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What really happened	By : Jessy8 Category: Comics > Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Views: 2455 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-What really happened
- 1
What really happened
Raphael
By Wildfire

I’ve never told anyone what really happened that night, how could I? I mean I’m the stubborn hot headed brother. How would they react if they knew? It’s been almost a year but I still wake up biting my lip so hard it bleeds. The nightmares are the easy part though. Training’s the worst… it’s fine until I get pinned. Than I just lose it and usually end up punching someone.
I know what my brothers think, they think I’m just growing more distant. Which I suppose I am. I think Leo was starting to put something together but that stopped a month ago. He had gone to get Splinter for breakfast but he wouldn’t wake up.
Splinter died. We buried him out in a field where the sun will always hit him.
Since than our team has been more than a little shaky. Everyone feels like their dieing. For me it’s the nightmares their coming so much more now. Everyone’s fighting, specially Leo and me. Usually I just stay in my room.
Today I had ventured out though, that was such a mistake. I trained with my brothers, I figured I was safe, I mean I was paired with Mikey. However things went nasty here. He managed to pin me, my thoughts immediately went back to that night.. I did the first thing I could. I punched him, hard. He fell back looking at me in confusion, and hurt.
Before I could apologize danm fucking Leo grabbed me and thrust me against a wall. He was yelling but I had no idea what he was saying. In fact I didn’t even really know it was him, I was stuck in my own fucking memories and I was scared shitless. It felt like it was happening all over again. I remember yelling 'no', and running. Now I’m in my room, with the door locked.
I know there’s going to be questions when I leave, I almost wish I didn’t have to leave. I keep hopping that maybe Leo had said something and my no made a little bit of since. But probably not.
I turn over as I hear a knock on the door, I just look at it, I wasn't going to let them in.
“Raph? You ok? Open the door Raph”
It was Donny, figures, Mikey’s probably sore at me still and Leo probably thinks I’m mad at him. Donny’s the safe one.
I turn away from the door again, covering myself with a blanket. I wait tell the knocking stops before I shut my eyes, hopping against hope that I can just sleep and not dream. But hopes are rarely reality.

~~I was tied to a poll, Shredder stood over me smiling. I screamed at myself that it’s just a dream to wake up. But it didn’t happen.
“There going to come here tonight, and I’m going to kill them in front of you. But first my sons want to have fun”
I watched as I saw Toka and Razor for the first time. My body twisted in the bond mumbling angrily at Shredder.
“You see tonight they’re going to help kill your brothers… but right now they need a warm up.” He left I had been so relived that he had left but now as I look back on it I would have preferred him.
The two beasts yanked me down, I expected a beating… but I never expected them to do what they did. It started so... furry hands holding me down. My body twisting as I tried to get free to fight and get out of this mess. I still had no idea what they were about to do. I watched as I got an arm free, I punched Toka. If I had just run than I would have been fine, I probably would have escaped. I screamed at myself to run, but I stayed, because I thought I could beat them on my own. Razor grabbed me slamming me down again. I could feel the wind being knocked out of my lungs again. Than Toka was over me, drooling. The warm fluid hitting my chest and cheek leaving a slimy trail as it dripped down my body. I watch as I cuss at them, telling them how I'm going to beat them to a pulp, than how I suddenly grew cold when I felt the hand on my thigh sliding up.
I try to turn away so I don't see but no matter where I turn the scene is still there, still haunting me. Razor reaching between my legs, the biting pain, how I was painfully stroked to ejaculation. How my legs felt like they were going to be ripped off as they forced them further and further apart. Everything got slightly blurry at this point. I don't know if I half passed out or if I just blocked the memory out but I do remember the pain, how my ass felt like it was being ripped apart..~~

