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John: Pester Rose	By : undeadclown Category: Web Comics > Homestuck Views: 2346 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck. Andrew Hussie does, who is freaking awesome. I also am not making any money on this. That would be silly.

Chapter List
- 1-John: Pester Rose
- 1
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
EB: rose!

EB: hey, are you there?

TT: Yes. It would seem that I am.

EB: ok, good!

EB: because i’m pretty bored right now. and i thought maybe a good way to handle that would be to do something together. assuming you aren’t too busy being spooky and book-smart like usual.

TT: You are in luck. I am still very spooky and intelligent, due in no small part to my reading habits. I am, however, not busy with either of those facets of my personality.

TT: What, may I ask, are you doing?

EB: hiding.

TT: From what?

EB: bluuh. what else? from my dad and the horrible claws of the batter-witch!

TT: John, you have the weirdest sense of angst. Your issues basically boil down to an excess of positive reinforcement and baked goods.

TT: Most people would not consider these bad things.

EB: pssssh. whatever. psycho-babble wasn’t exactly what i had in mind when i suggested we do something.

TT: Ok. What, then?

EB: i dunno. play a game or something?

TT: Hmmm.

EB: what?

TT: I have an idea, I think. Something that might be interesting to try out.

TT: Have you talked to Dave or Jade recently, by any chance?

EB: err. a bit, i guess. they’ve been kind of busy with their weird e-date things lately.

EB: those two sure are weird.

TT: Yes, well, Jade mentioned something she and Dave did. It sounded interesting. I thought maybe we could try it out.

EB: oh.

EB: you mean ‘cause...

EB: we’re sort of...

EB: okay. sure, i guess.

TT: Do you not want to?

EB: no! that’s not it!

EB: i guess i’m just sort of nervous!

EB: i haven’t really done anything like that before!

TT: Neither have I.

EB: i guess i should ask what it is first, though?

TT: That might help.

TT: They played a strip game using an internet application.

EB: wow.

EB: really?

EB: like...how did that work?

TT: From what I gathered they just typed what they were doing. They didn’t send any pictures or anything like that.

EB: huh.

EB: that sounds kind of weird.

TT: I suppose so. Still, I think I’d like to try it, just the same.

EB: oh!

EB: well, okay.

EB: sure. why not?

TT: You don’t sound entirely enthused. You do realize this could very well end with my being naked. In text form, at least from your perspective.

EB: i know.

EB: it’s not like i don’t want that!

EB: i guess i’m just worried i’m gonna kind of suck as this!

TT: I think it’s perfectly okay to be a bit awkward here. I confess, I feel some nerves about this myself. But I think that’s healthy.

TT: I do want this kind of relationship with you, John.

EB: oh!

EB: me too.

EB: uh.

EB: baby.

EB: wow. i wish i could untype that.

EB: maybe i shouldn’t try to force this.

TT: It’s fine, John. It’s actually pretty cute.

EB: well. that’s good, i guess.

EB: so what game should we play?

TT: Hmmm.

TT: I was thinking Scrabble would work.

EB: psssh! you would, ms. knowitall mceloquencepants!

EB: kinda stacking the odds in your favor, don’t you think?

TT: Maybe just a little.

EB: that would be like me challenging you to little monsters trivia!

EB: or sassacre trivia.

EB: or a prank-off.

EB: you couldn’t hope to win something like that. i’m simply the best there is!

TT: Fair enough. I get the point. Do you have any ideas, then?

EB: uhhhhh. hold on let me look.

EB: didn’t dave send us both a copy of that game his bro always plays for christmas?

TT: Okay, I’m just going to post what you’re suggesting and then you can let it sink it. You are suggesting we play Strip “Mad Snacks Yo.”

TT: Again, I’m just going to let the insanity of that statement hang here a little longer.

EB: uh, yes?

EB: i guess i am suggesting that.

TT: How would that even work? I’m pretty sure the “scoring” system in that game is busted. Would it be a competition to see who can grab the most Doritos? Considering how often you clip into the level geometry it seems like a really poor choice.

EB: hey that could work!

TT: What?

EB: every time we get stuck in a wall or something and have to reset we have to take something off.

