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Tainted Minds	By : Madame_Anarchy Category: DC Verse Movies > The Dark Knight Views: 3671 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Batman's Universe or any of it's characters. I'm not writing this story for money.

Chapter List
- 10
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Sometimes Joker did this, Bruce got used to it. Whenever it was cleaning day at the Wayne Manor he would disappear and only come back late at night, when no one was home except Bruce. He was very antisocial, had no friends and didn't like interacting with ordinary people, except when he was scaring the shit out of them, of course. He had worked with other villains before, but merely out of convenience. Bruce was curious to know what he did when he was out, but he never asked, he hoped one day he would tell him something. He imagined the Joker was someone who didn't like to feel he owes explanations about how he spends his time. On the other hand, Bruce liked to talk about his day, especially because he didn't have to conceal things from the Joker, he knew his secrets.
But now Bruce was concerned. He didn't wait for Joker's return to go to bed, he thought he would be back by morning, like always. But when he knocked the door and opened it, he wasn't there. His bed was untouched, also no sign of him around the manor. He had to go to work, couldn't wait, Joker was probably ok. Right? He tried to convince himself of that the whole day, even called to Joker's room from the office in the afternoon, but no one answered. He caught himself checking the security cameras, that were activated by motion sensors and could be accessed from his phone, and they didn't register anything around the property during the night or while he was out. This was strange, sometimes he would spend a couple of days out, but he would always warn him.
He got home late and tried to do other things to distract himself. He knew Joker wasn't the most predictable person he ever met, he didn't want to be invasive to him. He even thought Joker could have left him because he simply didn't want to be with him anymore. That was a painful idea. After laying in bed and failing miserably at sleeping for three hours, Bruce decided he couldn't take this anymore. He went down the Batcave, put on his Batsuit and left to search for him. This must have been the most frustrating search of his life. He searched everywhere and found nothing. The sun was threatening to rise in the horizon when his phone beeped inside the Batmobile. He programmed the software from the cameras to let him know if there was movement inside the manor while he was out.
He went back immediately, not even caring to remove his Batsuit to go upstairs. He forgot to knock at Joker's door and just opened it, he knew he was there. When he looked inside he found him sitting on the floor, close to his bed. He had a distant look on his face and, at the same time, seemed upset with something. Batman sat close to him on the floor, not saying a word.
"Are you ok, Joker? Did something happen?" Batman asked without looking at him after some time.
"I hate myself sometimes… I was doing ok, but…" Joker stared but Batman interrupted him catching his left hand that was between them.
"Where? This arm?" Batman asked in a serious tone.
"Yes" he answered
"Wait for me in the bathroom, I'll get something to clean it" Batman said in a still serious tone.
Bruce was really angry with him right now. He never thought this addiction Joker had could be so difficult to treat, he imagined it would disappear while he got better. He was getting impatient with it and was also very upset because he knew how dangerous this could be.
He was ready to see some big ugly cuts when he rolled Joker's sleeve up, but he found two shallow and thin cuts that had a small length on his wrist. All the older cuts had healed, even the big one that was infected in the past. It was sad to see fresh cuts close to the healed ones. He cleaned them without saying a word, not hiding his anger from his expression while doing so. Joker was also silent, he didn't want to say anything. Most of all he was feeling guilty, not so much for hurting himself, but because he knew Bruce cared.
"I've spent the night searching for you. I'm tired, I'll go to sleep" Bruce said dryly while gathering the things he used and on his way to the bathroom door.
This statement made Joker feel even worse.
"Bats… Bruce, wait!" he said following him.
"What!?" Bruce snapped back angrily turning around to look at him.
Joker wanted to say something, but he couldn't find words, especially with Bruce looking at him like that.
"Nothing, nevermind" Joker said in a sad tone, heading to his room.
"Ok, Joker… wait!" Bruce said in a softer tone when Joker was about to enter his room "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have talked to you like that… What is it?" he said calming down a little.
"Could you stay here with me?... Please?"
"Why don't we stay in my room for a change?" Batman offered "I can make it darker than your room, we'll sleep better"
"Ok, I'll be there in a minute"
They were a bit awkward in bed. They wanted to hold each other, but neither was sure the other wanted to.
