much that-things are too complicated for me. I can’t handle-,”
As Carrie cried harder and her body refused to move another step, Leonardo slowly walked over to her and took Carrie in his arms.
“Everything is okay, Carrie.” He spoke in a gentle voice, his hand stroking Carrie’s soft blonde hair. “Please believe me when I tell you that we have kept nothing from you. Everything we have told you is true. And... I’m sorry for the way Raph and I have been acting.” He leaned back and looked down into Carrie’s wet eyes to catch her attention with a smile. “If you lived with us all the time, you would see this is how we normally act.”
Carrie inhaled and let out a small laugh, but dropped her eyes back to the floor and sighed. “I’m sorry, Leo. There has just been so much in my head that I have to deal with, and I guess I just-exploded.”
“Why do you think I’ve been meditating all day?” Leonardo smiled again, his thumb wiping the tears away. “ I don’t like being that way, either, but- I’ve been taking things out on Raph that I shouldn’t have. It’s only now that I realize that it was wrong. I was more angry at myself. Raph was just in the wrong place at the right time, so to speak.”
“Leo,” Carrie finished drying her eyes with the long sleeve of her brown shirt and stepped back out of his hands. “Why did you ask me if I was in love with him?”
“Maybe that was also wrong of me to do,” Leonardo picked up the wooden tray and sat it on the table next to the buzzing radio. “ It’s not right for me to tell you how I feel about it.”
“So Raph did tell you about what happened last night.” Carrie followed Leonardo, unconsciously keeping a slight distance between them. “I knew he lied to me. He wouldn’t have been so upset if he hadn’t.”
“He told me a little, but I made it into more than what it was.” Leonardo confessed, then looked back into Carrie’s eyes. “I don’t want to get in the way- if this is what you really want.”
“Get in the way?” Carrie asked, the lines in her forehead wrinkling in confusion. “What I want? What about what your brother wants?”
“I don’t care about what Raph thinks he wants or needs,” Leonardo whipped his hand into the air dismissing Carrie’s inquiry. “ I’m more concerned about you. You are the important one here. You have more to lose.”
“Leo, why are you saying things like that?” Carrie shrugged her shoulders, her palms raised in question. But in a quick movement that made Carrie suddenly breathless, Leonardo held onto her arms and pulled her closer to him.
“Just tell me you won’t get sucked into his head games, Carrie. Raph won’t-he...can’t love you the way you want him to. He...doesn’t understand it. He doesn’t... get it, like you-like we do.”
Carrie felt the choking tension return and pulled out of Leonardo’s grasp, her eyes wide with a new kind of fear that she never thought she would feel with her close friend.
“I have to go now, Leo. I have...things I have to do.”
She turned to leave, but allowed Leonardo to stop her one last time before she exited the barn.
“Just promise me, Carrie. Promise me you won’t let him hurt you again.”
Carrie stared at Leonardo’s hold on her upper arm, then looked at the raving glare in the turtle’s eyes before pulling away and walking out into the cold without another word, once again leaving Leonardo alone in his lonely, broken hearted world.
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Writings of the Heart