I woke to the sharp pain in my lip, my body shook, my pillow was wet from the tears. I sit up taking a shaky breath. Even now I don’t understand how or why it happened. I knew Shredder did it to break me, but he failed! I fought any way I pushed it away and I fought him! He didn’t use it against me in fights or tell my brothers. I’m glade he had enough honor to respect that. When my brothers had finally come that night I remember all the pity leaving me, I knew I had to warn them. When they were in the net heading to be sliced I had felt slightly relived, not they were going to be killed but that they weren’t going to have to go through what I did. I should have known Splinter would save them, he always did. He had always been there to protect them. When Toka and Razor came out again, I stiffened and backed up. Lucky my brothers had too and thought I did just because it was two new mutants. I stared at them and forced myself to become angry. If I held back my brothers would have known something was up. They couldn't know. So I charged forward, tried to kick them down, it didn’t work. After that night I don’t think I’ve ever been the same I wear an invisible mask, to cover up what I really feel. I try to continue to be the hot headed brother they know. That they expect.
I can’t stand any kind of contact now. I wasn’t a really touchy person before so my brothers didn’t find it to odd when I yanked away when they touched me. I think I've hurt Mikey's feelings a few times, but he always bounces back. He never questions why I shrug him off. None of them do, after all I'm just a hot head, who cares why I don't want them touching me? Just as long as I’m not yelling.
I take a moment to compose myself before heading out. It must have been late, all the lights were off. The lair was quiet. I head to the fridge and smile seeing the pizza. I pull it out and set it on the counter than grab a plate.
I jumped when a hand was suddenly put on my shoulder and I quickly turn around.
Leo
I sigh feeling foolish and turn back to making my pizza, slightly angry at myself for over reacting. “What do you want Leo?” I know what he wants, but he's not going to get it. I'm not telling him shit.
“What happened earlier today?” His voice was soft, he was concerned.
“Nothing, just didn’t want to be lectured by you any more” I jammed the pizza into the microwave and set it for one minute. I had grasp the counter slightly to keep from shaking.
“I’d take that except that was fear in your eyes. I’ve never known you to be afraid of anything Raph, specially me”
Scared of him? Oh please! “I’m not, you just caught me off guard”
“So you were scared of me?”
Shit, why couldn’t he just leave me alone! “Leave me alone Leo, it’s not about you!”. Over conceited bastard.
“No.. I know, that’s what worry’s me. Because if it’s not about me, but you were scared when I was yelling at you. It means it’s an old fear, one I never noticed. That obviously needs to be noticed. I hadn’t realized before but I do now, you don’t let us touch you at all anymore. Not even a high five. When your angry it’s usually after one of us did touch you. Your using the anger to cover the fear, aren’t you?”
“Don’t analyze me Leo!” My heart was thumbing loudly in my chest, this couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t figure it out from over a year later! I stayed turned away from him, watching the microwave. My knuckles turning white as the clenched the counter harder.
“At first I thought maybe it was from losing Splinter, but it’s not, is it? It’s a much deeper wound that has never been able to heal or even scar. Raph… please”
I still ignored him, finally the microwave beeped and I opened it and took out the food. I wasn’t hungry any more though. I was suddenly yanked around and I found myself facing him, his face, it looked so like mine and yet it was so different. I could feel my walls starting to fall, I could feel me falling. I felt as a tear slide down my cheek as the pizza slipped from my hand. I heard as the plate broke when it hit the ground.
I wasn’t sure it I fell into him or if he pulled me into the hug but as soon as I was there I wasn’t moving, my walls were broken and I cried. I cried on him for what felt like forever but still not long enough. I know he still doesn’t know why I’m crying he’s probably more than a little confused on it. I haven’t cried in front of any of them since I was about five. After all I’m far to tough to cry.
I heard a door slide open, my body stiffened. I jerked away and moved further into the kitchen I opened the fridge again. I was pretending to look for something but in realty I was hiding my face. I felt like if they could see it than they’d know.. They’d all know. My walls were quickly rebuilding themselves. The pad of feet stopped, they were all there. I knew they were, all of them, watching me. Waiting.
“Raph… Please, talk to us”
It was Leo again, proud proud Leo.
“What do you want me to say Leo?” I asked more because I wanted to know what he knew. My head stayed down though looking through the fridge. Well really I was staring at the milk, but I wasn’t ready to look at them yet.
“What ever it is you’ve been keeping locked up inside you, what ever it is that is slowly destroying you. Just talk”
Destroying me? Was it doing that? Could it really be hurting me that much? It did hurt.. It hurt a lot. I stood up slowly my eyes immediately going to my youngest brother.. Mikey. I felt like I had failed him, I didn’t know why though. I looked away my eyes moving to Donny, he looked so sad. Did they already know? Finally they settled on Leo. “And what do you think it is that’s destroying me?”
“I think something happened, that we were never aware of. I just don’t know what or when”
“Don’t know much do you?” I snapped, they didn't know anything! They didn't understand why I hurt, they didn't... no they couldn't understand!
“No, I don’t. But I’d like to”
His voice was so soft, it almost didn’t sound like him.
I opened my mouth to try and say something but the words just wouldn’t come out. Finally I closed my mouth and just shook my head. I couldn’t say the words I knew they wanted me to say.
I needed to sit down I took a few steps back trying to find something to lean against. I couldn’t find anything, shit.. I needed to sit. I felt a hand on my shoulder I looked up to see Leo. He looked so sad.. I didn’t want to make him sad. It took me a minute to realize he was leading me to the couch. I sat down he sat beside me, Micky sat on the other side of me. Donny sat on the table in front of me. I was surrounded, they wanted to know. They deserved to know.
I opened my mouth, I shut it again. How could I ever do this. My throat felt like it was closed up. "R-remember when we fought Shredder that second time?" They all nodded, god they were close. "Remember how I had been.. caught?" I waited for them all to nod again. I looked down I couldn't look at them. "Shredder.. tried to... No Shredder did..." danmit how do you say this?! "I wasn't tied to the pole the whole time." My heart was thumping so hard I honestly thought it'd burst through my ribs.
"Did they torture you?"
I smiled slightly, sweet Mike. "No, well yeah." I kept my eyes on the ground "I had met Toka and Razor before you, Shredder wanted to break me. He wanted.." I swallowed hard my eyes were stinging already. "He.. did" I nodded "He broke me" I could feel them tense up, I wondered what they were thinking. "Toka and Razor-" my voice cracked. "They took me off the pole." I shook my head and bit my bottom lip as I tried to figure out how to say this. How could you ever say this? I closed my eyes and I dove in I don't know how I told them, how I got into details how I said it all. I know toward the end they couldn't understand me any more I was crying to hard. When I finally got done all was silent, it took me a while but finally I looked up and looked at them.
They were just staring at me, I felt so unnerved. What were they thinking? “I…. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”
“NO” All three of my brothers yelled at the same time at me.
“Raph it’s not that! We just… it’s just I never thought…” Mikey smiles “You’re my big brother… I never thought it was possible..”
“NOT that it’s your fault. You couldn’t have prevented it! I just wish you would have told us earlier” Donny was putting a hand on my knee. I didn't like it, but I stayed still.
“We can work through this, we can help you, just give us a chance” It was Leo talking, for once I was glade he spoke so surely. Maybe I could be fixed.
They were all still staring at me, I nod and stand up “I’m… I’m going to bed…” I stumbled into my room laying in my hammock. I was so scared of what I had just done but I did feel relived slightly. They knew, they knew. I didn’t have to hide it any more.
I, Raphael, Son of Splinter, expert in marital arts, ninja, had been raped.
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What really happened