TT: We’ll be naked in three minutes with those rules.

EB: isn’t that kind of the point?

TT: I suppose so.

EB: it’ll be more fair this way! we both kind of suck at this.

EB: first one naked loses.

TT: Wow. This is really, really insane. Though I suppose the whole plan is weird to begin with. We might as well go for it. I will bust some uncannybrutal moves, retrieve copious amounts of cool ranch powerups and see you naked before me.

EB: maybe you’re right.

EB: oh wait! you’re totally going to lose.

EB: so not so right after all.

TT: This shall be a duel for the ages.

EB: ehehehehehehe

EB: okay. the game is on. i am going for the snacks now.

TT: My game is also on. I am zeroing in on the totally unsanitary potato chip outside of the bag that my avatar will eat anyway.

EB: in my dream i am the skateboarder. it’s me.

TT: Okay, so I seem to be impaled on rail. I don’t think I’m coming down from that. That would be exceedingly painful in real life.

EB: reset?

TT: It would seem so.

EB: yesssss!

TT: Okay. I’m grabbing the end of my right sock, and I’m pulling it off my foot.

TT: It’s off. My right foot is bare. I’m pulling off the left sock now.

TT: Both my feet are uncovered. My toenails are painted purple.

EB: purple. you don’t say.

TT: Your sarcasm has been noted. I’ll make a point to be less descriptive in the future.

EB: :O

EB: okay, mocking rescinded.

TT: Mmmhmmm.

EB: here i go. i hass the cheetos.

EB: ok, no. i hass the wall. i’m in a wall. it’s like face/off here, except instead of trading faces with john travolta i have traded faces with a brick wall.

TT: Is that a reset I hear?

EB: yes.

EB: i’m unlacing my shoes. both of them at once. i’m very talented.

EB: i’m kicking them away. so no more shoes. just white socks.

TT: Shoes? Really, John?

EB: you could have worn shoes. i never told you to not wear shoes.

TT: Fine, then. I will continue questing for these elusive starches.

EB: oh wow.

EB: okay, so i’m like...grabbing my skateboard but i won’t get back into the right position. i’m just sort of levitating around.

TT: Are you resetting?

EB: no. i’m technically still able to play. it just looks really weird.

TT: Well, unfortunately I cannot say the same.

TT: My intrepid snack warrior has sadly fallen in the battle to uphold product placement.

TT: He got stuck in the stairs and his hunger meter ran down. I guess he starved to death? That’s pretty morbid.

TT: Also, don’t tell me I was warned about stairs.

EB: but i told you dog!

TT: God damn you, Strider.

EB: strideeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!

EB: :D

TT: I’m unzipping the side of my skirt.

EB: oh.

TT: The zipper is down. I’m standing up.

TT: The skirt slid right down my legs and I stepped out of it.

TT: You can see my bare legs and black panties. They have purple trim. My shirt is keeping me mostly modest. Mostly.

TT: I imagine if you were here in person this would be quite a bit more distracting for you.

EB: yeah. that’s probably a pretty true statement there.

EB: it’s kind of distracting me anyway!

TT: I better be.

EB: okay, so i just jumped over a jumpy thing and now i’m just sort of floating upwards. i’m flying pretty close to the level boundary here.

TT: I see. Would you describe the amount of air you are getting to be “unreal?”

EB: you could definitely say that. we may need a ruler.

EB: okay now i’m falling into oblivion. there’s the level above me.

EB: still falling. i can see into eternity. forever.

EB: okay, that’s enough.

EB: i’m removing my socks now.

EB: they are off. my feet are very, very bare.

TT: Another major article. I’m very impressed.

EB: hey, remember that most guys don’t wear two pieces of underwear. i’m pretty sure we started with the same amount.

TT: You’re probably right. We of the fairer sex do usually enjoy that often unspoken advantage. You’re lucky I’m being so understanding.

EB: suuure.

EB: :p

TT: That was close.

EB: what?

TT: I was performing a “mad grind” and was dangerously close to being electronically bisected.

TT: This is probably the worst coded game I have ever played.

TT: And I’m including “Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff: The Curse of the Ganja Nachos Gaiden” on that list.

TT: How many “hats” did this receive in GameBro?

