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Diamond Hunters	By : Worlds_First_Ghost Category: Web Comics > Homestuck Views: 673 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]
CA: hey fef
CC: )(i!
CA: hi
CC: W)(at's up??
CA: nothin much
CC: 38/
CC: Are we really going to go t)(roug)( t)(is w)(ole mopey cagey routine AGAIN?
CA: i dont knoww wwhat youre talkin about
CC: O)( please! You only ever message me w)(en you’ve got somet)(ing on your t)(ink pan, you’re so transparent! Can we just avoid t)(is rigmarole for once and get to t)(e point?
CA: wwoww thats a slanderous assumption youre makin there
CA: i aint tryin to hide anythin from you alls i wwant is a fuckin convversation
CA: am i not allowwed to partake in such pleasures anymore
CC: You can! But t)(e t)(ing is t)(at it feels like I'm t)(e only person you ever talk to.
CA: not true i convverse wwith pretty much evveryone in our inner circle its just one can only chat wwith the rabble for so long
CA: wwhy bother associatin wwith any a them wwhen youre the only one thats of a caliber wworthy of my attention
CC: >38(
CC: Maybe if you'd just G-ET OV-ER YOURS)(-ELLF you'd realize t)(at t)(ere's a lot more about people t)(an w)(at color t)(eir blood is.
CC: Look, it can't be )(ealt)(y to just limit your social interactions wit)( only one ot)(er person, rig)(t? I t)(ink it would do us bot)( good to give ourselves some space.
CA: oh shit i see wwhats really goin on here
CA: youre tryin to ditch me
CA: no need to act so polite about it i alwways knowwn it wwould be a matter a time before you had enough a my wwallowwin and kicked me to the side wwith all the rubbish
CA: wwhich is wwhere i truly belong accordin to you
CC: -Eridan, PL----EAS-----E!!!
CC: -----Enoug)( of t)(e t)(eatrics!
CC: You don't need to get so worked up over t)(is! You and I are fine, our relations)(ip isn't in jeopardy, and I will continue to lend an earfin w)(enever you need someone to talk to.
CA: you do a real fuckin stellar job at soundin convvincin there fef
CA: but for the sake a decency and civvility ill trust your wword
CC: )(owever! All I'm trying to say is t)(at it mig)(t do you some good to start making more friends and improving your social life.
CA: ivve got plenty a friends didnt you read wwhat i said earlier
CC: Mm)(m. But by t)(e sound of it, you don't know many of t)(em well enoug)(, ot)(erwise you wouldn't be so conc)(descending towards t)(em.
CA: bluh
CC: Come on! )(aving lots of people to talk to is fun! It can be ----EXCITING to get to know people better.
CA: yeah yeah fine
CA: if you insist on bein so fuckin persistent
CA: ill look into it
CC: GR---EAT! 38D
CC: Let me know )(ow t)(ings turn out!
cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased being trolled by caligulasAquarium [CA]
Eridan glared at the parting fuchsia text for a solid minute before closing the chat window. It had only occurred to him afterwards that he never got around to mentioning why he messaged her in the first place. That was probably for the best, as he had no reason at all; messaging her was merely his first course of action for whenever he was feeling especially lonesome. This particular exchange had been repeating itself for the past couple of days, so it was unsurprising to him that she’d eventually end it by trying to foist him onto someone else. Still, wasn’t the whole point of moirallegiance to put up with your partner, even if they were being excessively overbearing? It would’ve been easy enough to remind her of that during their conversation, but he had decided against it. She was simply playing the part of a concerned moirail offering advice to help him get his shit together. Arguing with her while she held the moral high ground would only further make him out as the bad guy. It was an unwinnable situation. As great as he was at strategizing and outwitting his opponents, she simply had him beat when it came to knowing how this insipid quadrant works.
