schedule
August 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is hot. I LOVE the premise of Raph being overpowered and it seemed real enough. However, it wouldn't hurt if you went into a bit more detail about how Raph was feeling or what he was thinking throughout the ordeal. I know you did a little by reflecting on how he wished he hadn't pressed the panic button & that he was worried about his brothers seeing him like that. That was an extremely good detail, but I would've liked to have read more about what his thoughts were & what he's feeling (besides the obvious 'pain') through all this. But I LOVE the concept & I'm glad someone finally wrote something like this. It's more in character for Raph and refreshing to read a story that doesn't have Raph 'in control'. Good job.