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Reviews for Doves

By : RaphaelsNinjaBabyZaru
  • From RogueMudblood on August 25, 2011

    Crossovers are generally the hardest types of stories to write well. The main reason is because you are trying to effectively merge two established universes which were not, in most cases, ever meant to be combined by their creators. As a result, combining worlds can be difficult. With you adding in your own character, with whom the reader has no previous affinity, the task can become that much more difficult.

    As you've set her up in this chapter, Zaru appears to be a self-insertion Mary Sue. Though that may not be your intent, I perceive her that way, if for no other reason than everyone likes her and she is - at this point - completely static.

    If you choose to continue this story, my first piece of advice would be to proofread your work, and use spell-check. I would then advise you to seek out a beta. You can find one on the forums here:
    http://www2.adultfanfiction.net/forum/index.php/forum/83-become-a-beta/

    Established writers have editors to help them to find their mistakes before the work goes into print; betas perform the same task for online authors. They are an invaluable part of the process.

    Before writing out the whole of your story, I would encourage you to map out your character. Not what she's going to be doing in your story (that's the plot outline), but rather who she is, where she's from, her personality. No one is universally liked and accepted, and to make the sweeping statement that she is liked by everyone immediately turns me away from your story simply because I cannot identify with that character. And if I cannot identify with her on some level, I cannot empathize with her, and therefore will find no enjoyment reading about her.

    Because you're wanting to introduce your character as established within the Buffy fandom, I might even go so far as to write a story solely in that fandom with her interactions with those characters. Doing so would alleviate some of your efforts to establish her here. Rather than having to flashback to previous interactions between her and Buffy, you would already have written these scenarios out in another story. The action could be followed there should the reader choose to, and you could focus here on the story you are wanting to tell, of Buffy going to New York and meeting TMNT.

    Best of luck to you in your writing.
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