New Arrangements

BY : Worlds_First_Ghost
Category: Web Comics > Homestuck
Dragon prints: 377
Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Vriska tumbled her dice listlessly in her palm as she stared a hole in her empty Trollian feed. She had just finished accruing innumerable levels and spoils in a recent FLARP campaign, and none of her stupid, lame friends were online so that she could brag to them about it. How inconsiderate! She was just about to get up from her desk to try and find something else to occupy her time, when a sole name flushed with color rose to the top of the member list. Vriska huffed in annoyance to find that it was only Eridan. That was the one troll she wanted to avoid if at all possible, despite the fact that they had been in a kismesissitude for some time now. That relationship only seemed to make sense during their campaigns, where he was somehow able to act like a semi-competent rival, but he was insufferable during the downtime between sessions. It was almost as if he had an obligation to troll her at every free hour he had, flooding her inbox with solicitations like a hatestruck grub courting for the first time. As aggravating and hate-inducing as this was, it made him look very desperate and was honestly embarrassing for both parties.

Vriska’s Trollian started pinging as Eridan sent a message. Oh great, now she was pretty much forced to deal with him. Vriska groaned and brought her hands up to cover her eyes, inadvertently dropping her dice in the process. She peered through her fingers as they clacked onto her desk, and her grimace morphed into a small smirk. Perhaps there was a way to get this guy off her back after all. All she needed was some clever planning and a bit of luck; it was a good thing that she was up to her lobe stem in both. Her smirk grew wider and toothier as she formulated her plan while typing a response to Eridan’s message.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

CA: hey wwhats up

AG: Oh god, what do you want now????????

CA: wwhat cant a guy just chat up his kismesis wwithout some kind of ulterior motivve

AG: Is that still going on? I could’ve sworn we 8roke that whole thing off aaaaaaaages ago.

CA: wwhat the fuck are you on about

CA: oh haha vvery funny i just got it

CA: pretendin to be all cagey and flippant like wwe don’t already knoww im the blackest of fuckin rivvals you could evver hope to consolidate a relationship wwith and that you should be evver so grateful that im evven settlin for you

AG: It’s so funny to watch you 8oost your ego like this.

AG: 8ut honestly, Eridan, I’m just not feeling the energy from you anymore.

CA: thats a blatant fuckin lie im basically carryin this rivvalry all by myself

AG: Oh really?

AG: When’s the last time we ever spent some time together outside of FLARP?

CA: uhh

AG: Exactly! So are you gonna write me another over8lown paragraph on why I should 8e wasting away in the long lost hopes of some dum8 little fish 8oy coming to grace me with his douchey presence, huh????????

AG: You know that I could easily toss you 8ack into the sea and pick one of my maaaaaaaany 8lack admirers to take your place, right?

CA: fuck

CA: okay i get the message

CA: givve me a bit ill be ovver there soon

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

Vriska leaned back in her chair and propped her feet on her desk. The idiot caught the bait, and soon he’ll be in her web. She didn’t even have to wait very long at all before she heard a faint knocking that echoed from the bottom of her vast hive. Vriska could hardly contain her fiendish excitement as she scurried down the stairs and opened the door. Before she could even get a chance to sneak in a snarky greeting, Eridan strode right past her with a swagger in his step. Once he reached the perceived center of the entryway, he pivoted towards Vriska. His fins twitched disdainfully as he brought a finger to push his glasses up his nose, to which Vriska only stared at without further response. This standoffish act of his was just a way to disguise his true intentions; she didn’t even need to peer into his mind to tell that much. To make matters worse, he had to open his mouth to make them even more obvious: “So what now? You wanna just skip the unpleasantries and go right to the licentious acts of the day or what?”

Vriska scowled. “Are you seriously propositioning a lady to fill a pail with you? After barging into her hive without even a hello? Geez, Ampora, I know it must be a huge difficulty for a thick-skulled moron like you to act classy, but at least put forth an effort!”

“What? I mean, what else could you possibly want me over for? Your intentions can’t be that hard to discern.”

“Ugh, your imagination is about as flimsy as that shitty cape of yours! Follow me up to my room and I’ll show you what I want, you stooge.”

The two of them walked up the tall, spiraling staircase without so much as a single word between them until they reached Vriska’s room. Vriska sat down at her desk chair and swiveled to face Eridan, who lingered by the door with his arms crossed.