"Thanks, Bruce, you know why" Joker said reaching for Bruce's shoulder
Bruce left his pride behind and put his arm around Joker under the sheets, bringing him closer.
"I want to talk to you about this, but later. I was so worried about you…" he said almost whispering in the other's ear. He was holding Joker as if he could evaporate at any minute, relieved he was home but also agitated with the idea of losing him.
When Joker woke up it was about noon and Bruce was still holding him in that same position. Later in that afternoon Bruce was sitting on a couch at the library and heard Joker's steps in the corridor, he called his name and waited for the man to sit by his side.
"Joker, I'm feeling somehow guilty about what happened… I've noticed you had some marks in your body, they were kind of hidden, I chose not to say anything, but now I think I should have" Bruce said trying to sound friendlier than the ice treatment the gave Joker since they woke up.
Joker was a bit surprised, he didn't think Bruce would notice the little purple marks he had. They were caused by scratching and pressing his nails strongly against his skin. Didn't feel like cutting, but that's all he could do to satisfy his urge.
"Also, you put on some weight ever since you got here, you're looking way healthier, but you're still thinner than you used to be and sometimes you eat very little for days and I don't know what to do about it. And then you disappear, I can't find you anywhere and you show up with cuts on your arm. I'm sorry I got mad at you, but I was really worried, I had a billion ideas of what could have happened to you and all of them scared me. I even thought you left me because you didn't want to be with me anymore…" Bruce continued with a sorrowed voice.
This was new for Joker, he never felt like he was emotionally responsible for someone. This idea weighted a ton on his shoulders, it scared him, really. His actions and the consequences of his actions have always been his business. He had serious trouble to put himself in somebody else's shoes. But this was Bruce and he had just admitted Joker's erratic way to be made him feel insecure about them.
"Bruce, I'm sorry I worried you so much… I'm not used having someone who cares that much about me. I know I'm unpredictable and all… but I wouldn't leave you like this. Hey, look at me" he said turning his face to see Bruce better "I get it why people don't trust me, but you're not like everybody else to me, you're so much more"
Bruce had the obvious question expressed in his face. So much more, what does that mean? Joker didn't like to put romantic things into words, he was good for comforting Bruce, but that was it. However, the circumstances required a little bit of clarity.
"I'll never take back what I said when you first interrogated me… you complete me. It has a different meaning now, but it never stopped being true" Joker said hoping it would answer Bruce's unspoken question.
A warm feeling spread across Bruce's heart. He had feelings for Joker, they were many, from different natures, but his romantic feelings were waiting for this moment to blossom. He was afraid to allow himself to fall in love completely for someone so unpredictable, so unstable, so impulsive, so complicated, so twisted. He was afraid Joker would steal his heart, instead of having something mutual between them. They demonstrated affection with their actions, romance wasn't a new element, but Bruce was constantly watching his heart not to feel too much. At least, until now.
"Well, say something!" Joker said a bit desperate for declaring his affection and getting an indecipherable look from Bruce.
Bruce just smiled, a bit amused by how the clown prince of crime was freaking out by saying something like this.
"I can imagine how difficult saying this must be for you… Thank you, Joker, that's all I wanted to hear… And I feel the same, I think I couldn't have put in better words myself, you complete me too" he said calmly before kissing him.
It was a very needy kiss that made them both breathless. Bruce put his arms around Joker afterwards, he just wanted to feel him close, touch his hair, feel his scent. After some time, Bruce broke their hug to continue talking to him before Joker found an excuse to leave the library. Their conversation certainly exceeded Joker's dosage of talking about his own deep feelings for the next decade.
"Since we're talking about things, tell me… how can I help you with this?" Bruce asked touching Joker's wrist.
"I don't think you can, Bruce" Joker answered.
"I know in the end of the day it's your choice, but isn't there anything that I can do to help? Like distracting you when you feel like doing it or something like that?" He insisted
Joker thought for a moment and seemed like he wanted to say something but didn't have the courage to.
"Really, just tell me" Bruce reassured him.
"Ok… hum… Try not getting so mad at me when it happens. Because I'm already pissed at myself, and then you get pissed off too and honestly… it won't prevent me from doing it again. It just makes things worse" Joker said carefully
Bruce sighed. He was right. He wasn't exactly proud of the things he did when his temper was out of control. Having someone like the Joker to tell him to calm the shit down was a strong message.
