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Scott Pilgrim Vs. Himself	By : Lemonator Category: Comics > Scott Pilgrim Views: 4353 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Scott Pilgrim is the property of Bryan Lee O' Malley and Oni Press, not me. I have not made any profit off this story in the past, nor do I intend to.

Chapter List
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Hey guys, this is a story that I started last September and finished last month. Looking back, there's definitely some things I'd change with the earlier chapters, but overall I'm pretty satisfied on it. It got quite a bit of praise when I published it on Hentai Foundry, for what it's worth. By the way, Shit, man. First this site didn't have Borderlands, now no Scott Pilgrim? Something wrong here.
-Lemonator
Once upon a time, in the faraway land of Toronto Canada, a young man named Scott
Scott Pilgrim, Age 24, Rating: Fucked up big time
sat outside on the pier overlooking a large lake, in the middle of a dense forest. He sat with his legs hanging off the side. He stared into the water at his reflection and thought about how easy it would be to slip off, into the lake and just let himself drown. The weather was unfitting to his mood, the sun shone down on him from behind some clouds.
"Fuck you," He said to the wavy image of himself. His eyes were red from when he had been crying earlier. "Why don't you just kill yourself and save everyone a whole lot of trouble you worthless prick?" Scott, while not very smart, could be fairly self-aware, and was particularly so that specific day.
"The only thing that you succeed at in real life is somehow convincing people that you're a halfway decent person...and then letting them down."
And Scott cast himself, from the highest dock in all of Canada. After years of suffering, years of endless nightmares, it would finally come to an end. Death would be his escape from himself...but it had not always been this way.
ONE WEEK EARLIER
To him, it had been like a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. The people who had wanted to kill him (and worse, mess up his love life) were gone, and now he could settle down with Ramona
Ramona Flowers, Age 24, Rating: Really wants to have sex with Scott Pilgrim right now-but he doesn't know it!
and really get to know her. As the doors of the Chaos Theater elevator closed in front of him, Scott smiled. Ramona sighed and leaned against him, her head resting on his shoulder. Scott ran a hand through her hair, looked over at her and saw her serene expression. He'd be damned if he let himself mess this up.
"Sooo..." He said. "It's all over, right? No more evil exes? No more vengeful family members? Vampires? Zombies?"
Ramona laughed, without opening her eyes. "Yeah. Chill, dude, it's all good." Scott exhaled deeply.
"I'm glad. I'm on my last life."
"Y'know..." Ramona said, opening her eyes and looking up at him. "Now that this whole situation is over, and we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend, we can have sex." Scott's eyes widened.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
"It's not that big of a deal."
"-AAAAAAT?! Wow. Sex, really? I mean-I've had sex before, but never with you! Sex. Huh."
"Yeah, sex. You know that thing that adults do? Anyway, we're going to wait until we get home. Because one: this is a public place, and two: I lost my subspace suitcase."
Scott's mind made the connection. "What does subspace have to do with us doing it?" Ramona only smiled knowingly in response.
"You'll see."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It looked almost the same as her last bag. Long and cylindrical, with a star on the top and bottom. The only difference, Scott saw, was someone's signature scrawled beneath one of the stars.
"Who's name is that? Bryan-" Scott began.
"That's not important!" Ramona said, seemingly in a rush to change the subject. They were in her bedroom (well, more like their bedroom now). She sat on the edge of the bed, the suitcase slung around her shoulder. Scott sat in a chair opposite her, watching intently what she would do with the bag. For the occasion, Ramona's hair was blond. She had curled strands of it, so they bounced like springs when she moved. Her lipstick was a bright pink, which complemented her regal dress. She wore a gold crown atop her head with what looked to be a real jewel in the center.
"Do you know who I am?" She asked seductively?
"Uh...you're Ramona, right?"
"I meant who I'm dressed as. It's Princess Peach. I thought it would be nice. I hope you appreciate all this pink I'm wearing. I hate it."
"Wow, thanks Rammy-er, Ramona. I really do appreciate it. It's very sexy."
"Come here," She said, only somewhat impatiently. Scott giddily obliged. He wrapped his arms around her slim frame and lowered her to the bed. Within moments, their lips met, and Ramona's tongue found its way inside Scott's mouth. Her hand slid down to his jeans and palmed his crotch. He moaned softly, feeling himself getting hard. His bulge pressed against her hand and she could feel the thickness, even through his pants. She too, could feel herself getting aroused, her nipples hardened and her undergarments moistened as Scott pushed his tongue past hers and cupped both of her breasts through her dress. He was on top of her at this point, and she could feel his hard dick pressed into her crotch, making her body burn with desire. She pulled away from his kiss, only momentarily.
"Scott, I can't take it anymore. You've got to fuck me now." He pulled back and fumbled with his belt.
"Wait!" She said. "Let me get you a condom first." She removed the bag from her shoulder hurriedly, not wanting to lose the feeling she had. She unzipped it, and plunged her hand into the abyss. After only a moment of probing, her face lit up and she pulled out a small rubber ring.
SUBSPACE CONDOM
+5 Endurance
+5 Length
+50 pleasure (For ladies and gents)
"Wow," Scott said. "I never knew using condoms could be so fun."
