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Sublime Awakenings	By : Kailean Category: Comics > Squee! Views: 1478 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Squee!, JTHM, or Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from these works. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Sublime Awakenings: Chapter 11

“Zim, this is the historic district. This house has been here since it was restored and moved here in the late twenty-first century. If you were a world conquering alien, which you are, would you move into a restored Queen Anne house instead of setting up a modern base? Maybe she's just a vampire or something.”

“Of COURSE not. But when I came here I was disguised as a huuman worm-baby so I couldn't really buy property. Plus, I didn't have my machine that makes Earth monies set up yet. Her base is probably underneath the spooky house.”

“That was a rhetorical question. You print your own money?”

“ZIM knew that! And yes. I have to keep GIR supplied with disgusting, FLITHY human foods somehow.”

“Anyway, how are we going to get in without leaving obvious clues?”

“Just follow my lead, Dib-stink.” With that the disguised Irken hopped out of the vehicle, and marched up the walkway to the two story home.

Dib quickly grabbed a textbook, so what if it was a kollege text book, out of the back set before scurrying after the alien. Maybe if he had a book they would look less suspicious. If anyone asked he would say that he was returning a book he borrowed for an assignment...during skool hours for some reason. He tried to remain calm as he sprinted to catch up with the other, and loudly whispered. “Zim! Don't do anything drastic! Nothing loud or noticeable that we can't fix!”

“Zim? Loud and noticeable? Don't be silly.” He gave the Dib-thing a short look, and waved his worries away with a limp wrist. “Our infiltration of this house shall be as inconspicuous as my infiltration of this planet! Now! Watch me amaze you!”

This reassurance didn't help Dib's nerves. Not at all. Did that mean they were going to blast a big, gaping hole in the front side of the house with explosives that would resonate at just the right frequency to shatter all the windows in the surrounding area? “Zim! Wait! Let’s just check to make sure all the doors and windows are locked first, okay?”

“NONSENSE! My plan is fool proof! You doubt the perfection that is the plan of ZIM?”

“Uh, yeah. Pretty much. Look, you take the left side of the house, and I'll take the right. Just see if you can open any doors or windows without actually breaking in. Then we'll talk about the plan.”

“FINE!” The frustrated Invader stomped to his side of the house, and immediately opened his Pak. His pak legs supplied him with a device of his own invention. He pointed in at the house to get a reading. After learning that the perimeter of the house was being monitored for bioelectric signals he plopped down on the filthy Earth ground to wait for it.

“OUCH!” Dib was knocked back onto his butt by a rather painful shock after touching a window with his fingertips. Apparently Miss Bitters had rigged her house with a rather nasty-- and probably illegal-- security system. He felt rather stupid for not having considered that.

And there “it” was. A zippered smile broke out on the Irken's face when the doubting worm-baby's cry met his lekku. It served the pitiful Dib-creature right for insulting the glorious plan of Zim. Speaking of plan, it was time for action. Zim sent a large electrical surge through the house to knock out the security system. He then threw a freshly fallen, thus still living, stick at the house. Nothing. Humm. Maybe the Dib should touch it again...just in case. Eh, no time to waste. He approached the left side window closest to the house. A pak leg extended to cut a small circle near the top of the glass with a laser. Then a very small robot bee was produced by another leg. Zim used a remote control to direct the bee into the hole and then to the front door. Small robo-hands extended from the bee, which Zim used to manipulate the standard Earth locks.

“Zim? What are you doing? Don't touch the building!”

Zim turned to see a slightly charred-looking Dib walking toward him on wobbly legs. He felt a small twinge of guilt tug at his spooch, but managed to suppress it like a good Irken soldier. Alright, so in theory a “good” Irken wouldn't have felt it at all, but still. What did Irken society know, anyway? He was ZIM! Had the Control Brains not found him more than worthy?! “Don't worry your overly large head, Dib-worm. The security system is now off, and all we have to do is open the front door. Are you not impressed yet?”

Dib gave his frienemy a darkly suspicious glare, knowing that he had probably let him get electrocuted on purpose. Even so, he did have to admit that, for Zim, this was a pretty impressive operation. So he let him have a begrudging affirmation. “Ya know Zim, I actually am. Next time though, could you let me know that I'm about to be ELECTROCUTED?”

The alien just shot him a smirk that said “Victory for ZIM” before taking on an indignant air. “Only if you listen to my plan first.”

The first thing Zim did upon entering the house was locate the central computer, which was uncommon, but not extremely so, in homes these days. His previous blast had caused major damage to the mother board, but to be sure there would be no memory of the brief scan the system had taken of Dib's biosignature he released some nanobots to finish off the hard drive.