“Any lamebrain thinking with his bulge can bumble his way towards his kismesis, set them down for a quick lay, and be on his way,” Vriska said as she plucked one of her Fluorite Octets of her desk and held it between the second knuckles of her index and middle fingers. “Knowing that you fit that definition exactly, I took it upon myself to formulate something much more refined and potentially enjooooooooyable for both of us. You’re welcome for that, by the way.”

Eridan rolled his eyes while Vriska continued: “Are you feeling lucky, Dualscar? Because I’m challenging you to a game of chance! We’ll each take a turn rolling this die and whoever gets the highest number wins. The winner then gets to do whateeeeeeeever they want to the loser.”

Eridan stroked his chin and gazed at the ceiling thoughtfully as Vriska drawled out the word ‘whatever.’ A smirk etched across his jaw and he flourished his cape before walking towards Vriska. “Okay, Mindfang, I accept. I hope you’re prepared to be undone by your own weapon.”

Vriska’s fangs pressed against her lips as they coiled into a sinister grin. With the die now resting on her palm, she extended it towards Eridan. “You can go first. Or would you prefer if I give you more time to fully think out those ‘licentious acts’ inside that half-formed sponge of yours?”

Eridan snatched the die from her hand and immediately began shaking it in a closed fist. “We’ll have plenty of time to think of those after I vanquish you in one roll.” He then chucked the die directly at the ground. It bounced high into the air before rolling across the floor and hitting the wall. Eridan let out a short, loud laugh upon noticing that it landed on seven. “Try beatin’ that!”

Vriska strolled over to the die to retrieve it all while Eridan pumped his fist in the air. It was tempting to try and throw the die right at that overconfident grin; maybe she’d knock out a tooth or two. Tightening her lips to hide her frustration, she directed her gaze at her fist and focused solely on rolling her die. With only a one in eight chance of surpassing his roll, the odds were definitely not in her favor. However, having all the luck in the known universe helped even those out just a little. Vriska launched the die along the floor, watching it clatter and skid until it rolled to a halt right at Eridan’s feet. Eridan adjusted his glasses and leered down at the octahedron, only for his skin to pale once he saw eight white dots staring back at him.

“Oh cod glubbing dammit!” Eridan shouted, grinding his razor-like teeth against each other as he turned back at Vriska. Seeing her standing there with her hands on her hips and that smug grin on her face made his eyelids twitch. “I don’t know what kind of trickery or musclebeastshit you’ve pulled, but that shit was so obviously rigged that I don’t know why I didn’t call you out sooner. I demand a rematch.”

Vriska tossed her hair over her shoulder and shook her head. “Them’s the breaks, Dualscar! I played fair and square, and you lost. Now, are you going to whine and sulk like a worthless grub, or are you going to hold up your end of our arrangement?”

“Fine, fine,” Eridan said with a huff, crossing his arms and leering at the blue blood through the slits in his eyes. “What do you want me to do?”

“Don’t worry, your part is suuuuuuuuper easy. All you have to do is lay down flat on your back and don’t move.”

Eridan’s scowl carved deeper into his cheek, but he ultimately relented and brought himself down to the floor, laying himself out as rigidly as he could.  “Whatever. The sooner we’re done with whatever juvenile attempt at black foreplay you have planned, the better.”

A low, throaty laugh slithered past Vriska’s lips as she walked over and straddled her legs on either side of his body, looming over him with a grin. “Y’know, Ampora,” she said as she lifted her feet to turn herself around so that her back was facing him. “You always were a lousy excuse for a rival, but just curse my luck, because for the life of me I can’t figure out what else to do with you! You have to have some sort of purpose in life, riiiiiiiight?”

Before Eridan could object or ask what the hell she was talking about, Vriska had already sat down with her rear on top of his face. Eridan’s muffled screams were only just audible enough over the sound of his arms and legs slamming against the floor.

“How do you like this arrangement?” Vriska chuckled as she grinded her rear against his head. She then grabbed his flailing arms to ensure that he couldn’t put up too much of a fight. “After all this time, I think I finally found your true calling, Eridork. Instead of my kismesis, you can be my chair. That way instead of always giving me grief, you can help me relax a little!”