"Less talk, more fucking!" Ramona said, a sense of urgency in her voice. To tell the truth, she had not been laid in quite a while. Scott undid his belt, removing his jeans and then his boxer shorts.
"Aww, I'm all blurry," Scott complained. His cock, though errect and quite long, was blurred out indeed, for the children you understand.
"F***ing censorship!" Ramona shouted, and shook her fist at the ceiling. Scott slid the possibly latex condom down over his dick, making sure to cover the whole length. As soon as it was on however, that length increased by two or three inches. She eyed it hungrily and laid back on the bed. Scott pushed up her dress until it was up around her chest. Underneath, you could see right through her frilly white panties as they had been soaked through. He pulled them down around her ankles and brought his mouth right to her needy cunt. Using both hands to spread her vaginal lips open, he ran his tongue up and down her slit, and prodded the entrance to her womb every time he passed it. First with one finger, then with two he fingered her pussy, sinking in as deep as he was able, while still licking the surrounding area. He could taste her wetness and he got so hard it hurt.
He could take it no longer. He rose up, standing before her. He grabbed her legs and hoisted them up on his shoulders. He pressed the large head of his cock into the tight entrance of her pussy. It wouldn't give way at first, but slowly he forced his way inside, her cunt stretched around him, trying to accommodate the thickness. Then the head was in and he sunk inside her, dick surrounded by tight wet muscle, gripping, squeezing. Ramona moaned, feeling his length working its way through her, opening her up fully. She was always fascinated by the concept of sex. A person inside of another person. Two people connected, no longer two but one (at least physically). Her left arm groped the bed, searching for her bag. When she opened it, Scott noticed.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"Making this a little more interesting," She said, throwing the bag up into the air. Scott felt a rush of air and then they were flying through Subspace, his prick still deep in his girlfriend's cunt.
"This is a little weiiird..." He said, looking around.
"Don't pay too much attention," Ramona said in-between gasps. "Focus on me, honey." As they flew past stars and suns and galaxies, Scott Pilgrim drove his rigid dick all the way into Ramona Flowers, making her gasp as she shuddered with pleasure. His balls slapped her ass as he thrust in and out. Ramona pulled the crescent moon out of the sky and prodded her tight asshole with one end. She bit her lip and closed her eyes tight, face flushed and red, sweat dripped down her body. As Scott fucked her, the curls in her hair bounced up and down, up and down. As she applied force, the moon wormed its way into her anus, causing her to cry out in pleasure. She began to call Scott's name. When he opened his eyes, he was no longer in the place he had been.
"Where is this? When is this?" He asked, gasping for breath (Scott is out of shape).
"This," She said, as she arched her back. "Is Ancient Greece."
"What are these people doing?"
"The same thing we're doing hon," She said, panting and squeezing her breast with her free hand (the other of course, she used to keep fucking her ass with the moon). "Look over there, that chick is getting gang-banged. There's a cock in every hole." He saw indeed that that was true. The scrawny brunette looked like she had taken on more than she could handle, doing everything she could not to choke on the Greek man's monster phallus. Ramona turned her head and then turned back in disgust.
"Do not look over there," She said. "If you weren't so fucking good I'd be turned off right now."
"Why, what's happening?" Scott asked, curious.
"Things that were never meant to happen."
"Aw, goddammit, now I'm scarred for life!" Scott had looked of course.
In an instant, they were no longer in Ancient Greece but in Renaissance Italy. They swam in the Tiber, Scott pinned her against the wall and drove his thick cock into her, water rushing by them. He pushed her dress up over her head and she helped-eventually tossing it into the river. Filling her completely, his manhood disappeared inside her, Scott licked one nipple, and then the other, sucking on the areola, while fondling the other breast with his hand. He rammed himself into her, again and again, making her cry out and clutch the wall behind her. Scott's member throbbed, he could feel his climax coming, as could she.
At her command, time slowed down and the world around them grew black. They were once again in space, and Scott could feel his orgasm come-as if sketched out before hand-frame by frame. He felt the pleasure build in him, like a wave, taller and taller. Every inch of his body and hers was alive, on fire. Her body spasmed in slow motion, and her cries echoed. His semen began to spurt out of him, filling up the condom at the head and oozing down his cock. She came too, the first time she ever had. And then they were back in bed together, just like that. He withdrew himself from her, tossing the cum-filled condom into her bottomless suitcase. Falling back on the bed together, Ramona took Scott's hand and nuzzled up against his head.
"You're amazing, you know that?" She said.
"Yeah, sometimes I guess." He replied. Then Ramona turned off the light and for the first time in years, Scott felt loved.
Wallace's Note: Hey kids, Wallace here. Remember, sex is a serious, important thing in a relationship, so only have it with someone you love. Or if they're really attractive. Also, always wear a condom! They're 99% effective in stopping sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), such as Herpes, Aids, and Pregnancy. No matter if you're a guy, a girl, or a tentacled mutant with a fetish for underage Asian girls, you should always have a condom on you, just in case! They're also very effective when me and your mom get together.
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Scott Pilgrim Vs. Himself