The nanotechnology was a huge surprise for Dib. It took all of his restraint to keep himself from asking why the Irken never tried taking over the world with it, lest he drop any unsavory ideas into the green head...or the Pak. It seemed like Zim had more than enough technology to destroy the Earth or doom all its life, but he just chose not to use it. He had considered, many times, that the alien was just that stupid, but it was times like this that he knew that wasn't true. Maybe Irken intelligence and logic was just very different from their human counterparts. Or maybe it was something else.

After Dib painfully snapped on some gloves, as to not leave any prints, the two set about searching the house for clues of Miss Bitters' true nature. They stumbled upon various creepy artifacts-- a few skulls, some human weapons of mass destruction that had been dismantled, an assortment of films about human evil and the end of the world...typical things one could find in Gaz's room-- but nothing to support definite nonhuman status. Finally, out of desperation, Zim started scanning each room with the same device he had used to detect the electronic security system.

“Dib-thing! Stop trying to stuff your enormous head with corn, and come look at this!”

At the sudden noise Dib raised his normal-sized head from looking into the empty refrigerator only to hit it on the still open, and equally empty, freezer door. “OH! Damn.” This was shaping out to be a not so great day for him pain wise.

He reconsidered his hypothesis about Zim simply being stupid, once again, upon arriving at the alien’s side. Said alien was standing in front of an open broom closet, broom and dust pan included, like it was the T.O.E. that would finally unite Zimmy logic with real world fact. “Zim, that's a broom closet. You're...not going to go on another cleaning frenzy are you?”

“YES! I mean no! ...though it is very dusty in here. It only APPEARS to be a simple Earth broom closet! This is a hologram. Behold!” As Zim pushed a button on his device the image of the inside of a broom closet swayed and then faded out. In its place was a nice sized alien lab.

“SEE?! Do you SEEE?! I was right yet again...because I am AMAZING! But did you believe me? No. Just like that time with the Planet Jackers...and with Tak...and with the Muulanians from planet Tissbeez! Why don't you ever trust Zim?” At the end of his rant the Irken actually managed to look a little hurt underneath all the gleeful pride at being right.

“Oh, I'm sorry Zim...maybe BECAUSE YOU’RE TRYING TO DESTORY MY PLANET?”

“Oh yes, that. Heh, heh. But when have I ever lied to you about another threat?”

“Never, I guess. But your claims always seem so...out of the blue. How do you notice this stuff?”

“Eh, I have insider information. And I'm a genius, of course.”

“Of course. So, since you’re such a genius, wanna help me find out the what, why, and how of the Bitters invasion?” The boy tentatively stuck a gloved finger inside the newly revealed lab, just in case more pain awaited him, before stepping inside. His eyes grew large as he took in the various computer panels, mysterious alien devices and a small space ship with awe, as he always did on such occasions.

Then he realized something that even his mind, which he had been told was so open his brain was in danger of falling out, had at first refused to accept. The lab was a lot bigger than the build of the house would allow. There was a mere two feet between the kitchen wall and the living room wall, which held the “broom closet”! “Hey Zim! I think the lab is a tesseract! This is so...GREAT!”

The Irken ignored the boy's sarcasm, and stepped into the lab, giving the Dib a small push for just standing there, in awe, directly in his path. He went straight for the computer, though he had no intention of turning it on. Unlike the human-built home computer, this one could actually be dangerous if it realized intruders were afoot. Miss Bitters must have gotten pretty confident in her disguise if she just left her inner defenses down like this. The computer of ZIM was always on guard, and he was the great ZIM! Although, Bitters probably didn't have an “advanced” robot slave running around inviting pizza-humans and pigs into her base everyday. He absentmindedly conversed with his temporary ally while using instruments from his pak to open a panel so he could get to the hard drive. “Tesser-whatie?”

“You know, a tesseract! Like the Tardis on Doctor Who!”

“Eh? Who?”

“Yeah, Doctor Who.”

“Who?”

“YES!”

“What?”

“WHO!”

“I DON'T KNOW!” Stupid-stinking-humans always talking such nonsense!

“Uhg! Never mind Who. A tesseract is a four-dimensional hypercube. It would explain how this room is bigger on the inside than on the outside.”

There was a metallic clang as the panel dropped to the floor. Zim's voice came out muffled as his upper body was now inside the computer console. “Ah! Yes, I noticed. It's very Meekrobian, but most of the other technologies here are closer to Irken.”

Dib made his way to the ship, which was gray and bulkier than an Irken ship, but similar in other respects. It had a clear front shield like Tak's ship, but it seemed to be made of tougher, more rigid material. His hand reached out to touch it.

“Don't TOUCH ANYTHING!” The words sprung from the Irken's tongue with practiced ease because, well, between GIR and Dib they were very practiced indeed. He had emerged from the console lugging a rather large hard drive out with him. It was easily a good two by three feet long when one included all the extra memory disks plugged into the thing like too many power cords plugged into an Earth outlet extender.