Eridan plucked the glasses from his face and wiped them with his scarf. The ChumpRoll on his monitor coalesced into a swirling watercolor haze. The screen shot back into focus once he put his glasses back on, but the selection of names before him still looked as unappealing as before. How was he going to act open and chummy when he didn’t even message more than half of these assholes on a regular basis? He scanned through the list of names multiple times, desperately trying to discern who among them he was most familiar with. Eventually, he managed to form a sort of mental checklist based on who he messaged the most, and it wasn’t long before he cast his first lure.
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]
CA: hey mindfang
AG: Oh my gooooooood.
AG: And here I was thinking that I was going to have a day where most annoying 8ulgesucker on the planet didn't pester me at all for once. Guess we can't have that, can we!?
CA: oh spare me your barbs wwe havvent evven spoken in wweeks
CA: you knoww wwhat they say about absence makin the pump groww scornful or wwhatevver so its probably at the point wwhere wwere both just about boilin ovver wwith steamin pitch rancor for each other
CA: so wwhat do you say can i expect you ovver at my place later today
AG: Get 8ent!!!!!!!!
arachnidsGrip [AG] blocked caligulasAquarium [CA]
The next series of attempted encounters followed a similar pattern. He was lucky if he could type a few sentences before his unfortunate recipient would block him. As he continued to cross names off his list, it reached a point where there was one troll left who hadn’t blocked him: arsenicCatnip. Eridan’s lips pursed as he stared at the olive colored name. He wasn’t even sure if he remembered her actual name; he only referenced her mentally as the kitty cat shipper cave girl. There was no doubt that this would end badly, but at least he could always go back to Feferi and tell her that he didn’t have any luck afterwards. She’d have no choice but to take him back. With that in mind, Eridan leaned back in his chair and opened a new chat window, preparing himself for the worst.
caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]
CA: hey uh
CA: nep right
CA: wwhats up
AC: :33 < *acs ears purrk up in curiosity upon s33ing her new fishy visitor*
AC: :33 < *ac sprints eagerly about her warm, enticing cave to furnish her surroundings for her guest*
AC: :33 < *it is not often that she has nobility over so she puts in an extra effurt to make things look fantastic!*
CA: oh swweet fuckin murder
CA: is this wwhat my life has come to
CA: look i appreciate the fact that you knoww your place around aristocracy but if youre expectin me to partake in this disgustin display of intercourse then youre about to be sevverely disappointed
AC: :(( < oh *ac says in dejection*
AC: :33 < oops forget that last part
AC: :33 < its b33n so long since weve spoken that i furgot whether or not you liked to role play or not
AC: :33 < its very confusing, especially since you wear that very regal looking cape all the time
CA: yeah yeah i do make a concerted effort to look impeccable that should be taken for granted
CA: all the great leaders of our society kneww of the importance of keepin up appearances so that their subjects are kept in a perpetual state of awwe and subjugation wwhen gazin upon their vvisage
AC: :33 < ah i s33, so you like to cosplay then? thats sort of like role play!
CA: no god dammit those twwo things are not similar in the least
CA: wwhy do you insist on entrappin yourself in this fantastical bullshit i mean evven you cant be stupid enough to think any a this is real
AC: :33 < no, but its fun to purrtend!
CA: alright wwell is there anything else you do that isnt prancin about in your fakey fake pretend wworld
AC: :33 < i like to draw! the walls of my cave are covered in art that i made myself
AC: :33 < surely a snooty snob like you can appurrciate something like that!
CA: wwell in a wway youre not wwrong
CA: of course its beneath someone like me to wwaste time dabblin in such crafts
CA: makin art is a job for people in your caste as for people like me our only job is to hang it on a wwall and critique it
CA: besides it should be common knowwledge that the wwritten wword is far superior to any scribble you or anyone else could create
AC: :33 < guh, books are so boring!
CA: thats demonstrably false try readin a historical autobiography once in your life and youll maybe learn something wworthwwhile
AC: :33 < why are you so obsessed with the past anyway? dont you have any real hobbies?