"Alright, I'll try to be calmer… Now that you said it, it must suck when you need comfort and people are just mad at you" Bruce said giving it some thought. "Also, I read some things about it today, some people say putting ice cubes in the places you want to cut can help. They say it feels similar. Maybe you could give it a try?" Bruce asked
"Ice cubes? Never heard of that one before, but ok, as long as it keeps my veins away from needles and serum… yeah, I can give it a try" Joker answered remembering that night he had to take the needle out himself. "Anything else you read?" he asked
"Something about avoiding places you do it and keeping busy at the time of the day you think about it"
By said this, Joker's expression closed a little, it got darker.
"Humm… have you been somewhere that…" Bruce tried asking, hoping not to be too much information
"My place" Joker answered. "It was exactly as I left, but with a lot of dust… The razor was still there on the bathroom floor…" he said growing more anxious.
"And you…?" Bruce asked with his eyes widening in concern.
"Oh, no, not with that one… I had some I never used under the sink. I used to like that place, but maybe I shouldn't go there anymore" Joker said with a sad voice.
"I understand… When my parents died I started to hate his place, reminded me I would never see them again. Sometimes I walked around their favorite places in the house, hoping to see them, but they were never there" Bruce said, also in a sad tone.
"You still live here, what did you do to get over it?" Joker asked
"I just kept living here with Alfred and eventually, each room acquired a new meaning as I grew up. My dad used to like that armchair a lot, he would read and smoke there all the time, but when I see it now, all I can remember is Alfred reading stories for me while I was sitting on the floor" Bruce said in a nostalgic way looking at the armchair across the library. The memory cheered him up.
"You don't see him in a long time, right? I can tell you miss him. You guys should meet, catch up, you know. I bet he misses you too" Joker said
"What should I say when he asks me what his vacation is all about? He'll ask that for sure"
"You can tell him the truth, if you want, I don't mind. He probably hates me, like everybody else in this town, be ready for that. But don't tell other people, ok? Just imagine how creative the villains in Gotham will become if they find out about us"
"Alfred wouldn't tell anyone. But, yeah… It will be a surprise, I'll have to think about how I'm telling him" Bruce said in a reflexive way, not an easy task at all.
"Always the guy with a plan" Joker said almost singing to provoke him. "I'm gonna make some coffee and smoke outside, wanna join me?" He asked.
"Sure" Bruce said getting up from the couch
They were at the kitchen waiting for the coffee machine's green light when Bruce remembered Joker didn't say anything about his eating habits.
"Still waiting for your answer, Joker… You haven't been eating very well" Bruce pointed out.
"Oh, I've always been like this, sometimes I have a good appetite and sometimes I kind of lose interest in food and just eat snacks when I remember eating. Don't worry, I'm fine" Joker said
"But you were eating so little this last week!" Bruce said not remembering the last time Joker ate a proper meal in front of him.
"Who do you think you are to say that? My grandma?" Joker asked annoyed, Bruce could be a control freak sometimes.
Bruce got silent and after a moment he started laughing, trying to contain himself, which made him laugh even more. Joker didn't understand what the hell was going on.
"What is so funny?" Joker asked confused
"Sorry, I just had this mental image of an old lady with hair curlers and your makeup on giving you some cookies and milk" he explained making Joker crack a smile.
"And they say I'm mad" He said rolling his eyes, chuckling a little.
They went outside and sat under a big tree. It was six o'clock. Bruce was almost sure he saw something moving behind some bushes. The idea it could be a white rabbit made him feel like getting up and searching for it.
"I saw something too, wanna go check it?" Joker offered while smoking his second cigarette.
"Nah, it's probably gone by now" Bruce answered in a lazy tone. Why bothering doing down the rabbit hole when he had his Mad Hatter right here?
Author's Note: Hello dear readers! Another chapter with dialogs between them, I hope you guys liked it ^^
If you have read this far (thank you so much by the way! ^.~) you probably wondered how long has it been since the beginning. I'll clarify that in the next chapter.
Once again thank you for reading! As usual, I would love to hear your thoughts about it. See you soon!
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- 12
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Tainted Minds