The raven-haired teen jerked his hand back like a scolded child. “How am I supposed to help if I can't touch anything?”

“Hmmm. You could go watch for Bitters. It is two-forty-five PM as of about three seconds ago.”

“WHAT?! We need to get out of here, now! What are you doing?”

“We need the information on the hard drive, but I can't risk turning the computer on. If we just take it she'll know someone was here.” Irken technology was designed to be compatible with almost anything, and he could probably use his pak as a power source and use it to store the data, but the prospect wasn't a pleasant one. For all he knew the hard drive could be boobie trapped with a virus. He would also be rendered helpless in the presence of the enemy for the transfer. Though this wasn't by any means the first time they had worked together, and he didn't think the Dib would go back on their momentary truce, he would definitely be taking a risk in doing so.

“What about my lap top? It's ...umm...compatible with the system of your base's computer. Is there anyway we could hook it up to Bitters' hard drive?”

Zim shot some imaginary daggers at the Dib at the mention of the compatibility of their operating systems, which he knew existed so that the Earth creature could hack into his base. Even so, he supposed it might come in handy now.

“Don't give me that look, Space-boy! If it hadn’t been I would still be locked in a cage with an angry monkey beating the life-force out of me. Now, do you want me to go get it or not?”

“That horrible monkey! Yes, go get your pathetic excuse for a computer, and we will give it a try.”

As soon as Dib hurried back with his lap top, Zim hooked it up to the hard drive with several Irken universal adapters. After he gave the command to copy data from the new hard drive a window opened up displaying rapidly scrolling lines of encoded text...encoded Iorkian text. That was interesting. Very interesting indeed.

“Can you read it?” Dib kneeled behind the alien, attempting to make out the text over his shoulder.

“No, it's encoded. I will need to run it through my computer for decoding. But I know what race Bitters belongs to. The-NOOOO!,” The Irken wailed as the Dib-thing's sad piece of glorified calculator overloaded from the magnanimous task of processing and storing too much data too fast. He shook his mighty Zim-fist at it in retaliation. “STUPID, pit-if-ful, STUPID, inferior, STUPID, filthy human technology!” He paused to take a deep breath and regain some composure. “Dib-thing, I am taking this STUPID thing back to my lab. I can probably extract the data it stored before it realized what a shoddy piece of huuman engineering it was and dropped dead.”

The teen stood, and moodily crossed his arms over his chest, an air of angst thickening around him. “Whatever Zim,” Why did Space-boy get to be so mad?! It was his computer that had just 'dropped dead'! “But if you don't share what you learn with me, I'm going to tell Chunk we broke up.” He really wouldn't, but as always, what Zim didn't know couldn't hurt the Earth.

“Fine. But if you threaten Zim again, you will be joining Chunk on the sun.” He swiftly unplugged the lap top from Bitters' drive, which he stuffed back into the console. He knew it was an idle threat, and the Dib probably did too. Their rivalry had been full of idle threats and unexploited opportunities to completely thwart the other. They were both too addicted to the game, too addicted to each other.

Dib retrieved his poor lap top, and watched Zim use four pak legs at once to screw in the panel. He let Zim's counter threat go unanswered. It was probably just the usual banter, and they really didn't have time to break into an argument. His watch/communicator read 3:05, and he didn't know how long Bitters stayed after skool, if at all. “Zim, we need to get out of here fast. She might be on the way right now.” He gave the lab a paranoid glance. “You didn't break the holo-projector for the lab did you, when you shut it down?”

“Yes Dib. That's exactly what I did. We went through all the trouble of making sure everything we searched was left in its original position just so I could break the projector!”

“Jeez, Zim, you don't have to get all defensive. Is it really so wrong of me to expect you to do the same kind of stuff you do when your trying to doom the world when your trying to save it from someone else...so you can doom it yourself? Maybe it is. You know, I'm starting to see a pattern here.” Was Zim purposefully sabotaging his own world domination attempts?

“I don't know what you’re talking about, worm-baby! My world dooming attempts are BRILLANT! I AM ZIM! Now, let’s go.” Before the boy could protest Zim claimed his hand (it was strange how often he'd been doing that today), and marched from the lab/closet, reactivating the holo-projector on the way.

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Notes:

-TOE-Theory of Everything-grand unified theory-holy grail of physics that would unite relativity with quantum mechanics.
-Tesseract--A twenty-four sided mathematical model that's "bigger on the inside than the outside." The best example of a Tesseract is the Doctor's TARDIS. A hypercube is a multidimensional analogue of a 3-dimensional cube in that each coordinate of a point in a hypercube is restricted to the same 1-dimensional (line) segment. The Tesseract is a 4-dimensional hypercube. In this instance the forth dimension is a spacial one, not time (which is usually the forth dimension).
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Sublime Awakenings