CA: wwell i hunt on occasion if that meets your inane criteria for hobbies
AC: :33 < really?? how very purrculiar! *as it just so happens that ac is an aclawmplished hunter in her own right!*
CA: wwell if that aint that most comical claim ivve read in this entire convversation then wwed better stop noww before i lose my god damn mind
AC: :33 < its true though! hunting is one of my most favoritest things to do!
AC: :33 < you should come join me some time! it sounds like something youd enjoy too
CA: i mean sure wwhy not its not like i got anything more productivve to do or anything
AC: :33 < great! come stop by my cave as soon as you can
CA: wwhat no i didnt mean that in earnest
AC: :33 < ill be ready whenever you get here!
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased being trolled by caligulasAquarium [CA]
Eridan stuck his fingers underneath his glasses and pressed them against his eyelids. That ended badly, all right, but not in the way he was anticipating. Served him right for being sarcastic, he supposed. After a dramatically long sigh, he got up from his chair and left his room to go saddle up his lusus. If this is what it took to get to know somebody better, he only hoped that Feferi appreciated the amount of effort he was putting in for this farce.
The twin moons had reached their apex in the velvety, purple sky by the time the skyhorse had reached the ocean’s end. Its white form shone nearly as bright as the moons themselves as it shot over the coast and soared towards the woods. Eridan held the reins steady as they passed over a blanket of trees, only signaling a descent once they started to thin and the craggy mountains that marked the exterior of Nepeta’s hive came into view. Outside of FLARP campaigns, he’d never travel this far inland unless it was for a good reason; he hoped this little hunting trip would warrant that much. The quarry of the ocean was a more convenient food source for Feferi’s lusus, not to mention that the largest aquatic fauna outweighed anything that could be found on land. Sea trolls also didn’t tend to venture too far from the ocean without adequate protection for fear of being assaulted by disgruntled land dwellers. Eridan, on the other hand, banked on the possibility of gunning down anyone who dared try to confront him. They’d merely be the first steps towards his eventual genocide.
Eridan dismounted his lusus at the mouth of Nepeta’s cave. Beyond the entrance was only a murky sea of darkness; one would’ve been forgiven if they thought an actual wild animal dwelled here instead. Eridan searched for any sort of doorbell or alert device on the featureless mountainside to no avail.
“Hello? You there, Nep?” he hollered into the void. No response, save for his own echo, was received. Eridan rolled his eyes and retrieved his phone out of his sylladex. Hopefully she’d respond if he messaged her.
While Eridan was typing up his impatient message, a pair of golden eyes peered at him within the sprawling mass of leaves and branches behind him. Nepeta’s body trembled with excitement, but she took care not to disturb any part of the surrounding bush. This was the first time anyone had ever agreed to go hunting with her, and the anticipation made it so that she couldn’t help but get into character even before they got started. In her mind, she was the mighty hunter, patiently waiting for her prey to be thoroughly distracted before she made her move. The muscles in her legs clenched and held for a few more moments before flexing out and propelling her out of her cover. Her arms were outstretched and her mouth was wide open in a grin, ready to wrap Eridan up in a tacklepounce.
Eridan’s earfin twitched at the explosion of leaves behind him. A wild animal? An assassin? Whatever it was, he wouldn’t grace them the opportunity to strike. In one fluid motion, he retrieved Ahab’s Crosshairs, pivoted 180 degrees on his heel, and took aim. His finger was already squeezing the trigger by the time he realized what, or rather who, was in his line of fire. The rifle emitted a deadly, high-pitched whirr as a storm of glowing energy violently swirled at the end of its harpoon-shaped barrel. A voiceless curse blew past Eridan’s lips as he desperately wrenched the gun to the right, but it was already in the process of firing.
