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Reviews for Ultimate Spider-Man Sexcapades

By : DawgDean
  • From on May 05, 2008
    great chapter i am wondering however when are you going to update it?
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  • From Starbug on October 17, 2006
    Have to agree with the other two reviews: you need to edit this to make it clear who’s speaking, and at least have something other than “Gee I’m upset. Let’s have sex!” as a plot. I’m working on a similar story (a Peter/Gwen hurt/comfort), but I ran everything by my beat before I wrote it, so at least I have an idea what someone else will think of it before I post it.

    I also have trouble with Aunt May (even cool, ex-hippy Aunt May from Ultimate Spider-Man) just handing Peter a pack of condoms and sending him up the Gwen’s room to fuck her. He’s only 15, and I’m kind of sure that that would make him a legal minor in New York.

    There is some promise in this story, but you need to accept the constructive criticism you’ve been offered.
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  • From ANON - Kinky Penguin on March 05, 2006
    The premise for this is great. Gwen's upset, Peter's upset, and they have comfort sex. There is a bit of sexual tension between them in the comic, so it is feasible. Great idea, but the execution could use some work.
    No matter how cool Aunt May can be sometimes in the comic, I really don't think she'd hand Peter a box of condoms and tell him to go have sex with Gwen. Maybe you're worried about addressing the safe sex issue. This is fiction, fantasy, so it's not something that really needs to be worried about. Maybe the two teens just start talking about their troubles and it leads to sex.
    I know Agent-G covered this, but I'm going to stress the importance of adding some more description. Don't just say they get into the 69 position, but describe what leads up to it. There is a natural flow to these sorts of scenes.
    And, yes, one person speaking per paragraph is much easier to read.
    Recommended improvements aside, I love ultimateverse fics. I really do. I'm glad more people are doing them here. This is a good start, it just needs a couple touch ups. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm just trying to help.
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  • From ANON - AgentG on January 31, 2006
    Well...it was okay but totally unrealistic. I mean first she's crying and its 'hey let's just fuck', sorry but I feel you could have at least put some effort into the plot a bit more. The sex scene was pretty sort as well, in fact I look it up and you only got 2 fics and the other one is very similar to this.

    I'm going to give you a few tips to improve it, first only have one person talk in a paragraph. Don't be afraid to put a little more effort into the decriptoins, you're just rushing through the scenes and that's never a good thing. Try to refrien from having the characters do a 180 turn in their personality with no reason behind it.
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