EB: 5/5

TT: This development has shocked me to my core.

EB: then again, the reviewer was an unlockable character.

TT: Um, how do you unlock him?

EB: how should i know? i don’t even know how to win.

TT: Perhaps we are simply not grasping the intellectual depth of this masterpiece. Clearly, this “game“, if such a pedestrian term can indeed be used to describe this piece of electronic art, is the ultimate rhetorical statement. Can one truly “win” on the road to Mad Snacks?

EB: it would seem not.

EB: uhh

EB: are you still not wearing a skirt?

TT: Yes. I am, indeed, still very indecent below the waist. That did not stop being a thing was that happening or anything. I am completely blushing at my state of undress right now.

EB: just checking.

EB: ah shit.

TT: Hmmm?

EB: bluh. just bluh.

EB: i’m resetting.

TT: It would seem I have you cornered.

EB: i’m taking my shirt off. i am pulling it over my head. or i will be once i finish typing this. yeah.

EB: it is off. i wish I owned a wife-beater like nicolas cage. but i don’t, so my chest is bare.

TT: Were I there in person I would most likely be swooning right now, I’m sure.

EB: you totally would.

EB: totally.

EB: ;)

TT: And there he goes again. My skateboard is lodged in a topiary. This skate park apparently has topiaries in addition to its excess of free snack food. I can see why it would be popular.

EB: conksuck game?

TT: Indeed. It is highly likely that non-citizens are responsible for this atrocity.

TT: It would also seem that I owe you another article of clothing.

EB: wow.

EB: yeah, i guess it does.

TT: I’m grabbing the bottom of my shirt. I’m going to lift it very slowly over my head.

TT: My bellybutton was revealed first. Then you could see my black bra. It matches my panties.

TT: I’m now just in my underwear. I’m biting my lip too, trying, and being very successful, to look shy and sexy at the same time.

EB: wow.

EB: uh

EB: whoa.

TT: I take it these are good reactions.

EB: oh, yeah.

EB: definitely.

TT: Are you keeping focused, John?

EB: psssh.

EB: yeah.

EB: i’m basically unstoppable at this game now.

TT: Damn it!

EB: what?

TT: I seem to be stuck in some sort of spinning loop. I’m just sort of revolving on the spot very fast. I am unable to move.

TT: I suppose I have to reset again.

EB: oh.

EB: wow, you sure don’t have a lot left.

TT: I’m reaching behind my back. I’m unhooking my bra.

EB: oh jeez.

TT: It’s undone. I’m shrugging my shoulders now and the straps are falling down.

TT: My bra fell off. I’m naked above the waist. Topless, you might say.

EB: man.

EB: gosh.

TT: Do you want to know what I look like?

EB: uh

EB: yeah

EB: heh.

TT: My breasts are still pretty small, but you can tell they‘re breasts, at least. I have pink nipples, and thanks to the cold air, they’re getting pretty perky.

EB: wow

EB: really?

TT: Mmmhmm. I also may have been playing with them for a bit.

EB: jesus.

TT: How’s your character doing, John?

EB: oh he clipped into a wall like thirty seconds ago. i don’t care.

TT: Well, I guess that means you owe me something.

EB: yeah, hold on.

EB: okay, i’m undoing my jeans. and I’m pulling them off.

EB: they’re off now.

EB: i’m

EB: uh wearing green boxers

EB: and

EB: i guess there’s kind of a tent situation going on there right now.

TT: Is that so? I didn’t know I had that affect on you.

EB: of course you have that affect on me!

EB: you’re sexy!

EB: like uber sexy!

EB: you’re beautiful and stuff.

TT: Well...thank you, John. That was a really, really sweet thing to say.

TT: You kind of caught me off guard there. So...congratulations.

EB: man, like you didn’t know!

TT: It was nice to hear, regardless. Thank you.

EB: so

EB: what now?

TT: Well, it would seem we’re both wearing one thing.

EB: uh yeah.

EB: i guess we are.

TT: So, we’ll start up one last time. First one to run afoul of this demonic clipping loses.

EB: ok. let’s go.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! --

-- ectoBiologist [EB] is now an idle chum! --

TT: Alright. It was me first. My poor, poor skater hero has committed ritualistic parking meter seppuku.