Nepeta, whose reflexes were just about as keen as Eridan’s, felt cold horror wash over her face once she saw the gun being trained on her. In a panicked display of quick reflex, she twisted her body to the left in the hope that she could change her trajectory and avoid the shot. The gun fired with a crackling thunderclap that pounded her eardrums. Nepeta’s eyes clenched shut, partly from fear and also due to the blinding flash of white and blue that enveloped her vision. She felt a stream of searing heat pass her by, mere inches away from scorching her belly. It arced through the air until it reached the bush she had emerged from, incinerating it in a blast of lightning and fire.
Due to her last-minute dodge, Nepeta was sent sailing a few inches past Eridan’s side. But one of her outstretched arms managed to sideswipe him, knocking him off his feet and pulling him down to the dirt alongside her. Nepeta shakily brought herself to her feet and stared at the bush. Nothing but a black, smoldering crater full of ash remained. Billows of dark smoke spewed forth from the cauterized earth and drifted past the treetops. She turned back to Eridan and snarled.
“What the hell is wrong with you!?”
Eridan pushed himself off the ground and dusted off his pants. “What are you so angry about? Didn’t your flea-bitten lusus ever teach you not to sneak up on a troll when they’re clearly armed?”
“But you… you almost killed me!” She was visibly shaking at this point, the image of the crater still fresh in her mind’s eye. The fact that that was almost her turned her gut to stone.
“Yeah well, it’s not my fault I’m only obeyin’ my honed instinct as a hunter and a self-taught warrior. My rifle’s an extension of my body, which is a full-fledged dangerous weapon on its own merit.”
Nepeta’s balled fists trembled at her sides. No wonder Equius always told her to stay away from this guy and all the others who played FLARP with him. It was almost like her life was in danger simply by associating with him. “Ugh! Forget it, this was a bad idea!” she huffed and turned towards her cave. “The hunt is off. You should just go home now.”
“No wait!” Eridan threw his hands up in a placating gesture. There was a small part of him that felt a tiny bit guilty for almost killing her, even though he naturally wouldn’t admit fault. “Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot here. I’m truly, sincerely sorry you nearly got yourself eviscerated. And since it would’ve been by my hand, I figure it’d only be decent of me to rectify this mishap by accompanyin’ you on the venture you originally had planned.”
Nepeta frowned. Eridan had a funny way of apologizing, but at least he seemed sincere. Besides, maybe she was partly to blame for spooking him like that. They had never role played properly before; she should’ve known that he wasn’t the type to have fun. Perhaps this hunting trip could be a good exercise to make him less of a sourpuss.
“Okay, apurrlogy accepted!” Nepeta said, her smile now returned to her. “We shouldn’t waste any more time here. The sooner we head out, the better chance we get of finding something.”
Eridan breathed a sigh of relief. The drama had been successfully averted. “Yeah, good idea. Give me a sec.” He strutted over to his lusus and adjusted its saddle.
Nepeta’s eyes widened upon seeing the skyhorse, not having noticed it earlier. “Aww, your lusus is so handsome!”
“And very distinguished. You could say we got that in common.”
“Yeah, like your long faces, too!” Nepeta snickered.
Eridan’s eyes momentarily bulged out before a sneer took over his face. His cape flourished behind him as he turned away from her. He then palmed his cheek before slowly moving his hand against the side of his head. She was obviously just trying to rile him up; his face was immaculate.
“Anyways,” Nepeta resumed, “you’re purrobably better off just leaving him here. I don’t know how well you’d meowneuver around these trees on while on his back.”
Eridan scoffed and spun back around to face her. “Hunting without a mount? What kinda untrained lowlife do you take me for? It’s like you want your quarry to have an advantage over you.”
“Not really. I hunt without Pounce lots of times, it’s easy!”
Eridan rolled his eyes. As much as he’d love to argue this point further, his relative inexperience in hunting on land made him more inclined to follow her advice. “All right, lead the way then.”