Eridan most likely shouted out a verbose and overtly vulgar retort, which made Vriska close her eyes and smile in knowing that she didn’t have to hear it. She arched her back and shifted her weight into her hips, trying to get more comfortable atop her new throne. The hot breath from Eridan’s silenced screams seeped into her jeans and warmed her tush; she would’ve invested in this sooner if she knew that this chair had a heating feature. She would’ve been perfectly happy to stay like this all day, but she knew that she’d eventually have to let him get some air. So it was with great reluctance that she finally rose up and gave him some reprieve.

Eridan gagged and sputtered as he tried to swallow as much air as he could. “God dammit, Vris!” Each word he managed to speak was punctuated with a cough. “You’re gonna suffocate me at this rate!”

“Don’t think this is over. I’m just getting a bit more coooooooomfortable.”

Vriska momentarily released Eridan’s wrists so that she could pull her pants and underwear down her legs. Her poor chair was still much too out of breath to even think about escaping before she promptly planted her bare ass back on him. The surprisingly smooth skin of Eridan’s face felt good against her cheeks, so she rubbed them up and down against it to ensure that every inch of them caught a feel. At one point when she was sliding back into her normal position, she had caught Eridan’s nose perfectly in the cleft of her ass. Vriska smirked as she pushed down a little harder to feel the organ press deeper against her back entrance. She then lifted herself up once more to gauge Eridan’s reaction, which proved to be an intense bout of gagging and a renewed effort to shake his wrists free from her grip.

“Okay, okay, enough already, Serket!” Eridan tilted his head to the side and spat onto the floor. “I can’t handle any more of your bony butt cheeks smashin’ my think pan into paste here!”

“Pretty judgmental for a chair, aren’t you?” Vriska frowned, shaking Eridan’s wrists to scold him for continuing to resist. “You need some serious adjustment, Ampora, which is precisely why I planned ahead and created yet another job for you! Instead of a chair, it might be more appropriate for you… to be my load gaper!”

Vriska lowered her ass just mere inches above Eridan’s face right before her asshole erupted in a series of warbling, soggy farts that crumpled Eridan’s nose and made his eyelids twitch.

“Augh, Vris, wait!” he yelled. The sulfurous stench filled his eyes with tears that he furiously attempted to blink away. “This is too fuckin much. Can we stop before things get outta hand?”

Vriska grazed her fangs against her lower lip as tried to contain her toothy grin. “Did I just hear a voice? Couldn’t be! Load gapers can’t talk, after all.”

Vriska trembled as her insides began churning in an effort to force any sort of material out of her body. Fortunately, it didn’t take too long before the gristly tip of her stool peeked out of her asshole. With a strained grunt, Vriska steadily forced the log out by inches. The room was soon filled by its crackling as more and more of its lengthy, potent presence was revealed.

Eridan’s eyes locked onto the dangling turd in horror, watching it perilously hang over his face and slowly make its way downward. He couldn’t even force himself to cry out once he felt its hot touch caress its face. Soon enough, the full weight of the turd caused it to snap away from Vriska’s anus and flop across Eridan’s entire face. He wanted to gag from the noxious stench that was now clogging his nostrils, but his lips remained sealed mostly due to the fear of any of it getting into his mouth.

What Eridan didn’t realize at that moment was that that lone turd was the plug holding back the destructive torrent sealed within Vriska’s rectum. A lone, foreboding fart was the last thing he heard before a deluge of chocolaty sludge doused his entire face. Eridan momentarily lost his senses and opened his mouth to cry out, only for that rancid mud to quickly fill up the orifice. He immediately spat most of it out, but it was too late; his gums, tongue, and teeth were now slathered with the taste of vinegar and spoiled meat.

Once the last of the semi-liquid shit passed out of her, Vriska released a deep, triumphant exhale. It was always so refreshing to feel her insides tingle after being freshly evacuated. Her anus gasped out in a few desperate efforts to force out some more payloads, but she couldn’t even muster a fart at this point. Reaching an arm behind her, Vriska grabbed Eridan’s scarf and stuffed it between her cheeks to clean herself up. The itchy, woolen material tickled her sensitive tissue, but did a serviceable enough job. Once she had thoroughly scrubbed herself clean, she dropped the soiled garment back onto the goop that coated Eridan’s face.

“Okay, I think that’s enough fun for now.” Vriska pulled her pants up and turned around to admire her handiwork. Eridan still lay completely still and his head looked like it was rising out of a swamp; the only signs of life coming from his petrified body were the reflexive flapping of his fins in their attempt to keep her rancid shit from entering his gills. “By the way, you should really clean yourself up. You look like shit.”

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