schedule
February 6, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I loved this story, it was really good. Forget what the others say, I say continue, i'm dying to see what happenes next. ^_______^
schedule
February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
You have a lot of potential but a few minor things are hanging you up here.
The first paragraph is what we call a text block of doom - way too long. You should separate it more.
It's pretty obvious that Gavin is a Marty Stu. Nobody outside of the story likes a Marty Stu.
The first paragraph is what we call a text block of doom - way too long. You should separate it more.
It's pretty obvious that Gavin is a Marty Stu. Nobody outside of the story likes a Marty Stu.
schedule
February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
No no no no Fucking No! Jesus Fucking Christ! Another, ANOTHER fucking story where someone puts themselves in a story because they have a boner for a character, and not only that, make themselves sooooo perfect that they make Jesus look like a barfly. Get with the program, or check yourself into a cartoon detox clinic. Jesus...