With a nod of acknowledgement, Nepeta crouched and sprung forward into the undergrowth. Eridan plodded close behind, hugging his rifle to his chest. There was something about being forced to rely on his own two feet that made him feel so vulnerable. The endless curtain of trees also made it so he could barely see three feet ahead of himself, least of all Nepeta, who kept bounding ahead without even checking if he was following her or not. Once he lost sight of her, he had to rely on the sound of her hands and feet stomping about on the forest floor, but even these noises faded into the maze of trees.
Eridan stopped, planning to troll Nepeta and tell her to come back. The stillness of the woods was shattered by a cracked branch. Eridan spun around to see a large cholerbear, its mammoth outline barely concealed by the tree trunks. Eridan had little experience with cholerbears, or any land creatures in general. They merely existed as vague, textual concepts that roamed the pages of his history books. Eridan froze in place, but the creature didn’t appear to notice him. Its beady eyes blinked slowly, as if trying to focus on what was in front of them. Eridan could surmise that it didn’t rely on eyesight to hunt its prey. The bear grunted as a large intake of air was sucked into its flared nostrils, only to turn to face Eridan in that moment. It placed a paw forward, the leaves and branches underneath it crackling like miniature artillery.
Eridan’s quaking arms struggled to get his rifle into proper position. The bear advanced at a cautious, steady pace, but every lumbering step caused Eridan to lose focus and start the process of aiming at it all over again. Once the creature was only a few feet away from him, Eridan managed to secure a trembling aim on its forehead, only for it to stand up on its hind legs. He cursed his hands for shaking this hard; he had taken down whales and other horrors many times as large as this thing. With a frustrated grunt, he readjusted his aim and fired in spite of himself. He was too hasty, though, and the bolt careened past the cholerbear’s head and demolished a nearby tree. The acrid stench of blood and singed fur hit Eridan’s nose; he had only managed to shoot off its ear.
The beast roared in pain and slammed its forelegs back to the ground. The earth rumbled under its weight and the trees rustled as several birds evacuated them, their shrill cries blaring out a warning to others. The bear advanced and Eridan took a step back only for his foot to get caught in a gnarled root. He tumbled backwards and landed right on his ass, dropping his rifle in the process. This was it, he realized as the bear loomed over him, this was how he was going to die.
As the cholerbear raised its massive paw to strike, a small, green blur drilled into its right side, sending the beast tumbling onto its back. Eridan untangled his foot and righted himself to witness the bizarre spectacle before him. Nepeta was straddling the bear’s stomach, her claws held high and directed downward at the animal’s neck. The bear bellowed in defiance, but was silenced once a clawed hand plunged into its throat. Nepeta tore out its esophagus, sending out a geyser of blood. Eridan stepped back to avoid the spray, but Nepeta herself was drenched. The creature voicelessly gasped and its burly limbs twitched for a few seconds before it finally fell still. Nepeta turned to face Eridan, her face painted with ochre-colored blood. A gleaming white smile shone through the muck and she giggled.
“See? There’s nothing to it!” She wiggled the dangling flesh tube in front of Eridan before batting it with her free hand like a cat with a piece of string.
Eridan’s mouth had been hanging open during the entire struggle, but he regained himself by tossing his scarf over his shoulder. “Well… that was pretty impressive. For a land dweller, that is. I’ve taken down plenty of beasts bigger than that in the ocean.”
Nepeta wiped some of the blood off her face. “Really? That’s cool! You should take me to see some time.” Before Eridan could respond, she crawled off the cholerbear and began hoisting the creature onto her back. “But anyway, help me carry this to my hive. This’ll be so much easier with another purrson!”
Eridan grimaced, but reluctantly walked to the other side of the carcass and grabbed its hind legs. As the two trekked back to the cave with their payload, Nepeta in the front and Eridan bringing up the rear, Eridan was thankful that Nepeta wasn’t able to see how big his smile was.
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Diamond Hunters