EB: mine melted into the half-pipe somehow. i can’t see him.

EB: but i guess it happened to you first?

TT: It would seem so.

TT: I’m hooking my thumbs in the waistband of my panties.

EB: um

TT: I’m sliding them off. I’m shifting onto my knees so I can get them past my ass.

TT: Down to my thighs. My knees. My shins.

EB: ...

TT: I’m pulling them off my feet.

TT: I’m naked.

EB: wow

TT: There are a few sparse blond hairs on my pelvis.

TT: And were you to touch me down there you’d feel that I’ve gotten pretty excited by this point.

EB: rose, you’re really good at this.

TT: I’m not done yet.

EB: oh

TT: Now I’m putting my thumbs in the waistband of your boxers.

EB: oh jeez

TT: I’m tugging at them very slowly. They’re starting to come down. I can see your shaft being forced down by the waistband. Now it has popped out. I’m moving down with your boxers, and as I do you can feel my breath on your member as I pass it.

EB: ohhh

TT: I’ve gotten them off you now.

TT: Are they off, John?

EB: yes

EB: i took them off when you said that.

EB: i’m naked too.

TT: Good.

TT: I’m taking my hand, and I’m grabbing your dick. I’m moving my thumb up and down it, right along the nerve.

EB: ok

EB: i guess i should be

EB: you know

TT: I would like it if you did.

EB: ok. i’m doing it.

TT: I start moving my whole hand up and down your shaft.

EB: oh god

TT: Do you want to do something to me?

EB: yes

TT: What do you want to do.

EB: i think i just want you

TT: Hmm. Okay.

EB: ok so i guess i lay you down

TT: Yeah?

EB: i move on top of you and i’m right at your entrance

TT: I put my arms around your neck and wrap my legs around you.

EB: i kiss you first. i guess i use tongue.

EB: am i doing this right?

TT: You’re great. Please keep going. Thank you for the kiss. It was lovely.

EB: i push myself into you

TT: mmmmmmm

EB: i start to thrust. in and out.

TT: yeah/

EB: i move my mouth to your breast and lick one of your nipples

TT: nnn

TT: im moving in rythm with u

EB: im goin faster

TT: faster

EB: rose

TT: john

EB: i thin

TT: oh ggggggggggggggbbbbbv

EB: jjjjjjjjjjjjjjrrrrrrrrrrr

EB: i just

EB: you know...

EB: finished.

EB: uh

EB: did you?

TT: Yes. Rather spectacularly.

TT: You’re pretty good at this yourself.

EB: heh

EB: thanks.

EB: wow look at those random keystrokes.

EB: i didn’t even realize i pushed enter.

TT: Yes, and it seems it’s very difficult to keep up my usually impeccable grammar when I’m using one hand and in the throws of an orgasm.

EB: i think it’s kind of cute that that happened.

TT: That makes two of us.

EB: i kinda wish you were really here right now.

TT: I kind of wish you were really here right now, too. I have a feeling you would make a most excellent pillow at the moment.

EB: one of my awesome skills.

TT: Yes. In any case, this was very nice.

EB: yeah.

EB: you’re kind of an awesome girlfriend, rose.

TT: Well, you’re kind of an adorable boyfriend.

TT: Along with many other great attributes. Awesome being one of them, of course.

EB: of course.

TT: But I think I’m kind of in trouble here. You see, this whole scenario with you has given me something dangerously close to a sunny disposition.

EB: oh no!

TT: Indeed. In fact, if someone were to see me now they might describe me with such horrifying words as “glowing.” And that would destroy my impressive melancholy reputation.

EB: and we can’t have that!

TT: So I think I must bid your farewell for a time, lest I melt right into the floor and adopt your silly and very adorable honey-coated idealistic nature.

EB: oh. ok, then.

EB: i’m here, though, when you want to talk to your foolishly optimistic boyfriend again.

EB: i mean

EB: i’m always here. for you.

TT: I know. It’s one of the many, many things I love about you, John.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
EB: whoa wait

EB: bluh

EB: always have to be ms. aloof.

EB: i love you too, dummy.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
- 1
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John: Pester Rose